Drop The Facade And Become Truly Happy Within

When's the last time you truly felt happy from the inside? If you can't remember, it's time to drop the facade, take the mask off, and get real with yourself. In this straight-forward and free audio training, you'll learn the one simple strategy that'll give you the wisdom and power to be confident in your skin and truly happy from within.

Transcript

This is Vasavi Kumar and I am so happy that you are here.

You've downloaded my free audio training on learning how to drop the facade and be truly happy.

In this very straightforward and blunt audio training,

I'm going to teach you and you are going to learn the number one simple strategy that will give you the wisdom and the power to be confident in your skin and truly happy in your life.

So just a little bit about me.

My background educationally and academically is in social work and education.

I have my master's in social work from Columbia University.

I also have a master's in special ed from Hofstra University.

I grew up in an immigrant household.

My parents are Indian immigrants and I was born and raised in the US,

New York to be exact.

And throughout my life,

I'm pretty clear that I have worn masks,

Multiple masks throughout my entire life so that I could fit in,

So that I could be accepted,

So that people would like me,

So that I wouldn't get in trouble.

And I have taken many different paths to really hide but also to uncover the truth of who I was.

I've taken the path of alcohol,

Substance abuse.

I've taken the path of jumping from multiple relationship to multiple relationship,

Wearing the mask of being extremely successful on the outside,

Making a lot of money,

Having a great,

Thriving career and just everything seems to be going great and so I must be happy,

Right?

Wrong.

The thing that I really had to learn and become extremely present to was that I was living a facade and I had multiple masks that I was wearing and you could find me wearing a mask in almost any given situation.

In fact,

I think the only time that I wasn't wearing a mask is when I was by myself and even then I was so used to living a lie and having multiple personas that even when I was alone,

To be honest,

I couldn't even tell the difference between what was real and what was not,

Who I was and who I wasn't.

And so how do you even know if you're wearing a mask?

How do you even know if you have a facade on?

So many of us have been building facades since we were children,

Right?

We've put on masks for our extracurricular activities,

Our multiple different peer groups that we're a part of,

Our teachers,

Our parents,

Our friends.

So look back on your life and notice some of the inconsistencies and the disappointments that you have faced and how they have directly correlated to you wearing your mask,

Right?

So think about some of the choices that you've made.

Why didn't you go to the college of your choice?

Why are you still in a less than ideal job?

Why do you feel awkward in certain situations?

Why are you friends with certain people even though you can't stand them,

Right?

This is really about working towards a deeper understanding about your intentions and your actions.

Once you recognize your own facade,

It's important that you think critically about what's behind them,

Right?

Because we don't wear masks for no reason.

You got to learn how to separate your own point of view from other people's expectations.

We often wear masks nine out of 10 times or if I can even say 10 out of 10 times because we expect that other people want us to be a certain way or that we need to be a certain way and in order to match those expectations,

We need to act accordingly.

So we're not really being authentic,

Right?

We're just being who we think we need to be in order to please this person,

This employer,

This friend,

This partner.

This is where you got to ask yourself about your values,

Your goals,

Your ideals,

And then consider what's required for following the principles you believe.

This is a challenge,

Right?

Because we are not trained to look at our own values and our goals and our beliefs and our morals.

We are trained to put on a fake smile,

Make sure everyone around us is taken care of,

Don't rock the boat,

Don't say the wrong thing,

Don't cause any trouble,

Just float and don't make a mess,

Don't disturb the peace.

So what facades can you identify that has been in the way of your intentional actions?

Right?

So for example,

Does being a good daughter or a son mean that you can't move out of state even though your ideal career requires it?

Does being a good daughter or a son mean that you can't pursue your dream because your family thinks it's weird?

Does it mean being a responsible father or a mother and because you have this facade that you're wearing that you feel like you have to be this responsible father and mother that you can't start the business of your dreams?

Right?

So I know it can be scary,

But this is where you need to let yourself be heard.

This is where your spoken truth will set the foundation for you moving forward,

Dropping your facade and truly being happy.

You got to be willing to be vulnerable,

Right?

There are many,

Many reasons we hide our authenticity,

But the big ones,

And I can relate to this 100%,

Is the fear of rejection,

The fear of failure,

And this is a huge one for me,

The fear of abandonment.

So who do I need to be in order for you to stay in my life because I can't handle you leaving?

Oh,

You want me to be the cool girlfriend who just is like chill with everything?

Sure,

No problem,

As long as you don't leave me.

I need mommy and daddy's love,

So I got to make sure that I say all the right things so that you don't think I'm any different than you.

So I got to be this person.

Right?

I don't want to be alone.

And this is where getting to know yourself and being comfortable with yourself plays a huge part in you being able to drop the facade one day at a time and truly start to become happy from the inside and out.

Right?

We've all had moments of being genuine and getting hurt,

And these moments are the foundations to our facades,

Right?

We have been in situations where we were truly being authentic,

We were being genuine,

And we expose our real selves to other people and then we may not be welcomed in the way that we want it to be welcomed.

And so we tell ourselves,

Screw this,

The mask is going back on because when I act my true self,

When I'm being my true self,

People can't handle it.

So I'm just going to go back to being fake.

I'm going to go back to just putting on a facade and putting on a mask because that way I don't ever have to be rejected again.

And that is the root of us truly being unhappy.

So let's just define what I mean by happiness in this audio training and moving forward.

When I talk about true happiness,

When I talk about authentic happiness,

I am talking about happiness that is coming from inside of you.

