Broken Men, Bright Women, And Financial Independence

This is for the bright woman who feels broken down by their relationships. Today's message is for you. You are not weak. You are not hopeless. I get you. I hear you. I see you. It takes consistent self-reflection, reframing, and action to become the person You know you are capable of being.

Transcript

There's so much that I can talk about today,

But you know what I really want to talk about?

I want to talk about men and I want to talk about the kind of man that can really break a strong woman down.

I've hesitated talking about this because my intention is never to come off as a scorned woman.

My intention is to never come off as a bitter woman,

But I've been getting really honest with myself as it relates to relationships and as it relates to men and the relationships that I've been in.

And I've been thinking a lot about,

Am I a scorned woman?

Hey everyone,

It's Vasavi Kumar,

Licensed therapist and your host of the Being Human with Vasavi podcast.

For over two decades,

I have been relentless when it comes to understanding and figuring out why we think the way we do,

What stops us from going after our dreams and how to get anything we want in life.

From MindBodyGreen to VH1 to Fox News and some of the top rated podcasts out there,

My message has always been consistent.

When you know yourself,

You can do anything.

I've helped thousands of people from all walks of life,

From stay at home moms to entrepreneurs to people in recovery to start thinking differently and change themselves from the inside out.

And I'm going to do the same for you.

Whether it's through the interviews I have with my guests or answering your questions right here on the show,

Here's my promise to you.

If you're willing to take action on even 1% of what you hear today,

Your life will be unrecognizable.

Get ready for unfiltered and unscripted conversations with some of the brightest people in mental health,

Marketing,

Relationships and business.

We're pulling back the curtain so you can see what it really takes to be human and become the person you want to be here on the Being Human with Vasavi podcast.

There's so much that I can talk about today,

But you know what I really want to talk about?

I want to talk about men and I want to talk about the kind of man that can really break a strong woman down.

I've hesitated talking about this because my intention is never to come off as a scorned woman.

My intention is to never come off as a bitter woman,

But I've been getting really honest with myself as it relates to relationships and as it relates to men and the relationships that I've been in.

And I've been thinking a lot about,

Am I a scorned woman?

Do I just hate men?

Do I just,

Do I just like,

You know,

I've been thinking about this,

Like,

Do I hate men?

The short answer is no,

I don't hate men.

I don't at all.

And many of the women that I talked to,

I want to say this right off the bat,

The women that have joined the Mind Your Own Business membership community,

Brilliant women,

Smart women,

Intelligent women,

They are bright shining stars.

And many of them,

I don't want to say all of them because that's not true.

Many of them are in or getting out of or are out of relationships with men that just are sucking their soul dry.

And so as I'm sitting here recording this episode of Being Human with VassaVie and going live on all three platforms right now,

I really just want to talk about men because I get,

I mean,

Seriously with the women that I work with,

Especially in the Mind Your Own Business membership community,

That's kind of one of the most predominant topics is men.

The men that they have been with that have fucked them over.

Now I want to say this as someone,

And I think this is really where I had to get real with myself as someone who takes a lot of responsibility for her actions and is like,

No,

It's not your fault.

It's my fault.

Or I take full responsibility for this.

One of the things that I had to get really,

Really clear on was my anger.

And yesterday I was working with,

I spoke one-on-one with one of the women in my membership community and she told me a little bit about her situation.

She's financially dependent on the guy that she's with.

And she's like,

I just don't know where to begin.

I don't know where to begin.

We're not together anymore.

He keeps throwing tantrums if I don't want to talk to him.

And I can see that she doesn't want to be in that situation.

And so she said,

You know,

What should I do?

I said,

Well,

Why the fuck are you still financially dependent on him?

Why are you dependent on anybody?

Right.

And yes,

This may come off as very harsh to a lot of women,

But I just,

I don't understand,

Especially in this day and age,

How you are still financially dependent on a man.

I don't get it.

Like,

Why don't you have a little something that is yours?

Right.

Because the only person that you can trust in this world is yourself.

And yes,

Some of you may be thinking,

Boss,

You are a scorned woman.

And you're saying that I'm not a scorned woman.

I'm a smart woman.

I know never to put my eggs in somebody else's basket.

