Choice Points

We often don't realize this, but each of us has many 'choice points' every day that can dramatically alter what happens next. Mindful awareness is the key to noticing our experience and then making a choice to either continue or to shift direction. Join me in this talk and practice where you will experience skills to make choices with your body, emotions, and thoughts. We will also do an inquiry practice about the impact of thoughts and emotions on our nervous system so we can more consciously shape our day.

Transcript

Hello and welcome. Our practice today is on choice points. I'm so glad that you're all here with me practicing. So in life, We have many opportunities for awareness. And if you're like me, I go through a lot of my life on autopilot. Doing the next thing, Getting pulled into. Whatever project I'm working on or whatever family dynamic is happening. Um. . . And that is normal, Right? We focus on work. Kind of get in our groove and our habit. And our brains actually. . . Are prediction machines, And so there is some comfort. When we have a routine and when we have our our schedule. The problem, Though, Is that we can drop in our awareness and we can get caught up in a habitual pattern that's not so helpful, Like scrolling or being on screens too much. Or getting stuck in a thought loop. Or having our inner critic rule the day. And if we can bring some awareness to our experience in the moment. We have many, Many choice points. Throughout our whole day that can actually change. The trajectory of our day. I'm going to look through this. Process of choice points. Through the lens of our nervous system. If you know me, You know I love to talk about our nervous system. But first I just want to. . . Define a choice point. So. . . A choice point is just that, A moment. Where we stop and pause. And decide which direction to go next. It's like being at an intersection. On a road or a path. And you can decide, Do I want to go that way or do I want to go this way? So I have a choice point every morning. I like to get my movement exercise done. First thing before breakfast and before emails. And every morning I do have a choice, Right? I can potentially Jump on email. And then get lost in that, And then maybe there's not enough time for my walk or my swim. And then my whole day, My body doesn't feel as well. Because I haven't done this morning movement, Which I've done for decades. And so the choice point is when I feel pulled into. Something. That may not be as good for me or contribute to my well-being. I have a choice at that moment. And the power of recognizing our choice points. Is, You know, We live in a world that is very chaotic. Very fast moving. And it often feels like we don't have much control. Or agency in what happens to us. During the day. And so you may be at work and. Have some projects planned out, And then Your boss throws a wrench in the plan and wants you to do something else. That's a choice point. Do I want to hold on to my upset? Over. You know, The chaos that was created. Do I go with the flow? How do I want to choose to meet this particular moment? So. . . In that moment where we Take a breath, We have a little pause, And we make a choice. That is empowering. And it gives us agency. To say, This is how I want to move through this next moment. So we have so very many choice points throughout the day. So. . . Your body, Your stomach may be telling you. I need food. Choice point. Do you stop what you're doing? And give your body some nourishment. You open the refrigerator. Choice point. What food? Does your body really want what would be good for you? Helpful and nourishing or comforting for you in this moment of your day. And then you sit down to eat. You have another choice point. Do I want to eat in front of a screen if you're alone? Or with a book, Do you want to engage if there's people around? And again, These choice points, If you can remove the judgment from them. That's really helpful. Because oftentimes, A lot of shoulds will arise. Well, I should have a salad. But what I really want is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Right. And if we make a choice for something that, You know, Ultimately, It's like not the good choice. And if we are feeling guilty or remorseful or we judge ourselves. That's another choice point. Do I want to? Put myself down for the choice that I made. Right, That's not helpful. So. . . In the moment, Maybe you chose. Chips and salsa, And. . . Be okay with that. Maybe notice how your body responds to that. And maybe the next time you're hungry, You make a different choice. And you notice. The impact of that. So the bottom line is that This is a grand experiment. And that you have agency. To shift direction at any moment. So if you're noticing, Oh, I'm being really hard on myself, I'm being really critical, Choice point. If you are feeling really sad. Choice point. Do I want to just be with this sadness? Do I want to? And put on some music that will support my sadness. Toiwana Journal Do I want to bookmark this feeling and come back to it when I have time? Right. Do I want to say, No, I don't want to feel sad right now. I'm going to distract myself with something. They're all valid choices that we can make. And then we have