How do we get this happiness?

Well,

As someone who has made plenty of unwise choices,

What I now know is that it comes from making wise choices,

Including the choice to be happy.

So when our external situation is going really well,

It might make it easier for us to choose happiness,

Right?

Because our bills are paid,

We're driving a nice car,

We have great clothes,

We have a great social life,

Everybody loves us.

But it's not the cause of it.

You can be happy even when things around you feel like nothing you want them to feel like or look like.

A few years ago,

I had it all together.

I was on TV,

I was making six figures,

Beautiful place that I was living in,

I had a relationship,

Everything was going great on the outside,

So to say,

Right?

According to our standards,

That looked like a happy life.

Did you also know that I had a closet cocaine addiction?

Because I was so unhappy on the inside.

I am proof that you can have everything shiny and bright and glittery and gold on the outside,

But inside be dying.

And the way I chose to deal with it was through substance abuse and alcohol abuse and toxic codependent relationships.

I held on to things that were unhealthy for me on the inside because that is all I thought I deserved.

And even though everything on the outside seemed great and so called,

You know,

VAS has it all together,

On the inside,

I was unhappy.

So I'm saying this from personal experience.

So along with exploring where happiness comes from and where it doesn't and the importance of your decisions,

I also want to highlight the following on tips to find your happiness,

Right?

Before we really kind of dig deep into the one strategy and the five different areas where we can apply the strategy.

First thing is,

You know,

Stop behavior that is dangerous to your health.

You know what I'm talking about.

Is it obsession with social media?

Is it alcohol abuse?

Is this substance abuse?

Is it jumping from relationship to relationship?

Is it staying in a relationship that is subpar,

Mediocre and unfulfilling?

Is it being in a job that you know you hate,

But you haven't really done anything to get out of it because you just figure this is the way it is?

Is it certain addictions that you may have?

Is it gossiping?

Is it drama?

Is it not having your emotions in order?

What is it?

Is it not being able to regulate your emotions?

Is it not going to a therapist,

Right?

What are the things that you're doing that is dangerous for your health?

And I'm not just talking about your physical health.

Primarily speaking to your mental and emotional health,

Which affects every area of your life,

Your mental,

Your emotional,

Your physical,

Your spiritual health,

Your financial health,

Right?

So,

Having awareness about those things and then work on correcting those key areas in your life.

But also,

This is where a lot of people get tripped up,

Is correcting things from your past.

Now,

Let me just say this.

You cannot go back in time and change the past.

However,

If you know and once you develop your self-awareness and knowledge of yourself and you really dig deep into where you came from and why you are the way you are today and you see that there's some stragglers,

Right?

There's some stuff from the past that's definitely hindering your past,

Sorry,

Your present.

It's your responsibility to look at the problem situations from your past and remedying those in the present.

So,

I will give you a prime example.

I have been in relationships.

I was married by the time I was 28,

But I started dating my ex-husband at 22.

So,

From 22 to about 32,

So for 10 years,

I was in a relationship.

I got divorced when I was 32.

I got into another relationship for about three and a half to four years.

I developed a cocaine addiction because the person that I was with was a recovering addict and I thought I had to be like this person in order for him to be in my life or for him to not leave me.

There goes that fear of abandonment.

So,

That relationship really took a huge toll on my life.

I got sober.

I went to rehab and I got into another relationship right after that and we got engaged like literally six months into knowing each other.

Do you see a pattern here?

The pattern here is that I could not be alone.

The pattern is I went from relationship to relationship to relationship and I finally realized and had to learn the lesson because things were just repeating itself over and over again like,

Man,

I have not healed from those other relationships.

It's time for me to be single for a little bit and that's exactly where I'm at right now.

I am single.

I am alone.

I am learning to love my aloneness.

I am learning how to love my inner child and it is very gratifying.

It is generating my own happiness from within rather than seeking it from outside of me.

So,

Look at the problem situations from your past.

Look at how things from your past are currently affecting your present because your present is a culmination of all your memories,

Your experiences,

And events that have happened in your past that have led you to today.

It does not need to determine your future at all.

However,

If you don't address some of the key mistakes that you've made and the learning opportunities that are there,

You will continue to make those mistakes.

So work on those problem situations from the past.

This next one seems a little maybe like,

Okay,

It sounds too good to be true,

But think about happy things.

This is where your mindset is everything.

Listen,

My mind can go in all different directions.

I can choose to be happy.

I can choose to be miserable.

There are lots of different ways for you to become more mindful,

Become more present and aware of your thoughts.

Yoga and meditation has helped me tremendously,

Meditating every single morning for 15 minutes sitting in silence.

I offer a sit in silence with Vasavi every morning at 6.

30 a.

M.

On my Facebook page and I hope you join me.

But it has definitely helped me really become an observer of my thoughts.

What are you thinking about?

This is why it's important to slow down and really start to be mindful of what you're choosing to focus your mental energy on.

And really also understanding the difference between fake and authentic happiness.

So simply stated,

The difference between fake and authentic happiness is this.

All right.

Don't be fake happy in an attempt to choose happiness.

When you are faking it,

You're not actually choosing to be happy.

You're simply putting on an act,

Right?

So I'm sure you maybe have seen somebody in your life who you can spot a mile away that they're not truly happy,

Right?

So fake happy to me,

When I thought about my life where I was fake happy is just like things in my life are not maybe going the way I want them to go,

But I'm just putting on a smile and acting like none of it is.

