Episode 3: The Ultimate Self-Love, A Transgender Journey

This young man has endured the judgement, the fear in others' eyes, and the rejection. However, with love and support from family, a few true friends, and the heart of one special human, he has survived and come out the other side a happy, confident, and very funny human being. Sebastian is one of the bravest humans I know. He is also one of the kindest people on the planet. His story is amazing and fascinating. He graciously shares his journey with us to help others.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Curious Cass and this is Curiosity Junkie.

Today's guest is on the ultimate self-love journey.

His journey is about transition,

Love,

And change.

So join us as we talk openly and honestly about his transgender journey.

Please welcome Sebastian Ailes.

You do like to be called sebs,

Right?

Yeah.

Okay.

I just wanna say I'm so grateful for the opportunity to sit down and have this very open,

Frank conversation with you around the whole transition thing and what is that like?

And I can't imagine that journey is an easy one.

One of the things that really kind of touched me,

I thought about your journey and it was like,

That's like the ultimate self-love journey because you're being true to you,

No matter what other people think,

Say,

Do,

You are really being true to you.

Kudos to you.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

First off,

I just wanna make sure that you are comfortable talking about everything and anything.

Absolutely.

Yeah,

Whatever you have questions about.

All right.

Well,

I got a lot of them for you,

So we're gonna have fun.

The first one is,

You know,

The LBGTQ+.

I'm kind of clueless when it comes to that world.

I wanna understand it.

My whole thing is the curiosity is about understanding the opposite of what I know to be true.

What are those letters?

What do they stand for?

So,

I mean,

LG,

That's lesbian and gay,

B,

Being bisexual,

B,

T,

Transgender,

Q is just queer,

Kind of the like umbrella term,

Basically,

For anybody that's kind of part of the group.

And the plus just stands for kind of anybody else that fits on the spectrum outside of being heterosexual.

So anybody that thinks of themselves as like asexual or pansexual or God,

There's so many terms.

I,

Yeah,

I couldn't even name all of them.

Yeah,

And you said a couple and I was like,

I don't even know what that is.

There's so much research I need to do to really put my brain around all of it.

There's still,

Honestly,

There's still some that like,

I have no idea what they technically mean or things that I feel like I should probably research more into,

Like I'm part of the group.

I should know a little more.

Right,

Right.

But you're like,

Hey,

I'm on my own journey.

Let me get through this and then we'll do something else.

I originally knew you as a girl,

Of course.

At what point did you know that you were gay or trans and maybe you identified with gay first and then trans.

How old were you?

Because I know I've talked to a couple of gay young people and I'm talking about like teens and twenties and they knew around five or six.

Yeah,

Honestly,

I knew like 100% that I liked girls when I was in kindergarten.

I had my very first crush on one of my like best friends in kindergarten and honestly,

Since then,

It's just been solidified.

You know,

Like I really do like girls.

I've never really had an attraction to guys,

Anything like that.

I attempted to date guys in like the junior high,

Middle school awkward phase and I was like,

Yeah,

This definitely isn't for me.

First time that I actually came across the word transgender was 11 years old.

So I was in,

I believe sixth grade.

I kind of started looking into it more and more and by eighth grade,

I 100% knew that I was transgender.

Wow,

That's really young.

Yeah,

And I honestly,

I think I'm just lucky that I came across some of the words and terms as young as I did,

Cause it kind of helped me be a little more open-minded to the fact that,

You know,

Something was off me living as a girl under Courtney.

So how awkward,

How,

I don't even know what,

What the word is I'm looking for.

What is that like knowing that you are boy trapped in a girl's body and you can't really tell anybody at that age,

I'm sure you're a little scared.

I didn't end up telling my parents until God,

I was almost graduated.

It was like May of my senior year of high school.

So 2013 that I ended up telling them,

It was definitely difficult.

I mean,

It was,

I got into a pretty low,

Sad point going into high school because I knew something was off.

I kind of knew where I wanted to be in life,

But I didn't really know how to get there or what I needed to actually do.

So I just kind of felt stuck almost.

And it was like stuck in my own skin,

If that makes any sense to you.

Yes,

Yeah.

I could see where that would bring on possibly some depression because one,

I would think you're not sure how your family is going to accept,

Take,

React,

However you want to say that to you being really who you know you are.

And so you kind of just stay trapped in a body that you don't at all identify with.

Right,

Yeah.

I was more scared to kind of tell my friends than my family almost because I was like,

Man,

What if they don't accept me and then I lose all my friends?

