Hey,
This is Ish,
And in today's talk,
I'll be going over some reflections after officially hitting over 5,
000 lifetime hours of meditation practice.
And I use Insight Timer,
The meditation app,
To log and track basically all my sits.
So having reached 5,
000 hours,
It's been a journey,
And I'm halfway there to reach 10,
000 hours,
And I do aim to keep going.
So there's a lot of things I could talk about in this talk,
But just to keep things pretty concise,
I'll be going over how my overall intentions behind my meditation practice has shifted over the years,
What specific practices I've done and now currently practice,
And then I'll be going over how meditation has transformed all aspects of my life and what you can expect too.
I'll also be going over what meditation hasn't changed.
So let's go over first my history of meditation practice.
I was originally introduced to this practice at about 15 or 16.
Just because I got in trouble a lot at school and at home and I was stuck at home all day because I got grounded I was a troubled child.
I was getting into trouble all the time and Because I was stuck at home.
I read about meditation and something to do with pastime and It was also something that could have helped me Experience more peace throughout my day.
I was really hot-headed at the time and I also had a lot of unresolved trauma the time which I didn't realize until a bit later and And there was a lot of conflict in my life as well,
So meditation really helped me delve through some of the issues that I was working with at the time.
And I had noticed that I had experienced just a bit of peace while practicing,
So that encouraged me to keep going.
And at the time I was also working with a lot of relationship conflicts,
Especially with my parents and a lot of friends around me.
I also had certain attachment issues and behavioral problems,
Which manifested everywhere in my life.
And these issues also persisted well into my later teens and into my twenties.
So it was through learning meditation that I was kind of able to work with some of the issues,
Not completely,
But it was a start.
Then fast forward to college,
I made a commitment to meditate an hour every single day.
I was super extroverted but also had trouble again maintaining friendships and I would go to this tree by my campus and sit and meditate for an hour every single day.
And it was during that hour of practice,
I felt all my problems kind of disappear and I was able to find this sense of stability.
And this is really what started to fuel my practice,
Because I started to realize and gain confidence in the meditation practice.
I knew that,
Okay,
Life wasn't really going great in all other aspects of my life,
But for this one hour in my day,
I could find peace.
And that kept me going.
And at the time,
I would say I was doing more open awareness type meditation.
So it wasn't really a formalized structured practice,
But I would sit and just practice opening up my senses So it was kind of like a practice that resembled Zazen and also an open monitoring practice.
So this also probably drew me to Zen later on,
Which I'll discuss.
And it was during college that I also took a yoga teaching training.
And the style was based on Kripalu and also I practiced Hatha Yoga on the side too.
So I started to embody more of the body awareness practices.
Then in my early 20s,
I practiced Zen.
So more in the Soto style from the San Francisco Zen Center.
And I used to practice there in the city center and occasionally take retreats up in Green Gulch.
And that was really transformative as well.
And I started to delve more into the Buddhist route,
Having been a yogi for many years.
And then by my late 20s,
I started to make Buddhism more of the focus,
Just because,
At least in the US,
I've noticed a lot of the yoga studios were almost always focused on the asanas or yoga poses.
And as you may know,
The yoga poses are only a very small sliver of the entirety of yoga.
And I really couldn't find the answers.
I was teaching yoga and also practicing yoga and I was trying to really go deeper into the meditative aspects,
But no one was really teaching that.
And I couldn't find the answers at yoga studios.
So this led me to go more the Buddhist route and go to monasteries and temples and really study with monks to really understand deeper what meditation is all about.
So I started to delve into the more shamatha and vipassana styles in Theravada.
And I continued with Zen.
And then on the Vipassana side,
I practiced the Mahasi Sayadaw noting and labeling practice,
Which I talk about sometimes.
And then to deepen my concentration,
I started to go on Jhana retreats.
So I did a few with Lee Brasington,
And the Jhana is really great for me to experience because again you're taking your pleasure source away from the external world and then basing it on something internal.
And this can transform the way you orient in your world.
Because I was definitely more of a hedonist,
Seeking pleasure from the outside,
And it was through learning the different concentration states that I was able to start to taste what the spiritual bliss is like.
