Why Couples Come Into Counseling

The number one reason couples come into counseling, from my 21 years of experience, as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, is Communication. This is a brief look at what counseling can look like through the lens of reality therapy. Music by Narek Mirzaei.

Transcript

Welcome to Life Unedited Sanctuary, Where reality happens. I'm Tiffany. Today's reading is a sneak peek from book two that has yet to come out but is in the works. Life Unedited The Power of Radical Acceptance For Couples Chapter 1. Why couples come to counseling. I have been a licensed clinical professional counselor for 21 years, Specializing in reality therapy, And I work with a lot of couples, Whether they are dating, Married, Co-parenting, Etc. Usually they come in when things in their relationship have reached a breaking point. If counseling does not work, Then they are done. That's a lot of pressure on counseling. I gently point out to people that counseling can provide tools and that it's up to them to utilize the tools outside of sessions. It is up to them to continue to choose the relationship with the newly developed skills. Communication is the number one reason couples come into counseling, And counseling is often a last-ditch effort before ending their relationship. If I had my say, I would recommend clients be proactive and do counseling early in the beginning stages of their relationship. This would help build a solid foundation of skills to promote authenticity, Transparency, Trust, And respect. These skills diffuse difficult conversations all long-term relationships experience and enhance compromise and amicable results. They also decrease arguments, Promote acceptance of responsibility, And reinforce autonomy within the relationship. I have a unique way of working with clients. In the first session, I invite both parties to join and give me an overview of why we are meeting. It is important to have each person give their unique perspective and to say it out loud in front of the other. This also gives me an opportunity to observe their interactions. This includes where they choose to sit, How close or how far away they sit from one another, How they listen to one another, Facial expressions, And how they respond to one another. Next, We set up individual sessions for each person. This is to get a better understanding of who they are outside of the relationship, How they grew up, Who were their relationship role models, How they learned to argue, What relationship patterns they have developed. About their previous relationships prior to this one, And so on. These folks were whole people with pasts prior to committing to this particular couple. And their past experiences are responsible for who they are in this couple. Sometimes we must do a lot of work individually while we are working on the couple to tease out unhealthy patterns they are repeating in the relationship. This is super common because patterns are part of our unique to us soul lesson plans and repeat until we learn from them. People are attracted to one another for many reasons, One of which is an unconscious goal of overcoming difficulties from their past. Another way of saying that is to heal something about themselves through the relationship. After each individual session has taken place, The couple comes in together again. This is the protocol until together we determine it's no longer the protocol. Together, Individually, Together, Individually. This framework works well because it is one counselor gathering all the information and holding each person accountable in real time. My position is to hold non-judgmental space, Present skills, Teach skills utilizing the couple's real-life examples, And remain neutral. As an introduction to radical acceptance, Couples receive a copy of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is like prepping the dirt for what will grow into their new garden of communication. One of the beautiful benefits of this garden is that it is not limited to the couple. The skills that bloom create more robust communication in general, At work, With friends and family, With strangers, Literally wherever and whenever we engage with people. The couple is encouraged to take time to read the book out loud together, Stopping to discuss as they find necessary. With that metaphorical dirt prepped, The sowing of the seeds is next. One reality theory seed packet at a time. Beginning with the power of radical acceptance in relationships. That will be a trek for another time. Have a beautiful day.