The Big Fat Lie You've Been Telling Yourself

It's your turn. Your turn to transform your conversation around fear and self-doubt. It's your turn to be you, the way you were intended to be, to love yourself and not care what others think. It's all about the Big Fat Lie that you tell yourself. This big fat juicy lie keeps many people stuck and playing a small game. How do I know? Because I believed this lie for so long! What would you give to have clarity, be fearless and courageous enough to be whoever wanted to be?

Transcript

So today,

We're going to talk about the big fat lie and how it's keeping you stuck and playing small.

I want to kick this video training off with a serious question.

And you know me,

I go deep.

So let me ask you,

Are you really where you want to be in life?

Or are you still living in your past?

Be honest with yourself.

Are you really where you want to be?

If that little voice in your head is saying,

There's more,

Then there must be more.

Your biggest strength is your ability to listen to your intuition and take action.

A woman's greatest gift is her intuition.

It's about keeping it real with yourself and looking at it from an objective point of view.

Asking yourself,

Am I really where I want to be?

What do I need to do to make that happen?

And if you're not hearing that little voice,

Consider that that's just your ego not wanting you to be real with yourself so you can stay exactly where you are and not take the actions that you need to take to transform your life.

And I have great news for you.

You can change that.

There are things that you can start doing today to start moving towards where you want to be.

But first,

We need to talk about keeping it real with yourself.

And before I do that,

Let's talk about what not keeping it real with yourself looks like.

Not keeping it real looks like a lot of hard work.

It's the reason why we suffer,

The reason we have pain and all the drama and all the chaos because we're not keeping it real.

We're not facing all of the stuff that's holding us back.

And as long as we don't face that stuff,

We'll be swimming in it.

We're basically keeping our head just a little bit above.

We're just surviving and making it through the day.

When you're not keeping it real,

You're just rolling with the punches.

You're just floating along,

Not even really moving.

And you know you're not keeping it real when you're not fully utilizing all of your gifts.

It's all the shouldas,

The couldas,

And the wouldas.

It looks like self-doubt and blaming others for your situation,

Being constantly burned out,

Having friends that suck your energy dry,

Making excuses for why you're not where you want to be,

Constantly seeking approval from family and friends.

And if you're in the mode of constantly justifying,

Validating,

And explaining,

You're not keeping it real with yourself or others for that matter.

It's that conversation you have about being overwhelmed.

You know what that sounds like.

Oh,

I'm so overwhelmed,

I'm so stressed out.

Stress is a big fat lie.

Stress is a made-up conversation.

It's not real.

Really,

It's not.

Did you know that most mental disorders like depression and anxiety are caused by stress?

In a recent study,

More than half of Americans,

53%,

Reported personal health problems as a source of stress.

What's causing stress?

Money,

Work,

The economy,

Relationships.

58% reported relationship as a source of stress.

75% reported money as a source.

Stress is not real.

It's a big fat lie.

We made it up.

We cause stress to come into our lives.

Now,

Why in the world would we do that?

Why would we want to bring stress into our lives?

Let me give you an example.

Think about an over-performing,

High-performance woman.

She's really busy and she's really stressed out,

Right?

And then she's able to pull through and do what she needs to do,

And so now she feels good about herself.

She uses stress as a reason to feel good about herself.

Oh,

Look at me.

I was able to be a superhero.

I was able to manage 80 different things at one time.

Honey,

That's not an accomplishment.

That's high blood pressure and a heart attack at the age of 45.

So when she's able to juggle so many things,

She feels worthy and successful.

It's all a false sense of success.

We were not born stressed out or to be stressed out.

We create stress in our lives,

So then when we overcome it,

We feel good about ourselves.

It's a big fat lie.

It's that whole hard work ethic thing going on.

We need to work hard.

We need to burn the candle at both ends.

No,

We don't.

You just want to do that so that you can feel good about yourself.

Being stressed and overwhelmed is a clear sign that you're not keeping it real.

Not keeping it real looks like self-sabotage,

Being scared of money,

Being scattered,

Not having a spiritual practice,

And feeling stuck.

Oh,

And let me share with you about this concept of confusion.

It's not real either.

It's a big fat lie.

You're not confused,

Not in the least bit.

Or when people say,

I don't know,

That's bullshit.

You do know.

We say we're confused or we don't know because we don't want to keep it real with ourselves.

Because in doing so,

It brings up a lot of pain for us.

So I know a client.

She makes $750,

000 per year.

She's a doctor and she makes a significant income.

And she incessantly talks about retiring,

Yet she refuses to retire.

And if you ask her why,

She'd say,

Well,

I have to keep working and serving my patients.

She's been working since she was 25 and she's now close to 65.

She's afraid that she's going to be worthless if she doesn't make money.

Her value,

Her self-worth is tied into her making money.

And if she kept it real with herself,

She would have to face her demons.

She would have to face her childhood pain.

She would have to face that from the time she was born until the age of 13,

She was left with her grandparents and literally abandoned by her parents.

So what'd she do?

She made up her mind at the age of five that she was going to prove to the world that she could be accomplished.

She could be successful.

And you want to know something crazy?

She never even wanted to be a doctor.

What she really wanted was to be an artist and an Indian classical singer.

