Finding Inner Peace With Tracy Brady

We all want inner peace but are we open to receive this peace. Maybe we need to ask ourselves, "do I feel like I deserve peace?" And if we are avoiding peace, is it because we do not think we can be effective if we are peaceful. What if finding inner peace is about planting seeds, about preparing ourselves. Maybe, it's not so much about finding peace, and it's more about cultivating an environment where peace can reside.

Transcript

Hi,

And welcome to the Love and Healing podcast.

I'm your host,

Cassie Burton.

And today we are joined by psychotherapist,

Tracy Brady,

For a conversation about peace.

Please welcome Tracy Brady to the podcast.

Hi,

Tracy Brady.

Welcome back to the podcast.

So happy to have you back on and the topic for today is peace.

How do you feel about that?

Oh,

That sounds awesome.

I'm honored to be with you anytime.

Thank you.

Yeah,

I'd love to talk about peace.

Do you have a definition or something you're working with right now?

I do.

I do.

When I was thinking about peace,

I was like,

What is the actual definition?

So I looked it up and it's twofold.

The first part is freedom from disturbance,

Tranquility.

And then the second part is a state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended.

And when I read that,

It kind of made me think of internal,

Like I always go,

I don't know why,

But it always come back to me.

And I think about the internal war that kind of goes on with the things we say to ourselves.

And I was dying to ask you,

Do you think as humans,

We are in some state of war with ourselves on a daily basis?

You know,

When you're talking about that,

When you read that definition,

I got this image of the chaos has settled,

You know,

The dust has settled.

That's how we know peace is when the war is over.

We don't know what peace is without some sort of chaos,

Right,

Or some sort of struggle.

And a war within ourselves,

Of course,

I mean,

Who doesn't struggle with what they think is right or wrong,

What they believe,

You know,

All sorts of things.

But,

You know,

In order to know and be a part of a greater peace for nations,

For the world,

For your family,

Even,

We have to know peace within,

Right?

So one of the biggest things I hear people say is,

Or most frequently,

Is,

I want to find peace,

You know,

I struggle to find peace.

Why can't I find peace within myself?

You know,

I'm just constantly this and constantly that.

And then when I try to find peace,

You know,

It's there for a second,

That's gone.

Yes.

Like this elusive thing.

Very much so,

On a daily basis.

Yeah,

And just knowing that you want peace,

Tells you that you have a great capacity within.

Whether or not you have the ability to sense it or feel it at the time,

That changes,

Right?

That changes from moment to moment.

But the desire to have this sense of peace indicates,

To me anyway,

That we have a capacity for it.

That makes sense to you?

That there is a vessel within us or a way or a spot or a something that knows it when it has it,

Knows it when it sees it,

And if it doesn't,

Then definitely knows the opposite.

One of the things that I always ask people is,

You know,

What is your idea of peace?

What is it?

Because,

You know,

If you want to get somewhere,

You want to experience something,

If you're not familiar with what you think it is,

I mean,

How are you going to know when you're there?

Right.

So,

I'll just ask you,

What is your idea of peace?

For me,

When I say,

When you asked me that,

The first thing that popped into my head is calm,

Like a calmness.

Okay.

And if I ask you,

What does that calmness look like to you if you close your eyes and you see yourself calm or in a calm state or in a calm environment,

What's the environment like for you?

I see it as minimalist,

If that makes sense.

Very few things in the space,

Not overwhelming,

Nothing,

Just not too much.

Right,

Right.

And so that is an indication and most people do have that idea,

They're either on the beach with some calm,

You know,

Waves,

Or maybe they're in the forest listening to the trees,

You know,

There's just very little stimuli.

And if there's stimuli,

It's very calming.

So at least you know,

You know,

What it's like.

Now,

Imagine trying to grab that.

Imagine trying to search for that during your day when you've got three phone calls on hold and 12 emails you've got to answer,

And you haven't gone to the store and you need to feed the dog and you've got an appointment,

You know,

And then somebody knocks on the door or you struggle with something in your head and all of this is going down at the same time.