Never again will I depend on someone emotionally,

Financially,

Mentally,

All the elise.

I will never depend on anybody again.

Unless you have earned my trust.

That's the caveat.

And it takes,

It's going to take a while to earn my trust.

And that's a lesson that I had to learn was not to fall so deep into relationships head on.

And when I think about the VASAV that fell into relationships so quickly,

It was the VASAV that was yearning for love.

It was the VASAV that just really wanted to feel seen and heard.

It was the VASAV that wanted,

You know,

To,

To,

To be cuddled and,

And have someone admire her.

And so I was,

I was,

I was talking to this girl yesterday and we did a breathing exercise.

She was a little anxious.

I could tell she was,

She was anxious.

She was sad.

And I said,

Listen,

Before we get into what you need to do,

Let's really have you breathe.

So I told her to lay on her back.

I told her to put her right hand on her heart,

Left hand on her stomach.

I did it with her and we took about 10 deep breaths together.

And I mean,

She just lost it.

She just started crying because she was feeling so much sadness.

And she said to me,

I'm afraid to feel this much sadness.

I'm afraid to be this still because then I got to feel all my sadness.

And that's the thing.

We're walking around with all these emotions,

Trying to stay busy so we don't have to feel whatever it is that we've been suppressing.

And so she breathed,

She cried.

I was there for her.

We talked.

I said,

You're going to be okay,

Because that's really all we ever need to hear.

Right?

You're going to be okay.

You're good.

Now let's talk about this son of a bitch that she's with.

And I'm going to say that because he seems like a piece of shit.

I'll tell you that right now.

So she said that she's in this relationship.

She has a kid with this guy.

She's a young girl,

Mid twenties,

Beautiful girl,

Inside out and super creative,

Super talented and she's financially dependent on him.

So she said,

What do I need to do?

I said,

Listen,

When you cannot control your situation right now,

Like let's just say you are living with his family.

You are with his,

You know,

You,

You have a kid with him,

Right?

You are reliant on him.

I go,

The first thing I need you to do is become self-sufficient.

I need you to become financially independent.

So I said to her,

I need you to look for jobs today.

Why the fuck are you under the same roof as a guy who treats you like shit and you're dependent on him financially and he's fucking with you emotionally?

I'm saying this to all the women out there right now who are in relationships and you are financially dependent on a guy right now and you wonder why you're stuck.

You're psychologically dependent on him.

You may be psychologically detached from him and emotionally detached and you're like,

Okay,

I'm basically done with this guy in his head because I don't know about you.

When I'm done with somebody,

I'm done with them.

I don't even need to say it in my mind.

I've cut you off in my heart.

We,

I have cut you off.

It's one thing to be emotionally dependent and cut yourself off from a guy.

It's another thing then to be financially dependent on him.

True story.

When I was in my marriage,

I have no hard feelings towards my ex-husband.

I just feel the need to say that because he is the one person in my life.

He never really did me wrong.

I mean,

He did a few things.

He was like foolish,

You know,

Like we all were when we were in our twenties.

And I remember when we used to fight all the time and I used to say to myself,

Man,

If I had my own money,

I would be out of this marriage so quick.

And so I learned after I got divorced that I was never going to rely on anybody financially ever again,

Including my parents.

I was never going to rely on anybody again financially.

I was going to do whatever I have to do to stand on my own two feet so that the next relationship that I would get into,

I didn't need your money.

I didn't need your attention.

I didn't,

I didn't need anything from you.

I could just show up as me fully.

Now,

Some of y'all still in relationships with men who treat you like shit and you're financially dependent on them.

So it's like you wonder why I am so passionate and so committed to helping women stand on their own two feet.

Start your side hustle,

Make more money in your business,

Ask for that raise.

Now I'm not talking to the women out there who have great,

Great marriages.

I'm really happy for you if you have a great marriage.

Like yes,

I want that.

I want that.

I'm not going to lie to you.

I want that.

But I'm talking to the woman specifically who is either in a relationship or feels emotionally tied to a man who,

Who is taking care of everything,

Taking care of your nails,

Taking care of your eyelashes,

Taking care of the bills,

Giving you spending money.