None of it's happening like,

Oh,

Everything is great.

Everything's fine,

But not addressing what's really happening.

Authentic happiness for me looks like this in my current life.

Maybe there are things in my life that I wish could be different or I'm working towards and it's a work in progress.

But in this moment,

Right now,

What can I be grateful for?

Where can I find my sense of joy?

Where can I find my sense of happiness?

Because the thing is,

Happiness does not mean,

True happiness from within does not mean that the things in your life that you're not necessarily jumping over the moon about,

Maybe your finances are not exactly where you want it to be.

It's not ignoring how things are.

It's like,

Okay,

This is the reality right now.

My finances,

For example,

If you're saying this to yourself,

My finances are not exactly where I want them to be,

But you know what?

I still have the power to choose in this moment to be happy.

And I'm not talking about like exclamation points and doing cartwheels.

I'm saying there's always something that you can be grateful for.

There is always a,

You have the power to be able to generate that from within and realize that just because things aren't exactly the way you want them to look,

Understanding and accepting that it is divinely timed and everything is as it should be.

That doesn't mean you have to let it just stay the way it is.

But when you start to do good in your life and you start to feel good in your life,

You can make better choices.

And that comes from within.

And lastly,

But certainly not least,

Is accepting yourself for who you are.

Listen,

This is hard.

I'm not even going to say just love yourself.

Just love yourself.

It's easier said than done.

There are many little things about myself that I'm like,

Man,

Why do I gotta be like that?

But you know what?

It's a lot harder for me to generate my own happiness and to be truly happy from within if I'm beating and berating myself up for just being who I am.

Right?

So accepting yourself for who you are doesn't mean you're like,

Okay,

I,

It doesn't mean resigning,

Right?

It doesn't mean like,

This is just a way to screw it.

It means facing yourself as you are in this moment,

Being real with yourself,

Looking at yourself as you are right now in this moment,

No judgment.

And it's like painting a picture of yourself,

Telling the story of you right now in this moment and being like,

This is who I am right now.

I,

You know,

You could say,

I think I drink too much or I'm in a relationship that I'm not very kind to my partner or I don't,

I have a hard time saying no.

Like understand and accept that this is where you are right now.

And when you do that with compassion and understanding,

You can start to accept yourself for who you are just as you are right now.

And from there,

You can ask yourself,

Okay,

Great.

Who do I want to become?

A lot of people skip this part.

They just look at who they want to become,

But they're not willing to look at who they are right now.

You can't jump the gun here.

You got to address yourself in real time,

Who you are right now,

The things about yourself that you know,

It's not ideal,

But you're,

But you're like,

This is who I am.

You're just looking at yourself straight facts with no judgment.

So when we don't understand,

Um,

That you like,

I find that most people don't understand that they're in control of their own happiness,

Right?

They search for something to make them happy.

I know that I've done my own searching and I've,

I shared this in the very beginning,

You know,

Thinking if I make six figures,

I'll be great.

If I was,

If I'm on television,

I'll be great.

If I am living in this really fancy house,

I'm great.

If I get that BMW,

I'm awesome.

I'm doing great.

Look at me.

If I just lose those 10 pounds,

I'm good.

Don't worry about me.

If I'm taking those fancy vacations and working from my laptop,

I'm happy.

Wrong.

Because as I mentioned,

I had my secret closet addictions that eventually burnt my life to the ground.

So that's proof right there.

I was not truly happy because someone who is truly happy from the inside does not need to resort to using substances and,

Um,

Resorting to alcoholism and different addictions to numb themselves,

Right?

If you're happy,

You're happy.

You're doing healthy things for yourself.

You feel good.

You don't need to numb yourself.

You don't need to alter the state of your mind through people,

Places,

And things.

Right?

So I want to emphasize this,

That you are in control of your happiness and people who don't understand that they're in control of their happiness will often be searching outside of themselves.

So a lot of this will lead to problems.

I can,

I once,

Once again,

I am seeking from experiences can lead to problems such as marrying or committing to someone you shouldn't have.

Hello.

Raising my hand right here.

Love my ex husband.

We're still very good friends.

Shouldn't have gotten married.

Now I can see that got married because I thought it was the right thing to do.

I was 28.

All my friends were getting married or adding a child to an unhappy marriage.

How many people do you know that it's like when we have kids,

We're going to be so happy.

That kid is going to bring us so much happiness.

Wrong.

If you are unhappy and you're unhappy with your partner,

A child is going to bring about more stress to your life.

That's why I never chose to have children because I did not want to bring.

I didn't want to bring a child into my life if I was not truly happy from within.

I did not want to place that burden and that expectation on a child that didn't really ask to be born.

That I'm bringing this child into this world as a source of my happiness thinking it's going to bring me happy.

No.

Or taking a job that you don't like just to get a big paycheck.

Maybe this is you or maybe someone you know is working this like corporate lifestyle.

They're making six figures and they're miserable and they're addicted to painkillers and they drink seven nights out of the week.

How many people do you know like that?

Maybe you're one of those people.

Sleeping around to fill the void in your life.

I see this a lot with a lot of my female and male clients both like being promiscuous,

Sleeping around,

Getting drunk,

Sleeping around,

Waking up next to people that they're like who the hell are you?

And they're not happy about it.

It's easy in the moment when your mind is altered,

When you are drunk,

To think that I'm just having fun but then you wake up the next day and you feel even emptier than you were the night before.

