Meditation From Apology And Forgiveness

From a mindfulness perspective, this invitation is always present. 
In each moment, we know how to look, and see, whether we’re causing harm,
remember the consequences of doing that,
and back away or, if it’s too late, apologize.

It’s easier for me to write those words than to do the work.
And when I don’t, my conscience bothers me.
I don’t feel great about my day. Regret creeps in. And I don’t sleep well.

So today I’m going to apologize to some folks, and ask for forgiveness.

Transcript

So just finding a comfortable posture, Maybe this posture wants to be upright and alert for you, Because forgiveness is going to require your full and focused attention. Or maybe forgiveness is a practice that's already a part of your repertoire, And it's more of a practice that you want to relax into, Like a metta practice, A loving-kindness practice, And in that case maybe find a posture that's comfortable and relaxed, Leaning back in your chair. And we'll do this practice in three parts. First, We'll ask for forgiveness. So just consider some harm that you've caused to someone, And that you'd like to ask for forgiveness for. And maybe not the worst thing that you've ever done. Maybe work with something small for right now, Unless again you have this practice. And see how with the wisdom that you had at the time that you caused this harm, You were still doing the best that you could. And as much as you wish the situation had been different or you'd had more wisdom, This thing that you said or did is still just that. It's still the thing you said or did. And also see how if the same situation were to arise right now, Things might very well be different because now looking back, You feel remorse. You're ready to ask for forgiveness. But still, Things were not different at the time. And then in your heart right now, Call this person. Call this person to your heart. Call this person to mind, And ask for forgiveness. Will you forgive me? Can you forgive me? Maybe this is easy or maybe it's hard or something in between. But seeing if you can relax into just asking this person for forgiveness. And if you can, If you want to, And it would be useful, And if you can, See if you can create a memory of the way that you just asked the person for forgiveness. A memory of the actual words that arose in your heart. And a memory that you can access later. And use it to ask for forgiveness in real life, In real time. And maybe that will happen. Now let's shift to forgiveness for another person. And think about someone who has caused you harm. And again, Not the person who caused you the most harm, Some great harm that it would be difficult or maybe even counterproductive to work with in such a brief practice. But something small, Something small that you can work with right now. And we're building muscle here too, Right? We're building the heart muscle, Really. And see how with the wisdom that that person who caused you harm had at the time that they harmed you. Things couldn't have been different. They had nothing better to offer. Maybe someday they will, Maybe not. But at that time, Things could not have been different. And say to the person, Say to the person, Well, Say to the person, I forgive you. And if that's difficult, I know for me it's difficult. If it's difficult for you, Call up some self-compassion, Maybe put your hand on your heart. Consider maybe how it feels to not be able to forgive. The heart might be heavy or tight. There might be a tightness or burning sensation in the chest or the throat when you think of the person or some other way. That the body manifests whatever attitude other than forgiveness arises when you remember this harm. And see if that perspective helps thinking about a relief. Would it be a relief? Wouldn't it be a relief if you could just put down that hot coal and not be burned by the memory of this harm? And then see if it's possible to circle back and say to the person in your own heart, I forgive you. You're welcome to take this with you out into real life as well and see if you want to reach out to this person. And then let's shift to forgiving ourselves, The third element of forgiveness. Just think about something that you've said or done that you'd like to forgive yourself for. And if nothing arises, You know, If you're like me, Kind of hard on yourself, And might even consider forgiveness some kind of impediment to being the kind of person you aspire to be, Then just imagine it's your best friend, Or your beloved, Or your most loving caregiver from when you were a tiny kid, Or a religious figure, Or anyone who really, Really loves you. And ask yourself, What would you forgive yourself for if you were to forgive yourself for someone who really, Really loves you? And ask that person to remind you right now of something that you can forgive yourself for. And just see how with the wisdom you had at the time you said or did the thing, Things really couldn't have been different. But how if the same situation were to arise right now, Things might very well be different because you have this wisdom to even look right now and to see. And then say, I forgive myself. I forgive myself.