to, Like a good. A good scientist. How did this choice affect me? Was it helpful to listen to five minutes of sad music? And have a few tears. And then move on. Or not? Did that happen? Derail my energy for the rest of the day where I was So sad that I went into collapse. Understanding our nervous system states is also really helpful. In helping us decide which choice we want to make. So, For example, If I'm feeling worried, I know that that emotion lives in my sympathetic nervous system, In my fight-flight responses, Anxiety, Worry, Anger, Upset, Agitation. Wanting to mobilize, Wanting to do something. So if I know that I'm worried right now, Okay, I'm noticing that I'm in my sympathetic nervous system. So that system that fight flight system. My body wants to mobilize. To kind of burn off some of that energy that has been activated. So if I make a choice to decide to do a sitting meditation, When my body is in higher sympathetic activation. That actually may be. Frustrating. It may. Not be the most relaxing meditation, I might feel constantly pulled or agitated, My mind might be really busy. But maybe doing a brisk walking meditation. Or doing some breathing exercises that are more discharging, Right? Maybe it's. . . Acknowledging the movement and doing some mindful yoga or stretching or something that's a little more mobilizing. We can do. These movements and practices mindfully. And We're also tending our nervous system. Conversely, We feel maybe really sad or depressed about something. Or fearful and we go into our dorsal vagal collapse or freeze. We kind of drop in and it's really hard to get motivated to do anything. Or we have a particular. . . Loop of thoughts that isn't. Very positive, Maybe it's darker, It's sadder. Right, To notice like, Oh, I'm in my dorsal system right now. Oh, I can't even imagine going out for a walk. What can I do to support myself? What choice points? What can I make? That could help me. Maybe it's a compassion practice. Maybe it's a body scan. Maybe it's calling a friend and reaching out for connection. Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's making art. Maybe it's singing. Maybe it's humming. And when we're in our dorsal freeze, It can be difficult to do big movement. And so. Can I stretch? Can I do something simple? That's gentle and honoring. Of this state where I feel like I'm wanting to turn inward. And then you notice what begins to happen. In your body as you make your choices. Knowing that you can Always choose something different if it's not working. Or if you're, You know, Not feeling a shift or if You decide that, Okay, Maybe this mood is gonna last all day. Maybe I need to make a choice to not fix this, But to be sad. And go through my day. So understanding our nervous system states can Help us make choices. That are congruent and supportive. Of our nervous system. And you can change course at any moment. Let's say you're feeling really down and you have some time. You don't have a lot of chores or work. And you just decide to sit on the couch, Maybe watch some movies, Have some popcorn, And then After an hour or so, It doesn't feel so good. You have another choice point. Right, You can. Say, OK, I want to do something a little different. Maybe I'll call a friend. Maybe I'll get a drink of water. So. This gives us actually a lot of freedom. Within our day. To become aware. Notice, This is kind of notice and name. You've heard me talk about this practice before. Notice and name what's happening inside of you. From basic body sensations to emotions. To mental. What's going on in your mind? And then. . . Choose. Choose to go in a direction. And see what happened. All right, Let's do a practice together. So as we come into practice, Notice that you have a choice. About how to position your body. And take a moment to listen to. How your body wants to be right now. If you're at the end of the day and more tired. You may choose to lie down. If you know that you tend to fall asleep, Maybe you want to listen to the practice. So maybe you choose to recline instead of lie flat. If you're in pain, Positioning yourself so that You are as comfortable as your body can possibly be. Perhaps sitting, Perhaps taking a more formal posture. Knowing that you have a choice to change position. At any time. And then to help the process of arising. We're going to use a focused anchored practice for a few minutes. And so you have choice over your anchor. You can choose to focus on the sensations of your breath. You can anchor to a visual cue out in your environment. You can use a touch anchor. Noticing your hands and your lap. Or your feet on the ground. Are your back being supported? You may choose sound. Just noticing my voice, The ambient sounds in your environment. And once you choose your anchor, Stay with it for a bit. And whenever your mind wanders. Notice that and you have a choice point. Do I want to follow that thought loop? Or that painful sensation. Or do I want to come back to my focus on the anchor? Your choice. And of course, Always bringing some compassion. To yourself for where your attention gets pulled to. It happens for all of us. Most of the time, If not all the time. Right, That is a choice too is how. You treat yourself when you notice you have wandered away