But then the more and more I thought about it,

If they wouldn't accept somebody that's transgender,

Then why would I want to be their friend in the first place?

So I just kind of had to get into the mindset of,

You really got to do what makes you happy and you'll find people along the way that really accept you and love you for who you are and not just what you have or what front you can put on.

Right,

You were like 18 you said?

Yeah,

I was 18 when I told my parents.

Talk to me about how you go about that.

What is your process?

I know your mom,

So.

What is your thought process?

How long did it take you to get up to that point where you were like,

All right,

I gotta tell them.

I just can't live this way anymore.

Right,

Honestly,

I think it was me hitting my senior year that I really kind of made a plan,

Basically,

To tell my parents,

You know Vanessa.

She asks a million and one questions about everything,

No matter what it is.

Absolutely,

So you gotta be ready.

Yeah,

I basically,

The beginning of my senior year,

I sat down and looked up everything that I needed to do,

Basically in a task line.

Thought of every question she could ask,

Figured out an answer for it.

It took me months,

Months and months of research before I finally said something to her,

Just so I was prepared,

I guess,

For all of her questions.

And God,

There were still some that she asked that I was like,

I have no idea.

That's a great question.

I don't know,

I guess we'll look it up together.

I thought I was prepared and I was not.

Right,

I don't think you can ever be prepared for Vanessa.

She just has a great question.

She's so inquisitive.

She should be the curious junkie,

Curious curator,

Whatever.

She is the questionator,

Absolutely.

You tell her,

How did you do it?

How'd you go about it?

Like did you pull her aside,

Just have a special time?

I finally just,

One day,

I think it was just me and her home and I sat down at the kitchen table and I was like,

All right,

I need to talk to you.

And she was like,

Oh,

Okay,

You know,

Like what's it about?

We sat down for a second and I finally just kinda held my breath and I was like,

I'm transgender.

Just kinda stared at her for a second.

And I mean,

Neither my mom or my dad have really ever been around anything in like the LGBT community.

So she was just kinda like,

Okay,

So what does that mean?

Like where do we go from here?

And just kinda wanted me to explain it to her that I don't feel like I am a female in any way,

Shape or form.

I don't know how I wanna word this.

So I guess I unfortunately was just born in the wrong body.

I honestly feel like everything in my brain,

How I think my mindset is male,

Just have to go from there,

I guess.

Right,

Right,

Yeah.

And I do think that because talking to other young people,

Transgender,

But they do say they have that feeling of it's not,

Just doesn't connect.

Like it's not right.

Yeah,

Basically,

Yeah,

My mind and my body don't quite match how I feel like they should.

Right,

Right,

Cause I can't imagine having my mindset right now and being in a male body.

Right.

You know,

Like I try to think of it like that.

Like what would it be like if it were me right now and I'm in a male body?

I would not identify with this brain and this mind at all with that body and how maddening that would be.

Frustrating,

Depressing,

Like I can see all of the emotion and just everything that would come with that.

And the fear too,

That if you tell someone,

They're gonna think you're crazy.

Yeah.

Right?

Did you have a little fear with that?

No,

Honestly,

I was like,

How do you even explain this to somebody?

I looked up a whole bunch of other people's kinda like coming out stories and how they worded things and kinda just slowly found what fit right for me to talk to,

Like my parents or friends or other family.

I don't know,

It was definitely rough trying to really figure it out and tell everybody.

Dang,

You tell your mom,

You tell her by herself first?

Yeah,

Just her first.

So I think what ended up happening,

She ended up telling Dad,

Richard,

And then we kinda,

All three talked about it.

I think my dad was a little more like,

Not really understanding,

Even whenever I was trying to explain.

But I mean,

They both came around quicker than I thought they would,

Which I mean,

Now they both are fantastic with pronouns and saying Sebastian,

Not using my dead name.

And it was definitely rough at first.

I think I just had to kinda like show them that we're doing this.

I'm moving forward.

Exactly,

Like this is what's happening.

I love you guys,

I would love your support,

But it's happening regardless kinda thing.

So it kinda helped them kinda kick on board quicker.

Right,

Right,

You're like,

This is moving forward.

Yeah.

I heard you say dead name.

Is that how you'd like to reference it?

That is,

Yeah.

Okay,

Yeah.

And I'm sorry I used it?

No,

You're totally fine,

It's okay.

Cause if you would've asked,

I would've said it anyway.

So.

All right,

Okay.

