GF Live 12-31-22 The Step Toward A True New Start In Life

Before we can hope to realize a true, new beginning in this life, we must agree to bring about a true, new end to all that we have been before. Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over right now.

Transcript

We have a special bit of material to go over today,

And I'll just kind of briefly speak of it so that we can wait for everybody that is going to join us,

That no one will miss the important ideas that will introduce our topic.

We're all looking at what,

Over the next,

I guess,

Depending on where you live,

Over the next 24 to 48 hours,

Probably billions of men and women are going to,

In one way or another,

Dedicate themselves to making a fresh start in life.

We call them New Year's resolutions.

But I want to look at this from a slightly different angle so that instead of,

For instance,

I'm going to be 74 in a month or two.

So let's just say for grins that you start mimicking your parents around the age of 10 or 12 making resolutions,

Usually two or three or four of those,

And you multiply that times 75 and you've got roughly 225,

250 resolutions,

None of which,

By and large,

Have actually taken place in terms of the real matter of our life.

So I want to tell you a couple of stories today because we're going to talk about the first real step,

The true step to making a new start in your life.

I want to tell you a true story,

But let you look at something a little bit deeper that I trust you'll be able to see,

Even if you've never noticed it before.

I remember,

I guess I was in my 20s and I was kind of living in those days,

You know,

The high life.

In almost every sense of that word,

I had been a very successful composer and had,

By all accounts,

What most people would say would be a pretty good life.

I was,

How shall I say,

Pretty full of myself.

And to make a long story short,

Because I won't get into specific details,

I had gotten to a place where in this particular instant,

So sure of myself,

So caught up in a certain kind of momentum that I almost fainted when I got a phone call from a person,

An executive at another company,

Telling me that basically everything that I had done was gone,

Had come to naught,

Literally.

And in that moment,

I can tell you,

And I think this is true of every moment like it,

But you don't see it.

That's why we're talking about these things,

So we can start working together to be able to wake up and remember in these particular moments what's critical about them,

Instead of letting some critical reaction tell us,

Now,

Here's what we have to do,

Because this person is going to lose faith with you.

What are they going to think about you when this happens?

All the things that take place in an oh my God moment.

But one of the things that take place in those moments that we don't see,

Because we're so caught up in the turmoil of these tumultuous reactions,

Resistance,

Fear,

Worry,

Doubt,

The onset of instantaneous plans to fix everything.

What we don't see is that our whole life actually flashes before us in those moments,

Not a car hurtling off of a cliff,

But in those real moments in life where everything that you have been and done and did not know about yourself catches up to you.

In those moments,

There is a certain kind of flashback that takes place.

And in this instance,

I'll tell you honestly,

It wasn't just the fact that everything about the years leading up to this particular point,

It wasn't just about the fact that there were very fine,

Almost super fine details connected to all that delivered me to that point,

But it went further back than that.

I could see that somehow rooted in myself in that moment was something that had been there before I was born.

There was something that was,

I think the word is endemic,

There was something that was so deep in the consciousness that one would never know it was there.

And how that aspect of not,

Obviously not my consciousness,

I'd just been in the body for whatever it was,

26,

27 years,

But rooted right in the middle of it,

There was this unbelievable realization,

My God,

There it is again,

There it is again.

But when I say again,

I don't just mean the certain factors that lead up to a decision that bring about these Oh my God moments.

But there it is again,

In the sense that I had never in my existence to that point,

And I'd been spiritually working already.

Never did I suspect that there was something that ran like some kind of vine,

Some kind of tendril through the whole of myself,

That was always there and always binging about every time it could moments like this,

Only in this particular moment,

It was so inescapable that it produced an effective change in my character.

Now I'm just setting the stage with that.

Because you may or may not understand and I'm going to go back into some detail,

I have three stories to tell you.

What is it that keeps you and I from changing?

I mean,

How many times do you have to have that?

Oh,

No,

There it is again.

And every time,

And there's no exceptions to this,

We think to ourselves,

No,

This is,

We have essentially the same response to an unfolding of a very,

Maybe completely different set of circumstances.

But the circumstances that seem different do not hide the fact that the consciousness behind the reincarnation of that event,

That remains the same.

We don't see that.

Why?

So let's get into this.

Let me tell you the first story,

Now that we have the stage set.

So here's a brother and a sister.

