Anxiety Discussion With Psychotherapist Tracy Brady

Anxiety is a bit like fear, It’s kind of fear’s twin. And actually, the root comes from a Latin word which means choking, which makes perfect sense when you think about it. Anxiety usually involves something that is not true, something we are preparing for, something that doesn’t exist yet. We generally worry about the future. We do have the ability to create scenarios for ourselves to put us in either a very anxious state or in a very peaceful state.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Curious Cass and this is Curiosity Junkie.

Please welcome Tracy Brady.

I would love to talk a little bit about what is anxiety and how does it physically affect us?

To me,

I like to think of anxiety in a simple way.

It's like fear.

Right.

It's fear's kind of twin.

And actually,

I believe the root comes from a Latin word,

Which actually means choking,

Which makes sense because if you think about what anxiety feels like,

You imagine people wringing their hands.

You imagine them with a furrowed brow.

You imagine them bent over,

Maybe constricting themselves,

Like protecting or something.

Imagine people can't,

Either can't speak or aren't able to speak how they're feeling.

They're in some sort of state of anxiety.

So fear definitely has a more acute sense to that feeling.

You know,

A train's coming at you or I heard a noise.

I've got to quickly react or respond.

Whereas anxiety is more of a future projection of the mind based on something that we connect.

We're great connectors.

You know,

In our mind,

We make associations all the time.

And if something even seems like something in the past,

Our mind will go or our brain will attach it and it'll produce the same kind of emotions,

Feelings,

Chemicals,

That sort of thing.

You did ask about how it affects us physically and it can affect people in a myriad of ways.

It just depends on the person.

But some of the more common things that you hear about physically might be some sweating or sweating of the palms,

Maybe a headache,

Maybe shallow breathing,

Stomach problems.

You know,

Depending on the level of anxiety and how long it's been occurring.

When I think of anxiety,

I go to like a tightening in the chest and shortness of breath and heart rate.

And you're describing a little more serious form,

Which what you call normal anxiety can progress into,

Which is more leaning towards like panic attacks sort of things where you really feel like you're not in control at all.

Your physical body has pretty much taken over any mental ability to make good decisions.

Right.

Yes.

And that I think we've talked before about the idea that we are animals and our amygdala are the part of our brain that has us as,

You know,

As protection,

You know,

In its best interest is always on alert.

And so if there's something that seems like a threat,

It's going to go into that sympathetic response,

Which is everything away from non-vital things.

Right.

Not need to take a huge deep breath,

Wasting your time if there's a fire,

For example.

You don't need to have digestion if you're drowning,

You know.

But the thing about anxiety is that as opposed to what,

You know,

Fear is that anxiety usually involves something that is not true.

We're preparing for something that doesn't exist yet.

Aha.

Right.

Because we're thinking about the future and what could happen.

Exactly.

I mean,

That's,

You know,

That's generally,

That's generally what people worry about.

They don't worry about what's already occurred because they've gotten through it.

Right.

That makes perfect sense.

And you don't worry about what's happening right in this moment because if it's something very threatening,

You're doing something about it.

You're leaving,

You're walking away,

You're taking care of yourself.

Right.

Or in this moment,

There's nothing to do.

You're powerless to do anything about something.

And truthfully,

I believe that that's where anxiety comes from is this realization that inherently we know we can't predict the future.

We know that something bad may happen.

And we know that and we may not be able to prevent it.

And so that sense of powerlessness and just humanness really,

And sense of separation,

You know,

If something bad is going to happen,

What if I'm going to die?

You know,

What if I'm going to get the COVID and die?

Or what if I'm going to make a bad grade on this test?

Or what if I get married and he's going to leave again?

You know,

Those things we just don't have any control over.

But when it becomes such a problem is when we start taking actions based on those untrue subjects,

Or you know,

The threats that we see in the future that may or may not occur.

Right,

Which is really interesting and fascinating.

Because in a moment when you're thinking towards the future,

And trying to think about all the things that could go wrong,

Or what might happen,

They do start to feel real.