Going to alcohol and drugs.

Cheating on your significant other.

Spending money you don't have.

You know this concept of retail therapy is by far the most damaging thing out there especially for women out there who are like I'm sad.

I'm going to go shopping and rack up my credit card bills because that's going to make me feel better because I have these new boots now so of course I feel better.

And then you're still not happy.

And on top of that you have this huge credit card bill that you have to pay.

So let me just tell you right now,

Getting married,

Having a kid,

Money,

You know getting that big paycheck,

Sex,

Alcohol and drugs,

Cheating on your significant other,

And spending money you don't have will not bring you happiness.

And these are the problems that occur as a result of not realizing that your true happiness comes from within.

So there are a lot of places that we can turn to when we try to find our happiness.

And so here's the key.

Authentic happiness is in your control and can only be found within.

I'm going to say that one more time slowly.

Authentic happiness is in your control and can only be found within.

There is no person on this planet that can make you happy.

There is not enough money in the world that can buy you happiness if you are not right within.

You will not be able to consume enough drugs or alcohol to find true happiness.

All of these things are just cheap,

Damaging fillers for the real deal.

Happiness is an internal decision you make.

It comes from what you choose to think about,

Talk about,

And how you choose to behave.

And I'm saying this as someone who has had to do this day in and day out.

You can create happiness within your life even when it doesn't seem like it's possible or it should be possible.

You aren't happy because the things around you are making you happy.

You're happy because you ultimately choose your outlook and your perspective.

So at some point in all of our lives,

We unconsciously decided what things would make me happy,

What things would make us happy.

Most everyone has this checklist that they think will make them happy.

A better job,

More money,

A spouse,

Partner,

A divorce,

A vacation,

Kids,

Material things,

Botox,

Sex.

The list can go on and on.

We all have those things in life that we think will make us happier.

And it's not even something that maybe we've consciously chosen.

It might have been a belief that you learned from your parents or someone else in your life,

But somewhere along the way,

You decided that these things are what you needed to experience authentic happiness.

Like growing up,

My parents were very,

Very successful,

So I thought I had to be really,

Really,

Really successful to be happy.

And eventually,

We discovered that those things don't fill us up with happiness the way we thought they should.

And then you're left deciding,

What do I do next?

And so here we are in your audio training,

Learn to drop the facade and truly be happy.

So here's a simple strategy.

Here is the one simple strategy.

Know yourself.

I want you to say this with me.

I am going to get to know myself.

Say it with me.

I am going to get to know myself.

Repeat after me.

I will get to know myself.

I will get to know myself.

And my hope for you is that one day,

You're going to be able to say this.

Repeat after me.

I know myself inside and out.

Say it with me.

I know myself inside and out.

True happiness requires being in touch with our emotions and embracing them rather than rejecting what's right in front of us.

This doesn't mean that I'm not asking you to reject change.

In fact,

By accepting the cards that we've been dealt,

By accepting what life has presented us rather than succumbing to labels of good or bad or right or wrong,

You're gaining clarity.

You're being realistic.

You're being more logical about your life.

And this clarity allows us to reject making decisions based on wanting more of something and less of another.

And instead,

We realize that happiness is possible no matter what comes our way.

And I want you to really absorb that.

That happiness is possible no matter what comes our way.

When we don't know ourselves,

When you don't know yourself,

You have no compass by which you live your life.

So say it with me.

When I don't know myself,

I have no compass by which I live my life.

And I don't know myself,

I have no compass by which I live my life.

So I already shared that the first strategy,

The one strategy,

Excuse me,

Is to know yourself.

And I want in this training for you to apply this strategy to know yourself in five key areas.

So here's the first key area.

Get to know your personality,

Right?

Your private versus your public persona.

We all have them.

We all have how we are in the grocery store,

When we're with our friends,

When we're at work versus who we are behind closed doors.

The idea is to get to know your personality inside out to know what you are and what you're not like.

This is about understanding what makes you react a certain way in all of life's situations.

So the best way and the easiest and the simplest way,

I'm sorry,

That I really want you to get to know yourself and your personality here specifically is to ask yourself,

Why did I do that?

And answer it.

So if you find yourself doing something,

This is why slowing down is important is to really start paying attention to,

Let's say you're standing in line at the grocery store and someone cuts you off or gives you an attitude or let's just say the cashier is having a bad day and you react.

You respond in a way.

It doesn't matter what way it is.

I just want you to notice how you respond.

Why do you respond the way that you do?

Ask yourself,

Why did I do that?

This is about looking at yourself and your personality in certain situations.

What are your characteristic traits?

One way to find that out is to ask yourself and you can even ask this to your closest friends,

But I suggest first that you do this with yourself.

Who are you amongst your friends?

Are you the successful one?

Are you the quiet one?

Are you the partier?

Are you the promiscuous one?

Are you the host?

Are you the one that doesn't cause any problems?

Are you the one that always foots the bills?

Are you the one that initiates all the social gatherings?

Who are you?

How do you show up?

How do you show up with strangers?

If a stranger comes up to you and needs directions,

Are you open to giving directions to wherever?

Are you open to offering help?

Or when you're walking down the street,

Do you make eye contact or are you just looking down in your own world?

Remember,

This is not about judging yourself.

You're looking at yourself head on.

And what persona do you portray to the outside world?

We all have one.

We all have how we show up at our place of work with our clients,

With our family members,

With our partners when we go to the store,

And then there's a persona who we are behind closed doors when nobody's watching us.