Why the fuck are you still reliant on men for money?

It's not 1950s anymore for real.

And I have another client,

I love her dearly.

And we've talked about this.

She's in a pickle right now with an ex husband of her who's trying to basically not give her any money for their divorce.

They have two kids and I'm like,

Girl,

You are super talented.

You I mean,

Yes,

In you,

You know,

Maybe he has to give you child support and all that stuff,

But it's like,

You got to get on your own two feet.

I talk a lot about being,

Becoming emotionally independent and I 1000% yes,

Become emotionally independent.

Rely on yourself.

Do not keep going to other people and other places and things and men,

Especially fucking broken ass men to give you what you damn well can give yourself.

What are you doing?

So emotional independence,

1000% rely on yourself.

Stop waiting for some man to give you some attention.

Give it to yourself.

Focus on yourself.

You know how much shit you can get done when your mind is not centered around some dude calling you or texting you or asking you to marry him or claiming you or picking you.

Do you know how much freed up space you have to go do the,

All the things that you want to do when you're not thinking about a dude?

A lot,

A lot.

Same thing as financial independence.

That's the one thing that my mother taught me a lot of things,

But the one absolute thing that she ingrained in my head when I was a kid was make sure you have your own money and make sure you are able to pay your own bills,

Do whatever you want to do and you do not ever need to rely on someone financially.

This is more so about feeling completely sturdy on your own.

Feeling sturdy and feeling that you got you,

Right?

You don't need to always turn to somebody else.

You got you.

And then the beautiful thing that happens is when you are financially reliant on yourself,

When you can take care of yourself,

That gives you a level of,

That increases your self-esteem,

That increases your confidence.

Like you don't really need anybody.

You're not sitting there waiting for some fucking sugar daddy to take care of you.

You don't need some guy to take care of you.

You can take care of you.

Then you could show up in your relationships like,

Listen,

I got me.

I'm good financially.

I'm good emotionally.

What are you bringing to the table?

See,

Women are always waiting for men to pick them all the time.

We're always waiting for a man to pick us.

Why don't we change that?

Let's change that.

Why don't you start picking the men?

Many of the women that I talk to in my community one-on-one throughout the 10 years,

I swear to fucking God,

I swear to God,

The men that they choose,

And I am guilty of this.

I have been one of those women that have chosen men that are subpar,

Not even on their level,

Intellectually not even on their level,

Emotionally completely just wounded on the inside and have never done any sort of spiritual healing,

Mindful work,

Increasing their self-awareness,

Even gone to a therapist,

Picked up a personal development book.

Why are you picking men that are fucking broken?

You want to go on your personal growth journey,

You go ahead.

Stop dragging everyone along with you.

Your journey is not for everybody.

You got to be okay with the fact that this path can get lonely,

That not everyone's going to join you on this path.

Not everyone's going to say,

Yes,

Let's go to therapy once a week.

Not everyone's going to say,

You know what?

Instead of playing fucking fantasy football,

I'm going to read a book on money mindset.

I'm going to read a book on emotional healing.

You may be like that.

You may be the kind of person that wants to spend her time developing herself from the inside out.

Stop dragging along everyone else with you.

This is your journey.

So many women that I talk to are like,

I haven't ever really looked at my finances.

I really don't know how much money I have coming in.

I don't have any,

I don't have much money I have going out.

He takes care of that.

Why the fuck is he taking care of that?

Now it's one thing if you're not making any money and he's taking care of it.

So now you've literally relinquished that to somebody else and you're just sitting there like a lame duck,

Not knowing anything.

And then humans are not perfect.

And then boom,

One day,

Oh,

He cheated on me.

He's,

He's,

He's hiding money from me.

Well,

That's why you got to have your own.

That's why you got to take care of yourself because I don't care how much you love the person that you're with.

My father said this,

You guys are going to think this is the most unromantic thing I'm ever going to say.

Getting married is the most important business decision you're ever going to make.

And I'm not just talking about money,

Right?

Like I would never go into business with somebody that doesn't communicate,

That lies to me,

That hideship from me,

That you know,

Treats me like I'm less than them.

