Set The Standard In Your Romantic Relationship

Learn the two keys to setting standards in your relationships (romantic or not) and why this will set your relationships up for success. We create how we are treated by the tone we set with others. We must learn to set standards for what we deserve!

Transcript

Hi guys,

Welcome back to my channel.

I'm super excited for today's video.

It's all about setting standards in your relationship.

And this can relate to any type of relationship,

But I'm going to specifically relate it to romantic relationships.

And I'm really excited for this video because I feel like I talk to a lot of people who aren't satisfied in their relationships.

And what I want to say is,

We set the tone for our relationships.

We can't be going around acting like we're victims of our relationships because we allow what happens.

And I'm going to go into two different ways that contribute to how we allow what happens in our relationship.

The first way is going to be talking about how we accept to be treated.

We set the tone by how we accept to be treated.

And one of my friends always talks about how her boyfriend makes her come pick her up at 3 a.

M.

In the morning when she has to work at 7 a.

M.

He's out drinking,

He's out with his friends,

And by her accepting to do that job the first time,

She set the tone to do that job over and over and over again.

So now she's at this point where she set the tone for this shitty job that she doesn't want to be doing,

But she feels like she needs to do it.

And what I want to say is,

First of all,

We set the tone the second we meet someone for how we deserve to be treated.

But two,

We can always change it.

We can always start acting a different way,

Saying things a different way,

Being in a different vibration.

And that will give off that we don't deserve to be treated like that anymore.

So it doesn't mean you're stuck forever if you've set a tone of something negative in your relationship.

You can totally change that,

But you just have to go about it in a specific way.

And you have to stand your guard and actually do it because that person has learned,

Oh,

OK,

She doesn't mind picking me up at 3 or 4 a.

M.

It's not a big deal.

She's done it before.

I'm going to ask again,

Right?

People learn so quickly on how we accept to be treated.

If you accept,

I remember one time this guy,

I was sort of started talking to this guy like a while ago,

And he we stopped talking and then we started talking again.

And he's like,

Yeah,

Do you want to?

We were going to hang out.

And he's like,

Yeah,

I thought he was going to try and impress me like,

OK,

Let's go on a date.

We kind of plan to.

He's like,

Yeah,

I'm like feeling really tired.

Do you just want to come over?

I'm going to get fast food and smoke.

And I was like,

Oh,

My God,

Like this is the first time we're hanging out in a long time.

And this is how you're going to try and impress me.

Like,

If I said yes to that,

That would have set a standard for our relationship.

That's what we do.

So I was like,

No.

And I never talked to him again.

I'm like,

No,

I'm not.

That's not who I am.

And that's fine.

That's who you are.

But you have to know when you say yes to things,

You're setting the standard for that to be the norm.

And for me,

I don't eat fast food and I don't smoke.

So if my boyfriend's doing that,

I'm like,

This isn't the guy for me.

I'm setting a weird standard,

A standard that doesn't align with me.

And so you have to know from the first time you hang out with someone from the first date,

Right?

Like,

You're setting the standard.

You're accepting something or you're denying how do you how you don't want to be treated.

You've got to remember that.

But you can always change it.

So don't worry if you're in a relationship right now where you're taking something that you really don't want to take.

You can set that boundary and you can change it.

And you can do this by saying,

This doesn't align with me anymore.

I don't feel like I want to do this activity with you anymore.

Or I don't like how you're treating me right now.

I want to talk about it and go into it because you have to communicate and you have to talk about these things that are going on and talk about why it doesn't align with you anymore.

And most likely your partner will understand why it doesn't align with you.

And if it's something they're not willing to stop doing and that boundary cannot be aligned because they're not willing to align that boundary with you,

You have to reconsider your relationship period.

Because if you don't,

You are going to be in a relationship where you are getting treated like you do not deserve and it will get worse and worse and worse.

And the longer you stay in it,

The harder it can be to leave because you start to believe that you deserve to be treated like this way,

That you can't get better,

That you don't know how you would find someone who would even treat you better.

This is just what I deserve.

I've been doing it for so long.

It must be what I deserve to be treated like.

So it's so important to go back into your relationships and set those standards if you're already in a relationship.

Or if you're looking to get into a relationship,

Have super high standards for yourself.

Have the standards that you want and you deserve in your dream relationship.

If you want to be taken out on nice dates,

Don't go out on a date on a date with anybody until they say we're going to go to this nice place.

Right.

It's not being picky or selfish or like stuck up.