What's the persona that you portray to the outside world?

Start paying attention to that.

Start feeling it.

When you start getting in tune with your body,

With your breathing,

With your mind,

And you start doing this work,

You're going to notice when you're putting up a facade.

You're going to notice when you're not being genuine.

It may not come naturally at first,

But the fact that you're even willing to do this work,

I promise you,

You'll start to be able to see where you're not being authentic and you're not being yourself and you're putting on a facade.

This next prompt here is really important because it says a lot about how you face challenges and adversities in your life.

So what are you really like on a good day?

Everything's going your way.

Your hair's looking great.

You smell good.

Your outfit's on point.

You got a full tank of gas.

You just got paid.

The weather's beautiful.

How are you showing up?

I'm going to guess it's like this really awesome version of you.

Maybe you feel like it's not enough.

I don't know,

But who are you on a really good day?

What are you really like on a good day versus what are you like on a bad day in the face of a challenge?

Weather may be bad.

You're getting called in at work.

You have some difficult clients.

You and your partner just got into an argument.

What do you like?

You wake up from a nightmare.

How is your personality?

This is really telling about how you deal with adversity and how you deal with challenges.

It's not about judging yourself.

It's just about understanding,

Huh,

This is my personality when things aren't going my way or if I'm having a bad day,

This is how I deal with life.

It just gives you a baseline as to where you're at.

Knowing your personality is important because you get to see how you are in relation to the world.

You get to see how you react to the world around you.

We're not even talking about changing anything right now.

We're just looking at knowing yourself and your personality.

The next thing I want you to do is get to know your core values.

We're still using that same strategy,

Knowing yourself,

But we're going to get to know your core values.

Moral codes and principles are what you hold near and dear to your heart.

Your morals,

Your principles,

Your values.

We forego our values.

We forego our morals.

We forego our principles because we want to be accepted.

Things that actually matter to us,

We stop acting like they matter to us because we don't want to seem like,

Oh,

We have a stick up our butt or we think we're too good for everyone.

No.

What I'm asking you to do is to get really clear on what your core values are.

Here's the thing.

When you get really clear on your core values,

You will know who you want to surround yourself with.

The people that don't actually add anything to your life anymore will somehow seem to just drift away.

Too often we surround ourselves and we allow people who do not share the same values as us into our life and we wonder why our life isn't working.

Mismatched values.

Right?

So my last relationship that I was in,

I got sober and my partner kept drinking a lot.

I didn't want to be around it.

I didn't want to interact with him when he was just drinking all the time.

I didn't.

Mismatched values.

Sobriety is a value for me.

Sobriety for me is something that I have chosen to do because I see what happens when I'm not sober.

It became a value for me.

It is a principle for me to stay sober.

And by the grace of God,

I am sober every single day.

But he wasn't.

Now I'm not saying he needs to stop drinking.

In fact,

I didn't want to tell him to stop drinking.

That's his life.

But what I realized is when I stayed firm in my values and his value was he's okay with drinking,

I realized we're not a good match for each other.

It's just not working,

Right?

Too often we stick with people in our lives,

Even though we have mismatched values or not the same values,

And we stay with them because we don't want to be alone.

But don't you feel alone anyway when you're around people who don't share the same values as you?

That's more lonely for me than actually being alone.

I would rather be alone and at least can count on myself with my values and be around people who don't share the same values as me.

Because for me,

That feels very conflicting.

And that's just me.

So you probably have more than I would say three to five values,

And maybe you haven't taken the time to look.

But this is an opportunity for you because your values play a huge role in decision making,

Influencing,

Persuading,

Conflict resolution,

Communication,

And living your day to day life.

So in your work,

In your home,

In all aspects of your life,

What are the values that you feel like you can never,

Ever compromise?

What are the values in your life that you're like,

Absolutely not,

I will not compromise this?

Is it honesty?

Is it integrity?

Is it security?

Is it flexibility?

Is it dedication to others?

Is it wisdom?

Is it learning?

Is it financial comfort or fun?

Here's the thing,

There's no right or wrong.

It is what you hold dear to you.

I want you to pretend that you are the only person that matters here in this situation.

Because when you do that,

When you're like,

This is just about me and what matters to me,

When you just think in this way while you're doing this exercise,

It's a lot easier for you to get super clear about your core values.

And once you get clear on your core values,

That does affect how you live your life and how you choose to treat other people and what kind of people you allow into your life and the decisions that you make.

So do you value loyalty above excellence?

Do you value responsibility above ambition or innovation above improvement?

For me personally,

My number one value is honesty with myself.

Number one,

If I am lying to myself,

I am out of luck.

Because once I start lying to myself,

It's done.

It is done.

It doesn't matter what I tell the world.

It doesn't matter how I show up.

If I'm lying to myself about things,

It's a wrap.

And so with that,

Integrity is huge for me.

Integrity for me is I do what I say I'm going to do.

I do what I say I'm going to do.

Am I perfect at this?

Absolutely not.

You better believe that it's my second value that I hold very close to my heart.

It's that I'm honest with myself.

When I'm honest with myself,

It's a lot easier for me to be in integrity with myself.

And I feel like they kind of go hand in hand,

But I separate them because it's important for me.

I'm going to be honest with myself.

And so let's say I commit to something and I make an excuse as to why I can't do it.

But then I go back to my top value,

Which is honesty.