So why would you get married to someone who treats you like you're like this little girl who needs to be taken care of unless you want to stay a little girl,

You want to stay a little girl because it makes you feel taken care of,

Makes you feel protected.

These are all things you got to ask yourself.

I was talking to one of my Saturday clients yesterday,

Super bright,

Super brilliant.

She's she's and she has,

She has a,

She has a young son.

Like she was telling me her story and I was getting angry for her.

I was getting angry for her because it's like,

She tells me about the dude that she's with some guy,

You know,

You know how they all are in the beginning,

Right?

You know how these men are in the beginning,

Especially these ones.

They,

You know,

You get these insecure ass men who don't feel good about themselves.

They see you,

You're a bright shining star.

You got a lot going for you.

You are smart,

You are intelligent,

You are quick,

You are motivated,

You are driven.

And they're like,

I want that.

So they pretend,

They pretend to be all these things.

They're like,

Oh honey,

I'm going to go out and get that job.

I'm going to go out and get extra schooling.

I'm like,

I'm going to be great.

Yeah,

In the beginning and then they get you,

Then they hook you with all their words.

And then you're in the relationship and you're like,

Wait a minute.

You're like different now.

You're no longer doing all the things that you said you were doing.

Wait a minute.

I'm taking care of everything now.

Wait,

When's the last time we actually sat down and talked?

Oh,

Why are you on your phone all the time?

Why are you getting these weird text messages?

Wait,

You just lost your job?

So this is what happens.

Bright intelligent,

Smart driven women.

We're like,

We're looking for this guy to just give us some love,

Right?

We're just looking for that man to give us some love.

And now a word from our sponsor.

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And then you're in.

And then things start to change.

And you're like,

What the fuck happened?

Where did I go wrong?

I'm so smart.

How did this happen?

How did I not see this?

Because you weren't thinking with your head.

That's what it was.

You weren't logically thinking about the guy that you were falling for.

You were so enamored by the idea of somebody loving you,

Right?

Because you've been so busy chasing,

Chasing,

Chasing,

Trying to get that thing,

Trying to get that thing,

Trying to being successful,

Being successful,

Your heads over here,

Your hearts over here,

Then you meet this guy who's like,

I can take care of you.

I can love you.

And then finally it's like,

Oh,

Somebody sees me.

Somebody notices me and your heads all the way over there,

Your hearts all the way back there.

And you're just kind of like,

Oh,

This feels good.

I'm just going to run with this.

And your logic is out the window.

You're completely driven by your emotions and your feelings.

By the way,

Your feelings are not facts.

Do not be guided by your feelings because they fucking change like the weather.

And then you're in this relationship.

Things are good.

Of course,

It's a honeymoon period.

Sex is great.

He says all the right things and then things start to change.

And so I think that's the thing that for many of you listening,

If you are out of a relationship or you're trying to get over a relationship,

I think one of the things that I had to really come to peace with,

And do I still get bouts of anger about this?

Absolutely.

I think about it last night.

Actually,

I went to sleep thinking about and then I had to like do a meditation and like reset my brain.

So I didn't go to sleep thinking about this shit.

But I thought about,

Man,

How did I like I look at my life now,

Right?

That's what I want to say.

Like,

What I really want to say is that my life now is polar opposite of what it used to be.

Obviously,

Y'all know that I'm a recovered addict,

An alcoholic,

So that's out the window.

But what I really think about is who I was in that previous relationship that I was in,

Where I compromised my soul for this person.

Anything he wanted,

I would do for him.

Anything you want to have sex six times a day,

We have sex six times a day.

I was fucking dried out.

I was like,

I don't even know how I'm able to do this.

But okay,

You want sex six times a day,

We have sex six times a day.

You want to go to a strip club,

Let's go to a strip club.

All the things that I'm like,

I don't really want to do this.

Like no offense,

I got money to make.

I don't have time to have sex six times a day.

Like literally things that I was doing,

Which were so not even what I wanted.

I'm sweating all the things at all just to keep him happy.

So I went to sleep last night thinking about that.

Like I thought about how peaceful I was laying in my bed.

I was in my bed yesterday,

Peaceful spooning with my dog.

And my mind went back to the past.

And that's the thing.