Why do you think she chose to be a doctor?

It's high status,

It's good money,

And she looks really good doing it.

And then it's a big fat screw you to the world who abandoned her.

She's hardly present because she's always putting out fires.

She called me up on a beautiful Saturday and she said,

You know Vasavi,

It's so beautiful outside.

And so I asked her,

So what are you going to be doing today?

And she said,

Oh,

I have so much to catch up on.

I'm like,

Really?

You've been catching up with life since I've known you.

It's unhealthy and she's not putting herself first because she doesn't think she's worthy of it.

It all boils down to this worth conversation.

It's I'm not worthy.

I don't need to have that.

I can wait.

And see guys,

That's why I do the work that I do.

I can absolutely relate to my client.

You see,

I tied my worth and value into my external accomplishments.

The big fat lie I was telling myself,

That I didn't matter unless I was doing all the time.

That I wasn't significant unless I was making money,

Producing results,

And getting tons of acknowledgement and approval from outside and from other people.

My belief of who I was was tied into what everyone else thought of me,

Was tied to what I did or didn't do.

And it wasn't until I started to be real with myself and look at all the lies I'd been telling myself that I was able to come out of this mindset and belief system about who I was.

I've also been really blessed to have interviewed and learned from some of the greatest teachers of our time,

Including John Gray,

Lisa Nichols,

Ali Brown,

Sonia Choquette,

And Byron Katie.

And as the great poet and writer Maya Angelou says,

When you know better,

You do better.

And I'm lucky that I know better.

I had to be willing to challenge my thoughts and my beliefs.

And I'm aware of my patterns.

I'm aware of my self-sabotage.

And I'm aware of why I do what I do.

And I choose to come from my highest and best self.

A place where life is simple,

Peaceful,

And easy,

And a place where Vasavi can be Vasavi,

Regardless of what I produce in the world.

And I want the same for you.

I want the same for every single person that I come across.

I want you to know that life doesn't have to be hard,

That the greatest freedom is giving yourself the gift of you,

Just being you and loving yourself,

All of you.

That who you are in this moment,

Right here,

Right now,

Is absolutely perfect for where you want to go and who you want to be.

And most important,

Anything.

Repeat after me.

Anything is possible.

And so this is why I do what I do.

So when you say to yourself,

I don't have time,

I'm stressed,

I'm not good enough,

I don't have what it takes,

I'm not worth it,

Just remember that these are all big fat lies.

Let me call you on your bullshit right now.

You tell yourself these lies so that you don't have to be your best self.

And I could go on and on,

Trust me,

About all the big fat lies that we tell ourselves,

And more importantly,

How to overcome them.

But we'd be here all day.

Next time,

We're going to talk about going beyond your upper limit,

What that really means and how to do it so that you can step into your light and create your life's short.

Or leave me a comment below and share the one big fat lie you've been telling yourself that's keeping you stuck and playing a small game.

And until next time,

Live authentically,

Keep it real with yourself,

And don't give a damn what other people think.

Reviews

This is what I needed to hear. To move forward on my dream of starting my own business. Thank you! 😊🦋

Thank you for your inspiration and your energy and encouragement.

Oof! Right in the feels. But then again it was exactly what I needed to hear today. I'm grateful.

Don't give a damn what other people think ❤️ love that.

This is such an important message to hear, especially for the super achievers. I’m still unraveling years of bs so I am adding this beautiful reminder to my weekly mantras. Thank you.

My big fat lie was I give a shit. No more. Great talk. Thank you. I now call people on bullshit but usually just cut the conversation short or don’t say anything. Silence can make people uncomfortable. Complete opposite. Quite a sweet place to be at at this point in life.

Love this!

Helpful and strong advice 😊 thanks 😊 one of the lies i believed in was i wasn't good enough generally in almost all ways but now i don't think that's very good of me and that i can try to happy with myself and not push myself simply to please other people 😊 thanks 😊

So powerful and empowering, thank you! 🙏

Love that last statement!

I absolutely needed to hear this!! thank you 🙏🧘‍♀️

😊love💕how you cut to the chase❤. Nailed it🙏

This is so great, honest and true. I enjoyed every second of this meditation.

Gave me chills And made me tear up🙏🥰❤️

The one big fat lie that I have been telling myself is that I cannot do it… Whatever it is that I don't have enough education or I don't have enough money I don't have enough youth or I don't have an of you name it… I have a feeling it's all a big fat lie… Dammit now I have to do something about it LOL

Honest, eye-opening and real talk ❤ My biggest lie was that my dreams are not as valid nor as serious as the dreams of others, therefore not worth accomplishing - coming back to the worthiness thing, huh?

Thanks for igniting that spark within me ❤

Loved this, just the reminder I needed today. Thank you! 🙏🏼

The biggest challenge I have had to work on has been my need for outside validation. I am doing so much better now. I am worthy just as I am. I am a happy being, not a happy doing!

Loved your talk. Hope to hear more.

Namaste.

Thank you. I needed to hear real-ness instead of the tired lies I tell myself 💕🙏🏾

Great insights on being "real" with ourselves and going beyond what holding us back, our ego! Our ego wants us to play small so we can stay stuck and swim in all the suffering! But we are more than that! Thank you...will listen again!