Calm Without Control

How does one stay calm in a situation they can't control? You can boil this question down to our basic urges to get comfortable and find answers. In this practice, we'll train our ability to be okay with discomfort and uncertainty by working with body sensations.

Transcript

I want to talk a little bit about. Our theme today, Which is Calm Without Control. And I was actually just talking to the team about this and trying to see whether my interpretation of those three words was right. And I'm going to get back to that idea of right. Bye. Whether it was aligned with the way we were thinking about it, And it was so the idea being. How does one stay calm in a situation where they can't control, You know, They can't control the situation, They can't control the outcome? How do you stay calm in a situation like that? And I think the story starts, If you really think to some of the basic urges we have as human beings, You can almost boil down almost everything we do into sort of two categories. We're trying to get comfortable, And we're trying to understand things. In other words, We want to experience pleasure, And we want answers, Right? And if you reflect on your life, It's It's humbling. How much of what we do is kind of like totally put into those two categories. And it's really important then to take a step back and acknowledge, Well, We can't always be comfortable. Sometimes we've got pain. Sometimes it's emotional pain. Sometimes it's physical pain. We can't just snap our fingers and make it go away, Right? And then that brings me to the other one. Sometimes there's no answer. Sometimes there are things we can't understand. We are only human beings and the universe is vast. Of stars out there, Tons of empty space. There's questions about what it is to be a conscious being. We don't really know what love is either. And sometimes we can't get a clear answer. And so the question is, How do we maintain a sense of well being or dare I say a sense of happiness in those situations where we don't understand something and maybe there's no way to understand it. And how do we do it when we can't necessarily get comfortable maybe we're dealing with pain or discomfort, Maybe we have a. Disease that this ease maybe we have challenges that we're facing so. There's a kind of fundamental thing that we work with in these kinds of well-being practices is learning to be comfortable. Sorry, Learning to be okay when we're not comfortable and learning to be okay when we don't understand and we don't have a clear answer. And that's what we're going to explore today. So I hope you're ready to explore this question. Ultimately, If you think about, You know, The history of human beings and culture, And you think about philosophy and spiritual and religious traditions and our ancestors, And you think about the history of science as well, There's a strong kind of intention. Within a lot of it. To try to find clear answers. And answers can be so seductive when someone comes and tells us that they have the answer. To a problem that we're facing. I mean, This is the foundation of all of marketing. When someone has an answer to a problem that you're facing, It's very seductive. Like, Oh, All I need to do is buy that, Or all I need to do is read that book, Or follow those teachings, Or take that pill, Or whatever it is, And all my problems will go away. I think what's really refreshing about many of the world's spiritual, Religious, And cultural traditions of contemplation is that they explore a different approach. They explore a sense of, Can I be OK even though I don't want to? Have the solution to this problem that I don't have the answer, Or can I be okay that I'm not comfortable? And so that's what we're going to explore. So I'm going to guide us in a 15-minute meditation. So if you know what you're doing, Feel free to assume your general meditation position. If you're more new to this, Please, First of all, You don't even have to follow the guidance. You can just listen and relax. That's totally an option for you if you just want to check this out. If you do feel like you want to kind of play along, I recommend and finding a position that's both upright and alert, Yet also relaxed. And so that could be sitting on a chair. It could be on a cushion. It could be lying down. Some of our bodies need to lie down. That's OK. If you are lying down, I recommend not getting so comfortable that you might fall asleep. So take a moment to assume your position. I'm going to sort of settle here. There's a kind of sense of embodying, Which is kind of like a, I don't know, It's a it's a vague word, But if I can use it embodying whatever your intention might be for these next 15 minutes. So if you want to be really awake and alert, Then you might embody a bit of a more upright position. If you want to take it easy, You might be a little bit more relaxed. But in general, Finding a body position that feels comfortable yet also captures your intention. Do that now and you can close your eyes if you prefer. It's up to you. If you keep them open, Just choose a spot. To defocus your gaze and relax your eyes even though they're open. And there's no rush. Just enjoy this moment of settling in. So frequently we're jumping from one thing to another. So now it's an opportunity to slow down a little bit. Notice what it feels like to be in this body posture. Get curious about whatever's happening. If you feel like it might help to take a deep breath or two, Please do that now. I think I might do that as well this time. Letting go of any unnecessary tension. So maintaining a little bit of. Tension to keep yourself upright in this position, But everything else and just let go. Can let go of any tension you might be. Feeling in your eyes. The muscles around your eyes. Can let go of any tension you might be holding in your cheeks. In your mouth, In your jaw. Continuing to scan down, Noticing your shoulders. You're really bringing a sense of curiosity. What's here? What's here in the shoulders, Whatever it is, Is okay. And if you do happen to notice tension. Just gently seeing maybe if you can let go of a little bit. Maybe you can't let it go. That's okay. Maybe you can only let it go 1%. Or maybe 0. 