So there was a young monk that had a very busy mind,
That had a mind that was filled with all sorts of thoughts and fears and worries,
And it was just driving him nuts.
So he goes to see this great master,
Bodhidharma,
And he says to Bodhidharma,
He's like,
My mind is just driving me crazy.
He's like,
Please,
Will you pacify my mind for me?
I can't take it anymore.
So Bodhidharma says,
Sure,
I'll pacify your mind.
Show me your mind.
And the young man thinks about it for a moment,
And he's looking for the mind,
And he says,
I can't locate it,
I can't find it,
I can't show it to you.
And Bodhidharma says,
There you go,
I've pacified your mind.
So we can all relate to a time,
Maybe very recently,
Where our mind was just filled with doubt and concerns and regrets,
And we would give anything in that moment to have someone pacify our minds for us.
And so it's really rather extraordinary that something can cause so much suffering that we can't even locate,
That we can't find.
And of course,
We can't find the mind because the mind is activity.
It's the activity of thinking.
So thoughts arise,
Thinking happening,
Activity of thinking,
Mind arising.
Thoughts fade away,
Thoughts pass away,
So does the activity of thinking passes away,
The mind passes away.
It comes and goes with the activity of thinking.
And what we are thinking about plays a huge role in how we are feeling in any given moment.
If we're thinking thoughts of kindness,
Of gratitude,
Of helping out a friend,
Of generosity,
Generally speaking,
Relatively speaking,
We're feeling pretty good.
And if we're thinking,
Judging thoughts,
Judging someone else,
Judging ourselves,
Doubting ourselves,
Comparing ourselves,
We're generally not feeling very good in that moment.
We're not feeling very good about ourselves in that moment.
And yet,
Not one of us knows what our next thought is going to be.
You don't know what you're going to be thinking about in 15 minutes.
You don't know what you're going to be thinking when you lay your head down on your pillow tonight as you go to sleep.
You don't know what you're going to be thinking when you wake up in the morning.
And yet,
So much of what you are thinking about influences how you are feeling.
And so,
It's not even so much the thoughts themselves.
It's the identification with our thoughts.
That whatever we're thinking about when we're thinking about ourselves,
That we're seeing it as our identity.
If I'm thinking about,
I made a mistake earlier,
And I'm such an idiot,
And there's some anxiety around that,
There's a feeling like,
That's me.
That's me that I'm thinking about.
If I'm thinking about an argument that I had with someone,
And I'm really feeling like,
Oh,
I shouldn't have said that,
Or I should have done that,
This bad feeling and this kind of image of me there is like,
Oh,
Behind the thoughts,
That's me.
That's who I am.
That the story of me,
The thought-created me,
Is who I am.
And of course,
We talk about this a lot,
And we've really been talking about this a lot this year as we've been going through the different mantras,
Right?
Seeing how the story of me gets created when I think I'll finally be happy when I get over there,
And I will finally be happy when I push this unpleasant thing away,
Or the judging,
Or the comparing,
Or the narrating.
And we've really seen how all of these mind movements create a great deal of suffering for us.
And to a large degree,
Most everyone is on board with wanting to abandon,
To let go,
Of the identification with those thoughts.
It's almost a sigh of relief when we go,
Oh,
I'm not my judging thoughts.
You're not,
Right?
The judging is because of the conditioning of our culture,
Other conditions that were arising that the judging thoughts came.
You didn't ask for the judging thoughts,
And yet there they were,
And they're not you.
And so there's a great deal of relief in many ways when we hear this,
Like,
Yes,
I'm happy to get rid of the identification with that.
But we're not happy to get rid of the entire identification with our thoughts.
The pleasant thoughts,
The thinking,
You know,
When I've done something good,
When something good's going on,
Or I've done something kind,
Or gratitude,
Right,
We're not quite ready to get rid of the identification entirely with the thought-created me.
And yet,
You can't have the good image without the bad image.
They're two sides of the same coin.
And so we can't just say,
Well,
I'm willing to take half of the thought-created image and then abandon the other half.
We have to be willing to abandon the entire thought-created image because the thought-created image of ourselves,
That identity,
Seeing ourselves as a fixed,
Separate,
Solid self,
Right,
The thought-created me,
That's where the suffering is coming from.
And of course,
When I say that,
When I say,
Like,
Giving up the identity of a fixed,
Solid,
Separate,
Independent me,
We kind of hear that as,
Oh,
I must be saying that you don't exist.
And I'm not saying that.
Everyone here exists,
Right?
It's just that we don't exist the way we think we exist.