And it's like,

Oh man,

I'm kidding myself right now.

Let's make this happen.

I got to stay true to my word.

So it's not a right or wrong.

It's not Vassavie's better or her values are better than mine.

This is what matters to you.

If it's wisdom and learning,

Then guess what?

If your top value is wisdom and being a lifelong learner and learning stuff and educating yourself,

Then if that's your top value,

Then you better believe that your decisions that you're going to make are going to come from that place.

For me,

Like I said,

It was honesty and integrity.

So for me,

I'm really,

Really honest on what I am willing to do and what I'm not willing to do.

I don't like to lie to myself about things.

If I'm not comfortable with doing something,

I will straight up say it because I don't want to lie to myself and I don't want to lie to you.

For you,

If it's wisdom and learning,

Then it's important.

Maybe when you're having a conversation with somebody and you don't understand what they're trying to say that because wisdom and learning is your top value,

You will approach that person differently.

Instead of being argumentative,

You'll be like,

Hmm,

I want to learn more about what this person is saying because that is a value of yours.

This is a really,

Really great opportunity for you to ask yourself,

What do I value?

And then you act according to those values.

I promise you,

This seems like a lot of work and it is because you don't become someone who is truly happy overnight.

I'm 37 years old right now and it's taken me a very long time to finally really understand what it takes to be truly happy from the inside out.

It's taken a lot of falling down,

Getting back up,

Shifting,

Tweaking,

Falling back down,

Getting back up,

Being consistent to really get this.

So I want you to just acknowledge yourself for how far you've come.

The third thing that I want you to get to know is your body.

I've always had a very weird relationship with my body.

Not anymore,

Thanks to my regular Ashtanga yoga practice.

I recently came back from India November of 2019 and I went to yoga teacher training.

I was in India in Rishikesh,

Which is one of our holy cities.

And I have to tell you,

I have established a relationship,

Quite a loving one with my body,

One that I've never really had before,

A patient relationship with my body.

A lot of the decisions that I made,

The unhealthy choices that I've made in my life were all due to the fact that I was not connected to my body.

I was missing signals and cues and the whispers and the aches and the cries from my body.

And I was storing a lot of my emotions within different parts of my body and I just was stiff.

My mind became stiff,

So my body was stiff.

So how well do you know your body?

How well do you know how you breathe?

Pay attention to your natural breath,

Even right now.

Is it fast?

Is it slow?

Is it shallow?

Is it deep?

How well do you know your body's abilities and the limits of your balance and flexibility?

This is why I love my yoga practice.

This is why I love teaching yoga to people,

Because it is not about a workout.

It's about a work in,

Right?

So knowing your body,

Knowing the limits of your balance and flexibility,

Which is beautiful,

Which you can really see through a yoga practice,

Your own yoga practice or any,

Any sort of movement.

Okay.

I'm not pushing yoga or anything else.

I'm pushing your body,

Communicating with your body,

Seeing that your body can do a lot more than you're giving it credit for.

Right?

So have you ever said,

My body can't do this and I'm not flexible and my body type won't do this without even trying to challenge it?

So before you close the door to wonderful possibilities of your body,

Take another look,

Take the time to become truly intimate with the loveliest temple on earth,

Which is your own body.

Right?

This can also show up with,

Um,

When you want to eat something.

Right?

I'm not kidding.

There are times that my body has said to me,

I would really just want some thinly sliced cucumber with a little bit of salt on it and some lemon juice.

And that's what my body's craving.

I've noticed a lot of times when I've had difficult relationships,

Challenging relationships with food,

It's because my mind just wants heavy,

Heavy food because it's already feeling kind of heavy.

But the more I moved my body,

The more I challenged my body,

The more I started opening my hips and elongating my spine and opening up my chest,

My body just started craving different types of food.

It started craving more fruit,

Started craving more raw vegetables.

It started craving more salads.

So getting to know your body is really,

Is really such an important element of getting to know yourself because we cannot ignore our body.

We cannot ignore the temple that we are in.

So getting to know yourself and your body will also allow you to have great boundaries.

Let me tell you why.

Then let me tell you how it shows up.

Have you ever been around someone and you just get that weird feeling or you're just like,

Oh,

Something doesn't feel right.

But then you ignore it.

It's because you're not in touch with your body.

Your body's trying to give you cues and you don't listen to it.

When you don't listen to it,

Where does that go?

Where does that emotion go?

It goes back into your body.

It gets stuck in your body.

But when you're in tune with your body and your body gives you a cue,

Like,

Oh my God,

Don't go down that alleyway.

Or I wouldn't trust this person if I were you and you listen and you honor your body,

You release it.

You're not holding onto it.

So get to know your body.

Number four is to get to know your dreams.

This is what I do all day with my clients and I absolutely love it.

You know,

It's really tapping into what you've been wanting to do since you were a kid or maybe as a young adult,

You wanted to explore playing music,

Right?

So if you want to become a musician or an artist or a jewelry maker,

Whatever,

Ask yourself,

What instrument do I want to play?

Right?

What kind of jewelry do I want to make?

What type of art do I want to create?

What level of proficiency do you want to learn?

Right?

How big of a how big a part of your life would it be?

And on and on until you know everything about your dreams.

So suppose you have a dream of starting a business.

I would start by asking myself this,

Right?

Starting a business is something it's what I naturally do with clients anyway.

So which is why I'm using this as an example.

But if I want to start a business,

Okay,

Great.

What kind of business?

