Episode 5: Fear With Tracy Brady

It's natural to have some fear. It's how the brain works to protect us from things that can harm us. Most fear can be overcome, and we can live a fear-free life if we can learn to become observers of our thoughts and not participants in them. Many of us become identified with our thoughts, we begin to think that our thoughts are who we are. We are not our thoughts!
Join Tracy Brady and I as we talk about the steps to becoming the observer of our thoughts.

Transcript

Hi, I'm Curious Cass and this is Curiosity Junkie. Let's talk about fear. Hi Tracy, Thanks for joining today. So good to have you back. How are you? I'm well Cass, Good to see you. Good. We've done about four or five episodes at this point and we've done a lot around self-love, Self-care, Brain chatter, And I can't remember the other one but I did kind of want to dive into fear and the fact that fear keeps us from doing things that are important maybe to our true authentic self and yet we don't do them for fear of people are going to judge us, People are going to talk about us, I might fail, I'm just thinking of some of the things that I've heard. I'm like just go for it. Fear keeps me from doing things too but I am getting brave, Braver as I get older. So let's talk a little bit about fear. Well that's good that you're getting braver as you get older. You know when we talk about fear it you know it conjures up these images of scary things you know things that are meant to paralyze us and so fear is something that is a motivator and it can motivate us to stifle us and it can also motivate us to action and it is a natural response. It's something that the body does in conjunction with the mind to protect us from things that are perceived as harmful and so when we have a fear response that makes sense for example you know you're walking across the street and you thought you looked both ways but you didn't notice a car coming that automatic fear response you know that fight, Flight or flee the adrenaline rush it happens so quickly and it's motivated it's motivating us to take action to save our life. So it's a real good thing to have fear. It's not something that we want to get rid of or want to try to get rid of but as you mentioned we spoke about brain shatter and when you're thinking of doing something that's got some perceived possible consequences something risky something I want to jump out of a plane because it's something that I want to do or I want to change jobs because it's something I want to do but all of the brain chatter behind that is uh oh, Uh oh, Uh oh, Uh oh, You know it's this overthinking that stops us from taking those actions and in a way if you think about it the brain is looking back it's a record of the past so it's looking back to find evidence where this might not be such a good idea because as we know it errs on the side of caution and protection for us. So as this is occurring we're becoming aware of this brain chatter this thoughts and we actually buy into it because of course we don't want to let something slip by that could prevent us from losing our shirts or losing our life or losing our reputation so it's important to pay attention to some of those things that the brain brings up. On the other hand we can get bogged down we can get in a trance as they say just having these thoughts come over and over and over and without really taking charge ourself you know we when the brain it's an organ so when the brain is thinking and creating thought it doesn't mean that it's that every single thought that it creates is something that we should pay attention to as rational, Uh logical, Important things because the brain thinks I can't even remember the number but it's an inordinate amount of thoughts that we have in a minute or a second and god I can't even imagine in a day and so if we were going to pay attention to all of those thoughts we would never get anything done so our focus has to be let me see which ones of these thoughts are important for me to consider in the circumstance and so we can pick and choose but that requires us to be observers of our thoughts and not participants in it does that make sense? Yes yes and that's that's hard because we're so used to it constantly running and telling us. You're right and a lot of people become identified with their thoughts and think that their thoughts are who they are and in fact it takes some practice to step out of that and observe them observe the thought one of the ways I like to encourage people to do that is to imagine imagine yourself in a tennis match or a basketball game if you've ever played a sport you know what it feels like to be in the sport playing your everything's going on about you you've got to you know you've got to position yourself where's the ball where are the players and you're in it and it really feels very your adrenaline is high so I encourage people to take themselves out of the game and be an observer of the game instead so be an observer of the thoughts you can watch the thoughts just like a tennis match watch the thoughts oh I thought that was a good idea oh now my brain is telling me that it's not a good idea well you know it's just constantly changing and so in that way we can depersonalize some of these thoughts and look at it in a in a more in a much more wise detached manner that doesn't affect us so much you know we're we're either stuck reacting constantly reacting to these thoughts or we can pause and say let me consider active consideration of some of these thoughts evaluation that's a that's a totally different thing than just the mind chatter okay yes well and when I when I think of fear right now there's there's just so many different areas of fear so like personal fear fear of external as in what people are going to think of me what if I fail and then there maybe it's all external maybe that's internal um and then there's the the fear uh that comes with like the COVID right now and the the constant negative talk on tv and the news and the fear that this is a deadly virus and what that creates and does for us and then you've got the politics on top of that not that I want to go into politics but I'm just saying there's right now it seems like a lot of us are not getting out the way we used to and we are living in a little bit of a fear state of mind so what what are some things or what how do we how do we deal with that wow you know this is probably well at least in my lifetime this is probably most everyone else's this is probably the largest and I mean largest by by number of people experiencing it the largest most invasive pervasive uh sense of universal anxiety and fear that we're all sharing and that energy of um everyone sharing the same thing that is such a a you know brings about initially anyway brings about let me protect myself what am I going to do how how do I take care of me you know it it invites us to you know which is what you do when you're sick when you're sick you know you don't really want to go and visit and talk and and your body calls you to itself it says attend to me I need all of my resources here and so that's kind of what I see happening um and if people can get to a place where at least for me and some of the people I know you know you're you're initially very frightened and we've all had hope you know we've all had hope and then the hope dashes and then the more news you watch depending upon what news you watch your hope goes in one direction or another and causes your reactions to go similarly but after a while that anxiety that high anxiety we we kind of got up to that you know we we we're very resilient um of course we're not as adaptable as the alligators and crocodiles and some of the cold-blooded creatures that have adapted over the millennia but we are still adaptable and so uh you know that's why unfortunately that's why people can stay in abusive relationships for a while because we just start kind of