And then,
Fast forward to my current practice.
I'm now in my early 30s.
I started to practice the Brahma Viharas,
Which are loving states of the heart and mind.
And the Brahma Viharas were truly transformative in my life because it really can change your relationships in the world.
And like I mentioned earlier,
I had a lot of strained relationships and ways of relating in the world.
So practicing the Brahma Viharas really helped transform this aspect and also alleviate a lot of the suffering I had in my life.
Life.
And going further,
It actually made a lot of the social interactions in my life really great and rewarding and fulfilling.
And as a result,
This further created this more positive feedback loop,
Where more positive things start to happen in my life and unfold.
So it is a practice I continue to do every day because it is so transformative.
And what I'll say now as far as my practice is that What has changed a lot is that before a lot of my practice was based on striving and pushing,
I naturally have a very intense personality that likes to push and go forward.
It's very Yang focused.
And I think now what's changed is that I've gained more of a stability both in my internal world through meditation,
But also my external.
Life is very stable for me and both kind of go hand in hand and things are just okay in life.
And I definitely could not say that earlier,
In my younger years,
Where everything was just chaotic.
So there's nothing to really improve upon as far as meditation or life.
Everything is good.
But I still continue to practice.
So now I'm just starting to understand what the ancient masters have talked about where what they say practice and enlightenment is one.
So meaning there's no nothing to change really,
But rather your practice is an expression of just your way of being.
And there's it isn't a separate entity.
But still I still continue to practice.
I do about three hours of meditation every single day with having a full time job and other responsibilities.
Because I find this practice so rewarding in all aspects.
It really has a spillover effect to absolutely transform your life.
So let's go over some changes.
What has changed as a result of meditation and practicing meditation for so long.
Now I want to put a little caveat here is that it also depends on the individual as far as what changes you can expect as a result of practicing a lot of meditation.
So,
Very low on that.
Very stubborn and hot-headed.
And then I also had really a hard time focusing,
I had ADD and ADHD.
So if you think of it from a classic Buddhist standpoint or lens,
These would represent the three poisons,
Which I had in excess.
So the three poisons in Buddhism,
Which we are trying to eliminate are greed,
Hatred,
And delusion.
And I not only had greed in normal amounts,
I had an excess amount being a hedonist.
I had a lot of aversive qualities,
But not just a normal amount,
But so far to the extreme that we scored so low in agreeableness.
And then with the deluded part,
I was very spacey naturally.
I still am a space cadet sometimes.
Inability to focus or pay attention to what's going on,
Kind of like a,
Huh,
Mentality.
I was extremely far on that poison,
So to speak.
So my starting point was very.
.
.
Far removed but I continued to practice and what I noticed was Other people actually started to comment.
Hey,
You actually seem a lot softer than you are normally,
Especially people that I haven't seen in a few years.
And then I also noticed that.
.
.
I gained more focus and people would comment,
Okay,
You seem very focused.
Whereas before I was kind of in my own world not aware of anything.
And then people would also say you seem very calm and more reserved and that was very interesting because I was a loose cannon.
I was a bit of a spaz.
So it is interesting that people would notice these things and I continued to practice.
And to be honest,
These comments took me aback because I always saw myself as these as an angry person or a hot-headed person or someone that wasn't really that sweet.
But the practice actually has this ability to completely transform you in all different aspects.
I think I remember the first time someone told me,
You seem very happy.
And I'm like,
Me?
Happy?
What?
I thought I was this angsty person.
So the practice is truly rewarding.
I've also noticed that Through the practice alone,
I was able to control my impulses a lot.
And I started to become more health focused and I don't struggle with addictions as much as I did when I first started practicing where it was just I was in didn't have any control over my life at all in any way.
So developing the discipline of meditation actually helped with this aspect.
So let's go over some very practical changes you can observe from practicing meditation and hopefully this will motivate and inspire you as it did for me when I was starting out and you know reading different comments from People that had meditated,
You know for thousands of hours and what they personally noticed as a continued practice So hopefully it inspires you and inspires you to keep going because this practice is so rewarding Now,
Of course we can I can talk a lot about the very deep and rich spiritual experiences you can experience for yourself and you know,
They're very deep levels of bliss and out-of-body experiences and feelings of expansion and feelings of endless love and There's so much I can talk about there.
