I recently spent a week in Joshua Tree.
That place is vast,
Magical,
It's hard to describe what it felt like being there.
Somewhere between reality and a dream.
The energies of safety and freedom were very alive for me the second I booked what I had initially planned to be a solo trip.
On the way there,
I had several very stressful experiences.
At the beginning of the drive,
A hurried driver passed another in a dangerous section of the highway.
My life and the lives of several others flashed before my eyes as they were seconds away from causing a huge accident.
Shortly after,
I spent about an hour in fog so dense that I could only see a few feet in front of my car.
It was a hilariously spot-on metaphor for my life right now.
Just keep going,
Trust,
But you're not going to be able to see anything.
I followed another car with a semi-truck behind me,
All of us with our lights and hazards on,
Barely moving.
I was deep in fear,
Trying to calm myself moment by moment,
Trying to come back to safety and trust.
It was really interesting how much safer I felt following another car,
And even safer when the giant semi-truck started following me.
I was in a foggy car sandwich and I started breathing a little easier.
More unsettling moments continued throughout my drive with more layers of fear to say hello to.
It really surprised me as I normally feel so much freedom when I traveled.
By the time I got there,
My nervous system was completely shot and it took me a really long time to land.
Traveling solo as a woman brings up a lot.
The American culture really pumps bucketloads of fear into us.
Stay home,
Stay safe.
If you claim your freedom,
If you travel and explore the world,
Something horrible will happen to you.
I am regularly hearing responses from others with every single adventure I take.
You are going alone?
You are so brave.
I am so jealous.
I could never do that.
My family would fall apart without me.
Dead silence,
Insert look of horror and confusion.
I share all of this without judgment.
If you want to stay home,
Stay home.
If you want to travel,
Travel.
But please get curious about what is actually true for you.
I ended up inviting my partner to join me for two days.
He enjoyed some solo time before I arrived and I had some time alone after he left.
I hate to admit this,
But I felt way safer in his presence.
As a woman traveling solo,
Some of the fear is so freaking valid.
Horrible things do happen.
Most of us have been abused in many ways.
All of us have had traumatic experiences that affect how we show up in the world,
Especially in new environments.
All of it is completely valid and our safety starts within.
We get to create and own our safety for ourselves first,
To love on the parts of ourselves that do not feel safe,
To validate and listen to all these parts have to share,
To self-lead and create a safe sanctuary within.
We then get to choose safe people and safe spaces.
Not from lack,
Control or disempowerment,
But from our knowing that we are safe and have the ability to set boundaries,
Leave unsafe environments and honor our internal compass.
There is a big difference in setting boundaries and expressing what we need to feel safe versus rigidly controlling others in an attempt to feel safe.
And holy moly,
There is a lot here and it's complex.
During my trip,
Both in my solo time and in my time with my partner,
I kept hitting so many different energies that all had the same root.
You have to choose.
You can be safe or you can be free.
You cannot claim both safety and freedom.
I'm happy to report that that is utter crap and that deeply plays into the patriarchy programming that limits all of us.
Notice where in your life you feel you have to choose between your safety and your freedom.
Parenting,
Partnership,
Career,
Following your passions and purpose.
This lie permeates so much of our lives.
Where do you feel small,
Numb,
Disempowered,
Trapped or resentful?
Look there.
I'm never here to tell you what is right or what is wrong.
I am here to shine a light to help you honor what is true for you.
Not what you've been told is true,
Not what is true for others,
Not what should be true,
But what is actually true for you deep in your bones.
Forever setting fire to all that is untrue.
Sending you love,
My friends.
