Don't Let The Judge In - Quiet The Inner Critic

What if the voice judging you or anyone else… isn’t really you?

Inspired by the wisdom of “Don’t Let the Old Man In,” this guided talk and meditation explores how the mind can quietly become our harshest critic, filling us with doubt, fear, pressure, and overthinking. It can also be the harshest critic of each and every experience or person we meet.

In this session, you’ll learn how to step back from that inner judge, soften mental noise, and reconnect with a calmer, clearer awareness beneath the chatter.

This experience combines reflective spoken guidance with meditation to help you recognise the power you can have over racing thoughts, release self-judgment and judgment of others, stop over-identifying with the mind, and feel more present, alive, and free.

Perfect for anxiety, overthinking, stress, self-doubt, and anyone seeking more peace within themselves.

Transcript

There is a wonderful song written by Toby Keith based on a conversation he had with Clint Eastwood. When Clint was asked how he managed to stay so active and still act at 88 years old, It is said that he replied, I don't let the old man in. Toby's song is called Don't Let The Old Man In and appears in Eastwood's film The Mule. He told Toby that he stayed active and refused an old man's mindset, One of doubt, Fatigue and negativity. I like this as it reminds me that when I hear the creaks and groans of the physical body and the changes in health as I age, To not go with the old woman in the mind. Yes, The body will continue to age and decay. But if I listen to the old woman in the mind, The one who will whisper to me, You can't do that. You should just stop. Don't push it. Rest. You're too old and weak to do that. If I listen to her. I believe I would actually age much quicker. Contemplating this quote has led me to thinking how I can incorporate and expand this into the other people in my mind who can and do cause problems for me. For example, The judge. She's so quick to come in. Pop people in a box and stick a great big label on that box, And it is cut and dried before I have even had chance to contemplate or question it. It is decided. That person is guilty. They deserve this label. I am right on this decision. They are that, And that's that. Signed, Sealed, And delivered. Hung, Drawn, And quartered. Without question. And once I have made that judgment, It is really hard for me to see them with any other perspective. The judge has judged. The punishment is passed. The thing is, I could be right in this judgment. But I also might not be. What can I not see? What part of the bigger picture can't I see? What context do I not know? What do I not know about what is going on for them right now? Do I know their intention? Do I know their thinking? Do I know their history? Or do I just presume I know and judge best on that? So then how can I bring more awareness to the judge? Well, For me, I like to explore these parts. I like to know them more, Know the nature of them more, Because it makes it easier for me to spot them when they appear. And what is the nature of my judge. Well, She's a know-it-all. She thinks she knows. So there is an arrogance about her. She's very black and white. There is right and there's wrong. And what she thinks and believes is always right. She's rigid, Not much bend or flexibility in her. She is impatient. She doesn't want to wait before she makes her judgment. She doesn't want to wait for more context or more information. She wants to make her judgment now. So now I know her a little better. I can recognize her quicker when she arrives because I see her characteristics. But why? Why do I need to do this? Well, Because she's caused me problems. When I make my quick judgments and punish others through my dislike or withdrawal of love, Or looking down my nose at them and putting myself higher than, Based on those judgments. It causes separation and conflict. And, Well. . . What if I was wrong? Unfortunately, My judge never really considers that question. What if I am wrong in this judgment I am making? What if this label is undeserving? What if there is more context, A bigger picture? Stuff I don't know, Can't see. I mean, If we really think about that, There is always stuff we can't see. There is always stuff we don't know. There's always a bigger picture. So then how can we judge so quickly? On so little evidence. On such a small bit that we can see. And so now if I recognize her, The judge. I can use this quote as my new mantra. Dawn liked her in. Don't let the judge in. I can stop her. I can hear her bringing her charges. I can see her arrogance, Her impatience, Her black and white thinking, Her rigidity, Her immediate stamp on the other, Guilty as charged. And I can refuse to allow her in. I can refuse to be led by her, By her small-mindedness, Her narrow and small-scale perspectives, And I can choose to be different. They can choose to consider a bigger picture. I can choose to be a little more pliable, Tensile. I can choose to accept I might not be right. I might not know some stuff. And this makes me more gracious. More accepting. More compassionate. The things I actually want to be. So don't let the judge in. If I see her, I