Loneliness At The Holidays With Dr. Dain Heer

In this talk, I’m bringing back one of my favorite people, Dr. Dain Heer, to talk about loneliness, how to identify what is ours and what is not, how to clear what’s not ours, how to get out of victim and so many more important, empowering topics!

Dr. Dain also shares tools and techniques you can use immediately to start clearing negative emotions – one of the reasons I love his work so much!

Listen to discover:
What loneliness is and where it comes from
Why 98% of our thoughts and feelings aren’t actually ours – and where they come from
How to get out of negative emotions
What to do if you’re experiencing loneliness in life
The true root of victimhood
The “clearing statement” for fast transformation

Transcript

Hello to all of my Insight Timer friends. My name is Michele Chalfant and I'm delighted that you're here with me today. Welcome to my latest talk. And as always, After the show, I love to hear your comments. So make sure you leave a comment so I know how you liked it. We'll talk soon. And here we go with the latest episode. We have on today, One of my favorite people, Dr. Dane here. He and I, Every time that we are talking, Whether it's on a live stream or on a podcast, It's like our conversation just goes and goes and goes. He's a very easy guy to talk to, But we definitely speak the same language. We had a phenomenal conversation. I wanted to have him on because many of you have written in about what to do with loneliness during the holidays. And I know this is something that he knows a lot about, And I wanted to have a conversation with him about that. And we did that as well as our conversation led into, You know, What do you do with pain or sadness or grief during the holidays? So we had a very, Very long, But wonderful conversation about all of these things. And what I love about Dane is he brings on for us techniques and tools we can use immediately. Immediately. Like while you're listening to the show today, You are going to be able to walk away with tools you can use right now to help you with whatever's going on in your life. He is the co-creator of Access Consciousness, And the tools are coming from Access Consciousness. You're going to love this. He's been on before and loved our conversation then, And I look forward to having him on again. All right, So let's jump on right into Dr. Dane here. He is an author, A changemaker, A speaker, And co-creator of Access Consciousness, One of the world's largest personal development companies, Practiced in 176 countries. Here is the founder of International Being You Day. For over 20 years, He has traveled the world sharing unique insights on happiness, Relationships, And more. In his talks and workshops, He uses a set of tools and provides step-by-step energetic processes to get people out of the conclusions and judgments that are keeping them stuck on a cycle of no choice and no change, Leading them into moments of awe that they have the power to change anything. Love that. Let me just tell you, Such a great conversation. I look forward to you hanging out with Dane and I. Here we go with Dr. Dane here. So welcome to the Adult Share Podcast again, Dr. Dane here. Michelle, It's a true pleasure to be with you. It's so fun to always, To have time with you, Anything that we do. I know we have a live stream coming up and it's always great to talk to you. Today's topic is, We were just talking, Is it just around the holidays? But I think this is year round, Kind of like you said, Loneliness is what we're going to talk about today. Yeah, Year round, Especially now, You know, It's been going on for a couple of years and we can look from a different place that will give us more ease with it and maybe even get over it. Get over it. Okay. Not weird, Huh? Yeah. It's a weird concept. I do, I, You know, It's interesting. I just wrote an article for a magazine on grief and I gave it to a few people in my team to read through it and they were so moved. One was crying. They were like, Wow. And I thought, Wow, This is such a, It's such a touchy time of year with the holidays. So talk to us about loneliness. How does loneliness happen? Like where does this emotion even come from? Are you saying this happens with people that are just living alone or talk to us about loneliness in general? Well, I think probably the most common scenario is people who are not living alone who still feel totally lonely because it's as though nobody gets them. It's kind of like, Where are my people? Where are the people that see me? And here's, Here's the difficulty with that. And I'd like to paint a different, A different picture and have a different conversation because what really, One of the things that I've learned in doing access consciousness for the last 21 years is for all of us, Your point of view creates your reality. Reality does not create your point of view. That's kind of a biggie. Yeah, It is. And the thing is, If we can shift our points of view around things, Then the outward manifestation of that shows up differently. And so what you have with people when they're experiencing loneliness is they've got a lot of points of view about self-worth, Worthiness. They've got, They've also got a huge amount of awareness of the other people in the world that are functioning from this. And this is something that nobody's ever told us, You know, When I got this information and one of the things we talk about in access, And one of the things that quite literally helped get me out of depression and suicidal