It's setting the standard for yourself and everybody has different standards.

Some people like low key places,

Some people like high key places.

Some people set a standard that they deserve to be like pampered and treated to nice dinners and nice things.

And some people have a standard that they don't care about that stuff and either is fine.

But you have to do it from a place where you're doing it because you feel good and because that's what you want and that's what you know you deserve.

So that's the first one.

It's how you accept to be treated.

It's the boundary,

The standard that you're setting for what you deserve in your relationship.

The second one is how you treat the other person in your relationship.

A lot of people do not treat their partner good.

They try and make their partner jealous.

They try and flirt with guys or girls in front of their partner.

And what this is doing is attracting your partner to do that back to you because of the law of attraction.

If I give out energy that I'm trying to make my partner jealous or energy that I mean to my partner or that I'm not treating him how he deserves,

I'm attracting my partner to do the same thing back to me eventually.

And that's just because the law of attraction.

And what we do is so key.

And we can tell our partner,

We can do this by being straight up with our partner or we can do this by the essence with our partner.

So for example,

When I started dating my boyfriend a while ago,

One of my best friends,

We were falling in love,

But we hadn't said anything to each other yet about it,

But we both knew it.

And one of my best friends at the time was dating this guy.

And this guy would always say stuff to her like,

I mean she was going on dates with him.

And he would always say stuff to her like,

You're the one,

I really love you,

Like all this stuff when he was drunk.

And then when he was sober,

He would never say it.

And I was like,

That is not how I accept to be in a relationship.

And so I would mention that kind of story to my boyfriend because I wanted him to know how I set standards.

And it was I don't accept to be told things that are extremely powerful,

Extremely meaningful,

Drunk,

And then not sober.

And so my boyfriend and I at the time,

We used to drink.

We don't really drink anymore,

But we used to.

And one night my boyfriend got pretty drunk and I was kind of taking care of him.

And he said,

You know,

I'm falling in love with you or something like that.

And I was like so taken back because I was like,

He knows that I don't,

He knows that I do not put up with that.

Right.

Like he knows not to say that to me because we've talked about this before because I set that standard by talking about it,

By bringing it up.

And so I didn't say anything back to him.

He was intoxicated.

I was like,

Whatever,

I'm just going to take care of it.

Him.

We'll deal with it in the morning.

So I remember waking up and I was like,

What is he going to say?

Because I know he's going to remember this.

Right.

And I know he knows it's so important for me.

So I was just waiting for him to say something.

The first thing he said when he woke up,

He said,

Rose,

I'm so sorry.

He said,

I know what I said last night and it's not that I didn't mean it,

But it was the wrong time to say.

And I'm really sorry.

And in that moment,

I was like,

Wow,

Good job,

Rose.

And of course I said thank you to him because yeah,

We all drink and whatever.

But if I hadn't set that standard,

Our relationship would be off to a different path because I probably wouldn't have brought it up.

He probably would have felt awkward.

Like it just wouldn't have been good.

So by me setting that standard in my relationship,

He saw that.

And even though he messed up and said it,

He corrected himself in the next moment that he possibly could when he was sober because he saw that,

Oh my God,

This girl does not deserve to be treated this way.

And she will not put up with being deserved.

But she will not put up with being treated this way.

And he knew he had to apologize and he had to make it right first thing in the morning.

And that for me made me realize like,

Wow,

My what I say is so powerful.

And the standards that I set for myself in this relationship and in every relationship are so important.

And even if you don't think you're being clear or being listened to,

People can pick up on the essence of your standards.

You don't sometimes you don't have to flat out say I won't deserve it.

You treat me like this,

Right?

You can say it by the essence of your talk.

And by the essence of how you allow your friends and your family and random strangers to treat you.

So you have to set these standards on how you're letting people treat others and how you're treating other people.

If I had told my boyfriend,

I love you when we're drunk,

He would have said,

Oh,

OK,

That's how she likes to be treated.

I'm going to tell her when she's drunk that I love her,

Too.

And then let's not talk about when we're sober.

Right.

So my action is setting the standard as well as his action and what I'm allowing him to do.

The last story I want to wrap up with is a story from one of my guy friends that I was just talking to.

And he was with his girlfriend and she was on her phone.

And he looked over on her phone and saw that she had a Snapchat,

A Snapchat streak with this guy that she's never heard him talk about.

And so he's starting to feel super uncomfortable.

He doesn't know who this guy is.