from your anchor. How do you choose to hold yourself? As you return to your anchor. Now I'd like you to reflect on a moment from this past week. Where you maybe didn't make the best choice for yourself. Can be simple because you weren't aware. Or maybe you were aware and made it anyway, But it didn't turn out to be so helpful. You know, Could be just something like staying up too late. Or going out in the heat for an errand when maybe you should have done it in the morning when it was cooler. Or maybe being stuck in a negative mental loop. So just notice. This moment from this past week. And then I'd like you to rewind. Before making that choice. And imagine that you can choose a different action. Or a different response. So this is perhaps visualizing or sensing yourself going to sleep earlier. Or feeling your emotions rise up and go. Taking some breaths and tending to them before speaking. Perhaps it's. Noticing your inner critic being very loud and And saying to it, Not now, I'm going to shift my attention. So imagine making a different choice than you did. And imagine what happened next with this newer choice. What begins to happen in your body right now? As you imagine yourself making a choice. That might change the trajectory of your day. And you can pay attention to different body cues. Perhaps your breath changes. Perhaps your muscles soften even just a bit. Perhaps your chest might feel a little lighter. Noticing these very small subtle cues. Is really important to refine our choices, To refine our discernment in what action to take. Because these choice points won't necessarily immediately give you a big, Huge. INSIGHT It might be very small micro shifts. Of breath. Of muscle tone. Of a change in your emotional tone. And next. . . I'd like you to choose to focus on kind of a recurring habit pattern that you might have. That doesn't help you so much. So it could be something as simple as. . . Having caffeine too late in the day but Maybe when you hit a low point in the late afternoon, You're looking for energy. And want some caffeine. Or maybe it's responding to someone in a way that you habitually do that's not as kind as you would like it to be. So just sort of imagine this habit, This loop, This state. Habitual process. And envision how you might want to choose to make a different decision. Specifically. Where is your choice point? Where can you kind of grab the golden ring? Of oh, This is a moment I have a choice. It may be a body cue that you have. It may be. A particular thought. My line of thinking. There is a point that we often miss. That can become a choice point. If we're paying attention. So it could be noticing. Early on when you're in that negative thought loop. It could be noticing you know, The fullness of your tummy and making a different choice about food intake. Perhaps it's noticing. A habitual loop, Emotional loop, Or mental loop. After it's been going on for half a day. That is still a big win. Because you noticed in this moment. And you've just created a choice point. So of course, Ideally, We notice these things when they first arise. That's, You know, I don't worry so much anymore about. Trying to become that enlightened. I just wanna notice. My loop. As soon as I can. I'd like to notice it earlier. And earlier. And that is a way that I can be compassionate with myself. Perhaps you begin to notice your nervous system state more regularly. That can be a doorway to a choice point. Maybe you're getting really wrapped up in something and going more sympathetic. With your nervous system getting activated with stress or worry. Are upset. Wow, I'm really in my sympathetic. Good noticing. Do yourself good noticing. What choice can I make right now? And so the gift of this practice of Opening to awareness of a choice point. Is really profound. Because at any moment, In any part of our day, We have a choice. To shift. To hold ourselves with compassion. To notice. To name something. To shift our attention. In a way that would be more helpful, More supportive. And more kind. For ourselves and others. And as we bring this practice to a close, Thank yourself for doing this inquiry process. An investigation and I'd invite you to stay curious. And stay aware. Of yourself throughout the day in simple little ways. And offer yourself a choice point. So I'll close with a poem entitled The Mindfulness Bell by Rosemary Watola Trommer. The Mindfulness Bell. And so today when the very slow driver in front of me starts going 10 miles over the speed limit right when we get to the passing lane. I imagine my frustration is a bell. Instead of calling him an idiot, As usual, I think. Ding! Can you be grateful to be alive right now? Ding! Can you bless this body? Delight in this canyon. Find joy in the burgeoning green of spring. Ding. Go on. Ding! Can you come home to this moment? And realize all the longs. Even slow drivers who speed up. Even your impatience. Ding! Here's your chance to imagine Whatever provokes you becomes a mindfulness bell. There will come a time when you think, Oh, What a lucky woman you were to drive these roads at all. Could that time be now? Ting. Ding! Oh, That idiot! Ting. Please let him pull over. Don't honk, Please. Ding! Ding. Ding! Thank you so much for practicing with me today.