Good point,

Because I mean,

I probably a lot of your listeners,

Viewers are doing meditations,

Visualizations,

Those sorts of things to calm themselves down to kind of put themselves at ease.

And a lot of those things involve being,

You know,

Imagining yourself somewhere else or imagining yourself in a situation that really isn't happening.

But yet it's a calming sensation,

Right?

So we really have a great ability to create these scenarios for ourselves to put us in either a very anxious state or a very peaceful state.

And so the issue with anxiety once it takes hold is that you cannot get your mind on board when your body is in such a state.

So that's,

You know,

That's when we talk about one of the first things to do is to ground yourself.

And that means bringing your mind into alignment with where your body is in space in this moment.

Where am I?

Feel the space between your feet and the floor,

The space between your feet and the floor.

That requires some focus.

And the brain can only focus on one thing at a time.

We think we can multitask.

We can do a lot of things at the same time,

But none of them are being done well.

Absolutely.

Optimally anyway.

Right.

No,

That's great because you do get caught up in and consumed by the thoughts that are happening that are creating this fear and anxiety.

And it's basically redirecting,

Which seems so simple,

But yet it's really,

It takes practice.

It does.

It does.

And you said the word consumed.

And that's exactly what's happening.

Because if you can imagine you're a parent,

Right?

You can imagine you're,

You know,

You're one of your children being in danger.

Yes.

Or you perceived danger.

You would be consumed with protecting them.

Absolutely.

Right.

So that's,

That's the state that the mind,

The brain,

The thoughts take when there is a perceived threat.

Now,

One of the things that you can do,

I don't want to skip over this part though.

You know,

When we bring ourselves into grounding,

Either by where am I?

I am here.

I am in this room.

Okay.

I am safe.

Look around,

Make sure you're safe.

You know,

If you tell yourself you're safe,

Make sure there's no fires around you or bombs going off or tacks you're going to step on.

Right.

If there is something that you truthfully need to be afraid of,

You need to remove yourself.

You need to take care of yourself.

Right.

But if it's an anxiety,

If it's something in the future that you're just ruminating about going over and over and you find yourself just in this turmoil where you just can't go in to take the test or you just can't make the phone call or whatever it may be,

Grounding is a way to bring your mind and your body in the same place.

So one of the ways that I like to ask my clients to do this at home is to use any,

Not any of one of your senses.

Name three things that you can see.

I can see the door.

I can see the lights.

I can see the dog.

And three things that you can hear.

I can hear the hum of the air conditioner.

I can hear my heartbeat.

I can hear my breath.

I can hear the mower next door,

Whatever.

Go to the freezer.

If you can get yourself to move,

Go to the freezer,

Grab an orange,

Grab a,

Well,

How many people put oranges in their freezer?

But that's actually,

That's a really good thing to do is to put an orange in the freezer because you could take that orange out and you can hold it and just a temperature will ground it.

See that orange,

Pay attention to that.

So once you have put yourself in a position that the amygdala can relax,

Then we can get the prefrontal cortex,

The part of the brain that makes some,

Is capable of making some logical decisions.

Then we can ask it to become engaged.

And that's when we can start saying,

Okay,

Since telling the body it's safe,

I'm okay.

I'm right here right now.

It's not occurring right now.

Whatever I'm scared of is not happening.

I can relax.

Okay,

Now what am I going to do about this thing?

Finding yourself,

What part of this is actually happening?

And if it does occur,

You will be able to get through it.

But is it occurring now?

You know,

We,

When we leave this present moment,

We abandon ourself.

Right.

Ourselves.

We need ourselves to be present for ourselves in order to heal.

And if we are always in the past,

Or if we are always in the future,

Or we are jumping back and forth,

It's very difficult for our bodies and our spirits to trust us to be there for ourselves.

I wish I could,

You know,

Say,

Okay,

This is how you solve all of those problems.

I would not be where I am right now.

I don't think anybody has that answer.

And everybody has their own.