And these stories are going to,

They will be incrementally deeper and they will incrementally point to what it is that we're looking at.

How do we get to this point where these moments of where the past repeats itself,

Where we finally get past the part of us that is complicit in the repetition of something that ultimately hurts us.

So here's a brother and a sister.

And the brother knows that the sisters had some problems over a period of time.

They get together once every two weeks,

Have a glass of wine and talk about their lives,

See what's going on with each other.

And he knows because she bowed out a couple of times in a row,

She was too depressed.

He knows that she had been in a close relationship with another friend and come to find out that her friend not only was talking behind her back,

But stealing from her.

And it's hard to imagine when someone or something that you trust in that deeply turns out to be so different than what you expected.

It's a massive shock.

Unfortunately,

We don't know how to use these shocks yet.

They keep coming.

And all we do is set ourselves back up for another one.

But in this instance,

We're going to look at this,

Why that takes place.

So he gets with his sister and they're sitting there having their wine.

But he could tell that in spite of the fact,

And he had heard definitively through the family grapevine and friends and relatives they have in common,

That his sister,

We'll say her name is Elisa,

That she was up and bright,

Brimming happy because she had come into a relationship and had a new BFF.

Now,

I'm not sure what a BFF is,

Honestly.

I think it stands for best friend forever.

I like acronyms.

So she thought a new best friend.

But there she is,

And she's kind of down in the dumps again.

And he says,

What's wrong?

I thought you were happy because you had this new BFF.

And Elisa looks at him and says,

Yeah,

Well,

I was.

But things have changed and there's a problem I have with her and I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

And so the brother says to her,

Well,

What's the problem?

I hate to hear this.

You can tell me.

And Elisa says,

Well,

For one thing,

She never really stops complaining.

I didn't know this at first.

I mean,

Even when things are probably as good as they can get,

She's going to find something she doesn't like.

He says,

Well,

That's not the worst thing in the world,

Is it?

She says,

Not by a long stretch.

That's just the beginning.

He said,

What else?

Well,

Again,

She's like always criticizing me.

I don't know what it is about her,

But she loves to point out my faults and then judge me as if somehow she's better.

That can be a drag,

He said.

But,

You know,

We all have faults,

Don't we?

She says,

Yeah,

We do.

But it's not just that.

I mean,

There's more,

He said.

Elisa says,

Yes.

First of all,

It seems that she can't wait to remind me over and over again of some painful,

Unhappy moment in my life,

In my past that I shared with her.

And as sure as shoot,

We'll be sitting there and she'll bring it up.

It's like she wants me to relive it.

It's like she wants me to revisit.

So somehow it feels like she's always saddling me with memories that I'm trying to forget all the time and that I don't want to relive.

Well,

It doesn't sound that good.

So what else?

He said,

She's always rushing me.

You know,

We go out to go shopping or we go to a service.

It's always kind of got to go.

Come on,

Come on,

Come on,

Come on.

He says,

You know what?

All right.

I've heard enough.

I've heard enough.

This relationship with her is no better than the last one.

So why don't you just break it off?

You know,

Just tell her no.

And Alicia looks at her brother and says,

Are you kidding?

I hardly have any friends as it is.

Let it settle in.

Let's make it personal.

How many of you have a friend inwardly that's always complaining,

Criticizing you,

Pointing out your faults,

Judging you,

Reminding you,

Bringing you back into some point in your past where the minute you arrive there,

The heartache is resumed.

Who can't wait in some way or another to remind you that you need to revisit this?

Rushing you all the time.

Go,

Got to get,

Got to do.

Now,

Please,

You know,

I like,

I'm bored when,

When we make a point for you to agree.

We all have that in quotes,

Friend,

Don't we?

Our very best friend who is there when we go to sleep at night,

Who is there when we wake up in the morning,

Who is there while we're having our coffee,

Who's there while we're driving our car,

Who's there when we're looking at the news,

Who's talking to us while we're talking to others,

Telling us what to say.

Yes or no,

Do we not all have some kind of relationship inside of ourselves that when we delineate it like this,

It's unbelievably clear.

Yes,

Of course.

And yet what was Elisa's response to a brother saying,

You need to break up with this person?

I hardly have any friends as it is.

Sound familiar?

Better to live with that pain of what was of this part of me that constantly brings up something,

Pushing me,

Pressing me,

Pounding on me.

