7 Mind Shifts for Happiness and Lots of Energy

In this talk, we discuss seven stable reference points that help us make decisions, starting with the truth that our authenticity is our direct level of energy. We are discovering that the only pleasure that never fades with time is compassion, and that by treating ourselves with kindness, we naturally invite the rest of the world to treat us with that same respect and care.

Transcript

Hi, My name is Elizabeth Pajjov, And today I want to share seven things that have brought me a lot of happiness. Seven things I learned from a variety of places that I use in my life all the time, That bring me joy all the time, And that help me make decisions. Because we have so many options right now in today's world. It seems like there's a lot going on politically. There's a lot of different ways you can live your life. There's a lot of different things you can do, Places you can live your life. What do you listen to? What is that stable reference point? These seven things always help me make decisions that serve my happiness and serve me. So number one. Your authenticity is your level of energy. If you are not authentic, You won't have energy. So the more you pretend, The more you are fake, The less energy you have. The more connected you are to yourself, The more energy you have. So every lie, Like you can lie, No one will stop you, But every single lie takes a lot of energy to sustain. This means liking what you do. This means liking where you live, Liking who you spend time with. And the number one request that especially successful people come to me with is that they just don't have enough energy. You always have enough energy to do the things you really want to do. And you always have enough energy to spend time with the people you really want to spend time with. So think about what those things, Who those people are, And burnout won't be an issue. Because you can exercise, Sleep a lot, You can eat healthy, And still have no energy. I've seen it. And that probably means that you are pretending for someone. You are being controlled by someone. And you're not that way and you can't quite be the person you strive to be that's not you but you're also not tapping into your own strength and your own full energy so that's one How happy everyone else is with you. Is not how intelligent you are or how competent you are or how kind you are to them or how you look. How much other people appreciate you is always a matter of your own self-compassion. So how you treat yourself, The amount of patience and the amount that you listen to yourself is exactly how other people treat you. So if you're looking for a better romantic relationship and you are betraying yourself, That other person will betray you in some way, Either by being dishonest with you or won't treat you the way you want to be treated. So when you begin treating yourself very well and forgiving yourself, Releasing yourself of unreasonable expectations. You also begin to live in a world in which other people treat you very, Very well. Number three, Every talent you have that you don't use becomes destructive to your physical health. So every talent you have for anything is kind of an energy that's within you. When you express that talent, That energy is processed. It goes out into the world. When you don't use that talent, That energy kind of turns against you and becomes something destructive in you, In your body. So make sure that every talent you have that you want to express that in some way you are using it because creative energy is the best form of energy. And yet creative energy when unused is actually really harmful. There is never a good reason to be harsh to yourself or to blame yourself or to be mean to yourself. There is never a set of circumstances in which that is helpful or appropriate. There's an African proverb I love that when there is no enemy inside. The enemies outside can't hurt you. They just can't harm you. So your level of strength in all kinds of situations is the degree to which you are kind to yourself, To which you are on your own side unconditionally. And we're really here on this earth. To feel. Unconditional love for imperfect beings. So we're here to experience unconditional warmth. For beings who are inevitably. Imperfect. Yourself as well. So a really good attitude to improve relationships is this attitude toward other people that I don't want anything from you and I want everything for you. And that doesn't mean you're like, No, No, Don't give me anything ever. It means I don't want anything from you. That you don't want to give freely. That you don't want to give openly. And same for yourself. Don't want things from yourself that are not in your nature, That are not for you. And yet, Of course, Stretch yourself physically. Challenge yourself. Go in the direction you want to go in. Try new things. But know that you are here for friendliness. Toward all kinds of imperfect beings, Whether it's your parents, Your significant others, Your kids, Yourself, Your siblings, Your coworkers. Wherever there is a person, There is an opportunity for kindness. And that kindness is something you practice on yourself. So it becomes the reaction that is at hand. And then you react to the rest of the world with the emotion that's already at hand. Number five. The meaning of life is joy. And everything that happens, Every single thing is either there to bring you joy. Or to help you grow as a person. There are no exceptions. And when you live in a world and you see every challenge that way, Everything becomes rewarding and everything also becomes interesting because it's either a question of this will help me grow and find happiness or this is joy and this is bringing me happiness. And let me notice when my wishes come true. Let me appreciate that. Let me appreciate all the joys that are there around me anyway. The beauty that is there around me. This body. Let me appreciate that. And also. . . Let me be okay with being challenged. And that brings me to six. Everything you accept becomes your source of strength. Everything in your past that was difficult that you accept becomes your source of strength. Everything in your identity that you accept becomes your enormous source of strength. And every crisis. Is actually a reserve of energy for you. You don't come out of any financial crisis, Any personal crisis, The same as you were before. You always come out with new energy and more energy. So accept openly. Accepting means accepting everything, The good and the bad, And feel that everything that is part of you, Every experience you have does contribute to your strength. Every part of your story, As it is, Is part of your strength when you accept it fully. And seven, And this is perhaps the most important one. One of the tragedies of human existence, And we are becoming increasingly impatient due to technology with this, Is that certain things give us pleasure. But over time, All of those things give us less pleasure. So if you get like the new iPhone and you get this iPhone and let's say the screen is clearer and it makes more pleasant sounds and the camera is better quality and it's easier to use, You'll have a pleasure response for a day, Maximum a day and a half. And then it'll go back to being the same. Or if you start to eat the most delicious chocolate cake in the world and you eat one bite and it's delicious and you eat the second bite and it's still delicious. By the 10th bite, You're like, Okay, It's okay. By the 100th bite, You'd say, Get that stuff away from me. I don't even want it. Every pleasure fades with time. I think the same for that person you're really attracted to. When you spend time with them at first, You're so attracted to them, You're so happy, And then it just becomes a normal part of your life. So we start by getting pleasure from it, Then it plateaus, And then it goes down. So this is where we grasp for immediate gratification and pleasurable experiences. The only pleasure that doesn't fade with time is compassion and self-compassion. Compassion looks like a pleasure response in your brain. And that is something you can practice every moment towards yourself and every moment toward other people. And it will be that happiness response. So compassionate people are happy. And compassion is a non-stress response to suffering. So there's a lot of ways to respond to experience. You can respond with anger, With sadness, With confusion. You can be at a loss. Responding to suffering with compassion, There's no stress, Which means you still think straight. If you have a strong stress response, Your amygdala lights up. And when the amygdala lights up, You just act on autopilot and you make decisions that aren't necessarily wise. You just make decisions as quickly as possible. So when you're not stressed first, You are smarter. When you're compassionate, You're smarter. And second of all, You are happier. So you can spend your entire life in a constant compassion practice, In a constant self-compassion practice. And that will give you energy. That will give you a sense of purpose. But just plain and simple, That will give you happiness. For me, The sign of real psychological growth in a person, Real emotional growth, Real spiritual growth, Is one, All their relationships get better, Including the one with themselves. They wake up feeling happier every morning. And three. They have more energy every morning. There is more energy running through your body. And this is not a question of age. And this can shift at any point in your life as your mentality shift, As your way of thinking shift. So I specialize in these shifts in people's thinking, In these shifts in how people approach reality. Thank you for watching.