If you're a woman in midlife who wants to have better boundaries but finds herself in the messy middle,
Feeling guilty and uneasy about saying no more often,
This practice is for you.
Midlife often brings a recalibration.
You feel the pull towards a truer version of yourself.
One who rests when she's tired.
Who speaks her mind and her heart.
One who no longer over-functions,
Over-gives and says yes out of obligation rather than real desire.
And then the guilt arrives,
Whispering to you that you've done something wrong.
And you start questioning it all.
Wondering if it wouldn't be easier just to go back to who you were before.
Here's what I wish more midlife women knew,
Deep in their hearts and their nervous systems.
Guilt after a boundary is not proof the boundary was wrong.
It's normal and it's expected.
And the work of this season of life is learning to feel it and set the boundary anyway.
This practice is designed to help you understand where the guilt is coming from.
And to gently cultivate self-trust.
So in your own time and your own way,
Settling in and getting comfy.
Really feeling the surface that's holding your weight.
The support beneath you.
And what would it feel like to take a few deep breaths and on the exhale allow yourself to drop a little deeper into this support.
A reminder that you are held.
That you don't have to hold on so tight.
And now crossing your arms across your chest and gently squeezing down each arm.
So left hand is squeezing right arm.
And right hand is squeezing left arm.
From shoulders all the way down the arms until you reach your wrists.
Doing this sequence a few times,
Really feeling into the gentle pressure.
This practice sends a powerful message to your nervous system.
It whispers,
This is my body.
I am safe here.
These are my edges.
Coming back into stillness now.
And let's try a beautiful breath practice that will help you really come into your own body and your own self-trust.
It's a form of circular breathing.
I'll explain it first and then you can follow on in your own way in your own time.
We begin by inhaling and moving our awareness from our feet,
Up the front of our legs,
Hips,
Pelvis,
Chest,
All the way to the top of the head.
And then we exhale down the back line of our body,
Back of head,
Down spine,
Legs,
Until we find ourselves at our feet once more.
Trying this in your own time.
Inhaling from your feet all the way up the front line of your body to the crown of your head.
And then exhaling down the back line of your body all the way to the soles of your feet.
Leaving you to do this for a few rounds on your own now.
Great.
Now let's continue with this circular breathing,
But this time layering in two pauses.
So we inhale up the front line of the body.
But this time pause at the crown for a moment or two.
Then you exhale down the back line of the body and pause a moment at the soles of your feet.
So the breath becomes a four-part process.
The inhale.
A pause at the crown.
The exhale and the pause at the feet.
I'll leave you for a moment to try this on your own now.
No need to get it exactly right.
Just trust what your breath does naturally.
Allowing that breath practice to fade now.
Really opening to the possibility that since you pressed play on this recording,
You have sent a clear message to your nervous system.
Your mind and your heart that you are safe.
You are strong and you have boundaries.
Saying no can feel dangerous.
Chances are your nervous system remembers a time when it wasn't safe to say no.
When your no was met with disappointment.
Disapproval.
Judgment or distance.
And so you learnt when you were young that being agreeable was how you stayed safe.
And stayed light.
And maybe even loved.
But you're not that girl anymore.
You're a woman who has lived enough life to know what she needs.
And enough life to know that not everyone will like hearing it.
And here in this moment,
Both of these things are allowed to be true at once.
Because you can hold boundaries and still hold love.
You can say no and still belong,
First and foremost to yourself.
Long,
Smooth inhale.
Long,
Smooth exhale.
Opening a little more to the truth of this moment.
Let's take some time to check in with the part of you that feels uncomfortable saying no.
The part of you who feels uncomfortable expressing their needs.
Or taking care of themselves.
If this part of you lived in your body,
Where would it reside?
Does it have a texture?
A color.
Is it moving or is it still?
Does it feel like guilt?
Like fear.
Offering whatever is here a few nurturing breaths.
Or maybe you're feeling this differently.
As a younger version of you.
Sensing the little girl who was trying to feel safe and loved the only way she knew how.
The people pleaser.
The one who scanned her family to make sure everyone was okay.
The one who took care of everyone else before themselves.
Who accommodated.
Whose shape shifted.
So whether you feel this as sensation or a memory of your younger self,
Offer whatever is here a few compassionate breaths.
Imagining these words landing where they need to.
Thank you for trying to protect me.
But I am older now.
I've got life experience.
Self-trust and inner resources that mean I can handle what happens when I say no.
I don't need to disappear to belong.
I've got this now.
Let your body,
Your younger self,
Take that in.
Here in this moment.
You're rewiring your nervous system.
Expanding your capacity to express yourself.
Tolerate others being disappointed.
Expanding your capacity to be with the guilt and take care of yourself anyway.
Let's deepen this resolve with touch.
Place your hand over your chest,
Your belly or somewhere else that feels good for you.
Feel your own warmth.
Your own strength.
Saying softly to yourself now.
My no is not unkind.
My no is not selfish.
My guilt is not proof I got it wrong.
My know is my self-trust in motion.
Taking three deep breaths of integration.
Imagining this new self-trust and strength weaving its way like morning light into every part of your being.
Feeling a sense of connection to all the other midlife women around the world who are listening to this meditation.
Who,
Like you,
Are in the messy middle.
Learning to say no.
To be with the guilt.
And to cultivate self-trust.
Knowing that you are not alone.
Feeling the strength of the collective.
And now slowly awareness coming back into your room.
Feeling the ground beneath you.
You just practice something radical,
Refusing to abandon yourself in the name of being liked.
May you remember the guilt was never a stop sign.
It was just an old alarm going off out of habit.
Your no doesn't need to be loud,
Long or overly dramatic.
It just needs to be true.
You're doing really well.
