For Parents: 'Big Feelings' In Kids

Hello parents,

My name's Ruben and this is a little talk about big feelings.

So big feelings and this is a phrase that's used a lot with kids but it also can be used for adults as well.

The classic thing here is that when big feelings hit.

The child's nervous system.

Upregulates in a way where it takes over any form of being rational or grounded.

So the rational and grounded part of the brain goes offline.

Not just for kids,

But for adults as well.

This means that logic consequences use of words it's not going to work in the moment of that intensity of those big emotions right Dan Segal is a brain scientist and he.

.

.

Has this phrase of name it to tame it.

So naming feelings.

Activates the part of our brain that helps down regulate and helps us be are more connected,

More grounded.

It quiets the alarm.

So.

Children whose parents Notice.

Name.

And stay with their emotions actually are benefiting not only themselves,

But their children.

They're developing better impulse control and lowering stress.

It's a message that the child absorbs over time.

And it does take time and time and time again.

My feelings are survivable.

And I.

.

.

Am not.

Out of control.

It's that kind of message,

Right?

So just think back to a.

.

.

Recent big feelings moment with your child.

What would have happened in your body is similar to what happened in theirs.

For sure.

Theirs is The activations was obviously a lot more,

But it does something to our own body,

Right?

Tightness.

The urge to fix like you want to say the right thing or and it just doesn't work right your nervous system is activated as well,

Right?

Your nervous system was activated as well.

Imagine.

Now here's a little strategy.

The next time your child has a big.

Failing.

Once you.

Recognize your own inner world and it doesn't mean that going to just know not feel uncomfortable it's about being with the discomfort owning it Get low.

Get eye level.

Steady your voice and if necessary,

You can hold them gently.

And steady your voice and say,

I can see you're really angry right now.

This makes sense.

I'm right here.

I know that you're going to be okay soon.

Something along those lines right just something along those lines you're being there you're not fixing you're not explaining you are naming and you are helping them be present You're not giving them the message of,

Hey,

You shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling,

Which let's face it,

Every single parent can own up to.

I know I can.

I've made that mistake and I still do sometimes.

Anyway,

Get eye level.

Recognize.

You're taking responsibility,

You,

For your inner world.

Even though it feels uncomfortable,

Get down on their level and recognize,

Right,

I've got this.

I know that they're going to get over this.

I'm going to give them this talk,

Give them this stern,

Kind,

Validating talk.

Using the name entertainment approach.

And then afterwards when the brain has.

.

.

Come more online the rational grounded parts of the brain become more online,

You'll be able to have a conversation about what that feeling was.

Maybe they maybe they want to use another word.

Was it anger?

Was it something else with frustration or whatever?

You know,

You can talk to them about it.

We can't be a perfect parent.

We just can't.

But we can be a present one.

From time to time.

Can't do it all the time,

Right?