thoughts 21 years ago, Is this idea that 98% of your thoughts, Your feelings, And your emotions don't actually belong to you. They're things that you're picking up from other people around you. And it's like, If you've ever been in a, Walked into a room and knew before you even touched the door handle that your partner was upset, You know, Or if you hang around, If you ever notice if you hang around sad people, You start to get sad and you're like, Wait, I don't have anything to be sad about. Why am I so sad? Well, It's, It's this subtlety of vibration, Basically. It's an energy, Whatever you want to call it. It's in the air and we all pick up on it. It's just that a lot of times the people that experience dynamic loneliness are those that are more sensitive to it, Or that they, In their world, They have a reason and justification for it. And so one of the things that can help, And please know, You know, In our time together, I'm hoping to get people to more lightness. I'm not saying, Hey, I've got your solution in an hour, Do all this and you're free. You know, It's like, It's not, You know, I'm very pragmatic in addition to being a total dreamer and possibilitist. But if we can first start with that and then ask in that loneliness, If you ask, Who does this belong to? Is this actually mine? And if it lightens up at all, It's not yours. Now some part of it may be, But the totality of what you're experiencing isn't actually yours. There's some part of it that may be, Maybe a kernel of it is, But have you ever noticed like if you buy a certain color car, A certain type of car, You start to see those cars everywhere afterwards? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right. We do the same thing. Yeah. We do the same thing with emotions and energies. If we pick up, If we have a little kernel of loneliness, You know, It's like, Oh, We haven't seen our family for a long time, Whatever. And we're like, Oh, I'm lonely. What happens is that starts gravitating everybody else's toward it. Because now you have a little tuning fork that's like, I'm lonely. And you may not have it really intensely, But now you're starting to pick up everybody else's I'm lonely. I'm lonely. I'm lonely. Right. It's a magnet. It just gets drawn to us. Exactly. And so if we could recognize that and be willing to have our own back enough to be willing to see what's true for us and dislodge, What isn't a lot of us, When we get into loneliness or any of the other wonderful emotions that grace this planet with darkness, You know, It's like yuckiness, It's like what we tend to do when we get into one of those places, We tend to somehow believe that it's our duty to stay there rather than look for productive ways that actually work of getting out of that. And what I do when I work with people is number one, Talk to them about that. But then we do this thing called a clearing statement, Which is designed to change it. And because it's one thing to have the conversation, But it's another thing to be able to have the conversation lead to something that you can change. And so I'm a big believer in changing things fast and as quickly as possible. But if we could start with who does this belong to? Is this actually mine? And if it lightens up at all, It's not yours. All you got to do is go, Okay, Return to sender with consciousness attached, Whoever that is. And the weird part is you may not even know the sender. You're just picking up on a vibration. We think that if you can start to follow this idea that you're like a tuning fork and you pick things up, Well, Then we would think, Oh, I pick things up from people I know. Because a lot of us know we try to take care of people we know or heal people we know and that sort of stuff. Well, Here's the beauty of it. You pick things up because it's a particular vibration and energy, And that is the way you pick it up. So you may not even know the person. Could be somebody you were driving by or it may be, And usually is a heck of a lot more than one person. So if you go, Who does this belong to? Is it mine? If it lightens up at all, Return to sender with consciousness attached. We even created a free app. It's called Access Consciousness. Who does this belong to? And on my YouTube channel, I've got an entire playlist devoted to who does this belong to because this thing is so, So dynamic and so helpful so quickly. And it's not something, It's one of these weird things also that you would think if this is the case, Somebody would have told you by now. It should be out there in the world, But Access Consciousness is the only place I have ever heard this talked about, Let alone here's a tool to change it, Which boggles my mind. And I have put it out on so many interviews, I'm wondering why people don't use it. It's like, Please, We could get so much lighter and so much freer if we would dislodge what's not ours. I agree with you. When this happens to me, I'll notice where I'll feel very heavy, Energetically, Even physically heavy. I remember, And I've shared this story for years, I was at a Starbucks with a friend of mine. This is when I was in probably 15 years ago with a friend of mine when I lived in Nashville. And we were sitting there, I was in the best mood, I was so happy. And we embraced. I said, I got to go home. I have some writing to do. I remember getting in the car. I'm driving home and I thought I was going to fall asleep and drive off the road. I was exhausted. I was in this very numbed out place. I didn't even know it was wrong. And I said, Oh my