Healing Trauma Through Addiction (1 Of 3)

Hello everybody and welcome to this day one of healing trauma through addiction.

And well there's four minutes until we start this live event so this is a live recording.

And I've started doing this like this is my live session number 12 I think.

But I started doing this because I know that I need to put myself in situations that are not necessarily uncomfortable but out of my control which is uncomfortable.

And also like starting this these three days not really knowing what is my message apart from what I just shared.

And you know yesterday I was thinking I could cancel maybe I should cancel I'm not really that prepared.

And this morning I had this image because I was just like why am I doing this why am I putting myself in this situation again and again.

And it is because I want to heal the traumas.

It is because it's my path to heal my traumas by putting myself on the spot.

And the image that I saw was me you know not me but squeezing first a lemon and then squeezing an orange is like we all have so much knowledge so much wisdom so much that we can share with other people.

And sometimes we need to put ourselves in situations where we you know squeeze that juice out of us so we can share.

So my ritual here is to do this pre talk now with two minutes and 18 seconds left before we start.

Also to remind myself why I'm doing this.

So I'm going to shut my eyes now and just connect to my breathing.

Small smile on my lips.

And remind myself that I'm doing this in order to make a significant a positive change for all the people that I meet on my path.

So that I can inspire them to do the same.

And by doing this strongly believing that we will be able to create a better world.

We won't be able to see it right now but what we'll do hopefully will show in the next seven generations.

So it's not about me and you.

It's about us.

It's about them.

Or children.

Their children.

Their children.

And so on and so forth.

And if we don't have children then other people or other children from other families.

So what I encourage you to do is to grab some paper and a pen.

I'm very fond of sharing but I know for myself that wisdom is one thing.

Methods and theories are one thing.

But if I don't put action behind it.

If I don't do something on a daily basis.

The day to day thing with the car bills and the work and the kids and the food.

Dinner and all that is just going to take over.

So really see if you can challenge yourself throughout these three days and challenge yourself softly.

Slow is fast with us humans.

And this is work with trauma.

It is work with addiction.

So tread easy.

We're not rushing anything here.

We're just learning step by step.

So eight seconds.

Seven,

Six,

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

And we are live.

Good morning,

Good morning or good evening,

Good evening.

I can see straight away that there are some familiar faces.

Good to see you guys.

Hello from Sheffield.

Hello Vienna.

Good to see you.

Listen,

I'm trying out a new microphone.

Could you let me know if the sound is okay?

Good morning,

Sandro.

Good morning.

Sound is great.

All right.

Awesome.

Thank you,

Diane.

So before we start,

Please do let me know where you guys are from.

If you are in this time zone,

I'm in Copenhagen,

Not Copenhagen.

I'm in the south of Denmark.

California.

So what's the time that's plus six hours,

Isn't it,

Diane?

So it was,

It's like midnight or something like that.

One o'clock.

Good morning from Buffalo.

All right,

10 p.

M.

Okay.

Ah,

You have some time then.

Well,

For those of you who are here with me for the first time or with us,

Because I can see that there's some familiar faces here.

My name is Carlos and I live here in Denmark.

I am originally from Chile,

South America.

And my family and I arrived in Denmark as political refugees in 1976.

I'm 47 years old now.

The reason for me sharing this is because most of us that are sitting here are probably drawn by this headline,

Right?

So there might be trauma and there might be addiction or addiction and not that much trauma.

But what we're going to be investigating is how do these correlate with each other?

And what does this mean,

Actually?

Is it possible at all to heal our traumas through addiction?

So the reason for me sharing this is that the story with me being from Chile is that one thing is us as people.

And the other thing is what do we bring with us from our mother,

Our father,

Their,

You know,

Our grandparents on both sides and transgenerationally,

What do we bring with us?

My mind is telling me easy.

You're jumping into it too fast.

I'm really excited to be here and I'm so excited to be able to share.

Good morning.

First time at Joy and Diane,

You already donated.

It's too early.

It's too early with the donations,

Diane.

You need to wait until you see if it's worth it.

No,

Honestly,

Thank you for the donations.

Let me just straight away say that donations,

Part of it,

Of course,

Goes to Inside Timer,

Which I'm really happy about because they do an immense work.