Yes.

Right,

That affect them.

And they worry about and want to do well at and want to succeed and feel that they,

That who they are hinges upon some of these issues.

Right.

You know,

One of the things that we do is we take on too much at once.

We also,

We also expect ourselves to be perfect,

Whatever that may be,

We have an idea of what it's supposed to look like.

And truthfully,

There is absolutely no way you can know where you're going to be and even the next moment.

Right.

So that,

You know,

We can't cure these things for people because we can't see the future.

We don't have a crystal ball about what is going to happen.

We can't say,

Oh,

It's going to be okay,

Because we don't know if it's going to be okay.

Right.

So to me,

These are all very,

All of them,

You know,

Condensed down to the human condition.

You know,

Recognizing what's going on,

Recognizing that I worry,

Recognizing that I ruminate,

Recognizing that I have this sense of tightness in my chest,

Or I don't seem to be,

I catch myself not taking a deep breath or one of the things that I have done,

Because I'm not immune to this either,

Is I will stop myself whenever I feel a sense of dis-ease or unease.

I like to feel peaceful.

I like to be relaxed.

I just noticed my shoulders were up,

So I just relaxed them.

So when you notice these things,

Pause,

Stop,

Because we have a tendency to run through them and say,

Oh,

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I'm okay.

Yes.

But they build.

And if you don't take a look at them and stop for a hot second,

It's just going to get louder.

It's going to get louder on the inside,

Because that's what's calling.

There's something that our spirit,

Our soul,

Our self is calling for help.

If you can recognize what's going on,

You can name it.

You can say,

Okay,

What am I feeling?

And I will put my hand on my stomach,

On my heart,

Sometimes my chest,

Or some people even have it where they have to put their hand on their head.

That's generally the four places where this anxiety is felt.

And I will breathe,

And I will give that space to be,

Rather than constricting around it and fighting against it,

Because that is the first go-to.

That's what we do.

That's the defense mechanism.

And that makes a lot of sense.

If something feels threatening,

We're going to wall off against that protection at all costs.

Absolutely.

But the brain says,

Whenever there's a threat,

We have to buck up against it.

We have to figure out a way around it.

We have to fight against it.

So when I say to myself,

Don't think about that,

The message to the brain is,

That's a threat.

What's it to?

Then it's going to be even stronger against whatever that is.

So it's a self-defeating thing to resist anything.

Yes.

If I say,

Don't think about the Golden Gate Bridge,

No matter what you do,

Don't imagine it over the water or anything,

The color or nothing,

The fog,

Don't think about that.

What's your brain go to?

Immediately,

A bridge,

No water.

It's always not to.

Right.

That's what we do.

So the more we learn,

The more we know about the way we are made,

The way we are created,

The more we can do for ourselves.

Because we can ride a horse in the direction that it's going,

Which is always a lot more comfortable.

Absolutely.

Understanding what's going on and then I find that placing my hand somewhere,

It kind of says,

You're okay,

I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I hear you.

I hear you calling.

What is it that you're feeling?

What's going on?

Well,

It's a sense of sadness or it's a sense of fear or I just am not sure I'm,

I'm not comfortable or,

And it could be as simple when you,

When you stop and you allow this feeling to be,

You can investigate what's going on.

Oftentimes I will just need to ask myself,

Do you need a drink of water?

Are you moving too fast?

Are you doing too many things at once and causing yourself a lot of stress?

Do you need to go sit down for a few minutes?

When's the last time you had a decent meal?

Is it good for you?

Are you just resisting what you're doing?

I don't want to put these clothes away right now.

Well,

Do you have to put the clothes away right now?

You know?

No,

I don't.

You know,

We're not children.

We do bring a sense of what our parents were like to our adulthood.

Yes.

And it can be where we notice that we respond in the same way our parents did,

Or it can be,

We made a vow about something when we were children.

And that's what's occurring now.

Right.

And anyway,

So doing some,

You know,

Questioning about what's going on in that.

