Hi,
Thanks so much for being here with me.
I'm doing a few meditations about how to be mindful during conflict.
And this is part of a project of mine that has to do with creating calm conflict,
Or creating calm for yourself during conflict,
So that you can choose your response and heal the relationship,
Or improve the relationship,
Feel good about your response,
And have it be less upsetting so that it doesn't get you so off track for the rest of your day.
I don't know if you're like me or not,
But conflict could sometimes really ruin my day,
Just making me feel so bad,
So that it was difficult for me to move on and just do other things,
Let alone the effect it had in the relationship.
So,
A few ways to be mindful during conflict,
And here's the first one.
And I'm going to talk about it a little bit,
And we can also practice it and visualize doing it during conflict.
So the first way to be mindful during conflict is to look up,
To simply notice where you are.
Because during conflict we're often zoomed in on the other person's face,
And the tone of voice,
Not in a mindful way at all,
But being very bothered by whatever's going on,
Being worried about what it's going to lead to,
Feeling like we should be able to handle it better,
Or feeling like the other person should be able to handle it better.
We're everywhere but here and now.
So during conflict,
One thing you can do in order to be mindful is simply to raise your glance and notice something in the room that you see,
Something beautiful,
Or something not at all beautiful,
Or something just,
You know,
Whatever,
Neutral.
And just noticing that you are in this room and there are things around you,
Or you're outside,
Wherever,
And there are things around you,
And the conflict is not the only thing that's going on.
And the thoughts that you're consumed with in your mind are part of what makes the conflict difficult,
And they're not actually happening right now.
The thoughts are just thoughts.
So the first way to practice mindfulness during conflict is simply to look up and notice something in the room where you are.
So try this right now.
Look up and let your eyes fall on something in the room you're in,
And see if you can find something that you like looking at.
So I'm noticing a glass of shelves that I have on the shelf opposite me.
And it's a lot of different shades of,
Neutral shades,
Grey,
Beige,
White,
And then the way the light hits the glass,
Which has a kind of square shape,
So there's a kind of stripe of light going down the glass,
Going down the top part of the glass.
And now I want to imagine myself,
And I invite you to imagine yourself doing that same act and same direction of your attention during conflict.
So imagine a conflict that comes up frequently,
Or a person that you frequently have conflict with,
And picture yourself there.
And just imagine yourself raising your eyes and looking at whatever item you chose to let your eyes fall on and your attention be with.
So there's the conflict,
But there's also this thing that's pretty and that pleases me to look at.
Now it could also be that you want to look at something that's not so pretty,
Or that you don't find anything pretty opposite you at the moment.
So I'm looking at a wooden cupboard,
The door of a wooden cupboard,
Which is kind of old and faded,
And just noticing the different shades of colour there,
And the light hitting the bevel of the wood frame in different stripes.
So again,
Taking a moment to imagine yourself during conflict,
Raising your glance and noticing where you are,
To help you ground in the here and now,
And hold onto your calm during conflict.
I wish you success in this,
And I'd love to hear if you use it,
How it goes for you.
And take a look for some other meditations and talks about how to be mindful during conflict,
And how to create calm during conflict.