And my share goes to my project here in Denmark called Big Heart Skateboarding,

Which is a project for kids that do not have the ability either to skate,

They could be handicapped or another way want to skate.

It could also be kids from families that do not have resources.

So thanks a lot for that,

Diane.

It's the same all over for me when I'm about to sit down and have these live events.

I've practiced seeming calm and collected.

I've practiced this until I was 30 years old,

Until I understood that I've just become something that I was not really.

I've developed a personality that was based on wanting to flee from all what was uncomfortable and create this personality that was really trying to have everybody like me.

Problem,

I didn't like myself.

I was just so torn away from who I was.

And that was my breakdown when I was 30 years old.

So from then,

I'm 47 now,

As I mentioned,

From then it's been a path of figuring out what the hell this is all about.

I trained to become a psychotherapist.

I changed completely my professional career and started trained to become a certified psychotherapist.

And I loved it already from first day I knew that I wanted to do this.

And we were allowed from when we.

.

.

It's a four year education.

And already by second year,

I knew that I wanted to have clients straight away.

And I started having these clients for us to practice with.

So I'm in love with psychotherapy.

I'm in love with spirituality.

I'm in love with everything that has to do with us working with our inner.

Was it like that always?

No,

Not at all.

I had a long period of my life where I really honestly considered just,

You know,

It was too hard of a work.

It was too much.

And having to deal with my past,

With my father,

With my mother,

With all that stuff,

It was difficult.

So me as a person,

I want to find models and theories that I'm going to share with you guys also.

This is heavy enough as it is,

You know,

All the trauma stuff.

And I don't want to put even more weight on that.

I want to take an approach which is the pain is there,

The addiction is there,

The suffering is there,

All of this stuff below the line,

Which I call it.

I'll share that with you as well.

All of that is below the line.

And all of that is making us contract.

So let's see if we can approach it from my mind says joyful.

And I guess that my mind says joyful because we don't need to go into these traumas and this addiction stuff from a painful perspective.

We do that already.

We are already in a victim position,

Most of us when we're dealing with stuff like this.

So what I was getting,

You know,

What I was telling before was that it's the same thing for me each time I want to do this.

I want to cancel yesterday.

I was no,

It's too.

I need listen,

I need to cancel these three days.

And this morning also,

I was like,

I didn't sleep well,

I never do before before these workshops or these sharing with you guys.

So I was like,

No,

Man,

I,

I,

Why am I doing this?

Why am I,

Why am I,

You know,

Why am I willing to sit down and do this stuff?

I could just be,

You know,

Enjoying my breakfast.

And the purpose is that the reason is that for me,

What I'm here to do is to share as much as I can with everybody whom I meet on my path,

Because so many people have helped me and I want to do that to inspire you guys to do the same for yourselves and for other people.

So I came to understand that I need to move my own complex,

My own,

You know,

Low self-esteem or low self-worth out of the way,

Because if I don't move that out of the way,

Not in a negative way,

But just it can stand in a way of me doing what I'm actually here to do.

I hope that you follow.

So by,

By accepting that there's,

It's very uncomfortable for me when I start doing this,

When I start talking,

It gets easier.

It points to something which is below the line,

Which might have something to do with early experiences in life,

Right?

So what I'm,

What I'm doing right now is in itself something which is making me calm down,

Making me,

You know,

Breathe out.

I honestly don't know what this talk is specifically going to,

You know,

Show us today,

But I know that from that image of that orange,

You know,

Me pressing it,

I have enough experience to share with you guys.

So what I want to do right now before we move into my thought about using addiction as a means to heal the traumas is that we're going to have a short intention meditation.

So I tend to talk,

Meditate,

Talk,

Meditate.

And I do that because I like information.

I like books,

But I like putting,

I like putting action to it even more.

So I'm also challenging you guys to take whatever one thing from this talk today and challenge yourself on doing it today.

Don't wait.

If you're not in a place in your life where you have resources to go out and do that work,

It's just fine,

But just reflect.

So let's get comfortable.

Just a short intention meditation.

I will be guiding that.

I will practice my meditation with open eyes and please do a great and go ahead and close your eyes if you're most comfortable with that.