And these are all some things that different yogis over the generations have talked about,
Different psychic powers and things like that.
And these are all very fun to experience.
But I think the overall direction that this practice gets you to is to reduce your suffering and to kind of step outside the world of attachments where you're constantly getting pulled around by things.
And you're able to experience this very normal sense of happiness day to day.
Really crazy and out of this world,
Which you can experience,
But just a baseline level of peace,
Of contentment,
Of awareness,
Of seeing things very clearly.
These are all very practical things you can learn to develop on your cushion when you practice.
And I find that over the years there has been an overall reduction of suffering,
As I mentioned earlier,
Greater degrees of expansiveness,
And also your definition of who you are also expands by its very nature,
And a clearing away process.
Feel lighter as different traumas and baggages and things start to clear away.
And then also going into some very day-to-day things,
Meditation helps you really succeed in all aspects of your life.
So one of the first things I've noticed is an increase in an immense level of focus.
Now this is funny coming from me because I had very bad ADD like I mentioned.
So being able to focus at all was just a complete struggle.
I actually failed out of I think three or four different colleges and I got like a 2.
0 GPA in high school.
I was not able to focus at all.
When I was that much younger.
Contrast this to now,
Where I'm able to get a lot of my tasks done at work,
And now my senior leadership at work and my managers actually come to me as their go-to guy for solving different problems and to being on top of things.
And other people have also commented at work that I'm able to you know,
Get things done at a really lightning fast speed.
And that comes from the concentration aspect of meditation.
So meditation has helped me at work.
It has also helped me become less emotionally reactive to different situations,
Both in the world and also how my mind works.
Whenever I've taken personality tests in the past,
And I've talked about the Big 5 personality quite a bit,
The facet of neuroticism is how volatile your emotions are.
And whenever I've taken those tests in the past,
I've always gotten extremely high scores of something like 90%.
And my family is also like that,
So I wonder if there's like a genetic component.
So going from about 90% to now like 15% or 10% has been just life-changing because you learn how to deal with very strong emotions and currents that come up.
And emotions like anger or upset or irritation may still occur.
I mean,
You're not just this saint that doesn't experience any of these emotions.
You're a human being.
You do experience these emotions.
But what I'll notice is that.
These are just blips and very small things that occur that don't last.
So they just come and go like little waves in an ocean.
Contrast this to before when I first started practicing where difficult emotions would just rock me for days.
I would even think about very small things like someone blew me off or I got stuck in traffic or something.
Just something very minor I would think about and ruminate over.
Something that would never happen now.
And then another very awesome practical benefit is improved relationships.
And this is something I mentioned earlier where practicing the Brahma Viharas or loving states of the heart and mind such as loving kindness,
Compassion,
Sympathetic joy,
And equanimity,
And bringing that to all my interactions in life have improved my social relationships.
And it's also shifted the tone of my relationships.
One from where I was experiencing a lot of relationships based out of,
Say,
Fear or attachment or neediness,
To now where I can just enjoy someone's company,
I can enjoy the time together,
There's a non-attachment,
And there's also a nurturing quality.
And now my relationships tend to be a bit deeper.
Whereas before it was.
.
.
A lot more superficial and just on the surface and it just came and go and I didn't have that depth involved.
So that was something very nice to experience.
Another great benefit is experiencing unshakable confidence.
Spurred me to continue to keep practicing because I experienced that peace for that little bit and then went away,
But as long as I kept coming back to my practice,
I felt good.
So then I extended it out to two hours,
Then I extended it to three hours,
And I started practicing obviously outside the cushion,
So bringing mindfulness in all aspects of my life.
And it truly is a practice that keeps giving.
But as far as the confidence aspect,
It gave me this intuitive knowing that Whatever happened in life,
And no matter how hard or challenging different situations are in life,
I can always come back to my practice and things are okay.
And it also gave me a deeper understanding that whatever happens,
I'll be okay and I can handle it.