1% just. Whatever you can do, It's fine. Noticing your arms and maybe Letting go of any tension in your hands and finding a slightly more comfortable place for them on your lap or wherever they might be. Just letting them rest into that position. In a way that you can just really let go of your arms too. Noticing your chest and maybe you might pick up the subtle sensations of your heartbeat. Also letting go of any tension in your belly. This is an area where we tend to. Hold ourselves in a lot. So I'm giving you the permission to just let it all hang out here. Continuing to scan down, Noticing if there's any unnecessary tension in your hips. Growing. Your thighs. Your knees, Your calf, Just noticing what's there with a sense of open curiosity. And as we move to your feet, You can take a moment to maybe just readjust your feet so they're in a very comfortable position. It's typically recommended to have your feet on the floor, But if you're tall or on a low it's usually more comfortable to make sure your knees are below your hips, So. You're tall you might want to move your feet a little bit a little backward. So your knees can be resting lower than your hips. Anyway, Trust your gut, Trust your instinct. Let go of any tension, Find a place for your feet. Notice that contact with the ground. And now opening up your awareness to. Your whole body. Seeing if you can. Hold any sensations. That might be arising in your whole body, Expanding a kind of field of awareness. We are noticing everything come and go. And starting to notice that you're not necessarily in control of these body sensations. Fundamentally just kind of happening. All you can really do is be present with them. Your breathing and your heart are just kind of. Rhythmically. Working on their own gravity is just sort of pulling you down and you're noticing maybe some tension and pressure. Little tingles, Little tickles, Little itches, Maybe you have some pain. It's all just kind of happening. Sure you could adjust or scratch the edge, Sure. You know, Try to address it, But fundamentally. You don't really have control over these sensations, But what you can do. . . Bring awareness and curiosity to them, Turning towards these sensations, Seeing if you can experience them fully. Paying open awareness to this symphony of sensations in your body. As new sensations come and go. Just staying with it. At some point, Almost inevitably, Your mind will. Wander off. To something else. Maybe you hear a sound, But most likely it's a thought. A little voice in your head or a mental image just pops up. Notice again. So you're not necessarily in full control of that. That it's just kind of happening. And our idea here is that we can find some calmness with all this uncertainty. We can find some okayness. With the unknown. Using this. Key of curiosity. Instead of wrestling or resisting or fighting. Our lack of control of all these moment-to-moment experiences. Instead we can Sit back and enjoy the view. Bring a kind of curiosity. And almost a bit of appreciation of just the beauty. And some gratitude for this opportunity to experience this. Even if you're working with some challenging sensations or emotions. Things like pain or. Negative thinking, Whatever it might be. See if you can just be with those experiences in the same way. Letting them come and go. And maybe even tapping into a subtle. Appreciation for them, And that might be a little tricky, But. Subtle appreciation for the fact that you're alive. And that you get to experience this as challenging as it might be. You might also notice the wavies. Challenging sensations like pain and negative emotions connect you to everybody else. We all feel pain. We all have tough emotions, Handle them differently. We have different levels of these challenges, But we all experience them. See if you can find something, You know, This is your practice. So find the find the way that works for you, But. What you're kind of searching for is that. Lever you can pull to reframe that experience in the moment and say, You know what? It's okay. That this is hard, It's okay. That I don't understand. Okay. That I'm not as comfortable. And again, Curiosity is the key, Just noticing what's happening in this moment. You might find yourself. Continually gravitating to a specific body sensation. If you have some pain or. . . If you're used to working with your breathing. You might notice yourself just keep going back there. That's perfectly fine. Just let that happen. You also might notice yourself. Wandering from one body sensation to another you hear you feel a tingle here You feel an edge here, You feel some pressure here. You notice the breath for a moment. That's fine too. The idea here is not. Pay attention to specific things, But to pay attention in a specific way. In a way that is aware. In a way that is appreciative. In a way that's open. See if you can tap into. The mystery. Of this experience. Intentionally leaning in. To the aspects of this experience that you don't know. That you don't understand. And practice being okay with it. Maybe you don't know why you feel a certain way. Or you don't know why your back hurts. That one's pretty relevant for me. Or maybe you don't know. Why you're a conscious human being or what consciousness is. Maybe you don't know why you're tense today. See if you can practice just being with the unknown. And not just immediately trying to solve it. Or find the right answer. Get an A+. Not just immediately trying to make it go away. Trying to get more comfortable. I just pee with it. Curious about it. Study it. Embrace it. Okay, Whenever you're ready, You can. Let go of paying attention to your body, But let's take an extra minute here. To just let go of any effort whatsoever. Just accept everything as it is for this next minute. The next 60 seconds. Everything is okay, Exactly the way it is. Nothing to fix, Nothing to change, Nowhere to go, Nothing to do, Nothing to be. If you notice yourself trying to do anything, Let go of that effort completely. Even if you're trying to stop thinking. Let go of the effort and let yourself think. Just for a few more moments here. Staying open and aware while you let go of any effort whatsoever. Okay, Nice work. And as we transition out of the practice, Take it slow. At your own pace, And see if you can carry that quality of awareness forward. So if your eyes were closed, Really noticing the light pour into your eyes. If you need a stretch, Really feeling that stretch in your body. You need a sip of water. Taste the water. Carrying that awareness forward.