I do not have to give my power to money that is imaginary.
I don't have to give power to another human being to give me the love that I crave,
Because I can do that.
I don't have to play that game,
Because I see the game.
Which means I don't have to say I will love you if,
I can just love you regardless.
And in loving you regardless,
I can just feel love.
If I withhold love,
Then I feel love being withheld,
Which is to not feel love.
Why would I not just love you?
It's the most sane thing to do.
I would not love you because you don't validate my ego.
I'm going to withhold love from myself because you won't validate who I imagine myself to be.
That's insane.
Live a better life now.
It's interesting how when we contemplate living a better life,
It really speaks to the adorableness of our human and the confused ways we go about things.
But traditionally,
When we contemplate living a better life,
We go straight to the imagination and project that better life into the future.
What would be a better life,
We imagine.
Oh,
If I had this,
Maybe more of this and less of that.
If I could get this to work.
So when we contemplate this,
We're looking to live a better life in the future.
Comically,
Do you notice the slight anxiousness or agitation it places on this moment?
Almost as if there's a tinge of fear that you might not be able to get there.
You might not be able to follow through.
It might slip through your fingers.
Might experience this thing called failure once again.
Just might not make it.
Sure,
Maybe it can inspire you.
Maybe it can motivate you to get to that better life in the future.
But I think we would be hard pressed to not be totally fulfilled right now when what we imagine is in the future,
Where there is that projection that says,
If only.
Naturally,
This comes with the assumption that the better life that I crave is lacking in some way because I don't have what I want or the appropriate circumstances haven't shown themselves.
And maybe I need to get my shit together so that I can have more control over life,
More control over circumstance,
More control making life and other people do what I want them to do so that I can have the external look,
How I think it should look in order for me to have a better life.
I played that game before.
You know what the disaster is?
Let's look at this playfully,
As always,
Without using it as an excuse to judge yourself.
I find it fascinating that we entangle our quality of life,
Our capacity to be at peace,
Our freedom,
Our love with things that are perceived to be outside of us,
That we're separate from.
If only I had a million dollars,
Then I could be at peace.
The experience of peace,
Which is an internal state of being,
Is now dependent on that thing that I'm separate from.
So in order to get what I crave,
Peace,
I have to gain control over that,
Which is outside of me.
Here's the disaster.
If that's not disaster enough,
If I associate what I crave,
And again,
This could be a sense of freedom,
A sense of love,
A sense of fulfillment,
A sense of wholeness.
If that is entangled with something on the outside,
As soon as I appear to capture that something,
It takes about 15 minutes before you are afraid of losing that something.
And of course,
The 15 minute window is relative,
But it will be a short window.
There's something that I soulfully crave,
Which is to be at peace,
To experience freedom,
To feel love.
These things that we're ultimately looking for,
It's like it could be said,
It's the one thing that I really want.
And again,
Even if you say the one thing I really want is a billion dollars,
Why?
So that I can be at peace.
Okay,
So you don't want the billion dollars,
You want to be at peace.
That's what you really want.
The billion dollars is the story that you use to point to what you really want.
But if I really,
Really,
Really want that something,
And then I figure out a way to get a billion dollars,
I will temporarily feel that thing that I really want,
Peace.
Because my condition has been met.
I've set up this game with myself that says,
If I can have a billion dollars,
Then I will let myself be at peace.
Then I will let myself not worry.
Then I will let myself like myself.
And so when it appears that one has captured the billion dollars,
It will create a temporary high.
What's so interesting though,
Is as you've captured that billion dollars,
It doesn't take long before you realize that now you can lose it.
And if you can lose it,
That means you will also lose the one thing you want most.
No more time for celebrating.
Now it's time to survive and protect and defend the one thing I've captured to make sure it doesn't leave.
Not to mention I'm not with the one thing I'm craving because now I'm defending it and protecting it from being taken,
From being stolen.
It's like I've captured this little something,
This little prize that we'll call peace because I got the billion dollars.
And that feels great.
It's my little precious.
I'm looking at it.
I've been chasing it.
All right.
It feels really good.
And I realized,
Wait,
Someone could try and take this from me.
So I'm going to put it in my back pocket.
I'm going to put my armor on and I'm going to prevent it from ever being taken away.
Which means I can't enjoy it anymore.
I can't be with it.
It's not safe.
So I'll put my precious in my pocket and pretend like I don't have it.