God, I don't know what's going on. She seemed like she was in a good mood. I don't understand why I didn't pick up anything on anything from her. She was smiling when I left her. Anyway, I get home. At the time I had a puppy and I said, I just got to go home. It's like 11 o'clock in the morning. And I said, I got to go home. I'm just going to go right to bed. I feel so bad right now. And I said, Oh crap, I've got the puppy. I got to take the puppy out. So I took the puppy out in the backyard, I put her down and I'm standing, I had all these beautiful trees in the backyard and I'm standing there and I'm thinking through this. And I said, Okay, This is not my emotion. There's no way out of left field that I would get this tired. So I just started stomping my feet around in the backyard and I started shaking my hands. And I said, If this is not mine, Leave now. I don't want this anymore. This is not mine. It was like 15 seconds, Boom. My energy was back. I'm not tired anymore. And I said, What the heck is going on? I called my friend and I said, Were you in a bad mood? She goes, Well, I didn't want to tell you, But the guy that I really, Really wanted to date, He's always there at 10 o'clock to 11 o'clock and we were there and he didn't show up and I was really, Really upset. And I felt kind of depressed. I'm like, Oh my God, I didn't even know. I was like, What? I said, I didn't even know. And I clearly wasn't protected enough or whatever, But I mean, I am 100% on the same page as you. I mean, We, We can pick this stuff up at the grocery store line. You know, If I'm cashing out the person behind me, If their dog died or whatever, I'm going to pick up on that grief and we don't even know it. And I think so many of us will then go to the doctor and we think, Oh gosh, You know, I have chronic fatigue. It's like, No, You're just picking up on a lot of emotions. So I love your app. I love what you're saying. It's as simple as redirecting that energy out of the energy field. Yeah, Really? That's all we're doing. But let me ask you this question. Are some people, Would you say, Of course you have like empaths, But are some people more apt to pick up on other people's energy or do we all know? Well, We all do it, But some people are, Are way more attuned to it and the sensitives of the world, Those beautiful souls that are, As you mentioned, Empathic. And what's interesting is for a quote unquote, Normal person who doesn't experience something very intensely, Their volume knob might be at a one. For some people it's more like at a thousand. They're usually made wrong for, Why can't you just get over it? This is not such a big deal for them, And it literally is. Those are a lot of the people that I work with because there's so much of a gift in that, In that capacity and in that level of awareness, And it's seen as a curse by a lot of people. So yeah, There are a lot of people. It is. We get labeled as sensitive. Yeah. You're so sensitive. Just get over it. I'm like, Growing up like this was so hard because nobody understood me. I slept all the time. I was just drained and until I learned how to take care of myself energetically, Yeah, I was picking up on everybody's emotion. I was like a vacuum cleaner for everyone else's emotions. Let me tell you, When I was at a place where I was going to end my life 21 years ago, I had a session of access consciousness bars. In an hour and 15 minutes, I went from depressed and suicidal to happy to be alive. And I was like, Wow, I'm in, Let's go. So I had had this suicidal, This depressive thing plaguing me for years. In fact, From the time I was a little kid, But I kept shrugging it off. And so I had this session and I was like, Yay, I'm over it. This is great. Well, A few days later, I woke up with it again and I was like, Oh my God, I thought I was done. But with that very first bar session, The lady that ran my bar, She gave me a little yellow sticky note that she wrote, Who does this belong to? And she gave me this conversation about 98% of your thoughts, Feelings, And emotions aren't yours. Ask this, If it lightens up, It's not yours, Just return to sender. And I was like, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Whatever. I feel great. I don't, I don't need this. And after that first session, When I was on fire, I got home and I unloaded all the stuff out of my pockets, You know, And I didn't know it, But I happened to put that little sticky note right by my clock and it happened to be sitting up facing me. So here I am, I wake up two, Three days later, Something like that with this horrendousness again. And I was so bummed and I was wallowing in self-pity looking at, And I was like, How long do I have to wallow in self-pity before I need to go be a doctor and help other people? Great place to be in, By the way, Not, You know, And I look over at the clock and there's this little yellow sticky note that says, Who does this belong to? And I happened to read it because it's there in bright yellow next to my clock. And I went, Who does this belong to? And instantly it vanished. And I was like, Oh, Seriously, Like really? And I looked around for it. I thought maybe it was hiding in the corner or something. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, For sure. And I was like, Dynamically got the awareness that 98% of our thoughts, Feelings, And emotions don't belong to us. Wow. Yeah. 98%. That's a, That's a lot. That's a big number. Yeah. All right. So here's the thing. If you can get rid of that 98%, In other words, If you, Because if it's not yours, You can't do anything about it. You can just acknowledge that it's not yours. That's what you do about it. And then return it to wherever it came from. But then you only have to deal with the 2% that's left. It's called, It's, It's a way of getting rid of the monkey mind. And with this topic of loneliness, This is a huge thing that keeps repeating in our heads like a Mobius strip, You know, Like an infinity symbol that it keeps going back and forth. And this can dynamically change it. And then you only have to deal with the 2% of what's actually yours. So I was just going to ask you, My next question is, Well, What if you feel lonely and you release it, You try to release it and you still feel heavy. Then what? Then you realize, Wow, This loneliness, It is mine. Yeah. Now what? Now what? A couple of things here's, We have to go to that awareness of how aware we are again, Because what we do is we formulate our points of view, Especially about our primary status and say relationship to the world and the people in it before we can even talk. Okay. Okay. Okay. And so what we're doing is as soon as we come in as a baby, We're energetically picking up on how mom is, How dad is, How they interact, What the points of view are about money, Relationships, Sex, Bodies, Happiness, Creation, Future, All these sorts of things. So by the time we're two, We basically have instituted an energetic reality that was non cognitive from the point of view of, Oh, That is this, This is this. It's all like an energetic soup, If you will, An energetic recipe that we have function that we have bought as ours now, Which is why so many people grow up and do such similar things to their parents. It's one of the big reasons why, Right? So what you want to do, Especially in a case of loneliness, And especially if it recurs, You know, If you have a reason, If you just broke up a relationship, For example, You know, Hey, You got a reason. It's okay. Well, I mean, It's okay anytime, But why would we want to live that way? But it's okay. Give yourself some space to be with you and find out what's true for you. Give yourself some space to be kind to you and be willing to reach out and receive from others and realize that you are not alone. Okay. So that's in the case of, Hey, I got a reason for this. But when you don't, And it's been ongoing, Usually we picked up that pattern of being lonely from one or more of our parents or one or more of our friends. We've just decided that's the way people are here. And we're just going on a treadmill of somebody else's making. It's like, It's like if you're at the gym, You know, And somebody's sort of slowly walking on the treadmill and you're like, Oh, That's how you walk on a treadmill. Okay, Cool. And then they're like, Hey, I need to go. Could you like walk on my treadmill for me, Please? Because we need to keep the treadmill going. Very important to get this treadmill going. Right, Right, Right. Oh, Okay. I'll walk on your treadmill for you. Okay. Oh, Oh my goodness. I feel very lonely. Like you did. I feel very sad like you do. I feel like I have no hope like you do. And so one of the things we can do is ask, Who am I being? And if I were truly being me, What choice do I have available? And if we want to go a little further, You can ask, Okay, So what percentage of this did I buy from my mom and my dad before the age of two? And then everything that is, Will you let it go? And then for me, I would use the clearing statement and, But it sounds like gobbledygook. Maybe too much to explain, But what, So can we do it? Yeah. I would just give, Yeah. Would you just do it? Yeah. Okay. So yeah. You can't dangle that and then take it away. I know. Like here's a pretty golden carrot. Bye bye. You can't have it. So good. We want the clearing statement. Let's hear it. I want it. I want it. Let's do it. Okay. So let me preface it with this. I'm going to say a bunch of words. And if you want a full explanation of it, Go to theclearingstatement. Com. And there's a video there of me explaining it in some ways in which to use it. So the way it works is right in the middle is something called POC and POD. They call them the superheroes of consciousness. And from my point of view, Like this clearing statement I use every day, I use it with every session in every class. It's one of the biggest upgrades in personal development since we've had personal development. Wow. If I may say something that sounds very, Very impressive, You know, As always follow your unknowing. What's true for you makes you lighter. A lie makes you happier. And I'm going to say gobbledygook right now. Gobbledygook I think is how that works. So let's do this. So what percentage of who, What, Where, When, Why, And how you are did you buy from your mother before the age of two? And what percentage of what creates and demands loneliness of you and from you, Did you buy from your mother before the age of two? So now what happens, I'll ask a question like that. And usually it brings up an energy or an awareness, Or you kind of get sort of contracted or solid or something happens. But are we looking for a number, Excuse me, I just want to ask you. So when you ask that question, Like in my mind, I'm like, Oh, 60%, 20, Like, What am I? Is that, Is that how you'd answer that question? Here's the beauty of it is me asking the question and you being present, Receiving the question brings up the awareness that you as a being have. So if, And a lot of times you'll get a percentage and that's sort of an