Just notice the sounds around you.

Take a couple of deep breaths.

Maybe a small smile on your lips if it feels natural.

Maybe move your head a bit if you feel like there's tension.

Really make a sigh when you exhale.

Really let that air loosen up,

Exhalation in particular.

Maybe you can hear your heartbeat or feel it.

And now ask yourself the question,

What is my intention with this time I'm going to spend in this group,

In this circle?

Which one thing would I love to bring with me and practice today?

And when asking yourself this question,

It might be an emotion that arises.

It might be an image.

It might be a voice,

A sentence.

Just be true to whatever arises.

Now slowly just get ready to open your eyes again and move your attention outwards.

So what's really important for me to say is that when we move into both addiction and trauma,

It's so important that we take it easy.

It's so important that we,

You know,

It's small steps.

And the stuff that I'm going to be sharing with you guys is stuff that I have experienced from in my own process with my traumas.

It's stuff that I have,

You know,

I've been working as a psychotherapist for the past 12 years.

So it's stuff from the psychotherapy room as well.

But most importantly,

It's because I'm still struggling with addiction myself.

So I tend to put myself,

You know,

On the line as well.

So I'm not here to just,

You know,

Share as if I'm accomplished in this.

I'm not at all.

Definitely come a long way.

My addiction is food,

Overeating.

I had a phase in my early teens where I,

What do you call that?

I purged when eating too much.

And that's not a part of my life anymore.

But I have such a hard time controlling myself when it comes to food.

That's my addiction.

So what I will personally be exploring together with you guys is how can I exactly bulimia?

How can I,

You know,

Use this addiction as a doorway to understanding the trauma?

So if I was to,

You know,

Challenge myself,

Would I still be overeating if there was no trauma?

It doesn't feel like it.

There would be,

You know,

A natural balance of knowing when I was full and stopping.

And you know,

I just,

I can see the images right now from when I was a kid.

You know,

I used to steal candy and I was really good at it.

Not that it's something that I'm proud of.

I'm proud of now,

But I was back then because then I could just fill myself up and throw away the paper and then nobody would find out.

So there's also a great portion of shame when we have addictions because it's not something that we are normally willing to share.

So one of the things that I am going to be asking you about is to practice being vulnerable,

Being vulnerable with yourselves,

Be vulnerable in this circle.

It's pretty anonymous here.

So be vulnerable,

Which means for me to open up.

So I'm,

You know,

I did this when I started my first live event.

I did this yes list.

I'm going to read some of the stuff up.

A yes list is a list that we can make in order for us to take some steps which might be difficult in regards to addiction.

So this morning,

Apart from all the other stuff that I wrote,

One of them,

I'm willing,

Am I willing to be 100% honest?

Yes,

I am.

So you can ask me anything and I will be replying to that 100% honestly.

What I wrote this morning is that am I willing to show vulnerability?

Yes.

Am I willing to be judged as being incompetent?

Yes.

Am I willing to lose control?

Yes.

Am I willing to open my heart,

Body and soul?

Yes.

So by writing these things down,

I can,

You know,

I can feel the contraction and it's actually my throat is contracting because a part of me is saying,

No,

Don't do it.

It's too dangerous.

What happened back then will happen again.

And this is where we can start understanding what is actually going on inside of us.

So by choosing to say yes to all of these things that we are willing to do,

It's not then that we are able to do it straight away.

But instead of being victimized by what was,

We can start practicing what we want.

And I definitely want to become better at this,

At opening my heart.

And since the past,

You know,

We had a five day workshop,

Which is also on audio on Inside Timer,

Which is called What Other People Think of You.

That really started a deeper process in me.

I sent a sound file to my brother.

I want to deal with all the traumas that we have together.

So I'm in my process myself and I encourage you guys to do the same.

Let me just do a short,

You know,

Time out now.

Let me know if you guys have any questions so far from what I've shared.

I'm just going to scroll up here and see.

Hello P's,

Hello Elena.

Hello Reese.

Let me just see if you guys have any questions.

OK.

Hello Kate.

OK.

So no question so far.

What I'm going to be challenging myself on these days,

And I usually work in like 30 day periods because just working seven days or less,

It's difficult to change anything.