And sometimes you can come to a kind of a quick conclusion about,

Oh,

What was that thought that I had just before I had that anxiety feeling?

Oh,

Oh yeah,

I need to call in that prescription.

I haven't done it for three days.

It's on my mind.

Well,

Will you be more comfortable if that was done?

Yeah,

I would be.

Okay.

Thank you for doing that.

I appreciate that.

Well,

I really don't still want to do it.

Well,

How about if I,

You know,

If I give you a hot cocoa with some marshmallows out on the patio after you do that,

Okay,

I'll do it.

Because I do think you don't even realize that it's happening and all of a sudden you're overwhelmed or you're having that tightness in the chest.

It can elevate fairly quickly.

So I think getting to where you can identify the feeling that's coming within a certain part of the body,

You get to where you identify it happens in my chest or it happens in my gut,

Or I feel the tightness coming in my shoulders,

Starting to identify that you will start noticing before you get to the full blown,

This is the moment it's starting to happen,

Right?

That's exactly right.

The first step is to become aware of what is occurring because you cannot do anything about something you're not aware of.

If you just run over it,

You know,

Which we all have a tendency to do.

Yes.

Yeah.

We're supposed to put on this front.

We're supposed to put on this airs.

We're supposed to be able to handle 75 things at once and not have anxiety.

Really?

Who made that up?

Right.

Right.

And I think that this,

This quarantining COVID thing has really brought it front and center to people because they don't have the same outlets that they used to have for distractions,

Which is a good thing because the distractions were allowing us to distract from that calling inside.

The little part of us is like,

Hey,

I'm uncomfortable.

I'm uncomfortable.

Oh,

You know,

As soon as I get to the movies and watch that those shoot them up killing things,

Or,

You know,

Go to the mall and see those pants.

I've been wanting to buy.

I mean,

You're gonna forget all about that.

You just hold on.

Redirect redirect to keep up with ice cream is going to get it for you girl.

Like a little ice cream.

Almost every night.

I'm working on my COVID belly right now.

Right,

Right.

But yeah,

I do think we tend to just keep pushing forward because in a,

In a mind and in our minds and the story we tell ourselves,

Or maybe it's the story I know I tell myself is that makes me weak if I can't handle it.

And so I just need to push through and get to the other side,

Which creates more anxiety.

It's just not a healthy,

Healthy pattern.

That's exactly right.

And what we think we are and the facade that we think we are supposed to uphold drives a lot of that.

What would they think of me if I didn't uphold this job or whatever?

What would people think of me?

But what I think of myself,

You know,

We,

We create this image of ourselves.

We started a very young age about what's acceptable and what's not,

What's pretty,

What's ugly,

What's kind,

What's not kind.

I mean,

That's partly what the whole political thing is about is,

You know,

We're,

We're divided about what we think we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to be that way.

But if you get down to the real questions that are important for your piece,

Because I,

I don't know how many times you've ever been in this position,

But I have been in a number of times in my life where I have had to choose between upholding something about myself and my peace of mind.

And that is tough.

It comes down to peace of mind every time,

Because how can you live without peace of mind?

How can you?

I mean,

There's a certain level of anxiety and stress and insanity that we,

That we can tolerate,

But once it becomes,

You know,

Like anxiety can become panic attacks where people,

You know,

Generalized anxiety disorder where you're just basically anxious about everything all the time,

Social anxiety disorder,

Where you're not able to be around people specific phobias.

All of these things are,

They just,

They lead to depression.

They isolate us.

They really do a number on our self esteem.

Yes.

They cause a lot of shame.

And I have found without,

Without exception that if you will embrace and identify and give space to what you hate and what you're afraid of,

It will transform.

But it takes practice.

It does.

And I think that's,

That's probably the hardest part about this is it is identifying and then creating a practice or a way to get yourself to a state of calm or grounding.

And a lot of people want a quick fix.

They're looking for,

How do I take myself from I'm at a 9.

999 on the anxiety chart to a,

I want to get back to a one,

Which is very unrealistic.