He doesn't know why she's talking to him.

And he says to me when we're talking,

He goes,

I don't feel like I even deserve to ask her who it is.

And I was mind blown,

Absolutely mind blown.

I'm like,

You are her boyfriend.

You deserve to ask her what she's doing.

And if you don't ask her,

Hey,

Who are you Snapchatting in a nice way?

You don't have to accuse her or anything like that.

You're doing two things.

The first thing you're doing is you're setting a standard to not talk about things and not be honest when something's on your mind.

So no communication standard is being set at all by not saying anything,

Which is obviously huge in relationships.

You have to have communication.

You have to be able to talk about what's going on in your mind and have them talk about what's going on in their mind.

So that's the first thing that he's doing by not asking who are you talking to?

What's going on?

And the second thing is if she is doing something that's detrimental to the relationship,

Like flirting or cheating or whatever it is,

Now he's setting a standard that he's allowing that to happen by not asking if that's happening.

He's setting a standard for I'm not going to ask because I don't deserve to know.

So he's setting a bad communication and he's setting a standard of I deserve to feel to be treated like shit because she might be not treating him well.

So you have to feel deserving to ask what's going on in your relationship,

Guys.

You deserve you're in the relationship.

You are 50 percent of the relationship.

And if you don't feel like you deserve to know what's going on in someone else's life,

Especially in a romantic relationship,

When it has to do with your partner in the opposite sex or the same sex that they're attracted to,

Whatever it is.

I mean,

What are you doing?

Why are you in this relationship if you guys can't talk about it?

Right.

So you always deserve you always deserve to talk about stuff.

You always deserve to know what's going on and you always deserve to be treated right.

And that sets the standard for everything.

So don't think that you don't deserve to know what's going on in someone else's life that you're dating to be treated a specific way.

If that's the way that you want to be treated,

You deserve it just like that.

I'll say that again.

If that's the way you want to be treated,

That's the way you deserve to be treated just by wanting it.

You deserve it.

Period.

That's how it works.

Right.

You don't have to earn your deserving of going on night states or being told the truth or having communication.

Like you deserve that in every single relationship.

Every single person deserves that.

And you have to start acting on it.

And you cannot be afraid to act on it because in every moment you're setting a standard,

Just like my guy friend,

He just set a standard already by not asking his girlfriend,

Hey,

Why are you talking to that guy by waiting five days to even bring the topic up?

He set a standard and she has learned,

Oh,

OK,

I can talk to this guy now.

My boyfriend's not going to ask about it.

Oh,

I don't have to communicate with my boyfriend with whatever is going on in my life.

He can go back now and he can set a new standard if he wants to.

But it can be more helpful if you just set the standard right out of the bat.

Right.

Because then you don't have to go back and rewrite that standard in a way.

And guys,

This is so key.

We do not have to be in shitty relationships.

We get to pick the relationships that we want to be in and we get to continue to evolve these relationships and build our confidence about what we deserve because we all deserve to be in a dream relationship and a relationship where we get treated like a princess or a king or whatever it is.

We deserve to be honored and we have to do that by only accepting it and only giving it to our partner.

Right.

We have to praise our partner and love our partner and because we genuinely feel that way about them and they will learn to do the same to us.

And that is how you build a harmonious relationship.

A lot of people talk shit about their partner because their partner isn't treating them well.

One,

What are you accepting from them and two,

How are you treating them?

Most likely if you're being treated like shit,

You are treating them like shit.

So reverse it and start to treat them well and they will learn to start them.

They will learn to start to treat you well.

A lot of people want their partner to treat them well before they do.

That's not how it works guys.

Energetically,

We have to come first and that's a hard,

Hard thing for our ego to understand.

But we have to take the action first.

We have to set the standard first and then others will learn how others will learn what our standard is.

It doesn't go the other way around.

People don't just randomly learn,

Randomly learn how to treat us.

They learn how to treat us by how we treat them and by how we accept treatment.

Thank you guys for listening.

I hope this is super helpful for you.

I really think it will be and I hope you got a lot of takeaways.

Thank you so much for listening and I will be back and talk to you guys soon.

Have a blessed day.

Reviews

Wish I would have known this when I was younger way before 33 plus year marriage where I didn't set boundaries... Grateful to learn and grow 💗💗💗💗

Excellent advice, thank you so much for this! I will definitely apply it as I navigate dating. 🙏🏻

Reminds me of how my mother taught me that we teach others how to treat us. Thanks