So no one knows that I have it and no one tries to take it.
And you know what I do in order to protect it?
I say,
Okay,
In order to protect my billion dollars,
I need two billion dollars.
If I can get another billion dollars,
Then that'll keep my first billion safe.
And if my first billion is safe,
Then I can bring precious back out of my pocket and then I can enjoy it.
And then by the time I get the two billion,
I realized that that extra billion is just as insecure as the first billion.
And so if I'm going to protect the first billion,
It's nice to have the second billion,
But I might lose the second billion.
So let's go ahead and get a third billion.
And you see throughout this whole journey of trying to protect the precious,
There's an agitation which is fueled by a fear of losing that something that you captured that is perceivably giving you what you want.
This happens in a million different ways.
One of the most notable ways is in relationship where there's this fundamental longing within the human being that says,
I want to connect with love.
And in our conditioning,
We're taught that love comes from the outside.
And so we go looking for someone to love us.
And then when it appears that we have met someone who loves us,
We have a 15 minute celebration and then we get scared that they might leave.
And so what do we do?
We turn it into a thing and we put a bow on it,
But we turn it into something that signifies its reality that reaches into the future.
It's a special relationship.
We even sign legal contracts to protect that something that we think we found.
After all the paperwork is signed,
If the confusion remains that the love I crave is from the outside,
Which means the love I crave is coming from this other person,
And I desperately want to hold on to this love because it's the one thing that I want,
I'll recognize that there's no amount of signed documentation secures this person in my life.
There's a thousand different ways every day that it could come to an end.
Most notably,
They might not want to be with me.
And so after my celebration,
I'm going to be super cautious that I don't do anything that makes this other person want to leave.
And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure this person is how I want them to be so that I can feel secure about this love I crave in the future.
Because I found it,
Right?
I found it.
And if they leave,
I might not find it again.
So I really need to hold on.
Naturally,
Precious is back in the pocket,
Meaning that there's not much enjoyment of the authentic connection,
Which was once there before we stuck a label on it before we were scared to lose it.
I'm not in a space of present moment,
Enjoying the miracle of being human and sharing that with another human.
I'm in an anxious,
Mad dash to make sure I don't lose what I think I found.
Our idea of a better life is entangled with things on the outside that when we appear to capture those things,
We immediately fear losing them,
Which eliminates the better life because now we're afraid.
And it's very difficult to be present and enjoy the miracle of what is while you're afraid of losing what you're holding on to.
And as such is the case that if your wholeness is entangled with something on the outside,
Then that something on the outside will forever rest in the realm of the unknown,
Which means it might go away.
The better life that is imagined to be out there,
The picture you might paint,
Does it resemble or signify anything other than a life where you no longer judge yourself?
Is this better life that you imagine a life where you can finally see yourself as whole and complete,
Where you can finally see yourself as lovable?
And maybe all of these imaginings of having this,
That,
And the other are simply things that you use to validate your worth and value.
Such as if I had a billion dollars,
Then I could see myself as enough.
If I had that picture perfect someone who promised to love me and never leave,
Then I could see myself as lovable,
Which means I see myself as the opposite now,
Which means I judge myself now.
And so this picture that I'm painting in the future is a picture where I am seen to be whole and complete,
Which is a picture where there is no more judgment,
Where I no longer see myself as not enough.
You see these stories that we tell,
That we hide behind,
When really the deeper issue is quite obvious if you look,
Right?
We can say,
Oh,
The issue of my lack of a better life is because I don't have someone to love me,
So I need to find someone to love me.
And the deeper issue is I don't extend love to what I am,
And I'm looking for somebody else to do it.
Or the reason I can't live a better life now is because I don't have a billion dollars.
And if I had a billion dollars,
Then I could feel worthy.
Then I could feel like enough.
Then I could do all the things that I think I should do in order to validate my worth.
And so if I had that,
Then it'd be a better life,
Which really says I see myself as worthless right now.
That's why I don't have a better life.
And I'm blaming it on money.
I'm blaming it on other people as withholding from me the thing I refuse to give myself.
And in my blaming of them or that thing,
I am proclaiming that they have the power and I am powerless,
Which is actually pushing away the experiences I would like to enjoy.
Do you see that in the if-only,
You are saying the outcome of the if-only has the power to give you what you crave?
That which is outside of what you are has power,
Which is also saying that it's withholding from you what you are here to experience in life,
Which is comically why we also feel like we have to earn it,
Not realizing that you already have it.