Cause I really,

My fear is that I offend you in some way and that is absolutely not my intention.

So I think you have the personality where you go,

Yeah,

Yeah,

I'll let you know if you say anything.

But honestly,

I feel like I'm a pretty good person to talk to,

I'm open about most of it.

Nothing really bugs me or offends me anymore.

18,

And you are now?

25.

25,

So you've been on this for quite a few years.

Been on testosterone since August 19th of 2013.

Wow,

I wonder in my head,

I go,

It can't be easy.

This process cannot be easy,

Right?

It was definitely rough to start.

So starting with at least Missouri standards,

I'm not sure about other states.

I had to go and see a therapist,

A specialized therapist in gender dysphoria is what it's classified as here,

Which is just basically somebody that specializes in the LGBT community.

So,

You know,

Their main focus is almost sexuality,

Like gender preferences,

Anything like that,

They kind of focus on.

So I had to talk to,

His name was Michael Henderson,

Fantastic therapist,

He was super,

Super awesome.

I talked to him for about six months,

And then he had to specifically write me a letter to a doctor so I could start hormone replacement therapy,

Which is my testosterone.

So yeah,

Talked to him for a while,

Got my letter,

And then I had to find a specific doctor that would actually prescribe the hormones because Missouri is a very closed minded state.

So there are very few doctors that will actually prescribe hormones.

And we actually ended up going on the Kansas side of it,

Like right outside of Missouri to this fantastic woman,

Dr.

Glass,

Which she has been nothing but amazing since I met her.

I have not had a bad experience like in her doctor's office with any of her nurses or anything,

Like she is fantastic.

Her whole practice is awesome,

Awesome,

Awesome.

Highly recommend her to anybody that's trying to look into anything.

But yeah,

So she prescribed me testosterone.

I did my very first shot in her office,

One of her nurses did it for me,

Explained,

You know,

How to do everything.

I used to do the ones in my thigh,

The intramuscular shots,

And I have moved to the,

I don't know the technical name for it.

You put it into your fat instead of your muscle.

So it's a lot shorter of a needle.

And I do it in my stomach now,

Which is super,

Super awesome.

Cause the needle in my thigh was like this long compared to the needle in my stomach,

Which is about this.

Right,

Yes,

Much more user friendly.

Right,

Yeah.

It definitely makes the application a lot easier.

I do it once a week now.

Whenever I very first started,

I used to do it once every other week,

Which I feel like kind of threw me off a little bit.

I would kind of miss shots or be some,

You know,

Like days late here and there.

And then of course that just screws up all my emotions.

And that was always a fun time.

Oh my gosh,

I can't imagine,

Right?

Like the estrogen fighting with the testosterone and.

Right,

So after I,

You know,

Did hormones up until last year,

I finally got my hysterectomy last July,

Actually.

It was July 18th.

My gosh.

And then we switched up my testosterone shots just a little bit,

But I'm still doing them every week.

It's just slightly different amounts since I don't have the estrogen kind of backpedaling with it.

Right,

Fighting it constantly.

Right,

Yeah.

So that made it a lot easier.

And I feel like now whenever I like am a couple of days later like if I,

You know,

Don't do it at the same time,

Whatever,

It's not as big of a deal.

Cause I don't have that estrogen that's kind of like,

Hey,

What are we doing?

Yeah.

Right.

I'm back.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

Is that something that you'll have to stay on forever?

Yeah,

I'll have to stay on it for the rest of my life.

I'm in several groups that have some older guys that,

You know,

Transition several,

Several years back when they were younger,

They were in their teens and quite a few of them has switched to a gel.

So it's literally just like a testosterone gel and they rub it on both of their shoulders every morning.

And that's theirs.

They don't ever have to do shots,

Anything like that.

I've heard a couple of guys talk about like,

It's almost like a patch that you put it on,

You wear it for like three hours and then you take it off.

And it's basically the same thing as the gel.

So I could always end up transitioning into,

You know,

Something a little easier than the shots,

But honestly for right now,

I'm totally cool with doing the shots for the rest of my life if this is what I get.

Right,

Right.

You're like,

That's what it takes.

I'm cool with it.

Yeah,

Exactly.

Right.

I'd be opting for the gel as fast as possible.

I'm not a big pain person.

It's like,

I can't do it.

So you will be on that permanently.

Is there anything else that you know you'll have to do forever?

You don't necessarily have to,

But I know 100% that I'm going to end up getting top surgery and doing the chest reconstruction.

