On Compassion And Forgiveness

Some of us find the idea of forgiveness a little difficult, particularly when we are feeling hurt. Here, we consider the positive benefits we may receive from observing our disagreements from a compassionate place.

Transcript

Hello everyone,

And welcome.

Today I'd like to talk about forgiveness and compassion,

And potentially the essential differences between these two beautiful ways of being.

First I'll start with forgiveness.

Now,

Many of us know that it is ideal to forgive people if we need to release them from our energy,

From having a hold over us.

Many people find forgiveness difficult,

However,

Because the idea of forgiving someone means that we have to say,

In a sense,

It was okay that they hurt us.

Now I have views about that,

That everything is okay,

It is your reaction to things.

However,

What I'm talking about today is the idea of when it's very difficult to get past someone perceiving to have hurt you,

And when you have thought that they have not behaved appropriately,

How can you forgive them?

How can you find the forgiveness in your heart for them?

Because,

You know,

At a core level you will know that the idea of forgiveness is a release.

It will help you let go of that resistance and help you get back into a better flow of energy.

What I've thought about this is that the word compassion for me is a very helpful one.

I find it more helpful than forgiveness because I think this has the same effect.

If we have compassion for somebody,

What we see is they are doing what they know best.

They are only doing what they're doing because that feels right for some reason for them,

And whilst I can't understand it,

I can at least see that,

Oh okay,

They did that because that felt good for them.

They aren't feeling what I'm feeling.

They don't know that that wasn't good for me.

So how do we get compassion for somebody?

How do we find that space of compassion?

And look,

I'll start from the place that we are living in a world of division at the moment.

We're looking at other people as if they're wrong or our position is right and we say,

Well you don't understand,

I can't see your point of view,

I don't understand you,

You're wrong,

You better do this my way.

And that of itself is creating a great divide.

And instead of saying the word forgiveness,

Because forgiveness means they've done something wrong to you,

Which requires a judgment as well,

Requires you to also come from a place of fear when you're judging somebody as doing something wrong.

And this is even just in the general community divide over what is best for me in all the circumstances of life right now.

How do I make these decisions?

You're not deciding the same thing as me,

So you're wrong and it's hurting me that you won't decide the same things as me,

For example.

When we're talking about people disagreeing,

This is where we've had wars as traditionally.

War has happened when people get into such a state of disagreement that the relationships have completely broken apart and there is an energy held for a very long time and some of us remain in a state of victimhood from being traumatized by that relationship and saying,

Well you did this to me,

I didn't deserve what you did,

And you hold yourself in a place of being a victim of what others have done.

Now if we look at it from the point of view of why would it be good to be a victim?

It's because we want someone to recognize us,

We want to be heard,

We want to be held,

We want to be loved.

And for some of us,

Sitting in the place of victim,

Saying look what they did to me,

It's the sympathy of other people which translates to love.

Now you know I like to talk about love and I believe everyone does what they do and makes the choices they make because they think that they will feel better in the doing of it.

So for example,

If we're having a major disagreement with somebody and we've felt that they have hurt us,

We'll find it easier to sit in a victim mode,

Some of us,

And say look what they did and we'll share that with our friends and we'll get their sympathy.

We get love.

Of course we're going to sit in that space because it brings us close to people that understand us,

People that want to hear us,

People that want to hold us.

And that's what we want.

We're looking for that love.

However,

We keep looking for the love.

We keep perpetuating our victimhood and we don't move because being a victim is a negative energy.

We get temporary relief when we find our tribe and they listen and we sit in the negative energy of victimhood.

And sometimes we feel a little bit better from it and sometimes we walk away and feel a bit like oh I'm still talking about that and it's actually not feeling good.

It feels good when I'm with these people but sometimes it gets a bit much too.

So we know that at some core level the idea of being the victim and getting the sympathy isn't probably optimal.

Everything is okay,

As I've always said,

Everything is always okay.

But if you want to make a different choice,

We look at the idea of perhaps the other person that's not agreeing with us,

Now we could forgive them.

But in that instance we'll say I forgive you because you did something to me that was wrong.