But again,
My friends,
This has been the adorable human conditioning that we've been born into,
Where the environment in some way or another says,
I will love you if,
If you be how I want you to be,
Then I'll love you.
If you can sit down in this chair for six to eight hours and not move around,
Listen to what I want you to listen to,
Be interested in what I want you to be interested in,
Learn what I want you to learn,
Then I'll give you a sticker,
Which validates your worth and value.
I will love you if.
If you don't be you,
Then I'll love you.
And if you can't sit still and be how I want you to be,
Maybe we can put some chemicals inside of you that help restrict your very natural and human urges to get the fuck out of here.
Because this doesn't make any sense.
I want to play and you want me to sit here and take this seriously.
I want to play.
I want to explore.
No,
No,
No,
No.
You see,
I'm here as the authority.
And in order for me to get paid,
I need you to be how I want you to be so that I can get paid and protect my life.
That helps me hide from the truth of things.
Everyone's innocent in this.
Please understand everyone's innocent because it's what we've been taught.
There's no blame here.
There's no judgment.
It's just let's open our eyes.
Let's see what's going on and then see that we don't have to operate that way.
We don't have to play that game.
I do not have to give my power to a billion dollars to money that is imaginary.
I don't have to give power to another human being to give me the love that I crave because I can do that.
I don't have to play that game because I see the game,
Which means I don't have to say I will love you if I can just love you regardless.
And in loving you regardless,
I can just feel love.
When I love,
I feel love.
If I withhold love,
Then I feel love being withheld,
Which is to not feel love.
Why would I not just love you?
That's the most sane thing to do.
I would not love you because you don't validate my ego.
Well,
That's imaginary.
So a complete waste of time.
I'm going to withhold love from myself because you won't validate who I imagine myself to be.
That's insane.
Live a better life now,
Right now,
Which is to see how hilarious this all is and say,
Holy shit,
Wake up and see the adorable insanity.
The game we're playing as human beings of I will love you if,
Which is to say,
I don't love you right now,
Which is to say,
I'm not allowing myself to feel love and it has nothing to do with you.
And then when somebody else comes to you and says,
I'll love you if you can say,
Oh my God,
You're so adorable.
I don't need you to love me.
You can,
If you want to,
For the sake of your own sanity,
I've got an infinite supply of that shit.
Now if we want to do a little dance and enjoy the sharing of love where I share the love that I am with you and you share the love that you are with me and we can passionately explore the cosmic dance of that in all sorts of different ways,
Then wonderful.
If we want to engage in some sort of human play in sharing that love,
That includes a potential vision for the future.
Fantastic.
That sounds like fun.
Do I need it to happen?
No.
Do I even want it to happen?
No.
I'm open to it.
Seems like I would enjoy that,
But I'm not going to hold it over you as if you said when things change,
You're free.
Do you see the insanity here?
Like the better life that we imagine for ourselves together in the future.
We create this image where we can finally relax and enjoy life.
And I've now entangled it with another human being.
So now that other human being has a piece of precious,
My precious,
And they might fuck it up.
They might change their mind.
They might not do what I want them to do.
And now it destroys my fantasy of a better life in the future that never arrives.
And then I withhold love from them,
Which is really withholding it from who?
And then I run around and say all sorts of nasty things about them because they didn't fulfill my fantasy.
We are adorable creatures.
My goodness.
See it without eyes of judgment.
And I can imagine some people might have a difficult time with that.
See that it's just funny.
The judgment arises when you take it personally,
Right?
Like in the comedy of what I'm saying,
You might think that I have secret access into your personal experience and I'm talking about you.
And so you feel a bit exposed.
You feel like it's personal and to take it personally as a form of judgment,
Which restricts the humor.
It's like walking into a room full of people and they're laughing hysterically and you can't help but start laughing because it's,
It's like,
It's a great vibe.
And then you find out they're laughing at you because you've got toilet paper strung out from your shoe.
Not so funny anymore,
Huh?
Because you think it's about you rather than stepping back and looking at the whole thing and seeing,
Well,
Yeah,
Actually that's kind of funny.
If it was somebody else,
It'd be kind of funny.
And that somebody else is you.
It's not about you,
Right?
Because that's the thing.
It's like,
Oh,
What does this mean about me?
It doesn't mean anything about you.
It's just funny.
The better life can only happen now.