What do you want to sell?

What are you making?

What is a problem that you're solving for people?

Where will you be selling it?

Is it going to be online?

You're going to open up your own brick and mortar?

Or if you want to be a chef,

I went to culinary school here and it was so much fun and I did it just because I've always had a lifelong dream of being a chef.

I didn't want to open up a restaurant or anything.

I want to be a chef.

I wanted to learn how to cook,

Like really learn how to cook.

What kind of food do I want to learn?

Do I want to meal prep for people?

Do I want to cook three meals a day?

Am I going to be cooking at a restaurant?

Like get to know your dreams.

Keep digging until you feel like you've gotten it.

And I promise you when you're in touch with your personality and you get to know your personality and your core values and your body,

When you start to ask yourself about your dreams,

You're like,

Yes,

That is what I want.

Yes,

You will feel it.

You got to keep willing to dig and dig and dig.

And this is why it helps to also work with somebody who will keep digging and isn't afraid to keep digging.

We stop short with ourselves and this is why it's important to surround ourselves with people who are willing to push us,

Who have pushed themselves in their lives and who are willing to push you.

Right?

I love my yoga teacher here in Austin.

He is wonderful.

He just tells me like it is.

He will just say,

Keep bending,

Keep stretching.

Like there's no conversation about it.

Just keep doing it.

You just want someone who's going to believe in you and keep seeing and keep pushing you because they see your potential.

Right?

So getting to know your dreams and really acting on your dreams is something that is a goal for you.

Please get in touch with me because I absolutely love bringing that out in people.

Right?

Make your dreams a part of your daily pursuits.

If you want to write a book,

Write every day.

If you want to be great at doing back bends in yoga,

Practice doing your back bends every day.

Take them seriously.

If you wanted to,

You know,

Um,

Be a public speaker,

Join Toastmasters or local public speaking organization.

Do that multiple times a week.

Practice speaking out loud.

Take yourself seriously.

Take your dream seriously.

Work at them.

Glorify your dreams instead of hiding them and being ashamed of them.

The saddest thing on this earth for me to watch is someone who has so much potential,

Musically,

Artistically,

Creatively,

Whatever,

And they're too damn afraid to do anything about it.

And they're just sitting on untapped potential,

Wasting their time doing crap.

Let that sink in for a second.

What are you doing about your dreams?

What are you wanting to create,

But not creating because you haven't given your dreams and yourself the respect that it deserves to take your dream seriously?

What are you doing?

Get to know your dreams.

Get to know yourself.

Get to know your personality.

Get to know your core values.

Get to know your body.

Get to know your dreams and take them seriously.

When you start taking yourself seriously,

You start respecting yourself,

You don't give a shit what anybody else is thinking about you.

That facade is going to drop so quick because you're going to be proud of yourself for honoring your dreams and you're not going to care what anybody thinks of you.

There is no need to wear a facade because you honor you.

You respect you.

You approve of you.

You validate you.

You don't need that from anyone else.

You don't need to wear a facade.

Get to know yourself.

Lastly,

Get to know your likes and your dislikes.

What do you like is just as important as what do you dislike?

It's a simple,

Innocent question,

But knowing your likes and your dislikes gives you a lot of confidence into who you are.

Because a lot of people go through life liking what's cool and popular and they dislike what's not cool.

Don't be that person.

Listen,

If you love Star Wars,

Geek out on Star Wars.

If you like wearing overalls and overalls are not in season,

I don't know.

Don't ask me about fashion,

But you got what I'm saying.

If you want to wear your overalls,

Wear your overalls.

If you want to read a book and everyone's putting down the book and you're having negative reviews about the book,

Do what you want.

Do what you want.

Take the time to define your likes and dislikes and don't put it up for a vote amongst family and friends.

It's up to you to decide.

Do you like social gatherings?

Be honest with yourself.

I don't.

I really,

Really don't.

I will go to a social gathering if I know the host and there's meaning behind the event.

There's a purpose behind the event and you better believe I'm going to get in and get out.

I always have an exit strategy.

That is my personality.

If you don't like social gatherings,

But you haven't seen friends in a while and you're like,

You know what?

I've been isolating for too long.

I'm going to go for an hour.

I'm going to get dressed up or whatever.

I'm going to go for an hour.

I'm going to hang out.

I'm going to leave.

Go do that.

Do what you want.

Right?

I know you may feel like it's impolite to dislike attending yet another wedding or another baby shower or spending three hours with your relatives,

But let's look at the alternative.

Would you rather do that and resent yourself and get angry and just be annoyed with yourself and everyone around you?

Or would you rather just set the tone for how you want to live your life and you could still be like,

I'm going to show up.

I'm going to do this and I'm going to leave.

Do what you want.

Right?

Defining your own likes and dislikes and defining your own likes is a little bit easier.

Right?

But defining your dislikes,

It takes guts because most people will just go along with the crowd because that's what everyone is doing,

But you're not like everybody else.

Say this with me out loud.

I am not like everybody else.

I am my own person.

Repeat after me.

I am my own person and I know myself inside and out.

Repeat that after me.

I know myself inside and out.

If you keep doing what frustrates you and you neglect what brings you joy,

You're giving up a part of who you are.

You're wearing a facade because you're not being true to yourself and it is the least likely path to any happiness whatsoever.

When you don't know yourself,

You go against what you like.

You go against what you dislike.

You don't pay attention to your dreams.

You're not connected with your body.

