Acceptance - Week 2 Series On Principles Of ACT Therapy

Following on from last week, we now look at how to manage to float in the quicksand when everything in us wants to struggle to get out. Acceptance is the key, but this is not always easy. Thoughts of a negative or anxious nature can amplify and multiply leading to an even bigger struggle! In this practice, we learn how to examine the internal effects of the thoughts.

Transcript

Hello,

Thank you for joining me.

This week's practice is following on in the series based in the principles from Act Therapy.

Last week we looked at diffusion of thoughts,

Recognizing how much emphasis we put on our thoughts,

How seriously we take them and how much power we give them.

Then we practice some techniques that help take some power away from them,

To enable us not to take them too seriously.

This week we will be looking at the principle of acceptance.

Remember last week we thought about being in quicksand,

How the struggle to get out of it actually makes it worse,

That the best thing to do was to lay back and float.

We acknowledge that it is the same with our thoughts.

The more we fight against them,

The more we struggle,

The less control we have over them.

The more we resist our thoughts,

Feelings and emotions,

The more they persist.

For example,

If I say to you,

Don't think about a cup of hot chocolate.

Whatever you do,

Don't think about a steaming cup of hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows on top.

Just don't think about hot chocolate.

What happened?

What?

You did think about it.

Well,

I told you not to.

That's because our brain doesn't understand negative language.

It knows the words hot chocolate,

And it retrieves a picture of that object from your memory bank and shows you it.

It doesn't understand that you didn't want to think about it.

And so it's similar with our negative thoughts,

Our fearful thoughts,

Our anxious thoughts.

The more you try to resist them,

The more they are there,

Right in front of your eyes.

Even though you didn't want to think about that,

You didn't want to imagine that.

No,

I hate feeling like this,

But there it is,

Ready to completely consume your mind,

To disrupt your life,

And to rob you of your peace.

The problem with this is that it actually amplifies our emotions.

They spiral out of control.

They multiply and breed even more negative emotions.

For example,

If you have an anxious thought appear,

Which everyone does from time to time,

But then you start thinking,

I hate feeling anxious.

I don't want to feel anxious.

Then you get anxiety about your anxious thoughts.

You then might start to feel really upset and sad about this anxiety.

I'm so fed up with feeling anxious.

And that might even turn into hopelessness.

I'll never be better.

I'll always feel this way.

I can't deal with this anymore.

That is a struggle.

The fighting in the quicksand.

The no,

I don't want this.

So how,

When everything in us wants to resist these emotions,

To fight against these feelings,

To get away from thinking like this,

How do we learn to lay back in the sand and float?

First of all,

Let's close our eyes,

If that's okay with you.

If not,

You can gaze at something ahead and just soften your focus.

Take a couple of breaths here,

However you choose.

Allow your body to settle right where it is.

Can you give yourself permission for the next few moments and allow yourself to relax?

Can you give yourself a few moments where there is nothing to do and nowhere to go?

I'd like you to imagine now that in front of you,

You have a control panel.

It can look however you want.

It can be large with lots of different slides and buttons and lights on it.

Or it can be a simple square.

It's however you choose.

It's your panel.

It can look however you wish.

On your control panel,

You see a switch that says on and off.

If you feel that you can't imagine one,

Then try to remember seeing one.

Your brain will help you to remember one that you've seen.

This switch is called the struggle switch.

And whenever you get caught up and entangled in your thoughts,

You'll notice that this button is switched on.

I want you now to think about something that is bothering you at this time.

It could be something that you have coming up that is making you nervous or anxious.

It might be a relationship issue.

It could be something that happened way back in the past,

But although uninvited,

It still appears,

Disrupts your thoughts and causes you pain.

It could be your own self-talk.

I'm just rubbish.

I'm useless.

I will never get anywhere in life.

I will always be alone.

Whatever you have as an issue or repeating thoughts that cause you pain or tension,

Just think on them for a moment or two.

Now think about how you would normally deal with these thoughts.

Would you use distraction?

The TV or radio or social media or playing on games?

Would you try to replace them with something else?

Or would you fully listen and entertain them?

How would you usually deal with these thoughts?

And does that work?

So thinking about your issue,

The problem you have or the negative self-talk,

What is it about this that makes you feel so bad?

Was it something someone said or did?

Was it something you did or said?

What makes this a problem?

Really focus in on what makes you feel anxious or fearful.

Do you notice any other thoughts now?

Any other emotions?

Did you begin with a feeling of fear or anxiety and now you notice there is anger or hopelessness?

What other emotions,

Feelings and thoughts do you notice?

And now notice where in your body this sits for you.

Where does this anxiety,

This fear,

This negativity or stress,

How does it manifest for you?

Maybe it's a sick feeling in the stomach,

A tightness in the chest,

A lump in the throat,

A tightness somewhere,

A clenching or a squeezing.

What do you observe in your body?

Notice that the struggle switch on your control panel is switched on.

Take your attention now fully to wherever you notice the stress in your body and imagine that you are a scientist and you are examining this area as if it doesn't belong to you.

You are purely investigating this area or areas and you will be writing a full report up about it.

What do you see?