Better to live with that than to deal with the fact that I don't know who I will be or what will happen to me without that friend,

Without that part of me that is ever present,

That I don't even know is there until something seems to trigger its appearance.

And then off we go to the races with that friend of mine talking to me as it were.

That's setting the stage for our material because now I want to go through some exposition with you.

Then we'll tell another story.

And finally,

A last one to put all this into perspective.

It's not in terms like that we usually like to think of.

And that's,

Believe me,

Nothing could be more to the point.

The problem is that we always think in the same terms of these moments and of our life and what we need to do more surely than what.

Every time I run into one of those moments where it's an,

Oh my God,

I can't believe it.

By and large,

In that split second,

I am filled with my friend in quotes talking to me and basically trying to figure out on the spot,

How do I make this look like it didn't happen?

How do I cover this up?

How will I justify this?

How can I defend myself in face of my friends who are going to see whatever it is?

So that our life,

Though we don't usually understand that,

Our life is basically a constant pursuit of some sense of power to be regained,

Something that we need to protect in our lives,

Something that we need a little bit more of.

And all of these promptings along those lines are coming to us from a part of us that wouldn't even occur to us that we need more,

We need to protect this,

That we need to somehow or other change.

None of that would occur if there weren't in the background a certain sense of ourselves of either getting ready to meet a problem we don't want to or in the grip of one,

So that we're almost like in a constant state of captivity that we don't recognize until the jail door slams shut.

And there we are looking out at life and then trying to figure out how do we get here?

And then we always know you're this,

They're that,

This shouldn't be like that.

What's wrong with the population?

Everything always looking on the inside of a cell,

Of a self,

To the outside that blames the outside for the fact that there we are once again reliving in one form or another the same sense of our captivity,

Our past repeating itself,

Our past repeating itself.

And then of course New Year's making the resolutions,

I'm going to lose weight,

I'm not going to do that anymore,

I'm not going to be like this,

I'm not going to be afraid,

I'm going to go to that,

Go spend $2,

000 and listen to that shiny huckster tell me how great I am and what all I have to do is just love myself and believe in myself.

And over and over again,

How do we keep believing in the same resolutions that never release us,

But that actually put us in debt,

Not just in physical terms,

But to the sense of this growing identity that gets stronger,

Not weaker,

Every time we revisit it and tell us how to get out of that situation.

We may think of it in that moment,

You know,

That what's happening in that,

That somehow or other,

It's this moment,

But it's not the moment that has deceived us.

We have gone into the moment deceived without knowing it.

The past does not dwell in what we call yesterday.

The past does not dwell in what we call yesterday and what we remember about yesterday,

But rather the past in quotes goes before us to make all things that are created new into something old.

The past goes before us,

But we don't recognize the past goes before us because we're always in the hands of some pushy friend,

Some part of us,

Some immediate guide that's going to get us out of the situation,

Looking at what it tells us we need to do to escape the past when it is the consciousness of the past itself,

The content of the past laying there in the dark until it's triggered.

And then suddenly out comes all of this verbiage,

All of this dialogue telling us what we need to do to save ourselves.

The past repeats itself because the consciousness responsible for its reincarnation does not change.

It is not transformed as it's intended to be.

And every moment where we find ourselves suddenly in that situation,

I'll ask you,

I want to keep going.

I will go more deeply into this on Sunday and then Wednesday,

The following Wednesday,

I'm going to talk about addictions for sure,

Because we're going to talk about a certain kind of addiction to the past.

But join me if you can find me,

Go to my profile here.

Join me on Sunday,

Wednesday,

I speak three times a week,

Four times sometimes,

Always free,

Nothing to join.

So here's the deal.

Can anything that is an extension of any line of thought,

Think with me now,

I may have made new language for you,

But that's all right.

We have to grow up and start thinking in adult terms.

Can the extension of any line of thought,

Any line of time,

Be the same as a new beginning,

As starting my life over?

Now,

What does that mean?

The extension of any line of thought,

What happens when somebody upsets you?

You don't know you're going to be upset.

But in that split second,

There is a reaction.

And that reaction points the finger of blame,

That blame produces how to protect yourself,

Or change that other person,

So that that reaction that comes out of that moment,

Belongs to a line of thought,

A level of consciousness that is already there in us that we have no idea this web that's ever present that is in the unconscious nature we know nothing about.

And there it is.

And that line of thought appears.

And when that line of thought appears,

What does it do?