And every time we think about ourselves,
Think about what I want,
What I don't want,
When we think in that way and we see ourselves as a separate,
Solid,
Independent,
Fixed identity,
That's an illusion.
That's not real.
It's an appearance,
Not who you are.
And so,
Last week,
When we talked about that experience is happening and there is the knowing of experience,
Right,
And the knowing,
Not a thing,
Not something solid,
Not an object,
Not separate,
Not something that's graspable,
And also,
Not a landing.
And so,
When we hear that,
The separate self really starts to panic because now it's exposing that what it's been doing the whole time is trying to find a place to land.
That's what's happening in the chasing.
If I can just get over there,
If I can just get this promotion,
If I can just get this pay raise,
If I can just get this investment to work out,
If I can just get this praise,
This recognition,
Then I can finally get somewhere and I can land and I can stay there.
Or if I can just push this uncomfortable situation away,
The criticism,
The feeling excluded,
The difficult conversation,
The big bill,
If I can just get this thing away,
Then I can finally land and I'll be okay,
Because surely nothing else unpleasant is ever going to come in my life.
But this is what we tell ourselves.
If I can just get there,
I can land.
And then we also say,
And in spirituality,
If I can just become enlightened,
Then I'll be okay.
So,
We're looking for a landing the entire time.
And because we're looking for a landing,
And now I'm kind of pulling that,
I'm pulling the rug out from under you,
The separate self says,
Oh my God,
Then this must mean nihilism.
It must mean that nothing matters,
That nothing exists.
Like this is the extreme that it goes to.
And again,
Every one of us exists as an interdependent,
Interconnected,
Impermanent,
Arising,
Changing moment by moment by moment,
Nothing that we could pin down.
And we're not asking,
We're not being asked to take this on blind faith.
The path that we follow here is really very much a scientific path.
That we're really,
When we're using mindfulness,
Mindfulness when we recognize we're getting lost in some story about what happened last week and why that conversation shouldn't have happened that way.
And we recognize that,
And we allow ourselves to come into the feelings and be with the feelings and breathe and be with what's here.
Right?
The thoughts,
They came,
They went away.
The little thought created me came and it went away.
Right?
Because now we're in with the feelings.
And that contraction that was so associated with the thoughts,
The story of me,
The thought created me,
Because we come in and we feel it and we allow the feelings to be here just as they are.
In fact,
We breathe and we give it space and the feelings start to change.
And the emotion that was simply the thought plus the feeling,
Right?
Because the thought's gone now and the feelings changed.
Now the emotion has also changed.
And there's this recognition that yes,
Thoughts,
Feelings,
Emotions,
They come and they go.
They come and they go.
They come and they go.
And then,
As we're often bringing in the practice of self-inquiry,
To go even further and question the one that we think is behind all the thinking.
And this is not,
And I will just say,
The self-inquiry that I talk about is not part of a Buddhist path.
It's a practice that comes from Advaita Vedanta.
It's a practice,
Even though 90% of what I'm teaching is Buddhism,
And I would say 90% of the path here has been Buddhism,
It was this practice that's kind of picked up the tone to go the final way.
Because it really cuts directly to seeing that there is no separate self.
That when we ask the question,
To whom do those thoughts belong?
It slices right through because now we're looking,
Remember,
The thought created me only arises when I'm thinking about what do I want,
What do I not want?
Chasing,
Resisting,
Desire,
Aversion.
These two main mind movements.
Everything else falls under that when I'm not wanting the judging,
I'm not wanting the comparing,
Or I'm wanting what they want and I don't want what I have.
The regret,
The jealousy,
The anger,
The fear,
All of these things come under these two main mind movements.
I want,
I don't want.
So when I'm thinking about myself,
There's a little thought created me,
It only appears in those thoughts.
And it's just an assumption that it's there that we don't check.
So now we've settled,
We've used mindfulness and we've come into the body and we're feeling what's here.
And now we check and we ask,
To whom did those thoughts belong?
And you can't find it.
You can't find it.
Because it only appears in particular types of thoughts.
But even in the questioning of it,
What you see is there is nothing solid and independent there.
And I put self-inquiry often on the back of mindfulness.
Because sometimes people will use this practice as a way to bypass feeling what's here.
And if you cannot feel what's here,
Then you are,
You are kind of unconsciously reinforcing the idea that there is something here that doesn't want to be felt.
There is something here feeling it that can't bear to feel it.
So you're actually reinforcing the idea of the separate self of the ego,
If you're not able to feel what's here.
And it is more of an advanced practice in asking this question.
It cuts right to the chase.
And this isn't a criticism of Buddhism at all,
Because Buddhism definitely questions the separate self.