Imagine trying to find peace.

That doesn't even seem possible.

Like,

I can't even imagine that.

Exactly.

So the first thing I would like to say is,

I don't think you can actively grab a hold of something.

Kind of like forgiveness,

Or love,

Or peace,

I don't think we can actively grapple for it or do all the right things to create it.

Rather,

I believe that we can do a lot of things to prepare the soil,

So to speak,

For peace to dwell.

So that's a great visual for me.

Didn't mean to interrupt you,

But I love that.

Okay,

Good.

So if you can imagine some of the things that might get in the way of your peace,

You know,

You can set yourself up to have it occur more often.

Some of the things that weigh us down,

Fear,

Hate,

Selfishness,

Resentment,

These are all things that can block peace,

Right?

Or at least get in the soil and make it not rich for the dwelling of that sensation of calm.

So,

You know,

I can't remember who the quote's from,

But it's something about leaving life or escaping life or escaping your problems,

Running from your problems,

Does not a peaceful life provide.

So if we want peace,

I think we have to pay attention to what might be blocking us or what might be in the way.

Cleaning out your junk.

You know,

Are your hands open to receive this peace?

Do you feel like,

And these are some of the questions that people can ask themselves,

You know,

Do I feel like I deserve peace?

You know,

If I'm avoiding peace for some reason,

Maybe I don't think that I can be effective if I'm peaceful.

You know,

I have to have this chaos or I have to think about solutions to all my problems all the damn time.

You know,

If I have peace,

Then I'm lazy and I don't care.

You know,

There's a lot of different beliefs that go along with why we aren't at peace more frequently or don't feel like it's a part of who we are.

And the other thing that I think is so important is that if you want something,

If you really really want something like you're starving for something,

If you're starving for food,

If you've been deprived of food for a week,

It will become and must become your number one priority above everything.

It must be it must mean your life and dedication and devotion to peace is no different.

Because there are always going to be things that draw us into the chaos,

Out of the calm,

Into the storm,

Away from the minimalist,

Away from the trees and the leaves and the peace and the just being that exists with peace.

And there's always going to be things that draw us but it doesn't have to call you away.

But you know yourself,

You know,

Everybody knows themselves,

Yeah,

I was gonna go,

You know,

Lie down for a few minutes,

Or I was gonna forgive somebody or I was gonna do whatever,

And I decided against it,

Because something else is more important.

And so that's not to make us feel guilty about it.

That's to make us realize that we have control.

We're the ones who do,

Who have control.

But that doesn't also mean that it's going to always forever last,

You know,

Or okay,

Last time I sat in the bathtub,

I felt peace.

Well,

This time I sat in the bathtub and I didn't feel,

Well,

Of course not.

Because it's not always going to be.

To me,

It's kind of like something that you like I said,

Like you prepare the soil,

And then it occurs.

It's not like you can grab for it.

You know,

Every single time I do this and peace occurs now.

I don't think that that's the way it works.

Which is good to keep in mind.

Like just because you got peace in a moment doing something specific doesn't mean that you're going to step into that again in the same mindset,

With the same thoughts,

You know,

Every moment is different.

Exactly.

Every moment is different.

But there are things we can do to remove the blocks that we have and we carry that prevent us from feeling that more frequently and more deeply.

Yes.

What are those things?

Help us.

Let's see,

Where shall we start?

What do you think might be one of them?

You know,

I go to two things pop into my head.

And for me,

They go together,

The journaling and meditation.

Okay,

So let's start with the journaling.

The reason that journaling works for some people,

And most people,

Is they're honest.

Yes.

If you can see the words,

Thoughts and beliefs that come from you on paper,

It's really hard to deny that.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And that for that reason,

That we can be honest and not put on a show.

That we can see our flaws,

Our assets,

Our feelings,

Our beliefs,

Where we did well,

Where we fell short.