It continues itself,

So that every line of thought,

This line of time that we're in,

As a construction of our own thought,

And that of humanity,

Is the continuation literally of an unconscious nature that hides itself in its own lines of thought,

By imagining as part of that continuing line,

What it must do once again to rescue itself.

There's so much in this,

You know,

I only take 40 minutes,

45 max on Saturdays,

Instead of the hour and a half we take when I usually speak,

It's impossible to get into this in depth the way that we want to.

In fact,

The point of this talk isn't to go into depth so that you go,

Yeah,

Now I get it.

The point of everything that we share is so that we can see together whether or not this is true.

When last night I was laying in bed,

I don't know what point it was.

And as always,

When my mind is working on certain material,

I know that however this works,

That I'm going to be given certain insights.

And I just have to wait there literally for these messages.

And sure enough,

For some reason or other came this idea of the running of the bulls in Pamplona.

Pamplona,

Surely you know that the running of the bulls.

It's a tradition,

It goes way back.

But I'll show you the point.

Here at a certain point,

It's a festival,

I'm not sure exactly what the festival is,

And I don't really care.

So all these men and women,

They get dressed up in their white garb usually,

And they wear a red bandana,

I think around their heads.

And they're all waiting there and somewhere,

Somewhere down in the town,

On the other side,

They let,

You know,

Like 100 bulls,

I'm talking about,

You know,

Bulls,

Really big creatures.

They let the creatures run through town.

And the men and women who wait there for the gates to open,

Their job is to successfully run in front of these bulls that can kill them with just one flip of a head.

It proves their courage and their speed.

It's a tradition,

You know,

You can't really argue with traditions,

But you can certainly see the insanity of anyone that believes somehow living out a tradition proves that they know the truth of that tradition or that makes them special.

So the point's this,

The men are always trying to stay ahead of the bulls,

So that they don't get gored.

You can see that,

Right?

Now let's flip it around.

Are we not always trying to stay ahead of our own thoughts?

So that when the thought comes,

Oh,

No,

What do I do?

What does this mean?

Now what's going to happen?

This doesn't look good.

In that moment,

When that thought comes,

Am I not always trying to run ahead of it to somehow or other get things straightened out?

And if you see this,

It's insane.

I'm trying to stay ahead of my own thoughts.

How can I stay ahead of my own thoughts without being the continuity of them?

And if I'm the continuity of my own thoughts,

Then how can I believe that some thought that's the continuation of this timeline of this self that's always stuck somewhere,

How in the name of God is that going to ever bring me an end to that pain?

How will that change my past when I'm literally running along that line?

We don't get it.

And we don't get it because we're a captive of every line of thought,

Of every movement of this unconscious nature and the content that sits in the darkness of it,

That suddenly of condition will awaken it,

Stir it.

Then comes the memory,

The emotional content of that memory,

The fear in it,

The joy in it.

And suddenly I'm all lit up or I'm all being burned up,

Believing that that's I,

That that's me.

And it's not,

But I don't see it because of the identification with it.

And until we can begin to see this clearly,

We're never going to suspect,

Let alone begin to doubt the fact of what it is that I'm describing to you,

How real moments of changing our life.

And now let's transition here because maybe you know this.

I described one when I was telling you about what happened when I was in my twenties.

I can think of more moments like that by the grace of God,

By the grace of God,

The worst moments in my life have proven without a doubt to be the most valuable moments in my life.

Because in those moments,

Understanding that what I am being given to see and go through in those moments is the sudden reiteration,

The reincarnation,

Literally the revelation of a consciousness that's asleep to itself,

That does not know what it gets itself involved with and has no regret or fear until suddenly the very thing it has brought about proves itself to be useless or worse,

The source of suffering again.

And where those moments in our life,

And I always talk about them,

They bring about the possibility,

A revelation of realizing in this moment,

You know what,

I just got gored here.

I just got run over.

I got,

I got tracks on my back from a stampede of thoughts and feelings that have run over me a hundred thousand times.

And yet I keep trying to get ahead of them,

Somehow trying to bring an end to who and what I've been and what,

Who and what I have been have brought to me by listening to who and what I have been.

And it's promise of how I will no longer be that when I finally live out what those thoughts and feelings are telling me I must do and be.

If you can see it with me,

It's ridiculous,

But we don't see it.

And that's the problem,

Isn't it?