The past is never really in the past.

It's right here.

And so I was thinking about an incident a few years ago where I just moved into my new apartment post divorce.

And the guy that I was dating came over and he was like,

I'm bored.

And then of course I'm like,

I don't want you to be bored.

I want to take care of you.

What do you want to do?

He's like,

Let's go to a strip club.

Oh,

Okay.

You want to go to a strip club?

You want to go to a strip club?

In my head,

That's what I'm thinking.

You want to go to a strip club?

No.

But we went,

We went,

No one knows this story.

I paid for two lap dances.

I paid for his two lap dances.

So that's the stuff that keeps me up at night.

You want to know what keeps me up at night?

It's how could I,

How could I allow myself to be that person?

And by the grace of God,

I'm no longer there.

You guys wonder why I'm so emphatic about sharing your story.

You guys wonder why I'm so emphatic about becoming financially independent.

You wonder why I'm like,

Stop giving a fuck what anybody thinks.

Just do what you want to do because I have made really bad decisions in my life.

And yes,

I'm calling them bad.

They were bad for me.

They were very unhealthy decisions for me.

And by the grace of God,

I'm here now.

And so you better believe I'm like,

No one's taken this away from me.

I earned this.

I earned this unshakable ability.

I earned this confidence.

I have to work for this.

I had to go through hell and back to get here.

And so I talked to many of you behind the scenes and in my community,

Mind your own business membership community,

You guys have gone through some shit,

Man.

You've gone through some shit and you're out of it or you're trying to get out of it.

And so my goal is to get you out of it.

Start something new,

Reinvent yourself.

You don't have to be that person anymore.

You're not that person anymore.

And so last night when I was thinking about what,

You know,

Everything that happened,

Like just who I was,

It just,

It just kind of shook me to the core.

And the one question that I asked myself and it gives me a sense of peace is who was the Vasavi back then?

I don't let myself go to a place of he sucks.

He did this.

Yeah,

He fucking sucked.

He was a piece of trash.

I cannot out be the first person to say that bad upbringing.

And you know,

And here's the part of me that gets torn.

The therapist in me wants to say,

But he has a really shitty childhood.

Listen,

Go get help.

But as far as me and my world do not enter into it,

Right?

Like,

Yeah,

He has his own issues and I allowed that in and that's where my head was at at the time,

Right?

Complete compassion for where he was at.

You know,

He didn't really have the best upbringing.

He did not have very supportive parents.

He's had his own traumas in his life.

That's cool,

But what about Vas,

Right?

So my job is to take care of myself,

Period.

And my emotional heart and my spiritual being and myself.

And so I was like,

Who was the Vasavi that allowed that?

Right?

And for those of you listening right now,

I want you to ask yourself if you're a scorned,

Cynical,

Bitter,

Angry woman,

Good.

Be angry.

Be angry that you allowed that.

I'm not asking you to beat yourself up.

I'm not saying to you to hate yourself.

That's not what I'm saying.

I don't want you to sit in self hatred and self loathing,

But use your anger to ask yourself,

How the fuck did I allow that?

And use that anger to protect yourself and never allow that type of behavior in your life again.

Never.

I know we're talking about men right now,

Cause I can go on and on about that,

But use this anger,

Use it towards stuff that's happened in your childhood.

Use it towards a friendship,

You know,

A friend in your life who keeps using you.

You could say she keeps using you,

But why the fuck do you keep allowing that?

So you need to have a pep talk with yourself and seriously be like,

Why the fuck do I keep allowing people to treat me like shit?

Can I honestly say anyone in my life treats me like shit?

No.

And when they do,

Done.

I don't,

I don't not ever talk to them again,

But in my mind,

I know.

Okay.

I see the dynamic.

I see where you're at.

Goodbye.

You know,

So use that anger and ask yourself,

How did I allow that in my life?

How did I allow myself to get to,

To go from being a smart,

Bright,

Determined,

Motivated,

Ambitious woman to being tired and exhausting and exhausted,

Excuse me.

And I can't even get up in the morning and shower,

Right?

Ask yourself if you're in that situation.

And by the way,

I'm literally quoting women that I talk to.