acknowledgement of that thing you just became aware of the energy, If you will, That you were aware of the impact on your world, This is happening. Okay. So it's interesting because you go, Okay, 60% of who I am and 60 and, And how I relate to loneliness is something I bought from my mother. I mean, If you look at that for a moment, It changes the whole game because everybody's trying to figure out why do I have this? Why am I wrong? What's wrong? Why am I wrong? Well, I am a firm believer in, In dealing with your own stuff when it's your stuff. I'm also a firm believer in undoing everything that's not yours as much as you can before you start the journey of dealing with your stuff because 98% of it ain't yours. Okay. Right. One of the other questions I'll ask about this is, So when I say what percentage of who, What, Where, When, Why, And how you are and your relationship to loneliness and loneliness itself, Did you buy from your mother before the age of two? And then I'll ask people more than 20% or less more, Okay, More than 30 more, More than 40% or less, More, More than 50% or less, More, More than 60% or less, More than 70, More than 80, More than 90, More than a hundred, More than 200, More than 500, More than a thousand, More than 10, 000. And that's usually where most people are more than 10, 000%. And you go, Okay, You know, There's supposed to be a scale of zero to a hundred, But what happens is you buy this and then you add to it. Every time you get a new piece of information about what it is, About what reality is, What loneliness is. So now here's the cool part. So, And a lot of people may need to do this many, Many times. Okay. I know I did and still do on some things. Okay. But everything that brought up now, My question is basically, Will you let it go? And the way we say that is, Will you destroy and uncreate it? Meaning you just, You erected the walls of your prison. You basically erected the walls of your prison by taking mom's walls, Dad's walls. And now here you are, You're in this box that isn't actually yours. So will you destroy, Meaning will you take away the structure you've created your life from that's not yours? And will you uncreate, Meaning take your creative energy out of maintaining the walls and have them again to be there for the creation of your life. Hmm. I love that. Yeah. It's really, And over time, This thing, Like it may on some things take one layer, Another, Another, Another, Like it'll take layer after layer after layer off. But what happens is after you do this for a while, It's like your whole life starts to look different and you start to have a sense of space and you'll be in a situation that used to trigger you and you're like, Whoa, I'm not triggered. You're not triggered. Wow. Or you'll be in a situation that really is stressing everybody else out. You're like, I'm good. Wow. I know tens of thousands of people that I work with in access that are just wondering when the insanity is going to end. Most of them have gotten more creative. Most of them have started creating more money than they had before because what it does is it starts to undo the foundation of limitation. Ooh. I like what you just said there. It's undoing the foundation of limitation. Yeah. That's powerful. And when you do it, You know, For me, The proof is in the pudding. I've done so many things that promised big and delivered little. For me, The proof is in the pudding. Like how do you actually get to live your life? Do you get to be more present? Do you get to be more happy? Do you get to go beyond things like loneliness and fear and sadness and worry and anxiety and stress and all of those things? And the answer is yes, You do. Wow. So you're saying if you are by stating these, Wait, So can you give us everything just in like a little nutshell? So ask those questions again without, Let's do it and then I'll recap it. Okay. So because what happens is we have this thing here. It's like a ripe kumquat ready to be, You know, Picked or popped or something. Okay. Okay. And so everything that is, Will you destroy and uncreate it? And if your answer is yes, Then right and wrong, Good and bad, Pock and pod, All nine, Shorts, Boys and beyonds. It took me a while to know when something was happening with a sclering statement. But what I started recognizing was sometimes it would feel like a weight lifted off of my shoulders or I'd take a breath or I'd get more sense of peace or I'd sense some lightness. If I was in a really dark thing, You know, A dark tunnel, I'd send some lightness pinpoints of light at the end of the tunnel. Everybody experiences it differently. It's also okay. If you don't feel anything, It's not about the feeling, It's about changing the energetics underneath this. So one more time for everything that we did with mom regarding that, Will you destroy and uncreate it please? Will you let that go? Right and wrong, Good and bad, Pock and pod, All nine, Shorts, Boys and beyonds. And one more time, Right and wrong, Good and bad, Pock and pod, All nine, Shorts, Boys and beyonds. So now let's also do it with dad and then I'll do a little recap here and give you the short form for this because there is all you've got to really do is say pock and pod because that stands for going back to the point of creation or the point of destruction, Whether that point of creation was last week or a hundred billion years ago or when you were a kid or whatever, Who knows where it is, The consciousness of you knows. So let's do this. So everything you, What percentage of