That is huge for cultivating the soil for peace.

Because that war that you talked about earlier,

Is us not being ourselves,

Not knowing where we are,

Who we are,

Who we're supposed to be.

So journaling is a very,

Very important way.

It's not the only way,

Very important way to see ourselves for who we are,

To hold a mirror,

Accurate mirror.

Because if you write down something,

I don't know if you've ever done this,

I have.

Write something down,

I journal a lot.

And I want to get to the end.

I want to have a resolution.

And sometimes it just won't come.

And it's so frustrating.

And talk about no peace.

And I'm like,

God dang it,

I've got a pen,

I've got my journal,

It's my pretty elephant journal.

I've been honest as I can,

But still,

I'm at a place where I can't see beyond.

But even then,

I realize that's where I am.

That's where I am.

And there is a piece about that.

There's a piece about accepting yourself for where you are,

Even if it's not resolved yet,

Even if there's questions,

Especially if it's not resolved or there's questions.

I can't make up my mind whether I want to vote Democrat or Republican.

I don't know if my neighbor's crazy or on the right side.

If we wait to have a resolution to these things before we're at peace,

We're probably waiting a dang long time because it's more important to be accepting,

Non-judgmentally accepting of we don't know,

I don't know.

And that's where I am right now.

I don't know.

Or I do know,

And that's where I am right now.

That can change too.

I've heard it said that pieces like an ocean can be very turbulent when there's a hurricane.

You know,

If you ever lived near the water or seen it on TV,

They can just be crazy.

The waves are just really just chaotic,

Right?

And the poor fish are God knows what's happening to them.

And the foam is going and they're real high and they're bouncing up and down and they're crashing.

But deep down below,

It's calm and there's just barely any movement of water.

That is a place that we have the capacity to experience all the time.

And the things that we can do,

Like you said,

Journaling,

What was the other thing?

Subtraction.

Things that we can do to cultivate the soil for that.

I like the idea of subtraction rather than adding because I know people have a lot to do already.

So if you say,

You know,

I'm going to meditate two hours a day and you've got to journal an hour every morning and every night and they go,

Holy cow,

You know,

Put that on my list of things that stress me out.

But just,

You know,

And so the most important thing about this is,

Is your attitude toward it.

If I know,

For example,

Okay,

Say I get stressy.

Oh,

Gosh,

I got a minute.

I want to meditate.

I want to go light a candle or I want to go.

I need to do this.

I need,

Right?

I need.

But the attitude that I have about that is worse for my cultivation of my,

My peace soil because,

And so rather than,

You know,

Maybe I should come meditate.

Maybe I should go take 10 or 15 minutes and sit.

Maybe it'd be great for my peace cultivation.

But if I'm so stressed and I'm not going to,

You know,

I'm like,

Oh God,

This is horrible.

I got to go meditate now.

I got to put the dinner on hold.

Maybe I shouldn't,

You know,

So there is no one right way or wrong way or do this or do that.

Don't do this.

Don't do that.

It's the attitude that you have of,

Of loving tenderness and kindness,

Basically a non warring attitude with yourself.

What sort of attitude would I hold or intention would I hold for someone for say a four year old who was struggling with a Barbie dress or something and got very frustrated?

You know,

Would I say,

Oh my God,

Yes,

This is horrible.

You know,

Just,

You know,

Let's fight and fight and fight and,

You know,

Struggle to get it off or on or button it or whatever.

Oh,

We would have the attitude of,

This is not the end of the world.

This is something we can deal with.

We would tell ourselves that.

You know,

You tell a child that,

Let me help you.

Let's have a look.

Let's put it to the side for a minute.

It's the stress I feel that we put on ourselves that really blocks our ability to accept a sense of peace.

Absolutely.

I can see that in myself.

What about like the times,

And I just think of when I typically get filled with that like overwhelming things are just,

I don't want to say spiraling or spinning is at work.

It's like it can be like crazy busy for about 15,

20 minutes.

