I want to talk to you today about softening self-judgment.
And self-blame.
And especially leaning on a tradition from Jewish mysticism.
This time of year,
Right ahead of the high holidays in September and October,
Ahead of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
Is a time.
That we are meant to be introspective.
And look at.
What qualities or behaviors we want to change or improve about ourselves.
And that can be a time of intense self-blame.
And our tradition.
Provides us.
With a message about how to do this.
From a place of self-acceptance.
The month that Rosh Hashanah,
The Jewish New Year,
And Yom Kippur,
The Jewish Day.
Of looking inside and returning to where we want to be.
That those holidays take place in is Tishrei.
Right now,
We're in the month before that,
Which is called Elul.
And in the month of Elul,
We're meant to begin this process of looking inside and seeing what we want to change about ourselves.
Even with a sense of connecting to regret.
And sadness about our behavior or about our qualities.
That we wish were better.
Than they are.
The month of Elul,
When we begin this process of introspection,
Is a word that's taken from an acronym.
It's actually an acronym.
The letters are Alif,
Lamid,
Vav,
Lamid.
Like E-L-U-L,
And the word doesn't mean anything in itself.
It's an acronym for a knee.
Little t The duty.
These words are very central.
In Judaism.
To a sense of a loving relationship.
Between us and the Creator,
Between you and the Creator,
If you'd like to take this on yourself.
The words are ne le dodee,
Le dodee lee.
Mean I am for my beloved and my beloved is for me.
And this comes from Song of Songs,
The book of Song of Songs,
Which is about a romantic love relationship.
But it's also taken to be.
An analogy?
For the relationship between us and God.
And the idea is that I am for The creator,
Or the spiritual force in the universe,
And the creator,
Or the spiritual force in the universe,
Is also there for me.
And these words again speak of deep closeness and love.
And acceptance.
Yearning for closeness with each other from a place of acceptance.
And this is the name of the month in which we start this process of self-assessment and introspection.
In a way that's often thought of as judgment,
And it is literally judgment,
We are using the quality we have and the skill we have of judgment the same as we judge whether it's a good time to cross the street,
Right?
The same as we judge,
Is this a person I want to be close with?
So we're looking at our own behaviors and our own qualities.
And seeing if somewhere we missed the mark and we want to get closer to a certain kind of behavior or a certain kind of being.
If you are doing this work of looking inside and seeing how you want to grow and change,
Jewish tradition tells us.
That this can be from a place of.
.
.
Longing for closeness and love,
From a place of love and acceptance.
Self-judgment may especially come up for you about issues of relationship about conflict,
And I invite you to look at my other teachings here on Insight Timer about self-compassion,
And being with feelings in the context of really challenging emotional and relational conflict.
All right.
Thanks for being with me.
I wish you.
.
.
Self-assessment or growth from a place of deep self-compassion,
And that won't be present for you all the time,
Because that's fake.
We have our more difficult feelings towards ourselves.
But to be able to return.
To that place of compassion and love for yourself,
Which is the most beneficial foundation for change and for growing.
Be well.
Take care.