well this is the way it is and I've survived so it's okay you know but in this case there is not a whole lot we can do I mean I can't find a vaccine I have to rely on others you know I I can't do anything about the politics like that's not my field you know so I have to focus on what I can do and internally and for the world or you know for others and so after that initial kind of an adaptation to a different way of life and recognizing that the hope that we have for it back to normal isn't going to be happening anytime soon possibly then we kind of can settle and when we settle it can be a good thing you know you can settle in a bad way in a bad circumstance where you can take action to move yourself out and that's not a good thing you continue to hurt yourself but this is the settling in more of a an acceptance and a surrender of okay this is how things are let me see what I can do to make my life wonderful and so you've seen I mean the parades that people do in their cars look what you're doing with your curious cast youtube I mean you know you're you're too smart to go and take courses on all of these things you know you're like hey I have a lot of I know a lot of really cool people I can ask these questions of and you don't even have to read a chapter in a book you know it's and you can share it with people and they don't have to risk their life to hear it I mean so you're doing things people are very creative and I think when this has occurred it's really brought out a lot of that creativity internally and externally because people are invited to go inward people are invited to ask themselves what is it that that's important to me right are my children going to go back to school do I work how how how am I going to work is this work right for me people are changing I mean it's incredible what this has done for people as far as being true to themselves once that initial fear has kind of subsided a little bit where we can have a little bit more reflection and and not so much you know I do think that's going to be really interesting fascinating to see once we really can move about freely and everything is back open because I know I'm working but there are a lot of people that are not able to work and so they are taking that time to really there's nothing else to do so you're spending a lot of time with yourself and maybe you're starting to self-reflect on are you really happy do you really enjoy this job is this the direction you want to take your life so it will be pretty fascinating to see all of the changes that come about out of this whole thing and then what would you say to someone who is doing that self-reflection right now they're in this moment of reevaluating a lot of things because they have the time to do it that is maybe afraid to quit the job afraid to make the change afraid to leave the relationship what what can you say what what are some thoughts that would be helpful well the main thing is that we don't make generally we don't make good choices when our body is full of the fear chemicals yes yes so I would say pause on anything that is seen seems to be coming from a place of desperation unless of course it's in order to get food or shelter or safety or you know one of the basic things because once and and and and to go to resources counselor you know meditation teacher somebody who can guide you through the process of getting to a habit of calming the self and and having some self-regulating skills so that you can identify when you are making choices that they are not based on fear but rather based on acceptance and moving forward and there are no guarantees no one has a crystal ball to your point about what will others think at this point I think it's a really great time for people to look at some of their choices and not be encumbered by that idea because we're not out and about like we used to be I don't have to worry about that because it's just me it's you know nobody's gonna come and save me no one is going to come and tell me that I get a promotion because of what I'm wearing or what I'm doing nobody's gonna I mean if they do they're gonna have a mask on and I'm gonna be inside here and they can't really do anything to me so if you think these things through we really are at a place where it is a prime time for us to be very true to who we are and what's important to us and if we depend upon others for that that's being taken away from us you know I've talked to a lot of people who have made decisions about the fall semester at least for their children yes and it's not come easily these choices have not come easily it's a but when you think about it would we have had these conversations with ourselves and our loved ones had we not been in this situation I mean I you have to find the good in things and there is always good even if we can't see it in the moment you know coming to recognizing that we're not going to make good choices or we're not going to we can't necessarily rely on our our brains our cognitive brains when when all the chemicals and all the fear about you know not having money or not having food or you know how am I going to work with my kids at home when all of that is very very strong inside you so talking that over with someone reasoning things out so that you can get to a place of at least acceptance of the now can help you to really get in touch with with what matters to you and then when you do make a decision it can be based on something that is more sensed than thought and you know more in that you know when you look back and say well I made that decision and maybe I regret it but at least I made the decision out of some wisdom and some actual intention truth as opposed to yeah what am I going to do exactly no I love that that's a great word intention I really like that instead of the reaction piece it's an intentional thought out decision not made in fear it's a rate you either react or you can respond and respond connotes a lot softer you know kind of a you've taken it and instead of like an ember landing on your hand and going it's hot and I gotta move it you know you you wouldn't do that with an ember and this is most the time not an ember that you need to react to so quickly it's it's something that oh here's something that has landed in my palm you know what do I have as far as choices here you know and talk to others about it and and certainly go within which is to me why it's so important to cultivate that inner world and and recognize when we're in the game in the thoughts having them be ourself and then when we're out being an observer of the thoughts and picking and choosing with intention I do and I love that really kind of stepping back away from that and noticing the thoughts and not feeling like you have to take action on every thought or you have to truly absorb listen to every thought let it go does this make sense this is yeah that's great we're about our thoughts this is an organ it creates thought this is an organ that creates thought it's a computer that's what I was just thinking of like a computer you're putting some data in and it's just coming out with lots of answers and it's got you know the subconscious is like the programs running in the background yes we don't we're not even aware of the programs that are running somebody's lot yeah yeah that's a great I really like that analogy you're the best at analogies I know sometimes they don't work very well and people are like that's just not working for me I'm like I know I know you're like sorry let me think of another one it helps me yes it does and I think anytime you can put a visual with something and relatable it is it's extremely helpful for me hopefully for everybody else out there all right Tracy so thank you again so much for coming on today and talking about fear and I look forward to chatting with you again next week thank you all for joining and we'll see you soon have a great day.

Reviews

I liked it what a great session