Well,

You know,

You can't live at 9.

9.

No.

So if it,

What,

If you sit,

If you sit still the next time you're uncomfortable about something,

A hair on your shoulder,

Anything,

Sit with it,

Sit through it until it doesn't bother you anymore.

You will realize that it passed,

That that anxiety passed.

It's not like a fear of a real thing that you need to take action on.

It's something that passes.

And,

And,

You know,

I like to encourage people to think about what really matters to them.

Is your integrity important to you or is your,

Is what somebody else thinks of your integrity.

What's important.

You know,

Are you who's,

Who's saying these things to you about the,

How,

How big your house should be or how much money you should have in the bank or who's saying that,

Is that really you or is that something you heard on TV or from your grandfather or where did you get these ideas and are they really real for you?

That's why I think therapy is so good because it helps,

You know,

Get somebody with an unbiased opinion and have no investment in your life to give you space to review some of these things so that you can become more authentic for yourself,

Which can take away a lot of these anxieties.

Yes.

Alleviate them anyway,

Or help with it.

But like I said at the beginning,

I do think that it's,

It's mostly a human condition and the fact that we are powerless over our own demise,

Which if you ask somebody,

Okay,

Say you're,

They're scared of something and you keep asking question after question after question.

Okay.

And then what?

And then what might happen?

And then what might happen?

And then what might happen?

You get to their death or someone close to them death,

Which even then you can say,

Okay,

And then what might happen?

Well then I would die of sadness or something.

You get to the demise.

It's a fundamental feeling that we are powerless over our death,

But also powerless over how incredibly powerful we are.

We don't really realize how without some of these anxieties and problems that we really don't,

Don't put on ourselves,

But that we overlook and just let ride for a while until they become incapacitating for some.

We don't,

We have a grief,

I think inside of us that knows that we are not living,

Not truly,

Truly living.

And I think that that's hard.

And I don't like to think about that,

But I do know that it's common.

It happens to everybody.

You're not any different.

There's nobody,

Just because you see people driving around on the streets in their car,

Smiling and laughing and singing a song doesn't mean that they don't have the same kind of feelings that you do.

We all think that we're the only ones and everyone has this feeling.

They feel them at certain levels,

But they all have them.

So we're all in the same boat of being human.

Yeah.

I like that.

Yes.

And I think it shows just in that,

In the Facebook group poll that anxiety was top of list that shows you,

You are not alone.

This is happening for a lot of people are dealing with anxiety.

And the good news is that once you start to become aware of it,

You can do something about it.

I talk about inviting Mara,

Which is a bad thing,

Anger,

Fear,

Anxiety,

Threats,

Mara to tea,

Buddha invited Mara to tea.

And he said,

Come and sit,

Have tea and tell me what it is would be most helpful for you right now.

That's where you get when you can,

You know,

If you're grounding,

If you're looking at what's going on,

Paying attention,

Not,

You know,

Distracting,

But paying attention,

Then you get to say,

What is it that you need?

What would you like?

What can I do for you?

What's going on?

Well,

Oh,

I'm very sad about,

You know,

You never really let me grieve something or you know,

This pressure about talking to your mother every day is,

You know,

Just,

It's driving me crazy.

Do you really have to do that?

And have a little conversation with yourself,

You know,

Maybe write,

Maybe journal.

Right now,

A lot of stuff is coming up for people.

Just an explosion of stuff,

Stuff that people have been able to keep under,

You know,

That pressure cooker just bubbling at the surface with all the distractions.

And now that the distractions are gone,

Now that the triggers are like 24 seven,

And they don't have anything to do about it.

They're just blowing the lid off,

Which is fantastic,

Because that means we have an opportunity to take care of ourselves and stop blaming other people.

Stop pointing the finger,

Waiting for external circumstances to change before we so that we could feel better so that we could have peace.

It depends on us.

We are in charge of our own peace.

And any change from anybody requires their consent.

So you have to get on board for your own healing.