You go against your core values and you manipulate your personality and you wear a facade and you wonder why there is no true happiness within.

So here's what's going to happen next.

You're going to spend some time getting to know your personality using the prompts that I've given you,

Really getting to know yourself and your personality and your character traits,

Who you are amongst your friends,

How do you act on a good day or on a bad day.

You're going to get to know your core values.

I would suggest with your top five to seven core values,

Is it wisdom?

Is it integrity?

Is it honesty?

Is it financial freedom?

Don't worry about what's right.

What is right for you is the exercise.

What are your core values?

What is something,

A lot of times people kind of get confused with like,

Well,

How do I know my core values?

Well,

What is something that triggers you beyond belief?

So for me,

I told you my number one core value is honesty.

I cannot look at myself in the mirror if I've lied.

And if somebody lies to me,

I lose it because I just want to be honest and have honest communication.

You can usually figure out what your core value is by the thing that pisses you off the most if you're not getting it or not doing it.

So for me,

It's honesty.

Great place to look.

Our anger and our frustrations has a lot about what matters to us,

Honestly.

And the injustices that we're not willing to just kind of let go and we're not willing to tolerate.

So get to know your core values,

Get to know your body,

Sign up for that class that you've never been in,

That you've always been saying you can't do,

Whatever it is,

Get to know your body.

Look at the beliefs that you say about your body.

Take that yoga class.

Slow your mind down,

Slow your breathing down.

Get to know your dreams.

Really really ask yourself what your dreams are.

And if you hear that voice inside that says,

That's a stupid dream,

That's dumb,

You're too old to do this,

You're married,

You have kids,

Who are you thinking?

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

Put it all aside and say,

I am getting to know myself.

I am willing to do whatever it takes.

Get to know yourself,

Your dreams,

And get to know your likes and dislikes.

I really want to thank you for spending time today and going through this audio training on learning how to drop the facade and becoming truly happy within.

Thank you so much for listening.

I know I can kind of rant a little bit,

But it's really my honest to goodness passion and commitment for people to be themselves.

Life is too short for you to just live in constant seeking of approval and validation from other people.

I've tried,

It does not work.

If you want to learn more and go deeper,

You can shoot me an email at Vasavi at VasaviKumar.

Com or you can contact me through my website at VasaviKumar.

Com.

I do work with people one on one and I also have group programs available on how to really leverage your light and generate true happiness from within.

Because you deserve it and you've made it this far and I honor you for that.

Thank you.

Namaste.

Reviews

Wonderful words of encouragement and reflections. Thank you

Wow!!! Thank you…Thank you…Thank you!!! So on point for me right now!!! I will work with this…I am very Grateful for you…your passion about this…your energy!!!🙏🏻♥️

You are amazing. So young and so articulate. Thank you for this timely, energetic and informative talk. I need to hear more from you.

This was so amazing to hear, thank you, thank you, thank you. ✨

Clear and well thought out. Motivating. I have a long list in my head. I will listen again to journal. Thanks

Thank-you for sharing the lessons of your life path vulnerably and unapologetically. I’ll accept the insights that I am prepared to receive now and file away the rest. And you’re a voice trainer! I’ll file that away too ;-)) Namaste

Thank you. Will listen again. 🥰

Wow. I’ve been getting to know myself and learning to be alone for a while now and I’ve come a long way, but your talk was so thorough and raw, it was difficult to hear at times. You gave me a lot to think about and more avenues that need further exploration. And I laughed at the end because although I no longer consider myself to be depressed and I’m more sociable than I used to be, I still hate social gatherings! Thank you for making this recording 😊🙏🏻🦋

WOW!! thank you so much❤

Truly amazing!❤️

❤🙏❤ thank you ❤🙏❤

Very good..I will listen to this multiple times so I can remember and apply these strategies. Thank you so much!

Fantastic talk. Full of wonderful insight and blunt truth (without the profanity, if that is a consideration for potential listeners). By far, the two biggest takeaways for me personally were:

1) It's okay to modify social expectations (attending social events, in this case) so that even though it's not my "thing," I have control over how I undertake actions/behaviors to bring it closer in line with who I am and what makes me happy. (I have a management job that often requires me to "make a showing" at social/business events when I'd rather be at home reading a book.)

2) Do deeper work in visualizing and getting totally clear on what my future business will be. I have a specific field, and I have so many ways I can go within it, but I need to refine that vision so I can have a narrow focus and am not so scattered in my work towards realizing that dream.

Also highly valuable was the instruction to observe oneself and personality on in best and worse scenarios (the gist of it) to further get to know yourself rather than the mask that you've created. I have done a LOT of work on this over the years, and it has resulted in knowledge so precious to me, and helped me make better choices for myself during some extremely difficult times.

I've bookmarked and will be downloading this one. So grateful to have found it today, and so grateful that this gift of insight and wisdom has been shared. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I see the light in you. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻

Incredibly motivating.
Thank you 🦋
Namaste

Wonderful! Thank you 🙏

Amazing talk!! I will definitely be reaching out to you for some help. Thank you

Great class. My word of the year is "authenticity", so this helped clarify the path to take. Thank you💕

Excellent talk. Looking forward to following your work. Thank you for sharing!

REALLY like your attitude & your straight forward methods of dealing with everything including fabulous solutions. Enjoyed your podcast & I’ll be working on being more honest in what I say while honouring myself & others by being kind as well.

This is amazing!!! Would like to follow you on FB! THANK YOU!