Anxiety (Reframe)

So,

Anxiety in terms of compassion.

My name is Reuben,

One of the teachers here on Insight Timer.

Let's have a little look at this.

So,

Compassion Focused Therapy was created by Paul Gilbert and he describes three emotional operating systems.

So three emotional operating systems within us.

It's a nice easy way to understand what's going on.

So,

Number one is Threat.

So that makes sense.

It's like the alarm protection.

Number two is Drive,

Motivation,

Achievement,

Doing things,

Being motivated,

Feeling a sense of achievement.

So,

Threat,

Drive.

And the third one is Soothing.

So,

The Soothing part.

This is obviously soothing,

Calm for connection,

Feeling safe.

So,

In terms of anxiety,

First off,

Anxiety is a normal human experience.

It's a part of you that is showing up because it believes that you need to be in a place of being on guard,

Prepared,

Or ready to run,

So fight or flight,

Right?

So it is normal.

And I know when I'm working with people in this context,

They'll say,

Yeah,

But it's not normal.

Mine's much higher than other people's.

And there's something that happens because what we resist persists,

Right?

So when we don't know how to deal with anxiety consciously,

What happens is,

Is it automatically goes to the default mode,

And the default mode is one of contraction.

And what we resist persists,

So it actually creates this inner conflict that makes the anxiety a lot worse.

But the anxiety is a part of you that is saying,

Hey,

I need us to be safe right now.

Self-criticism feeds this alarm.

So when we're feeling that way,

We can get so caught up.

We can beat ourselves up for beating ourselves up.

And this just continues to fuel that threat system.

So telling yourself to stop being anxious,

To pull it together,

It's like shouting at a frightened child to calm down,

Where because they're in a state of being frightened,

They don't know another perspective.

That's literally what's happening when we're more upregulated.

So the nervous system is more upregulated.

And obviously anxiety is when it's significantly upregulated instead of downregulated,

Where we're more grounded,

Connected,

Aware.

We can appreciate moments of meaningful connection.

Meaningful connection or protection.

So when we're experiencing anxiety,

We're in protection mode,

Right?

Now going back to what we were discussing at the beginning,

Activating the soothing system changes the body.

Oxytocin,

Which is what Kristen Neff calls the chemical of care,

Oxytocin is released.

It's incredible.

This is the same hormone involved in being held by someone who loves you or snuggling up to your cat or your dog,

Right?

The stress hormones drop.

The heart settles.

You don't need to be in this state of fight.

You need to soothe the part of you that is afraid.

So it's a conscious thing.

If we're not conscious of it,

Then we're going to be caught up in that default of fighting.

What I resist persists.

So I hope this has helped you.

This is just a little,

One little aspect of how we can manage anxiety.

And I hope you can find something that helps you soothe the nervous system.

Because these practices,

If we use gentle persistence and come back to them,

Will work.

But what happens is because we're caught up in our thoughts and the narrative and feeling upregulated,

The last thing our brains tell us to do is,

Oh,

You should practice this because it's going to help soothe your nervous system and get you grounded and connected.

Why won't our brains tell us that automatically?

Because the nervous system is upregulated and in protection mode.

It doesn't want to go to connection mode because it says,

Hey,

There's things here to be fearful of.

There's things here to be fearful of.

And when we experience anxiety,

It's literally like years ago,

Having a saber-toothed tiger jump from behind a rock.

We experience similar feelings just from anticipating a social event or having a family member say something to us that activates us or a whole range of other things.

And we can beat ourselves up for having the anxiety.

Why can't I get over this?

As I was saying before,

It's not your fault that you have it.

It's a normal human experience.

And you have the capacity to work with it,

Work with it,

Allow it,

But also to downregulate your nervous system.

So you can come out of protection mode and into connection mode because that's what you deserve.

Meaningful connection.

And this is the power of compassion,

Self-compassion,

Activating that soothing system.

And we can do that by talking to ourselves as well.

Actually,

Disengaging from the automatic self-talk,

Which happens automatically,

That means it's not your fault.

Disengaging from the automatic self-talk,

Which doesn't serve us,

To intentionally engage with validating self-talk,

Which does.

I know this part of me is afraid right now.

There's a part of me that is trying to keep me safe.

Right here and now,

I'm here for me.

I'm safe right now.

Hand where you would like,

But maybe the heart,

Feeling the warmth from it.

This is activating that soothing system,

Coming back online and releasing that oxytocin,

The chemical of care.

So your body is,

You're choosing to physically respond in this way and talk to yourself using validating self-talk.

You're not fighting anything.

You are taking charge gently and compassionately of your inner world.

And it's so important.

I have a little course,

Actually,

On Insight Timer here called When Self-Talk is Medicine.

You might want to have a look at that.

If not,

There's a whole range of other resources here.

And I hope you find something that resonates with you because once you have,

Save it,

Keep it in your playlist,

Because then when you need it,

It will become your go-to and you'll notice that because it's worked for you before,

The more you use it,

You've got those associations of,

Yes,

This is what's going to help me.

This is what's going to help me come out of protection mode and into connection mode because you deserve meaningful connection.