And I just wanted to add a little bit on with this.
You know,
Buddhism would generally say,
You know,
Look for the separate self in the five aggregates,
Right?
Form,
Feeling,
Perception,
Volition,
Right?
Mental consciousness,
And then sense consciousness.
Look for the separate self in there.
Look for the solid self in there.
And just personally,
Even as a Buddhist teacher,
I will tell you,
It seems rather dry and intellectual to do that.
And I much prefer,
So I do merge a little bit of Advaita Vedanta here with Buddhism.
And I just wanted to be clear about that,
Just so that you knew that's not,
No,
That's not a Buddhist practice.
And it's generally a more advanced practice.
But when we tack it on on the end of mindfulness,
So you're not avoiding the feelings,
You're being with what's here.
And then you ask the question,
To whom do those thoughts belong?
Now you are going that extra step,
And you're seeing there is nothing solid and separate behind it.
Behind the thoughts.
It's very scientific.
We should see.
If we don't know what thoughts are going to arise in our head,
Right,
None of us knows.
And it's going to determine how much of how we feel,
Because we're identifying with it.
We should question whether there is really something there to identify with or not.
So when we go through the mindfulness practice,
And then we question,
To whom do those thoughts belong,
We're really seeing there is nothing solid there.
What you've been identifying with is a mirage,
An appearance,
But not you.
It comes and it goes with particular types of thoughts.
But the knowing,
When we ask,
And what is it that knows?
Not a thing.
Not a thing.
Not something graspable.
There's the knowing of experiences that,
You know,
That there's never been a moment of experience that hasn't been known.
So in doing our practices,
Which are very,
We really are verifying this,
You don't disappear,
But the illusion does disappear.
The illusion of a separate,
Solid,
Fixed,
Independent you disappears.
And so thinking still happens.
You know,
Intentions still arise.
Goals still arise.
Planning still happens.
Preferences still arise.
Momentum,
Activity,
All still happening.
Just without the claiming of these activities,
Without identifying with them.
And if we don't identify with them,
Then we don't have the psychological distress that is associated with them.
And we're not in that situation of constantly needing our minds to be pacified,
Because there's no identification with it.
Activity happening,
Things happening,
No one claiming it.
And this doesn't mean that,
You know,
I couldn't call up Julie down here in Mexico,
She's about an hour away from me,
And say,
Hey,
Julie,
Where are you right now?
She wouldn't say,
Oh,
No one here,
No Julie here,
And she'd hang up the phone,
Right?
She'd say,
Oh,
Hey,
Meredith,
Hey,
I'm in Los Berrios right now,
What are you doing,
Julie?
I'm getting ready to go kiting.
Because that's what Julie does.
Actually,
No,
Now Julie's getting ready to go winging.
That's what Julie does.
Those are the activities of Julie.
If you were to call me up and ask,
What am I doing?
I might be cooking something,
I might be just putzing around the house,
Might be gardening and with the dogs,
Because that's the activities that are happening here.
I'm not saying that there is no one here.
There is someone here,
But it is constantly changing,
Constantly changing,
And yet,
Each of us,
Because we have all arisen through trillions and trillions and trillions of different causes and conditions,
Different activities taking place here versus what Alice is doing or what Diane is doing or what Tracy is doing.
None of us chose our preferences.
None of us chose them.
I like Coke Zero.
I don't like Diet Pepsi.
I use that example a lot,
Because it's true.
I can't not not like Diet Pepsi.
I can't not not like Coke Zero.
I don't have to have a Coke Zero every day,
But the liking of it,
I didn't choose that.
The liking of the lifestyle here,
I didn't choose it.
There's no claiming of it.
There's no identity associated in it.
And when there's no claiming of it as a fixed,
Solid,
Independent,
Separate self,
There's no distress psychologically.
There's no contraction.
So you didn't disappear.
Nobody disappeared.
What happened was that the grasping stopped.
That the grasping at looking for a place to land went away.
That's what changed.
And that's where all the distress is,
Because we are constantly looking for a place to land.
And there is nowhere to land,
Not in the material world,
Not in the spiritual world.
There is nowhere to land.
Each of us is going to experience 10,
000 joys,
10,
000 sorrows.
It's the reality of the world that we live in.
There would be nothing to experience.
If there wasn't up,
There couldn't be down.
If there wasn't hot,
There couldn't be cold.
If there wasn't gain,
There couldn't be loss.
If there wasn't comfort,
There couldn't be discomfort.
If there wasn't praise,
There couldn't be blame.
That this is how the world is experienced.