So I'll encourage you to do the same.

Practice what you can.

So the next meditation we're going to be doing is that we're going to be meditating on our addiction.

And addiction,

Well,

It's very individual what addiction is.

And sometimes,

You know,

We have these blind shades,

What do you call those?

Remember one of you helping me out.

Blinders I think it's called blinders,

Right?

Yeah.

We're blind on areas of ourselves,

So we might not even recognize something as being an addiction.

And therefore,

It can be very,

Very good to reach out to somebody who knows you well and ask them,

What do you think is my addiction?

You might be very aware of what your addiction is.

So this meditation that we're going to step into now is going to be a meditation where we're going to be just opening up.

Yeah,

Thanks.

Blinkers.

Thanks,

Susan.

That we're going to be opening up for,

You know,

From a heartwarming place,

From a motherly,

Fatherly,

Heartwarming place inside of us to just be with that addiction.

You know,

Just be curious to what that addiction is.

Just sense it.

Just feel what is the anatomy of that addiction.

Usually when we think of addiction,

We contract and we think less of ourselves.

There might be shame or guilt involved.

So what we need to practice is have that warm heartwarming,

That part of us that will,

You know,

Hold our hand and be there with us as we look at this stuff.

If you do not feel that you have that part of you present right now,

When we do this meditation,

Just look at it with soft eyes.

Look at it.

Look at the addiction as if it's a small child.

You know,

Somebody who's having a hard time.

That will,

For most people,

Enable the empathy,

Enable the open heart.

Hello,

Char.

So let's again get ready for the next meditation.

Let's close our eyes.

So if you just arrived within the last couple of minutes,

We did the first meditation,

Which was on intention.

Which one thing what we love to bring with us,

Practice today.

And what we're moving into now is a meditation where we will,

With kind eyes,

With open heart,

With empathy and compassion,

Look at our addiction.

And we can do that either by just sensing it emotionally or in the body.

We can do it by seeing an image of ourselves,

You know,

Playing that video of us acting out the addiction.

But when you do it,

See if you can look at it from outside yourself as if it's another person,

As if it's a video that you're watching.

So continue just having a calm breathing.

See if you can have a small smile on your lips.

And if it becomes too strong,

The sensation,

The power of that addiction,

Just,

You know,

Open your eyes again and just move your body.

See if you can notice what the anatomy of this addiction is.

If you were to analyze it,

What would be the components?

There's you,

There's a substance or an action.

When living out this addiction,

What is in the room?

What are the substances?

Just breathe calmly,

See if you can breathe into your heart.

So on one hand,

You're connected with calm breathing,

With your smile,

With your empathy,

Compassion.

And on the other side,

Experiencing the emotions connected to this addiction.

We are in no rush at all.

Just take your time and take it easy.

All of us that are in here are just practicing.

We need not know what to do,

Just to be open to experiencing,

Exploring.

So take a couple of deep breaths,

Small smile.

Just get ready to move your attention outwards again.

Maybe move your body,

Stretch.

Or maybe you even need to get up and move your body,

Shake it a bit.

So you're very welcome to use the comment field to share what your experience was,

Maybe just with one word or sentence.

When I did it here,

I felt it became very uncomfortable.

It became the contraction in my body.

It was like an energy of just craving,

Needing.

So the practice between us developing this part of us that can embrace,

This part of us that can be compassionate and have that integrate and become more present at the same time as the addiction arises.

And for me,

It's mainly in the evenings when alone that this arises.

It can also be during the day.

So when we finish today,

I'm going to give you some things that you can work on today so you can just start becoming more aware of when,

How,

What,

What are the circumstances,

What's the emotion,

What's going on.

Let me know if this makes sense so far,

You guys.

Just write in the comment if it makes sense or if you have questions so far.

Okay,

Great.

Okay.

Great.

Yeah.

Okay.

So one thing that actually became completely clear to me during this short meditation is that we need to find another word for addiction.

At least in my system,

What.

.

.

Let me just find this one.

What we need to be aware of in general is when do we go below the line and when do we stay above the line?

I have so many sheets now that I can't find them.

So if this is new to you,

You might want to check out five days on what other people think of you.

