Yom Kippur,
The Day of Atonement,
Is the day that we ask for forgiveness for all our wrongdoings.
It's the day that we can get closest to God and also to ourselves.
The days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are known as the Ten Days of Repentance,
Oseret Yemei Tshuva,
And a time to turn inward and reflect.
Self-reflection is a mindful practice that involves being present with ourselves and intentionally focusing our attention inward to examine our thoughts,
Feelings,
Behaviors,
And motivations.
When we stop to reflect,
We try to understand why we think and act the way we do.
We contemplate our values and who we are.
Thinking about our strengths and weaknesses and what we did right or wrong can help us identify areas for growth and improvement.
Without self-reflection,
We would continue to act as we always have and may continue to get caught up in a loop and repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
When the prophet Yeshayahu tells the Jewish people to repent for their sins,
He says,
Seek God when he may be found,
Call him when he's close.
When is that?
The sages say that this verse refers to these ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur,
When God is close to us.
Opening up to someone and being close to them necessitates that we first open up to ourselves,
Or as the ancient Greek philosopher said,
Know thyself.
Plato explained that this means know your faults.
It sounds daunting to recall our misdeeds from the past year,
But Yom Kippur is primarily a day of forgiveness and considered by the Mishnah to be a joyous day because we're given the opportunity to correct our wrongdoings.
So where do we begin?
First to acknowledge that we're not perfect,
We're human,
And we have shortcomings.
Most of us probably don't wake up in the morning and say to ourselves,
I hope I mess up today.
We don't intend to mess up.
We don't intend to lose our patience with our spouse.
We don't intend to lose track of time and arrive late when meeting a friend.
And we don't intend to eat that box of cookies after a stressful day.
So are most of our misdeeds unintentional?
If we want to judge others and ourselves favorably,
Then we would say we don't want to sin intentionally.
Our sages make a distinction between a doubtful sin and an intentional sin.
A doubtful sin is when we aren't certain whether we have actually sinned,
But both of them require accepting responsibility for our actions and trying to change our behavior.
The implication here is that if we paid more attention,
We would make less mistakes.
So how can we pay more attention so that we sin less?
Paying attention is like a muscle,
And the more we work on it,
The stronger,
Sharper it gets.
Mindfulness practice trains us to pay attention and notice what we're doing in the present moment as we're doing it.
Here are some ways that mindfulness can help us pay attention more.
We can stop and notice the thoughts,
Sensations,
And feelings that arise as we're about to act or react,
Or after we make a mistake,
And then notice,
Observe,
And ask ourselves the following,
Where in our body are sensations arising?
Maybe in our chest as it tightens,
Maybe our stomach churning,
Or maybe our face if it feels flushed.
What stories are we telling ourselves about our behavior?
Are we sure our stories are accurate or true,
Or are they the same stories that we automatically repeat to ourselves?
Does this situation feel familiar,
Or has it happened before?
What can we learn about ourselves from this situation?
We can also take a moment before we move on to the next thing that we want to do and ask ourselves,
How do we want to proceed?
How do we want to react the next time that we're in the same situation?
Don't shy away from understanding your mistakes.
Instead,
Try to be curious about what went wrong.
Paying attention to the physical sensations in the body can have a calming effect and help us to react in more healthy ways.
Noticing our thoughts in a nonjudgmental way can help us gain insight and maybe react differently the next time we're in the same situation.
Here are some ways mindfulness can enable us to approach our mistakes with kindness and self-compassion.
We can say the following to ourselves,
Mistakes are natural and human.
I'm not alone.
I don't have to be hard on myself for this mistake.
I can try to do better the next time.
What would I say to a friend who made a mistake?
Noticing my own perfections can help me to be kind to others when I notice that they're also not perfect.
I care and I want to do better.
Self-compassion is essential in mending our ways.
When we become entangled in feelings of guilt and self-criticism,
The task of altering our behavior can seem overwhelming,
Often leading us to repeat and strengthen the same patterns of behavior and experience feelings of stagnation and frustration and low self-worth.
When we notice and pay attention to our mistakes in a kinder way,
They can become opportunities to learn about ourselves,
And this can lead to greater emotional intelligence,
Improved communication skills and relationships,
And healthier decision-making.
What shortcoming would you like to work on yourself this year?
Remember that this is a process.
Begin with small manageable steps that you can envision yourself successfully taking.
It's challenging.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
Patience and kindness to oneself often leads to being more patient and kind to others as well.
Have a mindful Yom Kippur.
Shana Tova.