And then it's gonna like,

Everything's going to settle and calm,

But all things start to happen at once.

And it does happen fairly often.

And I'm always someone who in moments like that,

And I think it's my retail background,

Just I go,

Okay,

Let's just hurry up and get through this.

And I just push and I find myself speeding up and then little mistakes happen.

And then that's the cyclical.

Then I start like beating myself up or,

You know,

Having those negative thoughts.

If I had just done this,

Where I go,

If I could just take a second,

Even in those moments,

Just a couple of seconds and take a breath and just know this is just going to be a short 20 minutes.

Slow down.

No one else is in a hurry.

You're the only one in this moment thinking you've got to rush.

But I'm just kind of coming to that and I'm like,

Why don't I do that?

That seems like a great idea.

That's a,

It's a natural response,

Right?

It's a,

It seems like it's a natural response for some people.

It may be natural to calm down when things speed up.

I don't know anybody like that,

But I'm sure some of the gurus and stuff have got that down pat.

But,

You know,

One of the things that I thought of when you were describing that scenario is how would we see ourselves if things were amping up,

If we calmed down?

I would see myself as a loafer,

As a,

I don't,

What is wrong with Tracy?

She doesn't care that we've got 12 people in line right now.

Look how slow she's moving.

I would feel,

Am I irresponsible?

Am I irresponsible?

So in some ways these responses that we have to chaos or what we perceive as chaos or speeding up or responsibility or whatever you want to call it,

In some ways our responses are to protect ourselves from what we don't want to feel.

We don't want to be seen as.

Right?

Then I go back to that idea that it has to come first.

Do I want my peace and serenity more than anything in the world?

Is it,

Does everything in my life hinge on that or does it not?

And if it does,

Then regardless of how irresponsible we feel we look,

We're going to put that first.

Because we don't care what other people are going to say about us.

Because if you're speeding,

Because you're hurrying up because you've been late and the kids have kept you up and you didn't get your,

Poke yourself in the eye with your eye curler and you're,

You had diarrhea this morning or something,

I don't know,

Something kept you late.

And so you're driving somewhere to an appointment and you're speeding.

You're speeding.

So what's going to happen?

Because you think because you have to move quicker to make up for.

So but if you get a ticket,

If you hit somebody,

If somebody hits you,

If you run over somebody,

If you're,

You're not going to be early,

You're going to be way later than you would have been if you had just gone the speed limit.

But that feeling inside of you've got to hurry,

You've got to make it right,

You've got to do something now or prevent something from happening now,

That is that pressure,

That internal stress and pressure that I believe prevents any kind of peace.

So it's more of a focus on what can I do or not do,

Remove from my life or add to my life or my attitudes,

My beliefs that will allow me to experience peace more frequently.

And what barriers do I have to experiencing that?

Because like I said,

Everything that we do has a good reason.

I rush around because I want people to think I'm busy.

I don't want them to think I'm a loafer.

Isn't it okay for us to sit around?

Why isn't it okay for me to not,

You know,

Walk 500 miles an hour?

My grandmother walked like,

Oh my God,

Like there was a fire every second.

She was in great shape,

But it made me wonder where the fire was.

Why are we going to hurry always?

You've got to hurry and hurry and hurry because you never know what's going to come down the pike that you might need to be ready for.

I liked the visual of like planting the seed.

So what are some steps we can do to kind of,

Once we plant that seed,

How do we then really work to cultivate the peace?

I don't like the idea of having to get back somewhere because I feel like that for me is stressful.

If I planted a seed for peace,

I can't put that pressure on myself to get there again.

Okay.

I like that too.

Because that's exactly what I was thinking.

Now what do we have to do?

I'm putting this thing on myself already.

It's almost like all of our conditioning says that,

And our egos love it because it has a job,

What is it that I can do to participate in this great,

Wonderful thing for myself?

Well,

Besides preparing yourself,

Not a lot because once you start struggling to get somewhere or to go away from something,

You're struggling.