It's hard for them to even take a shower because they're exhausted from these exhausting relationships.

If you think that having an exhausting relationship and you work it really hard for it as something romantic,

Guess again,

Not even worth it.

It's not worth it unless the other person is putting in work that you guys are working together towards a common goal.

Great.

But if you're the one doing all the talking,

You're the one doing all the,

Let's go to therapy.

Let's read this.

Let's try this.

And they're just like,

Okay,

Fuck it.

Life's too short.

Fuck that.

No way.

You've got to ask yourself,

Which part of me loves to work this hard in relationships?

Why do I think that I deserve to have to exhaust myself to get love?

Who in your life made you work for their love?

My mother right here.

Oh man,

To crack a smile on that woman's face just to get a seal of approval.

Man,

It's a lot of work to get love from that woman.

You gotta be amazing.

You gotta do things her way.

You gotta take her advice and then she'll love you.

And even then you won't really get that much approval from her.

So I had to get really clear that the person's love that I was really,

Really after was my mother's.

And that's what I was looking for in every guy that I was dating.

I just wanted approval.

All I wanted was approval.

I just wanted you to love me.

And so if you're listening to this and you're like,

I mean,

Obviously you're listening to this right now,

But you're thinking to yourself,

Like,

How do I get over this pain?

Take all of that pain.

You are still there.

You are still there.

And when I talk about you,

I mean the you that was put into this world who was smart,

Beautiful,

Creative,

Gifted,

Ambitious,

Positive,

Happy.

You are still there.

You are.

There's a lot of pain masking that and suffocating you right now that you,

It may be hard for you to remember that you don't have to find who you are.

I fucking hate when people say find who you are.

You just have to remember because at the core,

You've always been amazing.

You've always been a child of God.

So don't let some man or some failed relationship take that away from you.

I started off this episode by saying all my women out there to please start to become financially independent.

Maybe you already are financially independent,

But now you're emotionally hooked on some guy.

Listen,

My uncle said that my favorite uncle in the world is my mother's brother,

My mother's younger brother.

I love him so much.

He said this to me probably about like seven months ago.

He said to me,

You got to anchor yourself within yourself.

You have to anchor yourself within yourself.

Even if you're in a relationship,

Even if you are in a relationship,

Right?

I know I'm single and I'm saying this to you.

Even if you are in a relationship,

You have to anchor yourself within yourself.

What does that mean?

That means it's no one's job to make you happy.

That means you are not putting your emotional eggs in somebody else's basket.

Your partner may make you sad.

Your partner may make you upset.

And that's okay if you get upset and talk about it with them and let them know what's up.

But no one can take your peace away from you unless you let them.

And if you notice that what somebody says or does robs you of your peace and it's like all day,

You're just thinking about it.

It's a really good opportunity for you to ask yourself like,

How much power am I giving over to them?

Do they have power over me right now?

Yes,

They do.

Absolutely.

Hands down.

So I have an invitation for you.

And I want to first wrap this up by saying that you may think you may be at a place where you're like,

Oh,

There's no urgency.

I don't need to worry about this right now.

We're good.

I'm good.

That's cool.

That's fine if that's where you're at.

But if you have ever questioned,

And I know you have if you're listening to this right now,

What more is there?

What is all of this thing called life?

Why am I here?

There has to be a bigger meaning.

And if you haven't yet gotten to the point of complete apathy,

And you still got life inside of you,

I want to say congratulations.

Because relationships can really suck your soul dry if you let it.

So if you still have life in you,

And you're not apathetic,

And maybe you're new out of a relationship,

Or you are in a relationship that's not fulfilling,

Or you're single,

And you're thinking to yourself,

Or you've been asking yourself,

What more is there to life right now?

Why am I here?

If you know that you have a gift,

If you know that there are talents that you've been sitting on,

Then what are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

For your kids to get older?

For the time to be right?

When is the time ever going to be right?

When?

It is now.

This is literally reality is right now.

This is the only thing that's real is what's happening right now in this moment.

Everything else is up to you to create.

That's it.

So that is why I speak with the level of emphasis that I speak with.

That is why I'm so passionate.

That is why I'm like,

Guys,

Wake up.

Do not take your life for granted.