Take a nice deep breath.

We're 27 minutes in.

Yeah,

Jane,

You know,

You can see in the message board,

Jane says,

This is bumming me out.

Why in the name of God,

Would anything that I know is true cause me pain unless I'm living from a nature that doesn't want to know what is true?

And if I can even begin to suspect that,

Remember our first story?

Are you kidding?

I don't have any,

I barely have any friends left as it is.

In Facebook terms,

We have to learn what it means to unfriend ourselves,

But we don't yet fully understand what that means.

Yes,

The medicine is bitter,

But it heals.

People ask questions.

There's a student,

I can't remember her name,

But last night on the students run a,

An online discussion a couple of times a week through my foundation.

And she was saying,

Well,

What are we,

You know,

What are we supposed to do?

Just be Pollyanna.

And my students,

They were unable to answer properly,

But I'll throw in something very quickly here.

What's more Pollyanna than hoping and believing that something that has never worked,

Never brought about any real change in my life will bring about change next time.

What's more Pollyanna than living in an imaginary self that dreams the dream and then wakes up to a nightmare that it was complicit in creating.

If I see the fact of that,

If I see that I live from a line of thoughts,

Literally a configuration of an order of consciousness that recreates itself since it first fell into something that promises it will save itself and yet never does.

If I see the fact of that,

Where am I other than in a moment of actual initiation of recognizing beyond the shadow of a doubt,

Ah,

Now I see.

And what I see is this,

Let me get to the story I was going to tell you.

So here's two roommates,

Been good friends,

Relatively speaking for the last year or so.

They both work for a corporation.

They,

They applied at the same time,

Went through their,

Um,

Uh,

Apprenticeship and have become,

You know,

Relatively successful and they share a nice room in one of these big corporations that gives people everything.

And one of them will say,

Her name is Paula,

Turns to Samantha and says,

Paula,

You know,

You know,

I love you.

So please don't take this the wrong way.

By the way,

When anybody says that,

You know that you need to wake up because something's coming.

You need to hear it by the way.

She says,

Please don't take this the wrong way,

But you seem so different lately to me.

And I forgot the other person,

Samantha.

And Samantha says,

What do you mean?

And Paula says,

It's not quite the same.

I mean,

Again,

Don't take this the wrong way.

I'm used to you complaining,

Not all the time,

But it's fairly regular.

You know,

About someone that bothers you or something that happened that,

That,

That's got you worried.

You know what I'm talking about?

And then Samantha,

You're always in a rush of some kind.

We go out to eat and before I've had five bites,

You've,

You've run through your food.

I mean,

Again,

Please don't take this the wrong way because I'm trying to get to this point that even though it seems to me before you were never really content,

Now it seems to me like you're,

I don't know,

A different person.

I haven't heard you complain much at all.

The things that you always say,

You know,

Are setting you off.

You don't bring them up.

We have nice conversations that are peppered with negative thoughts.

And I really appreciate it,

But I,

I would love to know what happened.

Something had to happen to you.

Samantha says,

Yeah,

Paula.

Yeah,

You're right.

Come on girl.

Samantha says,

I don't know,

You know,

I don't know how to put it into words.

Paul says,

Well,

Whatever,

Something had to have happened.

Please.

All right.

Well,

Again,

I tell you,

I don't understand.

It may have something to do with the realization that I had a couple weeks back.

I didn't say anything about it because I'm still sorting through it.

And I mean,

I don't know if I can put it into words.

It's very personal,

Paul.

Samantha,

We usually share everything.

You know that because whatever it is,

If it brought about this change in you,

By God,

I like a little bit of it myself.

All right.

Samantha says,

It's hard to explain,

But I was at work.

We'd just come back from lunch.

You and I are sitting at my desk and the thought was going through my mind.

You know,

When are they going to change the menu again?

And I was sitting there kind of stewing in a dissatisfaction.

And as I was sitting there,

I ungrateful as I was looking around at these people I've,

I've been working with.

And I look at Bill,

I look at Tom,

I look at Mary and,

And every last one of them triggers some kind of reaction in me.

And then so that's coupled with my dissatisfaction.

And then I'm sitting there building on this.

I'm wishing that I were anywhere in the world other than at my desk.

And I was about as negative as I could get.

And I,

I kind of started this flash when all of a sudden I realized that I had barked at you last week about complaining about something.

And I,

And I,

I remember what it was.