And as you were talking,

I was just thinking about kind of the steps in that,

Like you said,

The first thing is really kind of identifying that you're starting to have that feeling and then kind of taking a moment to sit with it and not just keep pushing through.

And then eventually getting to where you can have tea and have that conversation with yourself.

And all of this is,

Is,

Is a practice.

And I kind of skipped along where you said maybe even touching your chest or your heart or your stomach or your head to kind of bring a little bit of a calming sense in a moment of anxiety.

Those are all really great ways to kind of start a process.

And I agree with you.

I think having someone to talk to,

Working with a counselor to help you really create something specific for you is powerful as well.

And sometimes we're not able by ourselves to identify where these repetitive notions or beliefs are coming from.

And sometimes it helps to talk these things through so that you can identify when did I first remember,

You know,

How did I come up with the idea that I should protect myself at all costs or that when people did something like that,

It was a threat or,

You know,

It just sometimes helps to kind of go all the way back to where you can find the source of some of these anxious,

Anxiety producing experiences and realize that it's so funny,

You know,

When,

When we do this and in therapy,

It's often,

It often occurs that somebody will be five years old and they will have experienced something and made a decision at age five based on a perspective of a five-year-old and have carried it through their entire life.

And that's what they're at 60 years old.

That's that's how they're responding because they made a decision and it's in the subconscious and they had no idea.

Right.

Right.

I'd say that's extremely common.

We're all carrying something.

Lots of something.

The vow,

I like,

I like when you called it a vow that stuck with me because you don't even realize you've made that vow,

But you're saying it and you're reinforcing that vow all the time.

So being able to get to that small child or that time in your life,

What age or whenever being able to work with someone to get to that and work through and let go of is.

Yeah,

And often,

You know,

You don't want to,

It's their coping skills.

We all grow up with coping skills and decisions that we make at certain ages based on our perspective at that time,

Which may or may not have been accurate.

Right.

But,

You know,

You don't necessarily have to get rid of it,

But it will transform when you shine a light on it.

Right.

It will transform and I was going to say some of the things about the physical,

You know,

If you can identify,

Sometimes it's a little more,

It's difficult,

Especially with a high level emotion.

It can be difficult to deal with by yourself cognitively.

So during that grounding period where you have your hand,

Wherever you feel that anxious spot,

You can ask yourself questions like,

What does this feel like?

What shape is this?

What is the temperature of this?

Is it round?

Is it square?

Is it cold?

Does it have protuberances?

Is it,

How,

What size is it?

Is it large,

Small?

Is it heavy?

Is it light?

What color is it?

Is it steel?

Is it,

You know,

Because that really separates you from the physical.

That feeling and makes it okay.

It's something different.

And then you can breathe into it and allow it to come out.

It doesn't do a whole lot for digging out the source of it or identifying it,

But it does help you get through that moment.

Yes.

Which I think is,

Is really important because it's easy.

It escalates.

I think,

Well,

For me,

It will escalate fairly quickly.

If,

If I'm not really paying attention to the moment the chest starts to tighten or that I find my shoulders up by my ears and they don't even realize they're there and it's like,

Okay,

Something's going on.

I need to start paying attention to that.

I like it.

It's like,

I'll talk about trauma work actually.

Because when there's nothing going on,

But you think there's something going on.

There's something,

There's a,

There's a sub-scar,

There's an energy body.

There's something going on inside of you that was placed there in some,

By some previous experience that the brain and the mind and the chemicals have identified as being similar to and therefore a threat.

Right.

Or we've made a vow about that.

All good stuff.

I'm so grateful that you came on to talk about this because I think there were quite a few people that responded with the anxiety when we asked the question,

You know,

What would you like to hear more about?

I'm going to say that's a great place to wrap up.

Thank you for coming on again.

I look forward to connecting with you again.

To everybody out there,

Thank you for tuning in,

Watching,

Listening,

Stay safe,

Stay curious,

And we'll see you next week.

Reviews

Very interesting! Thank you!