can choose something different. But what else could this work for? What people in your mind would this work for? Don't let the critical parenting Don't let the people please it in. Don't let the victim in. Don't let them know it all in. Don't let the bitch in. This is one I definitely need when dealing with particular hormones. Don't let the gossip in. Don't let the scaremonger in. Don't let the self-sabotage in. Who is yours? I would like to clarify here we have to be really careful about not using this as a bypassing exercise. I don't think it's healthy to use this mantra against our own feelings and emotions. I believe in absolutely the opposite when it comes to this. I really believe we should be turning towards these and healing and integrating them. Our feelings are messengers and allies to help us. They are not something to get rid of. This is not what I am talking about here. Your critical parent is not helping you. It is keeping you on a constant exhausting treadmill of getting it right, And it will keep you trapped. Your people pleaser is not helping you. It is keeping you trapped in a constant exercise of keeping people happy with you, Of never upsetting anyone. It keeps you unfree. Your victim is not helping you. It is disabling you. It is stopping you from achieving the life you really want. Your bitch is not helping you. It is upsetting the ones you claim to love and makes people feel bad and excuses itself when it does so. It keeps you blind. And so on. The ones that you know are not helping you be the best version of yourself. The ones that upset and cause harm to others in your life. The ones that keep you from being free. These ones. Don't let them in. Who are yours? Contemplate this for a moment. Who stops you being free. Who keeps you on a treadmill. Who stops you from being gracious. Compassionate. And loving to others. Who stops you from being authentic and saying and being how you really feel. What would it be like to have more time and space around these ones? More space and time around the judge. Before she makes her decisions and brings her charges. If there was more space and time to consider a bigger picture, How different might I behave? Towards and with others. If I had more space and time around the victim. If I had time to consider the words coming from the victim. If I ask, How does this affect my life if I believe her? Well, It means I have no power. It takes away any choice if what the victim says is true. But what if it were not true? What if I had a little more space and a bit more time to ask that question? Hang on a minute. What if what the victim is saying is just not true? What if I did have a choice? What if I did have some power and autonomy? How might that affect my life? What if you had more space and time around the self-sabotager? The one who tells you to just take another drink. Or just eat that fast food crap food takeaway. Or yet another bar of chocolate. Or to not go out for a walk. Just sit down, Lay down, Don't move, Don't exercise. The one who tells you not to even attempt that new thing because it will go wrong. The one who tells you not to try, Not go for it, Not bother. The one who keeps you small, Contracted and fearful of new. What if you didn't let them in? What might your life be like? If you chose something different. Something else. Who would you like to let in? Instead of the church. The victim, The people pleaser. Who would you like to be? How would you like to be? Would you like more autonomy? More choice and power. Would you like to be more open-minded, Flexible, Non-judgmental, Less critical? Would you like to be kinder? More compassionate and gentle. Would you like to be more authentic? Assertive and be able to say no. So then maybe it is not just about who to not let in. But who do you want to let in? We can look at that another time. But for now, Let's take a couple of moments in being. I invite you to close down your eyes. And become aware of what is present for you right now in this moment. Notice what sounds are there. Don't go searching for them. Just when a sound appears, Notice it. If there are no sounds, Notice that. Examine what silence is. The silence between the sounds. Is silence really silence? Is silence and absence of sound. Is it that there really are no sounds in silence? And become aware of any physical sensations in the body in this moment. Notice any tensions or aches or pains anywhere in the body. Again, We're not searching for them, But just notice anything that arises right now. Anything that comes to your attention. And what about your face? Not searching for anything, But just noticing what is going on around your jaws. And the muscles around your eyes. Under the forehead. Is their attention. Are these areas relaxed? You don't have to change anything that you see. You are just bringing an awareness to what actually is in these areas right now for you. Notice the thoughts. What has the mind been telling you about the things that you have brought awareness to? What did mind have to say about my questioning about silence? And what about the first? What did mind say when you brought attention to whether your face was relaxed or not? Did it give you questions or reasons? Did it give