What shape is it?

Does it have a colour?

Does it have a texture?

What size is it?

What's the temperature of it?

Does it give off any kind of vibration?

Can you breathe into this sensation so you can observe it more clearly?

Are there any edges to it?

What about the weight of it?

Does it affect anything around it?

Can you breathe again into the sensation a little more deeply now to allow it some more room?

Allow the sensation to be there just so you can observe it and examine it.

You might think about sketching it,

Drawing a diagram of it,

Of the outline,

Of the position,

Of the colour and texture.

You might have an image or a word as a comparison to it.

Remember you are not trying to change anything.

You are only noticing what is there.

But you are noticing as an uninvolved,

Detached scientist.

You are merely interested in this particular sensation within this body.

By allowing this sensation to be simply that,

A purely physical sensation within your body,

You have stopped the struggle.

You have ceased the denying and resisting and simply allowed it and made room for it.

And now you will notice that the struggle switch is off.

And now come back to noticing the sensation as you,

Not as a detached scientist but as you,

Attached and involved.

Maybe you recognise that the lump,

The heaviness,

The squeezing,

The clenching,

The pain has dissipated.

Maybe you perceive that the emotional unease and angst that you previously felt is no longer there.

Maybe not.

Maybe you notice a softening or a lightness.

A blurring of the intensity that was there before.

Maybe not.

This technique doesn't mean that you want these thoughts and emotions or that you are inviting them to come.

It's just stopping the struggle and halts the amplification of the other emotions that can sometimes follow.

Have you seen the Pixar movie Inside Out?

If not I highly encourage you to do so.

In this movie we see how important it is to accept and experience all our emotions.

Not just the joyful,

Pleasant ones.

Accepting the sad,

The angry,

The fearful is all part of being a human.

It's not resigning yourself to feeling pain.

It's just laying down the weapons and walking away from the fight.

It's a decision to float on the deadly quicksand.

You might want to wriggle some parts of the body now to bring some movement back.

Maybe the fingers or toes or roll your ankles.

If it feels comfortable for you,

Slowly and gently turn your head from side to side.

Noticing whatever is there for you.

Take in a couple of deep,

Energetic breaths and when you are ready open your eyes.

I'd like to end with a wonderful quote on acceptance from the intellectual and extremely talented Winnie the Pooh.

He said,

Weeds are flowers too,

Once you get to know them.

I hope you can join me for part three next week in this series on Act Therapy.

Please do take a minute to leave me some feedback.

I'd love to hear from you.

Thank you.

Reviews

This is really powerful information. It’s really awesome to feel the peace of mindfulness, paired with the empowerment of choice.

I just want to say ty. I was taking the course bc I have the paid subscription when I saw that you had other act sessions I saved them all and as I'm listening to them I realize that you have made the entire course available to EVERYONE! you are to kind! Also, I have the act therapy toolbox-90 worksheets and exercises and I'm it I found the defusion exercise about the bus driver rather useful. I know In the first class I had a hard time... Ty for creating this content for us!

This is amazing work, Mandy. I can feel the change in detaching from these negative thought patterns. So grateful to you for these teachings… I will look through your offerings, but any words of wisdom for those of us that wake in the middle of the night and often have trouble getting back?🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️

The more I listen to you, the softer I become. Thank you.☺️

Thanks for this series Mandy! I struggled to be able to put shape and color to my anxiety, but can see how making it more three dimensional can make more tangible, and therefore easier to benefit from seeing it diminish. I will come back to this series as my ability can only get better. I’m working on CBT techniques and am going to try and combine the two methods. Thanks again Mandy!

Beautiful exercise in imagining pain as a shape, color, texture and vibration, and the sense of calm when I surrender to what “Is.”
Thank You 💕

A great complement to my ACT therapy process. Thank you!

Absolutely powerful. Thank you for the well paced and insightful questioning and smart support of this meditation/ teaching. Very helpful.

This was so helpful for my post trauma anxiety. I would love more content on chronic illness and pain management. My long COVID caused awful symptoms like breathing issues and chest pain, and these cause bad anxiety. Thank you for this wonderful track!

Thank you soo much Mandy. Your ACT therapy series are soo very enlightening and helpful to me. Heartfelt gratitude 🙏 highly recommended.

Thank you, this is awesome! I struggle w/ allowing and identifying feelings. I’ll be working with this again.

Great to listen to! Gives you insights how to deal with for example anxiety including a nice practice.

It was great, very useful. Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

My control panel appeared as a Fisher Price activity board. 🤣 This is an excellent exercise and one I will be repeating often. Thank you.

Your explanation and the time for exploration were wonderful.I was a little confused about my role as scientist but gradually started to understand. 🥰

Well done. Helpful presentation of the ACT ideas. I would love some more music and quotes coming out of the challenging visualization to accentuate the Hope in the acceptance. Thank you and Blessings 🌻🦋

This meditation was really great & for me I know that I must go back to it often so I can get there fully. Practice & focus.
Thank you 🙏🏻

Such an interesting process. It worked beautifully.

Excellent excellent excellent!!!

Beautiful reminder to not fight the thoughts,
thank you!