I didn't clean up in the kitchen after myself.

And all of that just came together in a,

In a kind of a fell swoop.

And it was like a light went on.

And in the moment that light went on,

I can't describe it.

My resentment just kind of evaporated the dissatisfaction.

I was feeling that more or less disappeared.

And I was sitting there at my desk,

Almost stunned.

I'd never had an experience like that in my life.

Paula,

Samantha,

Tell me what happened.

I can't imagine what had the power,

Whatever it was to release you from whatever it was that was going on,

That was bringing up all of this crud.

Samantha says,

Again,

I know it's going to sound strange.

And I,

And I may,

Like I may have lost my mind and maybe I have,

But I can assure you that I've never felt more sane in my life.

And by the way,

Just so you know,

Paula,

I'm not saying by any stretch of the imagination that I've,

That I've realized the fulfillment of what it was that I saw was necessary in this moment.

I saw it was the only possible solution for me,

Given that I realized I'd been sitting at that desk in a manner of speaking throughout all of time.

You're driving me nuts Samantha.

Tell me already what it is that you saw.

Samantha sits up and says,

In that moment,

I saw beyond the shadow of any doubt that what I had to do,

If I was ever going to be free of everyone and everything,

All these fears and these problems and regrets of everything that bothers me,

There was only one thing that I could do if I was ever going to be free.

Go on,

Go on.

Don't stop there.

Samantha said,

I realized I couldn't spend another day being me.

Excuse me,

Samantha,

What are you saying?

Samantha says,

Again,

I guess what I'm saying is I decided on the spot in a way that I've never felt before as firmly,

I had to break up with myself.

What do you mean break up with yourself?

Who will you be if you're not going to be you?

It's a good question,

Samantha said,

But I'm going to spend the rest of my life finding that out because I'm not going to spend the rest of my life reliving a life that I know just repeats itself and repeats itself.

So whatever it takes,

That's what I'm going to do.

Now,

I tell these stories so that I can bring a certain understanding into your heart,

Your mind,

And your body,

Emotionally,

Intellectually,

And physically.

That's why there are these visceral reactions.

It's also to help you remember something that all of us forget all the time.

That is,

It is impossible to have a new life,

To make a new start that begins from an old ending.

This is where special knowledge is necessary.

Because if I find myself imagining a new start,

It is the consciousness that's trying to escape itself that imagines it can escape itself,

That it can outrun itself.

How can I outrun a fear?

You think money is going to help you outrun a fear?

The money you think will help you outrun a fear turns out to be the fear you won't have enough money to stay ahead of the pack,

Of the pain.

How can wishing that I was someone else ever bring an end to the self that I don't want to be anymore?

When the very wish to be someone else comes out of the avoidance of what I am,

And can't exist without someone I've imagined would be better for me to be someplace else I should go or do.

Yes,

Isabella,

That's right.

You cannot put new wine into old wine skins.

That's exactly what Christ was talking about.

There has to be a point,

And we come to it all the time,

Where we realize that in that moment where suddenly there it is again.

I have lived that moment,

Maybe in different forms with different people.

I've lived that moment a hundred thousand times.

And this time for the first time in my life,

I'm not going to try to escape that moment by trying to figure out how to escape it.

Instead,

I'm going to deliberately enter into it.

And I deliberately enter into that moment.

And again,

This is slightly challenging,

I suppose.

One day it won't be,

It'll be so obvious to you.

Some months ago,

I don't know when it was,

I tell so many stories about a young man who went with his father to his favorite amusement park,

Because he had a favorite ride,

Couldn't go on that ride enough.

Wouldn't it be stunning to realize there is something in us that cannot go,

Cannot wait to get on that ride to resentment,

Cannot wait to get on that ride to feeling like a victim,

Cannot wait to get on that ride to having an enemy,

Cannot wait to get on that ride to imagining a better time to come when the bitterness that's there with you will.

.

.

So there he is,

And they get there and they go on the ride again,

And then they get off.

And usually the boy just circles right back and gets on the ride again,

But he doesn't do it.

His father says,

What's wrong?

And the boy says,

Well,

For one thing,

He said,

Every time I got off this ride,

I never realized that the entrance to it was just around this little blind corner that you never look at because it's filled with advertisements.

He said,

But he said,

I don't want to go on the same ride again,

Because I know where it starts and I know where it ends.

I've been on it enough times.

