One Thing Leads To Another: Anger To Anger, Peace To Love

I'd like to think I can get away with being careless every so often, but the truth is, I can see how the slightest edge in my voice, the tiniest amount of anger or ill will, is obvious to everyone and just leads to more of the same. It's nice that the opposite is also true: kindness leads to kindness. I notice I can even topple my anger, with love. In this episode, what does any of that have to do with the law? Plenty.

Transcript

Hi everyone, It's Judy Cohen, And this is Wake Up Call 304. On today's call, I want to talk about how one thing leads to another, How anger leads to anger, How peace leads to love, And maybe how to choose peace in the law. So there's wisdom we've probably all heard from the Reverend Martin, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. And he said, Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. It's one of the things that's carved on one of the walls of Dr. King's Memorial in Washington, And I'm guessing that the saying is echoed in or derived from Christian theology, Since that was Dr. King's path, Although he was also a good friend of the great Vietnamese teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. But the saying anyway has a classical, Has a parallel in classical mindfulness as well, Where it's one of the actual, The fundamental teachings, It's the first teaching in a beloved text called the Dhammapada. And in that text, It goes something like this. This is Gil Fronsdale's translation. If we speak or act with a corrupted mind, Suffering follows as the wagon wheel follows the hoof of an ox. And if we speak or act with a peaceful mind, Happiness follows like a never departing shadow. So that's what the text says. And as with much of mindfulness, There's an example that goes along with the teaching. In this case, The example is, They abused me, Attacked me, Defeated me, Robbed me. For those carrying on like this, Hatred does not end. And for those not carrying on like this, Hatred ends. And then the teaching concludes with something that sounds very much like Dr. King. Hatred never ends through hatred. By non-hate alone does it end. This is an ancient truth. So no matter how many times I've read this and practiced with it in my own portable practice, The question always remains for me, How can it work in the law? Because if you take the example, They abused me, They attacked me, They defeated me, They robbed me, I feel like I hear that all the time. Lawyers say it, But it's also the clients who are saying it. And then even just friends talking to friends. I have this one friend who I've mentioned before and says, If you can't say anything nice about someone, Sit by me. But we do this as well, Just in ordinary conversation with people. You won't believe what happens. Or he attacked me or they took something from me or how dare she. And I can find myself right there as well. So in a way, This lament, They attacked me, They abused me, They defeated me, They robbed me, Is the reason that a client comes to a lawyer. And sometimes the reason a friend comes to a friend. In the law, In the public interest arena, Sometimes there's a greater harm being addressed. And it's less about some one person claiming they were abused or robbed. But sometimes someone is making that claim. And in the private sector, The refrain can be really personal. This person abused me or defeated me or my company. How can I get them back? What can I recover? So the law is adversarial. So in one way, The refrain is just a reflection of the system. And most folks aren't necessarily the same person. Most folks aren't necessarily studying mindfulness when they hire a lawyer. They're not aware of that a refrain like this is only going to perpetuate grief. In fact, They pretty much believe the opposite. They believe that the appropriate thing to do is to complain. And then we're going to file a complaint for them, Right? And then obtain redress. And by doing this, They can stop the cycle of suffering. So as much as this is the way our system works, From a mindfulness perspective, It's an incorrect point of view. Because however much the person recovers, Quote unquote, It won't stop the cycle of suffering. It won't stop their suffering. It won't stop the person against whom they prevail their suffering. But unless they and we are aware, Or remember that hatred cannot drive us out of hatred, That only love can do that, That only by non-hate does suffering end. And that this is an ancient truth. Unless we're aware of that, We aren't free to choose love. And if we are to where not only does hatred not drive out hate, But it does the opposite. It creates more suffering, Not just for the person or institution we're hating, But for ourselves. And that's why in classical mindfulness, Hatred is considered an affliction. So the question is, How do we not bring hate? Or if that's too strong a word, We can look at words like ill will or frustration or anger, But how do we not bring that into our advocacy? Now, How do we dive in and advocate whether it's for the good or it's just because the client demands it? And how do we do that without ill will? Even if the client is full of ill will, Right? It's not easy. And one of the reasons it's not easy is that ill will can really deceive because it can feel like it's providing energy. I've had many lawyers and law students say that their anger is what gives them motivation, That it's righteous, That it's protective. And I understand as best I can from a privileged perspective, Or at least I hear that righteous anger is motivational and protective. And yet I also see from my own practice that Dr. King was right and the ancient texts are right and that anger is not right. And that anger doesn't end anger. The minute I get angry or my anger shows up, Even if I'm thinking I'm hiding it, Right, It's like a poison arrow that lodges in the person I'm speaking with or working with. And then they pull out the arrow and they clean it off and they straighten it out and they put it back into their own bow and they drop out the string and they let it fly right back at me. And then I do the same and then they do the same. And then that's what we have. A profession, A world that's driven by hate or ill will or intolerance and not by love. And yet hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. Unfortunately, Most of the time I've already let the arrow fly before I realized what I'm feeling. If I don't take the time, I don't take just that one branch really to check in and see what I'm feeling. And if it's anger or resentment or any form of ill will, Empty my quiver and send down my bow. If I don't do that, I'm not giving myself the freedom to choose. And when I read Dr. King's first phrase, Darkness cannot drive out darkness, Only light can do that, I wonder if he's pointing at that ignorance can't drive out ignorance, That only the light of awareness can give us the freedom to really find our way. And by the way, It doesn't mean don't have anger, Don't have ill will. That's unrealistic. These things are going to come up. We're humans, Right? So we're going to have every emotion come up. It just means that if our goal is a more compassionate, Loving society, Then compassion and love need to be how we lead. Because if we speak or act with a corrupted mind, Suffering follows as the wagon wheel follows the hoof of the ox. And if we speak or act with a peaceful mind, Happiness follows like a never departing shadow. And awareness is how we know what we're leading with. And once we have that awareness, Then we're free to choose. Kigaku no Orosa said recently, We are the authors of our own destiny and being the authors, We are ultimately, Perhaps frighteningly free. Right? We're free to choose. And maybe that's also what Dr. King and the ancient texts are saying. So let's sit. So find your posture. Whenever posture is most supportive for you today. And let it be intentional. And let it be dignified. Roshi Joan Halifax is always reminding us, Strong back, Soft front. Let the back be strong because we have work to do in the world. And let the front be soft so that we can relate, See and take in and meet with love, All the suffering in the world and in our profession. Thank you. Amen. If it would be supportive, Interesting, You can call to mind some conflict that you are engaged in with someone, Some situation that involves advocacy. Or where you have to take a position. And then just explore what's present for you. Is there anger, Is there ill will, Disdain, Derision, So many ways that these unwholesome qualities can be named or can show up. They can be kind of sneaky. And just give yourself the choice right now. For the inquiry, Ask yourself, Is there a way to shift to love, To peace, To compassion? And still be the powerful advocate that you need to be. Amen. See if the heart can soften even though you won't necessarily give an inch. Amen. This is the beauty, Importance of solitary practice. We get to try things on. Like love in relation to someone we never would have thought would even be deserving of our love. And see, Just see. Might there be a way? Thanks everyone for being on the Wake Up Call today. Great to see you all. Take good care. Be safe. Have a good Thursday. Have a joyful weekend. I'll see you next week.