And yet,
We are constantly grasping at some fixed identity that somehow I'm finally going to get somewhere,
And I'm going to stay,
And I'm only going to experience the pleasant,
And I'm never going to experience the unpleasant.
And so when we're feeling good,
And the conditions are good,
And we really,
We enjoy,
Right,
Like,
Yeah,
This is nice.
The conditions are good.
You're feeling good,
Right?
But there's no grasping at it,
Because when it changes,
A little later,
It'll change.
And maybe there was some disappointment,
Or there's just a feeling a little bit off,
Right?
There's no clinging,
Oh,
And no identity,
Oh,
I had it,
Now I've lost it.
What can I do?
Oh,
My God,
I can't believe this has happened to me again.
I'm such a loser.
There's just no making an identification out of it.
That's what's happening.
Conditions change.
Sometimes we're feeling pleasant sensations.
Sometimes we're feeling unpleasant sensations.
But the more that we recognize these changing conditions,
And that there's nothing fixed,
Fixed,
And solid,
And independent here,
Not saying there's not a personality here,
That there's not preferences here,
That there's not activity happening here,
But nothing fixed,
Nothing that you could pin down.
And so the more that we can recognize that,
The more we're allowing life to happen,
Right?
This is what's happening now,
This is what's happening.
Trillions of conditions coming together,
And then we go up in our heads trying to fight it.
Okay,
A little bit unpleasant right now,
Won't last.
Don't have to make an identity out of it.
We don't have to create any mental anxiety out of it.
And then,
Therefore,
The mind that will need to be pacified at some stage,
It's just this is what's happening now.
Don't need to identify with it.
And when the conditions are good,
Yay,
Enjoy it.
Those are the good conditions.
Yay,
No problem.
But no grasping at it,
No making an identification out of it.
Because the moment that we make an identification out of it,
We try and make a fixed,
Solid,
Independent,
Separate identity out of this.
The moment we're suffering,
We're fighting life,
We're struggling against life.
And the peace and the freedom is the absence of the struggle.
Not saying that there's not action that can't take place.
If there's a thorn in your foot,
Take it out,
For sure.
Splinter in your hand,
Take it out.
But this idea that there's somewhere that we could get to and land,
That there is something fixed and solid and independent here,
That could get somewhere else,
That could be fixed and solid and independent and stay,
It's just suffering.
It's just suffering.
We're not seeing things clearly.
We're not living in the flow of life.
In fact,
I would argue we end up missing most of our lives because we're so busy looking at our little avatar in our VR headset,
And we're missing seeing what's here.
We're missing seeing what is happening right now,
How life is unfolding moment by moment,
How each of us is unfolding moment by moment.
The mystery of that,
You know,
The surprise of how this afternoon is going to unfold.
None of us knows.
But we're so busy trying to control and trying to get somewhere,
We miss the joy of seeing,
I wonder what's going to happen next.
And even as a plan pops in our head,
I think I'll do that,
But let's see.
Let's see how that plays out.
So there's a greater sense of openness,
Of lightness,
Of freedom,
Of ease,
Of peace,
When we don't identify with our thoughts,
Because our thoughts are not who we are.
And none of us knows what our next thought is going to be.
And the more that we,
Or the less that we identify with a fixed,
Independent,
Solid,
Separate me,
Our thoughts start to slow down.
They lose power over us.
Thinking's still happening.
No thinker behind it.
Doing's still happening.
No doer behind it.
Life still happens.
In fact,
It happens,
And you're here,
And you're here,
And you're not fighting it,
And we're riding the ups and downs.
And there's less struggle,
And there is no need to have our minds pacified any longer,
Because we don't get attached,
Because we don't get attached in the first place.
The psychological distress comes in the claiming,
Comes in the claiming.
So this is very scientific.
We are looking for it.
We're looking for it in mindfulness.
We're looking for it in self-inquiry.
See for yourself.
This is a path of seeing this for yourself.
We shouldn't let an appearance,
An illusion,
Run our entire lives without checking to see if it's there.
And in seeing that it's not there,
The freedom that opens up,
The spaciousness,
The ease to be who you are,
To be who you are.
You didn't choose your preferences.
You didn't choose your conditioning.
And how much of the time we're so busy trying to become,
We're so busy trying to become something,
And kind of pushing down on who it is that we are,
It's like,
I can be who I am.
It's okay.
It's not personal.
It's not personal.
But sure,
There's preferences here.
Yeah,
But none of it's personal.
None of it's personal.
So look for yourself.
That's my advice,
Is look for yourself.
Look for yourself.
Look for yourself.
The freedom is in seeing through the illusion,
And in no longer grasping,
In the absence of grasping.