Think about what you're thinking about.

Where are your thoughts going?

Are they towards fixing somebody?

Are they towards a relationship that you're trying to fix?

Heal some dude?

No.

Let me tell you what I think about in the shower.

When I'm in the shower,

I'm not saying you got to think what I think in the shower,

But when I'm in the shower,

I think about what do I want to say to my audience?

What do I really want to hit home?

What do I want to wake them up about?

What am I trying to speak into their soul?

How do I want to help them today?

And I'm grateful that today,

In this moment,

That's where my thoughts are.

Because I remember a day that my thoughts were,

When can I get my bag of Coke?

Am I going to get fucked up tonight?

Oh,

Does he not love me?

Is he cheating on me?

That's where my mind used to be.

So I'm grateful that I'm here today to be able to be talking about this with you.

This is where my head is at.

When your head,

When your thoughts in your mind are clear from bullshit,

Distraction,

Other people,

Mediocre men who don't have shit to give you,

When you clear your mind of that,

You can focus on a bigger purpose.

Until you get clear on your one major objective,

What are you here for?

Everything else will distract you,

Period.

You can fucking have as many post-it notes as you want to do lists.

But if you are distracted and your head's not in the right space,

And you don't have that one clear major objective,

Like the thing that you are,

You're like,

This is what I'm creating,

It's going to be very hard.

It's going to be very hard to move forward.

And that's why I do what I do.

Because I've been on both ends.

I've been on both sides.

I know what it's like to be extremely distracted and be consumed by a guy and by drugs,

Mostly men.

The drugs were just a byproduct of that.

And I also know what it's like to be laser focused and you cannot get in my way at all.

Like nobody can distract me.

And that's why I do what I do with the women that I do it with.

And I always seek out women.

And women come to me who are highly creative and highly talented.

And they are highly distracted.

Because they put upon themselves a role to be all things to all people.

It's not your job.

It's not your job at all.

Sorry,

It's just not hate to burst your bubble.

You're not,

You know,

You don't need to be Mother Teresa to everybody.

You just need to mother yourself,

Be the mother to yourself that you never had.

Start parenting yourself,

Give yourself the love and the attention,

Give your projects and your dreams and your goals the attention that you give everybody else.

So I have two invitations for you.

Number one,

If you know that it's time to mind your own business and focus on yourself and be a part of a community of women who are bright,

Highly creative,

And literally doing the work,

They are doing the inner work.

They are becoming more focused on themselves.

They are healing themselves from the inside out.

They are focusing on themselves.

They are talking about their issues and not just keeping it inside.

They're moving out of those toxic relationships and starting beautiful things in their life.

And I want you to go ahead and join the Mind Your Own Business membership community.

If you head on over to VasaviKumar.

Com forward slash membership,

You can go ahead and join.

It's $129 a month.

It's $129 a month.

You are part of a beautiful community.

You get two calls when you get on with me.

You have one-on-one direct access to me within the community.

So if you've been listening to this and you're like,

Boss,

I really need to get the fuck out of my own way,

Then my invitation for you is to join the Mind Your Own Business membership community,

1000%.

Figure out a way to make it happen.

It's $129 a month.

And you can cancel at any time.

Just give me 14 days notice for those of you who have commitment issues.

I get it.

I got commitment issues too.

But you know what?

It's a great community.

We actually have our second call coming up on Tuesday.

I'm very excited about it.

It's a hot seat.

You can literally ask me anything.

So a lot of what I'm doing right here on the podcast and here I am on Facebook Live and Instagram Live.

If you've ever wanted to ask me about stuff and you want to talk to me directly,

You do that when you join the community.

Literally,

You get this app,

You can talk to me directly.

Ask me whatever you want.

And you're part of the community.

You're paying to be a member of my community.

The second thing,

The second invitation that I have is my mastermind is opening up.

I'm super excited about it.

It's called Hit Publish.

It's for coaches,

Speakers,

Therapists,

Consultants,

Realtors,

Interior designers.

Let me break it down.

Let me tell you what I mean by that.

If you are a service-based entrepreneur,

Okay,

So if you're a realtor,

You want to educate people about houses and the buying market.