I mean,

Really other than that,

I think I'd be kind of set after the chest surgery.

I'm not really looking,

There's a whole lot of back and forth with like the bottom surgery.

So I don't know if I ever really want to end up doing that.

So I think I might just be content with doing top surgery and testosterone.

Right.

For those of you that might be squeaming,

I'm going to ask a personal body part question on the testosterone.

Does that increase the size of the clitoris?

Yes,

Actually very much so.

Okay.

That's what I wondered if that body part would,

The genitalia,

Would just naturally increase the testosterone.

It definitely enlarges it.

Some guys,

Honestly,

Have a really good,

Man,

What's the word I'm looking for?

A really good reaction,

I guess,

To the testosterone and their clitoris can end up being like a couple inches long.

Wow,

Okay.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

That's pretty wonderful.

But do you have to go through the whole surgery to actually get the male genitalia or can you just increase the size of the clitoris and it's just as good?

Yeah,

Yeah.

A lot of guys too,

They end up doing what they call pumping.

So it's basically like the penis enlargers but it's on a lot smaller scale with littler suction cups.

You can basically pump your clitoris and actually end up getting it quite long.

Some guys have had enough luck that they can actually use it for penetration.

Holy smokes,

Wow.

I know,

I've kinda looked into that here and there.

Like some people say,

It can make you pretty darn sensitive because it's basically just a suction on you.

So there's always a chance of blood blisters,

Things like that,

Which kinda has stopped me because I'm like,

Goddamn,

That's a sensitive area.

Right,

It's already sensitive.

But I have looked into it and the guys that say,

If you do it safely,

Slowly,

Like everything will basically be okay kinda thing.

Right,

Right.

Don't go at it like a maniac.

Right,

Yeah,

Exactly.

Like you're not pumping up a bike tire.

Like.

Yeah.

Oh my God,

That's awesome,

Right?

Yeah,

You're like take it slow,

Take it slow.

If you do the chest reconstruction and a lot of women have like breast reduction,

I would imagine it's very similar in that they're taking,

Take it out,

You're gonna end up with a little bit of a scar.

Yeah,

Unfortunately mine are so large that I will have to do the whole scar like across the bottom of them.

Right.

Instead of doing like a lot of guys,

They can,

If their breasts are smaller,

You can do the,

Oh,

What is it called?

I think it's called like a T puncture or something along those lines and it's like a tiny cross stitch right in between your armpit and they're able to like suck all of the fat out that way and just kinda tighten your skin.

But unfortunately mine are a little too big so I'm gonna have to get them cut off and have the scar along the bottom.

I've looked at quite a few surgeons actually around the area.

There's one here in Kansas City at KU Med that I kinda wanna get like a consultation and see what that's all about.

I just know it can kinda be expensive and I wanna save a little more just so whenever I do the consultation I can actually make an appointment and just kinda go from there instead of having to be like,

Okay,

Now I'll have to wait and save up this much and you know,

Kinda drag it out.

Right.

That brings up another question as you're talking about surgery and the cost and all that.

Does your insurance cover some of that,

Like your hysterectomy,

Will it cover that?

So the hysterectomy,

Luckily most of it was covered.

Right now since I'm only 25,

I'm still on my parents' insurance which was fantastic cause I had,

What was it,

United and Blue Cross Blue Shield.

So basically what one didn't cover the other kinda stepped up and covered majority of it.

We didn't end up paying very much for my hysterectomy which was super,

Super awesome.

I've looked into some things with Blue Cross because the job that I'm about to go to,

DHL,

That's what insurance they offer and I think that I actually might be able to get quite a bit of it covered through insurance.

I just have to basically get a doctor's,

I think it's two doctors,

Approval almost.

Like their letter of recommendation saying like,

Yes this is a needed thing.

Yeah,

Basically just saying it's necessary and then I think I can get most of it covered.

That would be awesome.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Cause I know that has to be expensive and there are a lot of people that that cost keeps them,

Prohibits them from taking steps that they wanna take.

On the cheaper end without insurance,

It can be upwards of $8,

000.

Yeah.

Yeah,

And luckily like the,

What I was looking into,

It looks like I'm gonna pay about two grand out of pocket and that'll be for like overnight stay in the hospital and you know,

Like that's basically everything.

From me going into surgery till recovery is probably gonna be about 2,

000 out of pocket.

Oh my gosh,

That will be,

That's amazing honestly.

I'm super stoked,

I can't wait.

I know you used to be pet groomer.

