A Big Sigh

Something about the human condition leads to suffering. We all deal with it. Compassion is recognizing that even those who challenge you are facing their own problems. In this practice, we'll start with self-compassion, then extend to offering compassion to someone you care about, then optionally someone you have difficulties with. Recorded live with the Healthy Minds Program.

Transcript

It's a joy to be here. Theme is cultivating compassion, Which can feel kind of heady. And esoteric. But all compassion really means is. . . You know, Wishing for ourselves and wishing for others to be free, To be free from, You know, The shackles that lie within the human condition, Which are real and they're things we all face. And that last piece is something we can forget. We can forget that we all face these challenges, Right? That something about the human condition results in us, You know, Dealing with certain challenges, And we're all dealing with them in one way or another. And often the people who challenge us, If you really kind of look into the situation, They're just trying to be happy. They're just trying to suffer less. And that's manifesting in a way that's rubbing against you. And that's actually what's making them very challenging for you. So there's a lot of different ways and practices that people explore this. What we're going to do today is we're going to do a 10-minute practice. Actually, We're going to do a 15-minute practice. So we're going to dive right in. But just so you have an idea of where we're going, We're going to start with, I always like to start with a kind of open awareness, Which we're going to frame as compassion for ourselves, Like letting ourselves take a break. And then we're going to start to bring to mind perhaps an individual that we care about. That could use a little bit of compassion. And then we will have the option to work with a challenging person. And so if you're new to this kind of thing, It'll be an option that you probably don't want to take. But if you have some experience with these practices, You might dip your toes or step into that fully and see how it goes. So let's get into a comfortable position, Whatever feels natural to you. We're going to be practicing for 15 minutes starting now. If you don't really know what position to be in, I recommend something that feels upright. And alert. Yet also calm and relaxed. So maybe stretching that spine up, Reaching into the sky with the top of your head. Tilting your head forward a bit so the back of your neck opens up and then maintaining that upright position. Stance while also relaxing your shoulders and your jaw. Relaxing the muscles of your face and around your eyes, Closing your eyes if that's something you like to do. Letting go of the chest and the belly, Putting your hands somewhere comfortable, Letting them rest, Let the weight fall onto your lap. Noticing gravity pulling your weight into your cushion or chair or bed or feet. And noticing. Contact with the ground. Fully reminding yourself here that you are a physical body. You need to sort of feel that body, Feel what it's like to be a body. Let that anchor you. Before we rush into any kind of practice. It can be helpful to take a few deep breaths if that's something you know relaxes you. I like to sort of extend the exhale a little bit, Kind of downshift my nervous system. So taking a deep breath in. And then breathing out fully. Kind of emptying the chamber a little bit. We're not in any hurry here. Something ironic about rushing into a meditation, Right? Take it easy. Let's fully use these first few minutes to just do nothing at all. Let your mind flow naturally. Let your attention be pulled to whatever pulls it. No need to judge or criticize. Let it all happen. For these few minutes. Everything is okay. Exactly the way it is. In this moment, The idea of focus and distraction is a false dichotomy. Nothing is a distraction. Right now. Everything is okay. Your thoughts are okay. Discomfort in the body is okay. Find yourself naturally doing some practice you're used to, That's okay. Just sitting here thinking about what you had for lunch, That's okay too. Everything's fine. Sort of an act of self-compassion to say. I'm just going to be free of all the resistance that comes up with the doing, The doing, The doing that we always do. Always do it. Always wrestling with reality, Trying to change something about our situation, Trying to fix a problem and find a solution. These moments. We're free of all that. Being compassionate to ourselves. We're wishing ourselves freedom from all that resistance by saying, You know what? Whatever's here is okay. That thought. It's not a distraction, It's okay. The position you've taken is not comfortable. Feel a little tension or a little pain. It's okay as long as you're not hurting yourself. Always free to adjust, But it's okay. It's okay the way it is. The weather. Maybe it's knowing where you are, Maybe it's blindingly hot. Maybe it's numb and neutral. It's OK. Whatever you're thinking about, Whatever's going on at work. Whatever's happening in the area where you live, Whatever's going on in the media, The politics, The pandemic. For these few moments. Just letting it all lie where it is. Okay. Sort of a radical act, Right? Radical act of compassion, To just say. Not even just to say, To let yourself be free of all that for a few moments. Give yourself a true break. Not a break where you're trying and failing to relax. And then berating yourself because you're not relaxing well enough. A true break. Whatever's here is fine. Let it all