who, What, Where, When, Why and how you are, Who, What, Where, When, Why and how you are not, Who, What, Where, When, Why and how you can and cannot be and your entire relationship to loneliness and being lonely and also the judgments you have of you that tell you that you deserve loneliness because you're not a good person. Everything that is, Will you destroy and uncreate it please? Right and wrong, Good and bad, Pock and pock, All nine, Shorts, Boys and beyonds. Okay. And so with all of that stuff I just said one more time, Because the energy is there, It's up. Will you destroy and uncreate it please? Right and wrong, Good and bad, Pock and pod, All nine, Shorts, Boys and beyonds. And one more time, Right and wrong, Good and bad, Pock and pod, All nine, Shorts, Boys and beyonds. And you can say pock and pod or pod and pock, It doesn't matter. Okay. So a recap. Basically for anything that you want to change, Any weird energy that comes up, Any sense of loneliness, For example, All you really have to do to get the ball rolling at least and get started. And we have a lot of other more in depth things, But what you can do is everything that allows that to exist, I now destroy and uncreate it, Pock and pod. Okay. Which is the short form for the clearing statement, Or everything that allows that to exist, Pock and pod. Okay. In this particular case, Since our conversation led us to this conversation about being, Learning who we are and becoming who we think we are from mom and dad so dynamically, Which is one of the defining elements of what creates loneliness, That's where our conversation led us. And so this then was about this particular thing, Which was what percentage of who, What, Where, When, Why, And how you are and are not in your relationship to loneliness and your judgments of you that you're lonely because you're bad and wrong, Did you buy from your mom and dad before the age of two? So that was a long sentence. It doesn't have to be that long at all. You can just notice an energy and go, Okay, I'd like to let that go or destroy and uncreate it and pock and pod or just pock and pod. And it's done. Just pock and pod. Yeah. That's it. And for me though, I usually run the entire clearing statement because I'm very, Well, Shall we say very particular, Anal retentive, Whatever you want to call it, You know, I want to make sure always, But literally you can just do pock and pod. It's like these superheroes of consciousness. But what I find is that I, What I find is that works for most, Almost everybody that does it. And there are some of us that are wired in this very particular way where things must be very particular and everything's like, If I don't say all the words, I may not get it. You know? It's not going to work. It won't work for me. Yeah. Yeah. And it, It actually does. And so I've seen this literally with hundreds of thousands of people around the world and there are millions of people around the world using this every day. And it's so, It just sounds like gobbledygook. So people don't, Unless they've been to an access class or had a session with somebody, A lot of times they don't get that it can be used for them, But it can. And it, You know, Like a lot of people do cancel clear. Like you know, You have something come up that's, That's limiting you and you're like, Cancel clear. But does that ever really work? I don't know about you, But I never, I tried. I tried to cancel. I tried to clear. I never canceled. I never cleared. But Poc and Pod actually does work because what you're doing is you're asking the consciousness of you, The being that you are to go back to wherever you created the limitation and turn the polarity of it. So it's no longer polarized. So you're asking to go back to the point of creation where you created a limitation or the point of destruction where you destroyed something, Like took away something that was actually working for you. And that was actually you, The being that you are. What does Poc and Pod meet? And like, Where did that even come from? And what does that specific, I know what it means because it's a clearing statement, But where did this come from? I'm just curious. It came from my best friend and business partner, Gary Douglas, The founder of Access Consciousness. He started it 30 plus years ago now, Almost 35 years ago now. And when he started, He started from the point of view of there's got to be more than this in the world. Otherwise, Why am I here? And so he started on a journey of seeking basically by asking questions, Questions like, What else is possible here? How can we truly change this? If what I'm seeing is reality, We're not the only choice. What other choices do I have available and how do I get there? And so all of Access has been created from questions like that. And then the weird part is you ask a question about how to change something and the universe is like, Here's something you never considered. So what it stands for is going back to the point of creation of the thoughts, Feelings, And emotions immediately preceding your decision to lock this thing in place. Okay. Got it. Yeah. I got it. It's like the room that we're in, The walls look solid, But science tells us they're 99. 