There is no better life in the future because the future is a product of imagination.
There's only now.
And so if there is going to be a reality of a beautiful life to be experienced,
It can only be experienced now.
And if it's not being experienced now,
Maybe we need to investigate why.
And I'll tell you exactly why.
Because there's self-judgment.
You're taking shit seriously and personally.
You're entangling your worth and value with things on the outside.
It's not your fault.
It's the conditioning.
Of course you are.
Of course you are.
This is what you've been taught your whole life.
You went through an educational system that reinforced this on you.
Your parents reinforced it on you.
Even if they were super awesome parents.
Because that's what their parents did.
And their parents.
And their parents.
Who are you going to blame?
Adam and Eve?
And then if you do that,
Then ultimately you just blame God.
How's that going?
The point of the matter is,
There's no blame.
There's no one to blame.
Blame has nowhere to land because blame is not real.
Blame is a product of imagination.
Same with guilt.
Projecting guilt is absurd.
It's the same as saying that the lightning that set the tree on fire is guilty.
Do you think the lightning did the lightning?
Right?
So the tree's on fire and you think it's the lightning's fault,
Right?
The lightning is guilty.
The lightning did that.
Do you think the lightning did the lightning?
I imagine that the lightning could say,
Hey,
Something made me do that.
I didn't do that on my own.
No,
It's what the whole thing is doing.
Life as a whole is doing lightning,
Which is kind of like blaming God.
It's the whole thing that's doing it.
Kind of like what you are as a human being.
You think that you're doing things.
No,
It's all of life doing things through you.
Stop trying to take credit,
Which is to blame yourself.
You can blame yourself in both the positive and the negative.
And they're both equally untrue.
You're just watching this show happen through you.
And the smaller the aperture of the watching,
Then the more resistance there is through the expression.
But open the aperture and see more of what's going on.
And then there's more of a flow.
This is all about awareness,
Discerning the difference between what is imagined and what is really happening and releasing your grip on what is imagined and coming home to life.
Right now with me,
There's a hundred people watching this live.
That's awesome.
What a great vibe we get to create.
I guess it's time for questions if there are any.
I know as we rest in this space and look at these things,
Questions can tend to just disappear.
But if there's a sincerity of a question that is there,
Then it's completely valid.
So if you want to ask it,
Now would be the time.
I'm not going to scroll back through all of these comments because that question might have just been answered.
But if there's anything you want me to speak to before we do the closing meditation,
Then maybe I can.
If not,
No worries.
It's so beautifully comical.
And what I mean is this moment right now,
It's also kind of funny from a certain lens that you could imagine stuff that's not funny just to contradict what I'm saying and bring it into this moment,
Even though that's not actually happening right now.
In some ways,
We want so bad for life to be serious,
To validate our determination to not enjoy ourselves.
And so we imagine all sorts of monsters that aren't here right now as evidence of why we can't just play.
Compassionately,
Human beings today tend to be overly concerned with personal and social shit that has absolutely nothing to do with living a quality life.
Their outrage doesn't reflect reality,
But rather exposes the distraction they hide behind.
Hiding from the deeper issues that stem from a self-hatred.
We avoid so much the reality of how powerful we are,
Not as little ego things,
But as the nature of what we are as human beings.
We spend an enormous amount of time crafting stories of blame about why that power is out there somewhere.
Because yes,
In a way,
Especially given our conditioning,
It can seem quite intense to see the depth and degree of the power within what we are.
It's almost like a radical self-responsibility,
Which is really tough when you've spent a lifetime blaming someone else,
Right?
You've built up an entire identity around it being somebody else's fault.
That's super common,
Super understandable,
But it robs you of truly being alive.
So maybe there are some things to sort out there.
All right,
Let's wrap up with a short little guided meditation.
I'm hungry.
I'm going to eat very soon and really enjoy my first meal of the day.
All right,
We ready?
Let's do this.
Life is happening right now.
When you see that,
All that is real is real.
All else is imaginary.
All else is the unreal.
What you crave is to crave for what's real,
And what's real is what's true.
We're going to take three deep breaths and completely give ourselves over to what's real.
We're going to come home.
Let's breathe.
We are here to play.
We are here to discover something beautiful on the inside of what we are,
And then share that beauty with the world.
You're not here to get something.
You already have everything.
You are here to celebrate the miracle of being alive,
So go play.
Thank you for meditating with me today.