happen. Keep it up. And by keep it up, I mean keep doing nothing. No need to try. No effort required. Set maybe that little ounce of effort to keep yourself upright if that's the position you've chosen. Other than that. Just letting it all go. Big sigh, Maybe. That's what I'm feeling right now. Just let it all out. Bye! So much of our lives full of resistance and constraint. We do and we do and we fix and we fix. Achieve and we strive. The beauty of this practice is We're not taking all of that baggage into our practice with us. Sometimes it feels like. Treat our meditation as another item on the to-do list. Need to achieve a perfect state of mind, And we need to do meditation, And we need to. . . Time it perfectly and we need to do long enough and we need to do it often enough. Just free yourself of all that. What does it feel like to just let go of any of that pressure and say, May I be free. From all that resistance and all that friction and all that pressure. Release yourself from that burden. In a radical act of. Compassion. For yourself. Big C word, Compassion. Feels all abstract, Maybe theoretical, Maybe foreign or esoteric. And if so, Just forget that word and use freedom instead or use release or whatever word feels right for you. See if you can get that idea, Giving yourself permission. To let go of all that conditioning and patterning that drives us to just keep doing, Doing, Doing. It's pretty cool. Just let go. And then again, Just let go. And again and again, Let go. In every moment. You Our team. I love it! Poppy and the other poppy Thanks. I was going to say great work, But it's really the opposite of work. So great play, I guess. Great play, Everybody. Let's see if we can add another ingredient to our stew here. Doing nothing is exactly what you want to be doing. I encourage you to just continue doing that and ignore me. For the rest of this meditation. If you're interested in extending the compassion practice, What I'd maybe ask you to do is see if you can bring to mind someone you care about. Someone who you love or someone who you have a lot of respect for. Who might need a little bit of that freedom right about now, A little bit. Of a release, A little bit of a. Freedom from friction and resistance and letting go. Take a moment to bring someone to mind, See if you can bring them vividly. Into your mental image space, Seeing them clearly, Maybe even hearing their voice, Or if it's a non-human animal of some kind listening to their meow or their woof. Or any other, You know, Maybe they're chirp. See if you can bring them to mind. See if you can redirect some of that same. Compassion, That same sense of wishing for freedom. From resistance, That same sigh. Ah, See if you can. Redirect that to this person, This person you care about, Who might really need a big sigh. You might even picture them sighing or picture them relaxing. Picture them smiling or doing something that you know brings them a sense of balance. And see if you can use that as an anchor point to cultivate your own compassion for that individual in this moment. So we'll get. Pick someone who might need a little bit of freedom, A little bit of letting go. Bring them to mind in vivid clarity. And do whatever feels natural to offer them a big sigh, Offer them a letting go. Offer them a release and a freedom of suffering. You might even repeat a few words, The traditional words are things like may you be free, Or maybe you might just pick a word like ease or freedom and repeat that, Or if the words feel kind of kooky to you, Maybe try visualizing. Picturing them in a state of relaxation and letting go. Or just feel it up if none of that feels right. Just feel it up. We're just experimenting. Stay open, Stay curious, Give it a shot. Offer them that big sigh. Mmm. It's perfectly natural if you find your mind wanders to something else. Maintain that sense of ease. As you notice what happened and come back to the task at hand. Just bringing this individual to mind. Who might need it. A little bit of well-wishing. Offer them whatever it is you have to give. Okay, Good job. You can let go of that now. Or continue it if you'd like, Actually, For the next minute, But if you're ready to try something a little bit different. I'll encourage you to pick someone who might be a little bit challenging for you, A little bit difficult for you, Not the most challenging person in the world. You know, Not the most triggering person, Maybe someone in between, Unless you're used to this sort of thing. And see if you can do the same thing. See if you can notice that. Whatever that individual might be doing. That irks you or bugs you or annoys you. Or really triggers you. Maybe that's a manifestation of something. Something they share with you, That they just want to be free. That they just want to be happy. And that's just how it's manifesting. See if you can find that common ground that they're just like you, Just like me. Might be a word to say to yourself, Just like me. We'll just do this for a minute to see if you can offer a little bit of compassion. To a challenging person, Someone who bugs you or annoys you or who you've had a recent conflict with. And if this is. A little bit scary, Feel free to abandon it and just relax. For this last minute. Okay, Nice job letting go of the practice, Taking your time transitioning out. To carry that compassion forward and maybe your first act of compassion coming out of the meditation is something your body needs, Maybe a stretch or a sip of water or a deep breath. Let's take our time with that. So thanks for practicing with me.