And that also changes your overall demeanor.
It's kind of like a spillover effect because now you walk through the world with complete ease because you know that nothing can affect you.
So as a result,
You're unruffled by everything.
And this can also have a very powerful influence on everyone all around you,
Because people are looking for that calm anchor in a storm.
And you can actually learn to become like that as a result of your practice.
All you have to do is show up,
Keep practicing,
And the effects will take hold in your life.
Now,
The last benefit I'll mention is that I've had a better control of different binges and impulses and more destructive lifestyle.
I think this is something that really marked a lot of my 20s.
I'd live a completely hedonistic lifestyle,
Blow tons of money,
Also experience a lot of alcoholism,
And even some darker stuff like self-harm,
Which I wouldn't really go into.
I've noticed that I'm able to gain a lot of.
.
.
Control over my actions,
I'm able to control that a bit more,
And also choose more positive and wholesome states of being.
And this is actually a facet of the Buddhist practice of discernment.
This is called Dhammavichaya.
It is about getting rid of the unwholesome factors of your life and choosing the more wholesome and favorable.
Outcomes.
And it is a practice because you have to flex that muscle of mindfulness to be able to choose what is good for you and actually be able to sustain that.
And your willpower needs to be developed to a point in which you can create an overall lifestyle and undo some of the bad habits.
That you've learned to develop.
And it does take some time,
But you can eventually just know that you can get a hold of it as you continue to practice and develop that willpower muscles as your mindfulness also starts to increase,
Your energy starts to increase,
And your effort starts to increase.
So I've talked quite a bit about,
You know,
All the changes.
Now,
What hasn't changed?
I,
Like I mentioned,
I don't think I've become this monk stereotype at all.
Like I mentioned,
I'm I think I'm naturally disagreeable.
I'm a little bit bossy.
I like to take I'm not really a passive go-with-the-flow kind of person.
Although I've learned to relax and let go a bit more.
So I don't think that aspect of myself has really changed.
Also,
I don't really relate to the whole hippie,
Peace and love,
Dancing in the woods kind of stereotype.
In fact,
The whole dance in the woods and be a hippie thing kind of actually makes me puke a little bit.
I really don't like that.
But I've noticed that that.
I have become just a bit more relaxed and more go with the flow for sure.
I also think that I still am a bit more extroverted,
But the difference is that I don't constantly seek out novelty like I did when I first started practicing where I was completely externally focused.
I can now draw my focus from inside and feel very great,
But I still seek things like positive friendships and good times with other people,
But it's not a compulsion and I also don't need it for my happiness.
A major thing because before I would be fueled by.
.
.
Things like validation or wanting things to be a certain way.
So I try to control the environment or go outside myself to find happiness.
But now I can find it from within,
But I just go outside to to more of an expression of enjoying the moment with other people or enjoying different sights and sounds and things,
Things like that.
But it comes from more of a wholesome and more balanced place nowadays.
And now my intention,
I think,
Is also to spread joy and spread love to other people out in the world.
And that relates to more archetypical work.
I think I relate a lot to the lover archetype.
I have a lot of that energy within me,
You know,
Naturally being a hedonist in the past.
I think that certain energy hasn't gone away,
But it's been transmuted to more of a love of life and enjoying life.
I still like to wear cool and funny clothes and wear rings and laugh with my friends and go out and have a good time,
But it's coming from a very wholesome place,
A positive place,
A place of spreading love and joy to other people,
Of service,
Of giving to others.
So the expression of how that comes out has changed.
So anyways,
That's my little talk on my reflection.
Of having hit 5,
000 hours of meditation practice.
I continue to do this practice every day.
It's changed a lot of aspects of my life,
And it definitely will for you if you continue to practice meditation.
You'll experience peace,
Joy,
Love,
And it starts off like that as a way to really handle some of your practical problems.
But I think if you continue to practice and actually be dedicated and put your hours in,
It can not only change your day-to-day aspects,
But also something much bigger and larger than yourself you weren't even aware of.
I think it's truly magical.
It's a practice that keeps giving.
And I encourage you to practice.
Thank you for listening.