And you may find a happy in between spot there,

But you always pass right over that.

It's like,

Okay,

Let me stay away from chaos.

I'm struggling to stay away from chaos.

Let me make sure that I'm going toward peace.

Let me make sure that I'm focused on that.

Either way,

It's not relaxed.

It doesn't give you a sense of,

Let me just be here now for a hot second,

Just not have any pressures,

Just allow myself to feel what that would feel like for a minute.

And then observe what beliefs you have about that.

Like I said,

For me,

It's about what do people think of me?

Do they think I'm just a lazy SOB?

Do I just not care that I'm just such a,

As my mother calls it,

Tracy,

I don't want to hear any more of that airy fairy stuff.

You know,

God forbid that you be airy fairy.

I don't mind being airy fairy anymore.

If other people want to be hyped up and chaotic,

That's your business,

But I don't like it.

Yes,

Right?

No,

I don't think most people do.

So when you ask about what we can do,

I go back to preparing for ourselves.

What ideas do you have about peace?

Explore,

Be honest with yourself.

What examples do you have for peace?

How was that expressed to you in your life?

What do you associate with peace?

Is it horseback riding?

Is it drawing?

You know,

These are some things that you can,

When you ask yourself these questions,

Things come up for you.

Things will come up,

Yoga,

You know,

Some people like hammering.

I mean,

It's just a pencil.

Everybody's so different.

They don't.

So it's a peaceful period.

You don't have to just be lying on the floor doing nothing to experience peace.

Sometimes peace comes when there's a resolution of something like between two friends or we don't have to figure something out.

We let ourselves off the hook for something that we've been struggling with.

It's like,

Oh,

Wow,

You mean I can give myself permission to not figure that out?

Wow,

Thank you.

But then what am I going to do?

Well,

I guess I could enjoy a show or a book or something or create something.

How awesome is that?

Because of that honesty part,

I think,

You know,

Everybody's being as honest as they can in any one moment with themselves.

But if you really truly want to have more peace and experience peace inside,

And you will have it,

You will have it outside,

You'll see it outside and experience it outside yourself once you're a little more familiar with it inside,

You have to get honest with yourself.

What is it that I'm doing in my life that I shouldn't be doing that I feel bad about?

That I'm maybe is there something I should do I should say a boundary maybe I should set with someone or something that,

You know,

It doesn't have to be a hard and fast wall.

But it can be you know,

For today,

I'm not going to answer the phone after nine o'clock.

What boundary are you set for yourself?

Well,

What happens if mom calls?

What happens if the kids call?

What happens if work needs?

You know what?

That just call have to get along.

You have to start prioritizing yourself and being honest about that.

And being honest with yourself about why you're not.

Why you're not,

You know,

It's generally this,

This protection of who we think we need to present to ourselves in the world in order to be acceptable.

Distortion of reality is another one.

You know,

That's that goes right along with that honesty.

Where am I?

Where am I just hoping to see something or only seeing half or,

You know,

And it doesn't mean I have to do anything about it.

Am I am I keeping my blinders on about something that's stirring myself up underneath the water?

You know,

Deep down inside,

It's stirred.

It's it's it's not a peaceful place.

Or or am I putting something on from the outside?

From or from myself?

Am I putting some presuppositions?

Like am I presuming something?

Am I jumping out into the future in fear?

So that I can feel like I can prepare for the worst.

I mean,

Where's peace gonna reside with that?

Yeah,

No,

That's not gonna be peaceful.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Living in the future,

Which is unknown and unpredictable.

Right.

So it's not so much about finding peace to me.

It's more about cultivating an environment where peace can reside.

Good stuff,

Girl.

So glad you got to come on again today and that we could talk a little bit about peace and share our thoughts on what it means and maybe how to cultivate that.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

I can talk for hours.

You know me.

I know,

Which I love.

I'm going to thank everybody out there for tuning in,

Listening,

Watching.

Stay safe,

Stay curious,

And I will see you all soon.