Or if you're an interior designer and you're in the business of helping people design their homes,

And you got to put yourself out there,

Right?

Social media is not for scrolling.

Social media is a tool to educate and entertain and to empower the people that you want to engage with,

Your audience.

Have an engaged audience,

Convert them into clients,

Right?

I do it all the time.

Many of you who have been watching me live,

You're either in my community or we've talked one-on-one and you've worked with me one-on-one.

So Hit Publish Mastermind is for coaches,

Speakers,

Therapists.

You know,

If you're a service-based entrepreneur,

You want to use your story.

You want to use your experience.

You want to use your skill,

Which you already have,

And you want to get paid for your knowledge.

And you want to be able to do that in a way that's on video,

Either on a podcast or storytelling or in your captions.

If you have a message and you have a story and you want to learn how to just show up as you,

I'm going to walk you exactly through that process.

It's a six-week mastermind.

We start on August 25th.

I am pre-enrolling.

You get a lot of cool bonuses.

So I want to have a conversation with you about that.

So your next step would be to go to vasavikumar.

Com and contact me through there.

It's the easiest way to contact me about that.

So oh,

And then one last thing as well.

If you want more information about the Hit Publish Mastermind,

My free masterclass is happening on Tuesday.

It's called Turn Your Pain Into Power.

So Turn Your Pain Into Power,

And I have been getting a lot of questions.

I just had someone messaged me yesterday and she was like,

I'm not a coach or a therapist or a service-based entrepreneur.

I'm just someone who's really kind of trying to document my life and just kind of inspire other people on Instagram.

Can I join your free masterclass,

Turn Your Pain Into Power?

I said,

Absolutely.

We all have pain.

If every single person on this planet turned their pain into power and actually started to harness their pain and turn it into something powerful,

The world would be a better place.

So that's what the woman asked me.

She said to me,

Can I go ahead and join the masterclass?

Absolutely.

So if you're listening to this and you got some pain,

You got some shit,

And you don't know what to do with it,

And it's debilitating you and it's distracting you from putting yourself out there,

I want you to also join my masterclass,

Definitely.

So I'm going to wrap up again.

I know I said I was going to wrap up before,

But I'm going to wrap up again.

Number one,

If you know your mindset's getting in the way,

If you know that you're getting in the way,

You need to be in a community of like-minded women,

Go ahead and join the Mind Your Own Business membership community.

That's over at velocitykumar.

Com forward slash membership.

Number two,

I have a free masterclass happening on Tuesday,

August 4th.

Turn Your Pain Into Power.

Definitely sign up for that.

When you sign up for that,

I'll also be giving you information.

You'll be on the waiting list for the hit publish mastermind.

The hit publish mastermind is starting August 25th.

It is for coaches,

Therapists,

Service-based entrepreneurs who really want to get their message out there,

Who want a clear focus,

Vision,

And really find their own voice,

And stop giving a fuck what everyone else is thinking,

And literally just start being yourself,

And start getting paid to be you.

Get paid to be you.

Show up as you,

Get paid to be you,

Package your knowledge,

Package your expertise,

Be the solution to somebody's problem.

Because you are.

You've gone through enough shit that you are.

So that's what I got for you today on this beautiful Sunday.

And to my podcast subscribers,

I just want to say I love you all.

Thank you so much for listening.

We're at 2,

500 downloads today.

I literally just came out with the podcast in May.

That's amazing.

I restarted the podcast.

So it's been,

Hey,

June,

July,

Not even.

.

.

Why can't I do the math?

It's been like three months.

Not even three months.

We are at 2,

500 downloads.

So I just want to say thank you because you all are the ones that keep listening,

And you keep listening,

I keep putting out content.

I keep putting out content,

You keep listening.

It's beautiful.

So thank you everyone so much,

And I will catch you very soon.

Bye.

Reviews

As a childfree European woman of 55 who has never relied on a man for anything... It's still better to be single forever than expect deep emotional connection with a man. Have never found one remotely capable of the emotional maturity a strong woman has in abundance. That so many women are financially dependent on men in patriarchical countries , still... is horrifying. Keep telling them straight ! Love your work 🙏🤔

Life-savingly essential.