Let's go on.

And of course the boy will go on to other rides,

But that's not the point.

We have to go on these rides to finally realize they don't take us anywhere.

Meaning we have to move through this passing time with a consciousness that is forever trying to prove that it's different than the time it's in and it's not.

It's the same.

And no,

We're not trying to kill oneself.

There's quite a difference between seeing the need to die to myself as I know myself,

Which is the process of negation.

It is not some action I take towards myself.

It is an action towards the realization that myself wants to repeat itself and keeps doing it at my expense,

At my possibility.

But here's the point.

I'm not going on that ride again.

Here's some quick exercises.

When that familiar part of yourself starts to complain about life again,

You know who I'm talking about,

What I'm talking about,

Whatever it is that you're doing,

You know you have to break that line pure and simple.

How many times will I listen to myself complain about someone or something?

Have another reason for being angry,

Break the line,

Because that's what it is.

There is a content of the past coming forward with all of these demands.

All of these things were identified with these desires,

Attachments,

And when they're twinged,

When they're triggered,

That line will continue itself.

But it won't say,

I'm continuing the past.

It'll say I need to escape it by doing something different in the future.

There is no future from the past when the past determines the path we're on.

When you find some part of yourself judging yourself or others criticizing you,

How many times do you hear yourself criticize yourself?

Break the line.

How long can I believe that turning on myself,

Goring myself,

Is actually the step that's necessary to outrun the part of me that's doing the goring?

It's ridiculous.

Break the line.

And you break the line,

Not through an action,

But by seeing that without knowing it in that moment,

You had been part of that line of time,

Part of that line of consciousness.

How about that part of you that starts reminding you again about some post-traumatic stress,

Some pain in your life?

Sure,

These things get embedded,

They become physical,

There's no question about it.

But what has that got to do with me participating in the continuation of a pain that only exists because I keep getting on the same ride?

Break the line.

Something starts telling you about your weaknesses,

Your addictions,

How useless it is to struggle against them because you failed a thousand times.

Break the line.

And what does it mean to break the line?

Last comment here,

Because it's coming to me as I'm speaking.

Those of you that know anything about the Old Testament,

There's Lot and his wife,

Family living in,

I think,

Sodom.

And Sodom does not represent God help us what mechanical religion has done,

Trying to put so much crud inside of this consciousness in order to validate somehow or other the authority of a religious figure.

And by the way,

The unending judgment of oneself for failing to live up to this past image of what one is supposed to be.

You're not supposed to be anything.

You are made in the image of the divine.

There is a love that lives inside of you that cannot act against itself and that will change everything that is brought into it,

But only as long as we agree to be in that moment when this takes place.

So here's Lot and his wife,

And the angel says,

You've got to go.

You've got to leave this city.

And in the old languages,

In the Aramaic,

The whole idea of a city had to do with the content of an unconscious mind,

The goings and comings,

The ambitions,

The conflicts,

The prisoners,

The political power,

All of that muck all wrapped into a single entity called a city.

Not that much different today,

I might add.

And they're told to leave and to go to the high ground.

And what happens?

Do not look back.

Do not look back,

The angel tells them.

And they already know that high ground seems to be too much.

So they settle on what will be the middle ground.

And they can't even do that.

As they leave,

What do you think Lot's wife does?

She turns back around and looks at the city,

Meaning she decides to let the past continue itself for fear of who and what she will be when she gets to some place she doesn't know,

Which is always where we are in a life that is unknown,

Giving us an unknown life.

But that because it is being given and it is complete,

We need not know anything more than just to give what to receive what we're given.

She looks back,

And she's turned to a pillar of salt,

Crystallized,

Meaning that consciousness is hardened.

And that's the end of her possibilities in this life.

Break the line.

You want to change the past,

You want to have a bright new start in life.

Break the line that is the continuation of the past that promises a future.

Break it on the spot and sit there and watch very carefully the consciousness that wants to continue itself,

Tempting you,

Pushing you,

Telling you,

Oh my God,

What's going to happen?

And as somebody said,

This is bumming me out.

What do you think is talking to you when something tells you that you have to give yourself up so that you might be given a life that cannot suffer in the same way?

I got to go 47 minutes,

A little longer than usual.

But you get the point,

Work with the exercises.

Maybe we can talk about it on Sunday or Wednesday.

And if not,

I'll see you again next Saturday.