That's a judgment,

As I was saying before,

That's a judgment.

And still you're carrying a negative energy somewhere within you that says you're judging them.

If we look at it from a point of view of compassion,

Having compassion for that person,

We look at it like this.

Each of us you see grew up in different tribes,

Different families,

Different environments,

And we've each been given a different perspective on life.

Now everyone's perspective is valuable because it contributes to the whole.

Now why we mightn't agree with someone else's perspective whilst we might think,

Oh yeah I don't prefer that,

That's okay.

You don't have to like everyone's perspective,

It's not about that.

But what it is is about understanding that that person comes from a place that leads them to that point of view.

And guess what?

They're just looking for love too.

They're holding their position very strongly because they believe that is right for them,

That has what has always kept them safe,

Always kept them loved.

They're just following their tribe's rules,

Their tribe's fears even.

It doesn't matter.

But all we can say is look at them and say oh I see where you're coming from,

I perhaps can see where you might have formed that perspective,

I mightn't necessarily agree with it,

But I see it.

And when you do that,

What happens is you release yourself and them from the energy,

The negative energy that binds you in this disagreement.

You're also having compassion for you for feeling why aren't you agreeing with me?

Trying to pull them into your side of the fence and saying come on agree with me.

They don't have to agree with you either.

Your perspective is true for you and you are perfect as you are.

And your ideas are perfect for your experience on the planet.

Their ideas are perfect for them and their ideas on the planet.

This is what's so exciting and if we can see it from the perspective of compassion rather than forgiveness,

If you can forgive and move through and love them and let them go,

That's beautiful too.

Words are very strong and I like the idea of let's try compassion for everybody.

Compassion is like a love in action.

It's a doing word,

A doing of love.

You see,

War with someone doesn't create peace.

We know that wars over time haven't created peace in society ultimately.

What happens is there's an underlying resentment or an underlying victimhood as we were just talking about.

When your parents sent you to your room or when we put people in jail,

When we isolate people and say look at you,

You're bad and we judge them,

Do you think they sit in their room or in their jail cell and say thank you for that?

I feel love for you for doing this to me.

They don't tend to do that.

That might help them slow down with a negative spiral but it actually might increase it because if you're being judgmental,

You're giving a fear out,

You're not going to be met with love.

You need to give love out.

A loving response to find the love in the other person.

Now this is only your journey,

It's not to do with anybody else and that person can be showing you as well,

Oh look at me,

You're showing me where I'm holding on to a negative energy,

A fear because of course fear clouds love.

You are love and all the little fears we have hide the love that we are.

So if someone is disagreeing with you and you're feeling quite negative about it,

You can say,

Oh why am I feeling so negative?

What are they showing me about myself?

Am I holding on to victimhood,

For example?

Am I blaming?

What doesn't feel good here for me?

And when you have compassion for them and for yourself,

Oh look at me,

This is my journey,

Look what I found.

It's like finding the treasure because every time you find one of those fears,

They're unconscious fears mind you,

You bring it to the light.

When you bring anything into the light,

It becomes conscious and you can work with it and you can dissolve it away and then you,

The light that you are,

The love that you are will shine through.

Compassion,

I believe,

Makes it easier for us to move through a disagreement.

We release our victimhood,

We release blame,

We release calling them a perpetrator and saying,

You caused this.

No one causes anything,

It's our response to life.

Our response is our ability to respond or our responsibility.

And it's all our own game.

So I believe that compassion,

If we hold the vibration or the energy of compassion in our hearts,

If we can say,

Okay where can I find my compassionate self in this?

We can move ourselves back to the loving space quite readily.

So they're my thoughts about compassion and forgiveness.

As I said,

Forgiveness is beautiful,

Everything is beautiful and everything is perfect,

But I just find it more helpful.

I find it more helpful to let go of the negative energy and when we,

When we're in the state of forgiveness,

It's beautiful,

But to forgive we have to say,

Well I see what you did to me and it's like saying,

Giving a judgment.

It's a very subtle thing,

But I thought it might be helpful to share.

So thank you for listening and please have a beautiful day in love.

Take care of you.