There's a lot of words about this drama triangle and the circle of presence and the line.

But the short version is that we can either be below or above the line.

We can either go down in a victim role.

That's what we do with addictions because we are victimized by feelings,

Thoughts,

Emotions,

All the chemical stuff inside our body that we are recreating from the past.

And then we will often go up into the villain that we will blame ourselves,

Talk down to ourselves or feel that the world is being hard and feeling that the world is.

.

.

We're beneath the world.

Everybody's talking down to us.

We don't feel good enough and all that stuff,

The whole shebang.

And then we will move up to the hero because this is where we can calm ourselves with either alcohol and in my case with food.

And then we'll continue that cycle.

So the reason why I think that it's important that we move above the line and also find another word for addiction is that when I use the word addiction,

I feel as a victim.

It's something that I'm not in control of.

It's something that is controlling me and that is the honest truth with me right now.

But I can just feel that there's a rebellion inside of me that wants to challenge that,

That wants to get above the line.

So moving from victim into creator,

That's what we're doing right now.

Right now we are together exploring how can we change this addiction?

How can we start healing our traumas by working together like we're doing right now?

So moving from victim to the creator,

Moving from the inner villain,

The one that is very negative towards ourselves,

The inner critic,

We could also call it that,

To a challenger inside of us and moving from the hero.

And here that's the really tough part for most who deal with addictions is that we move up in a coach role where we either reach out or we believe that we actually are able to do this.

So let me just see.

Carol you asked if obsession is an addiction.

Well,

Let's also say because when I use the word addiction,

It's not in a traditional psychological way where if we look at the definition of addiction,

It's a substance that we eat.

But I look at it more broadly.

So anything that we are addicted to,

Which is something that we cannot control,

Which feels like it's something that we lose control to.

I perceive that as an addiction,

As a behavior that we can start understanding because I'm quite sure that it points towards trauma as well.

So Karen writes.

Yeah,

Exactly.

So this one.

So what Susan is writing about when we're talking about the rational brain,

It's the upper brain here.

We call this the triune brain,

So evolutionary reptile brain,

The limbic brain.

So this is what we have common with the mammals,

With our cousins and well,

Yeah,

With our cousins,

The chimpanzees and us as humans developing the neocortex.

But we're just not that developed yet.

So when we are activated in addiction is in these two.

And usually when this is activated,

It's either fight,

Fly or paralyze.

So addiction for most people is fleeing from something.

So we flee towards the fridge.

We flee towards the sex or nature or meditation even.

We can flee from,

You know,

It's a spiritual bypass.

So we can do many things to try to avoid that core trauma,

That core addiction.

But we won't see it as that because I'm really meditating a lot.

It's so nice and I'm feeling so fulfilled.

And suddenly I'm contracting and I'm not able to control myself.

And that's the door.

That's what I'm talking about these days is how can we start using that addiction door into understanding what is the trauma beneath it and how can we start healing that?

So let me just check out the time.

We have like 10,

15 minutes left.

I'm practicing also keeping the schedule because I tend to go over time like with half an hour.

So listen,

There's a whole lot of things to cover and investigate.

So right now,

Let me just share with you guys what I would love for you guys to do today is to either on your phone or on a piece of paper.

I love journaling,

Having a good book,

Buying a good book,

You know,

And making it personal.

And journaling in hand is such a great thing to do.

It's such a beautiful thing to do,

Especially when I have loads of these that I look back on every now and then.

But it could also be on a napkin.

It can also be on your phone.

So what I'm asking you to do is do it today,

The day to day to notice,

Just be observant of when does your addiction arise?

What was the,

You know,

Because there's pre,

Full and after.

So pre is the working up to,

You know,

Stepping into that where you crave or where you do or where you watch what you watch,

Where we can,

You know,

Use the word addiction.

We're going to be working on finding another word.

So there's the pre which you need to be aware of what's going on.

Is there already stress in my system from when I wake?

How does this build up when I go to work?

What then happens when,

For example,

There was somebody writing that also could relate to the late at night,

You know,

Craving or addiction.

So what are the elements?

Is it food?

Is it,

You know,

Is it smoke?

What is it?

What are the elements?

And also what you can do today,

Because if you are addicted,

You're going to be addicted today as well,

Right?