you an interpretation of everything that was seen? Now see if it's possible to see without that interpretation. Without the meaning making of the mind. See if it is possible to look and see without words. Without name-giving and labels stuck on. You are aiming to look without any words. Just pure seeing. Look at whatever is behind your closed eyes. Whatever colors or lack of colors, Swirls, Shapes, Patterns, Or nothing at all. Just try not to label any of it. Just see. Notice how the mind wants to be involved in everything. Is it possible for you to do this again but this time? Don't let the mind in. And see. Without labels, Without names or words, Without the helping mind. See. Purely see. The inside of your mouth. Move your tongue around your mouth. Explore the world of your mouth, But without the mind. Don't let the mind in. And see, Without words, The breath. Pure watching. And don't let the mind in. How long can you do this without mind creeping back in? Don't let this become a fight. We don't want conflict with our own self. This is a practice, Not a combat. We are aware of the constancy of the mind, The incessant words and labelling and judging from thoughts. This persistent need to be involved and comment on everything, From the person in front of me, To world politics and religions, To the patterns behind my closed eyes. Everything. But what if we, Just for a moment, Didn't let the mind in? Chores. To not listen to that incessant babble. What if we just chose. . . Nor mind. Just for a moment. Try it. Practice this just for the next few seconds. Don't let the mind in. Still being aware. Aware of any sounds, Of any pains or sensations in the body. Aware of when mind sneaks in and when you have managed to keep it out. Aware of the differences in those two states. Awareness without the words from mind. Try it. And now bring an awareness to your feet. Without mind. Wriggle your toes. Aware of your tools without words. And your fingers. Without mind. Wrinkle your fingers. Aware of fingers. Without mind. Aware of mind. Watching the words of mind. Mildly curious, Mildly amused by it, Just gently watching it for a moment, Just allowing it to be. Now aware of awareness. Turn your eyes inwards. Towards the awareness. Towards the one that watches. Towards the one that is aware of the feet and the toes and the fingers and the mind. Turn your attention towards that one. Aware of awareness. Who is that one that sees? What is that? And now become aware again of what is behind your closed eyes. And this time allow mind to be involved again. Allow mind to use words to describe what is there. And remain as the watcher of that whole process. Become aware again of what physical sensations there are in the body. And allow mind to be involved in that process. Allow mind to use words to describe what is there. And remain as the watcher of the sensations and of the words being used. I'm aware of any sounds or any silence. And allow mind to be involved in that. Be the watcher of the words being used to describe this experience. And become aware of yourself in this space, Where you are right now. Become aware of your body in this space. Of what is around you in this space, Of anything or anyone that is in this space right now. Of what is behind you. To the left of you. To the right of you. In front of you. And above you. What is around you in this space? And gently flutter open the eyes. And with the eyes open, Bring an awareness to the sensation of sight. Allow the mind to be involved in this process of seeing. Remain as the watcher of what is seen. And the words used by mind to describe this. This practice is not to get rid of the mind. We need it to process our world. We don't want to perceive the mind as our enemy. It isn't. It is indeed very clever and very useful. But there are times when it isn't helpful. When it actually creates problems that are unnecessary for us. And it's an extremely beneficial practice for us to have some autonomy and choice over that, As usually we don't. So practice this. Involving mind, Allowing mind. And not allowing. Not involving. Seeing without words. Perceiving without judgments. Being without noise. So as a recap here. Who is not helpful to you. Who would you like to not let in? What damage do they do? Get to know the nature of that character, So when they sneak in the back door without you realising, You're quick to recognise them and can choose to not let them in again in this now. Every moment we have a choice, But only if we are conscious and aware. There are moments when we are not. The victim has snuck in. The self-sabotager has appeared and done the damage without us even noticing until it's too late. That's okay, This will happen. We just begin again. We become aware again. We aim to stay awake, Stay aware. Again. And we know that we will fall back asleep again. We will forget again. And that's okay too. We begin again. It's just a practice. A forever one. A never-ending one. And nothing to beat yourself up about one. Seeing. Choosing. Not seeing, Unconsciously kidnapped. Seeing that, And beginning again. Over. And over. Again. Let me know who your characters are. Are they similar to mine? Are they completely different? Until next time. Thank you.