999% space. If you watch the movie, The Matrix. Right. Exactly. You'll know. Yeah. It explains really how the world really is. So, Yeah. Yeah. And this is more like how I become Neo in The Matrix is really what it is. And that is a capacity that we have. We don't have to be limited by the world around us. We can carve a different path that actually creates a slipstream into which others that desire more possibility can fall or not fall, But flow into more easily. When we open a door for possibilities, It makes that available to everybody else on the planet who's willing to have that possibility or desires it and doesn't know how to get there. Wow. So this is beautiful for someone that's lonely, Again, Any time of year, But so much happens around the holiday time. When I'm thinking of, Like you were saying, Depression, Anxiety, Like anything at all, Use this statement, Like really step into your power and use the statement, Like really use the statement, Start clearing some things. What about the people that feel they're kind of stuck in that victim place or they feel really helpless and it's not going to work for me? What do you say to them? Yeah. I think the first place I would start is who are you being and who is the favorite victim in your life because people who do victim have learned it. There's not one of us that is a victim as a being, You know, Would an infinite being be a victim? Well, Hold on. I'm still stuck. I'm like, Wait, I want you to say it again because I was like, Hold on a second. People that are victim have learned it. Yeah. All of a sudden in my mind, I'm thinking of all the people I know that sometimes fall into victim. I'm like, Oh, Did they learn that from their mother or their father? Wow. Yeah. Wow. I never thought about that. They've seen it somewhere because when you're in the victim's seat, You're getting energy, But it's just yucky. Like it doesn't feel good, But it feels like something, Right? So well, That was really good. That was, I like that. That was great. Cool. My pleasure. And what you can do is you can, There's another, Well, Okay. My ADHD is kicking in 8, 000 things that want to be said all at the same time. Trust me. I know how that is. I'm impressed with both of us. We're carrying a conversation that looks like we're both moderately, Maybe, Normally. Sort of. I don't know. We're not boomeranging too much, But yeah. Yeah, Exactly. Okay. So let's look at the victim thing for a moment is what people do is they function from my point of view is people do the best job they can with the tools they have available. And in the case of victim, Here's an interesting thing that I found is victims are actually victimizing others and controlling them with their being a victim. I'm glad you said that nice and slow. Can we do it again? Say it again. Yes. Victims are actually victimizing others and controlling them with their victimhood. Oh, That's good too. Okay. I wish I could drop the mic because these are some really powerful statements. Okay. So if you look at that, It's an interesting thing because what that allows you to do, If you're the person interacting with the victim, You now have a different perspective because the way the world works is it's like, I have such need. It is up to you to take care of me. I am in such need that of course you must give to me. You have more than I do. You should give to me. Yeah. Well, Here's the difficulty with that. If they were truly willing to receive, They wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. Now, Some people, I'm talking more about chronic victims, Okay? Yeah, Yeah. Everybody can be down on their luck, But here's the thing you want to look at with a victim if you're outside of the situation is if I do this for them, If I give them something, Is it actually going to change their world? And if not, The greatest thing you can do is say, I am so sorry, I would love to, But I don't actually have the time. I don't have the money, Whatever right now. And why? Because they're used to pulling on people's heartstrings and their guilt strings and people feel bad when they're happy and when they have more than somebody else and a victim uses that to basically manipulate people into getting whatever they want, Whatever it is. And it's so funny because in saying this, You know, There's so many people out there that you can tell are going to go, Holy crap, Really? Okay. You know, Like we've all been dealing with people like this in our lives, But what I found is the, Here's the other thing that goes on. You know how I said, Your point of view creates your reality. Reality doesn't create your point of view. So the victim is functioning from the point of view that they have massive needs and no power. When you see them as somebody who is so powerful that they're able to manipulate people to give them things rather than go to work themselves or whatever it is, It changes the game because you're acknowledging the man behind the curtain. If they're committed to remaining the victim, They will get angry at you. They will tell you you're wrong and you have no caring and they will storm out of the room or tell everybody you're a terrible person. If they're committed to remaining a victim, If they're actually one of those people, Because if they're actually one of those people that if you contribute to them, It will actually change their life. They will go, Wow, Thank you. And so not all victims are created equal. A true victim is somebody who's learned that this is the way to manipulate people and get what they want. And they literally are doing control by victimizing others with how badly they're victimized. That is always a learned behavior. That needs to be on a poster. We need this as a public service announcement. So damn good. Yeah, So true. I know some victims and they are very manipulative. No doubt about it. And so invested in being that victim. They're not going to give that thing up for anything. And they do. They kind of get sometimes what they want, But it's yucky. I mean, That energy is yuck, Right? And that's the thing is like, And you look at this person and they're so, You can tell they're like Linus or Pigpen, You know, Pulling this black cloud to them all the time so they can maintain that story. But it's just a story. Yeah. It's just a story. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And if we would, If we would get over buying, Telling and selling our story to others, Boy, There's a lot of freedom down that road. So true. Oh, That was so good. Thank you. Thank you. You know, I could, We could just boomerang through so many topics. We can talk about this. I'm like, I'm writing things down. Oh, Wait, I want to talk about this, This and this and this. We need like a four hour show. Tell us quickly. Cause we're just about the end here. You have a new book, Which we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about on a live stream. I want to hear about this body whispering. What's this all about? What'd you write for us? It's so cool because for the people that, That value the conversations that you have, This is a way of connecting with their body in a way that allows them to create it, Allows them to change it, But allows them to adore it and have it as their best friend. And it's got some of the conversations that we've had or some of the concepts that we've talked about and how to apply that to your body. And this is, I have coauthored, I think 30 some books at this point and authored 10 or 11. I don't know. Something. Yeah. And this is one of my favorites. This thing is just, It's so wonderful for bodies. It's written for people with bodies basically. Only those people? Yeah. Those people, You know, Other people probably aren't going to get as much from it, But those people with bodies. Totally. They're going to love it. Yeah. So this is about healing. This is, Tell us a little bit more who would want to, Other than people with bodies, What's going on in the body? Definitely for people that work with people with bodies. Because when I started doing access, There was this energetic work called, That I now call energetic synthesis of being, That was a way of working with people's bodies energetically. But what it started giving me, I felt like I was having this behind the scenes of the making of what creates people's bodies and their limitations and how to go beyond them. That I was like, Am I the only one getting this? You know? And so there was so much information that I got that I wanted to put it in a book. And so it's about how you can change things that you would like to. It's about also the idea that if we would get out of judgment of our bodies, Our bodies would do whatever we would ask. And I run people through, Give them a way of going through that process. And this clearing statement is also in there. And we do things related to bodies with the clearing statement. And so also though, If you happen to be a practitioner, There's a lot of great information in there about honoring you, About what to charge, About how to actually go about change. Because what I found is the way you change things for your clients is from your being. Your technique is secondary or tertiary. It's your being that changes people. When you show up with no judgment and you don't see them as a wrongness, The wrongness starts to melt out of their world. And 99% of what creates as a problem in our body is based on a judgment or a sense of wrongness that we can undo. Yeah. I love what you just said. I've even said this to my coaches. I always say clean your slate because when you're with a client, You're showing up with presence and that's what's changing and transforming people. They're picking up on you. You don't have to say anything. We can just sit in someone else's energy field that's healthy. We become more like them. It's kind of the reverse of what we talked about in the beginning. Instead of picking up on everyone's loneliness or grief or depression, You also pick up on healthy people. You start to become more like them. Love that. Ooh, I look forward to reading this book. Well, I look forward to you reading it also. I will send you a copy. Thank you. I would love that. My pleasure. Thank you. It's been always so fun to talk to you. Thank you so much for everything that you do for the world, Really. You do some incredible work, So it's really just an honor to have this time with you. Thank you so much for joining me today. I wish you a beautiful week and I'll see you next week for the next show.

Reviews

Absolutely fascinating, thank you for sharing this Michelle 🙏

This talk was really interesting. I will listen to it again. I couldn’t tell exactly what he was saying. pock n pod?

That was so informative!!! And life changing! I used it this morning and I immediately felt better...there was so much to take away from this but the victim hood info at the end...just wow! I had to end a connection with someone recently who had filled my head and heart with their childhood trauma one our first date that I immediately felt bad for having done inner work and healing. After the connection ended, I was depressed for weeks and felt immense amount of guilt and didn't understand why, I was just choosing my own well being. Asking the mom and dad questions, I know where this came from now...and I am destroying and uncreative this!!!

Wow!
More to follow up on !
much to chew on
thanks Michelle