You're going to live that out today as well.

But what you can do today is to slow it down.

Have your notebook be writing or you could also voice record.

That's actually one of the things that I've used quite a lot.

You can voice record yourself while stepping into it because it's some people describe it as if they become like it's like a blackout or they can't control themselves.

It's like the body just doing,

You know,

Its thing and filling and filling or eating or drinking or what it is the addiction is.

But by becoming,

You know,

More conscious and having,

For example,

A voice recorder and,

You know,

You voice recording that I'm doing this,

I'm doing this,

I'm doing this.

Then we are connecting the conscious work with the unconscious work.

We're doing something proactively.

We're creating a new circumstance that was not there before.

So there's the chain of addiction that we can start,

You know,

Pulling out one part of that chain and the chain will fall off.

And we can start,

You know,

Connecting another chain that will be,

I will be more conscious about what I do.

Still from a loving heart and open heart,

A compassionate heart.

There's a reason why we are addicted.

So let's not take away the addiction.

Let's just look at it as a doorway.

It's a door into understanding what is the trauma behind.

So from experience,

And I'm quite sure that,

You know,

Using this pathway and also understanding how we can deal with this trauma will also affect the addiction directly.

So I want to do a short meditation before we finish off.

Let me just see if you guys have any questions before we do the last meditation here.

Okay.

Yeah,

That's great.

Danny and all the other guys in here,

I'm recording this and I've recorded all the other live events too.

They are,

You know,

On my profile on Inside Timer.

So I am recording this also.

I will be recording the next two days also.

I'm very auditive myself.

So I like,

You know,

Revisiting audio files and,

You know,

Making notes or,

You know,

Working with this stuff.

Yeah,

Well,

Shadow work,

Elena,

For me is,

Shadow work has to do with parts of us.

The question is,

The answer is yes,

I do.

Shadow work for me personally is the same thing.

With our development of our personality,

We've developed a way of being in the world,

Which then leaves,

You know,

Other things to not be seen.

That's all the shadow work,

Right?

And much of what is in the shadow work is also the traumas,

Because I've been dealing so much also with anger.

I would say that I was quite addicted to anger,

Because at least that made me feel for a very short period of time as if I could resist all the pain or be strong.

But then,

You know,

Getting out of that,

I went back to the victim realm.

So shadow work is really important.

And,

You know,

Addictions,

From my point of view,

As I say,

It is the working with the shadows also.

Basically,

What I'm doing all this for is for us to be who we are,

You know,

To start letting go of all those traumas,

Start looking at all the complexes that we have,

All the negative things we say about ourselves,

Start letting that go.

Start noticing that the more we become ourselves,

The more authentic we become,

The more we share,

You know,

Showing our vulnerability,

The more we understand that we actually no longer need to hold on to all these beliefs,

These convictions,

Holding on to all that trauma.

And this is a bit complex,

Because what actually also can be an addiction is that all of us here can be addicted to our victim role.

And it's crazy.

So we can all be addicted to our victim role,

To our hero role,

Being,

I was addicted to being a pleaser,

Right?

I was a hero role,

Pleasing everybody for the first 30 years of my life.

Some people addicted to the villain role,

Being,

You know,

In control,

Demanding and,

You know,

Executing all the time.

So we can be very much addicted to our victim role because why?

It's safe.

It's the safest thing that we might know.

We might never have known anything else which is as safe as the victim role,

Because we do feel bad and we do feel sorry,

But we will also have other people,

You know,

Embracing us and giving us the love that we need.

So we need to,

You know,

These blinkers,

What was that the word I think,

Opening up,

Right?

And being honest to ourselves.

I'm not going to give you too much right now,

Which again,

The assignment,

If you want to go with this,

We're going to have two more days.

But for today is really to write down voice record,

Video record or whatever you might want to do when stepping into the addiction,

When stepping into that eating or,

You know,

Whatever it might be.

Yeah,

Blinders.

I'm going to learn it eventually.

So listen,

There was a study made that I embraced completely,

Which was,

And you might have heard about this study,

Which was a study with rats where they wanted to show how powerful sugar is compared to heroin.

And they put a rat in a cage where there was sugar and heroin and the rat chose heroin because it has the same effect on the body.

And we really become addicted to the sugar because it gives us this rush.

And I completely understood this and I was,

Yes,

I completely agree.

It's such an addiction with the sugar and that's my main addiction.

But then there was a new study that put lots of rats in a cage with sugar and heroin.

They didn't touch it.

None of the rats touched neither the sugar nor the heroin.

So what did this study tell us?

It says that at a deeper level,

Hypothetically,

We are disconnected from ourselves.

We are disconnected from others.

Being in that situation,

We try to fill ourselves up with different ways.

So my point is here that I strongly believe that by opening up to the lower level,

Which is the vulnerability-based trust,

Starting to become more vulnerable.

That is a guy called Patrick Lanzioni.

It's a model that he uses for team development,

But I use it in family therapy as well.

So what I'm telling you guys here is that there's a chance that this addiction also carries on loneliness and that we can start looking at how is our relationship to other people and are we connected,

Are we not connected?

So let's just use this first day as opening up for being curious,

Opening up for investigating,

Opening up for being honest towards ourselves and asking ourselves questions.

Doing this day,

Just be very alert on whatever the components are,

Whatever happens in this process that you go into when you start consuming or reading or doing whatever you do that you might feel is an addiction.

So we're going to be finishing off now.

Let's do a meditation that was actually quite good for me and I know that for a lot of you guys also.

So it's a visualization that we're going to be doing and we are 129 people right now and the meditation is going to include all of us.

So just get comfortable.

Just closing our eyes,

Connecting with our deep breathing,

Calm breathing.

And now just use your imagination and visualize all of us on a big open field.

It's summer,

Sunshine,

The COVID-19 situation is long gone and we just spend a lot of time talking and you can hear the simmering of voices and laughter and just connecting to other people,

Just relating and mirroring and understanding,

Being inspired and inspiring.

And now in this visualization,

I'm asking you to form one big circle.

It's a huge one.

So we're all there looking at each other and everybody's getting more and more silent and everybody's just starting to notice the energy of the field,

The energy of the circle and looking at each other with smiles on our faces.

Taking in a couple of deep breaths and really feeling the gratefulness,

Feeling the happiness for being able to share and see and be seen,

Hear and be heard.

Feeling your heartbeat and knowing that everybody else who's in this big circle has a heart like you beating,

Desiring to grow,

Be happy.

Just look around on all these different faces,

All these smiles,

All these people that are just like you with different backgrounds,

Ethnicity,

Different stories,

But all here for the same thing.

Now in this visualization,

You hear me asking you to take the hand of the person to your right and take the hand of the person to your left.

And right here and right now,

You can take down your hands and hold the hands of these people that you don't know.

It can be a bit strange,

But at the same time,

Feeling right.

Just feel that hand,

Your right hand and that hand in your left hand.

With a smile and a small nod,

Just look at them and feeling that connection.

No words at all,

Just feeling that connection.

And you can feel this calm in the whole group.

You can feel the shoulders of everybody else just falling down,

Calming down.

And suddenly somebody starts laughing a bit and you can't help yourself,

You start laughing as well.

There's just such a big heart in this group.

There's just a,

Just feels like freedom.

It feels like everything is okay.

It feels like being 100% safe.

So you hear the rest of the group asking,

Being asked to take a couple of deep breaths and it's like you can everybody,

You can feel everybody taking in the deep breath at the same time.

Finalizing the meditation,

I'm challenging you a bit to shake those hands and you can feel the shaking of the body and it feels funny and you start laughing.

There's so much joyfulness.

And now getting ready to moving back to this chair,

To this pillow,

To this sofa you might be sitting on right here now,

Moving your body,

Keeping that smile,

Keeping that feeling inside of you being with this group.

So what I want to ask and also inspire you to do is,

Later on today,

Because you probably tuned in,

Also if you just tuned in right now into this event,

Later on today when you do feel this movement inside of you,

Starting with the craving,

It can be the craving for your phone or for YouTube,

It can be the craving for the fridge or whatever.

I'm quite sure that everybody in this group will be very open to you having us there with you,

Not in a blaming way but in a completely understanding.

We completely understand so that you can open that compassionate side to yourself.

So when you do eat or when you do do what you do,

Smoke or whatever,

You do it with compassion.

You do it shame free,

You do it guilt free.

So please feel free to have me there.

We're going to be working with resource persons tomorrow as one of these many,

It's not many but it's five things that we can use as resources when we are in this situation to start dealing with the underlying trauma.

So please do use me,

Use everybody else here who's in this room.

You might already know faces from other live events,

Maybe some of the other beautiful teachers on the inside timer.

But let's start see if we could take this community,

These circles a step further.

If this resonates with you,

I created a circle called the healing circle and the intention with that circle on inside timer,

You know that these there's these different circles that you can join in.

I do have one called Kalas circle.

You're welcome to join that one as well.

I'm quite new to the circle so I'm just trying to figure out how to do this stuff with the circles.

But if it feels like something you would want to be a part of this healing circle,

Then sentient is just that the people are there are there to support each other,

Not by writing stuff just by being a part of that circle.

You will know that these people are there with you when you are in that hard time when you are struggling with that addiction.

That's my thought about that circle.

So Danny,

I'm back tomorrow and the day after.

So this is three day thing.

Next week,

I'll be back also three days on what other people think of you.

What other people think of you definitely also has a string back to our past and trauma.

So all of this stuff that I'm working with has,

You know,

Strings attached to each other.

Yeah.

Yeah,

For the next two days,

It's the same time.

Next week,

It's three o'clock Danish time.

So that will you will have to see,

You know,

But it pops up on inside timer with your local time I'm quite sure.

So listen,

Everybody,

We're about to finish off for today.

One of the things that I mentioned that I needed to ask myself if I was willing to feel today was to show vulnerability,

Willing to be judged as incompetent,

Willing to lose control,

Willing to open my heart,

Body and soul.

So asking me myself this question has made me able to do that even more.

And honestly,

Right now,

I feel pretty incompetent,

But I'm willing to feel it.

It's not that I'm looking for,

You know,

For you to feel sorry about me.

It's just to say that if I'm going to let incompetence stand in the way of me becoming competent by repeating stuff,

If I'm going to let that,

You know,

Not daring to feel incompetent stand in the way,

Then I'm not moving anywhere.

I'll just be stagnated.

So I'm willing to feel incompetent.

I'm willing to make this,

You know,

These I'm willing to understand what I'm trying to share with you guys again and again and again.

I'm just so grateful that you guys out there wanting to be here with me and share.

And hopefully it will bring something good with it for you guys.

So thank you so much for being here today.

Again,

As I mentioned tomorrow and the day after same time.

And thanks a lot,

Sandra and Sandra.

Thank you so much for your letter still with me.

It's still there and I will write you back from the heart when that arises.

What you see in me is in you.

And the same goes for me and everybody else that I met on my path.

So we are amazing and we have this vulnerability and we have this authenticity.

We just need to start showing it.

And really already today,

If you have that,

You know,

If you feel that it's now reach out to that person out there that you can start opening up to.

Let's get some more rats in that cage.

So we're not that alone with all the sugar and all the other addictions.

Thanks Andy.

Love you guys being here.

Let's continue the work.

The work that will definitely mean that it will change something for us,

But also for the generations to come.

That's my main motivation,

My kids and looking on seven generations.

What we do now mean for those generations in seven.

Thanks a lot for now.

See you guys tomorrow.

Have a great day and do embrace the training that I share with you today if you're up for it.

Thanks a lot.

See you tomorrow.

Bye bye.

I always forget that I'm recording.

As I mentioned,

Honestly,

I feel incompetent,

But at the same time,

I know it's my growth mindset,

Right?

Incompetence is good.

It means that I'm putting myself out there.

It means that I'm,

I'm trying.

I'm walking the talk.

I'm not hiding.

You know,

I'm not flying below the radar anymore.

I'm prepared to be vulnerable and prepared to be honest.

I'm prepared to make mistakes and feel shitty afterwards for a while.

And then just to look at it again and practice again.

Yeah,

That's the path.

So thank you so much for being there a part of this and do reach out if you have any questions or any comments or anything you would like to put me to add on.

Thanks a lot,

You guys.

Bye bye.