So I heard you say DHL.

So you're getting ready to start something new and different.

Yeah,

Yeah.

I'm getting ready to work for,

It's basically just like a warehouse.

Kind of like what I did at Smart Warehousing.

I don't know if you remember when I worked there right outside of high school.

Just yeah,

Packaging stuff,

Loading stuff up on a truck and sending the trucks out.

It's not anything crazy.

You're like,

Hey,

It's good.

And it has insurance.

Yeah,

You're right.

During the transition,

And you're still in the transition basically.

Yeah.

Who do you lean on the most?

You got through that with mom and dad and that was all great.

You lean on family,

Friends?

I mean,

I feel like in the beginning,

I really leaned on one of my good friends,

Abby.

And she kinda helped me find quite a few of like the groups and stuff that I'm in on Facebook.

There's just random like private groups,

I guess,

On Facebook.

Anybody that's part of the transgender community,

Like FTM instead of the MTF,

Can join and literally just ask questions from a bunch of guys who've experienced it.

Right.

So that really helped.

I've only used it a few times for like questions,

But it definitely helps whenever I see other people asking questions or anything like that.

And I can just kinda click on the comments and look through and see what everybody has to say about whatever topics are being brought up.

Yeah.

Do you have an actual group of people that you connect with and talk about things that really understand or relate to what you're going through?

I mean,

Not really in person.

I don't really have any friends that are trans through like actually meeting them in person.

I just have a couple guys,

You know,

That I met online through the groups or anything like that.

There was one guy,

Kale,

Who was really close friends with Abby,

Actually,

That helped me through a lot of the beginning stages and kinda helped me get on track to finding out like what therapists and stuff that I needed to go to and what doctors were best,

Like who to contact and talk to to kinda start.

Honestly,

Not really anybody that's,

You know,

Trans that I talk to in person,

More so just kinda leaning on Nikki,

My fiance.

She's been absolutely fantastic since I've met her,

So.

And I'm gonna get to her,

But we're gonna go there a little later.

Right,

Right.

I did kinda forget to circle back around because you were talking about you were more afraid to tell your friends because of that rejection piece.

Right.

And I just heard you say Abby.

Now was somebody,

Was Abby someone that was a friend before?

Yeah,

Yeah.

I met her,

God,

I met her in like middle school because she was pretty close friends with Brandon.

She was in his grade.

Okay.

So she was kinda a family friend for a while and then she ended up just starting to hang out with me more and so we became really close.

But yeah,

She was friend pre-transition.

Okay,

And then was she one you were afraid to tell?

No,

Because I could see how open-minded she was and she was already kinda out as being bi.

So she was a part of the community and I felt like it was kind of a good step to tell her first to see how somebody would react that I knew would be okay with it.

Right,

Right.

And then kinda move on to people that I wasn't so sure about.

Right.

So when you did tell your friends,

Were there any of them,

Did you lose any friends and were you surprised by any of them that were like,

Yeah,

We kinda,

We knew?

Most of them were like,

Yeah,

You know,

That doesn't surprise me.

I did lose quite a few friends whenever I,

You know,

Very first told everyone.

After I told my parents,

One of actually my really,

Really good friends that I met,

Oh,

I met him my junior year.

So we were super close friends for the entire junior year,

Most of senior year.

And then when I finally came out to him,

His family is a little more religious.

Right.

I think that kinda,

They pressured him a little bit and just stopped talking to me because it was just kinda out of the blue.

It was about a week after I told him that he just deleted me on everything,

Blocked me,

And I haven't heard from him since.

Wow.

But I get that.

That was like closest friend.

And then outside of that,

I mean,

Some,

You know,

Acquaintances here and there have some negative crap to say.

And honestly,

I just kinda let it roll off.

Right,

Right.

Cause it's a shame that more people can't have an open mind.

Now that you're out and you're living as a man,

Do you have,

Do you walk around with any fears in the world?

So I guess it was a lot harder whenever I very first transitioned because I wasn't quite passing.

Honestly,

Now when,

You know,

A stranger sees me in a store or whatever driving,

I am not worried because I feel like I pass well enough.

You know,

Would you look at me and ever think like,

Oh,

That's a girl.

Like,

Exactly that.

Now I'm not worried.

But before,

Like,

I couldn't grow any facial hair.

I had a lot rounder of a face instead of so like elongated.

I definitely had like more feminine features.

My,

My shoulders weren't as wide.

My hips were definitely wider before transition.

Like just little things like that were worrisome because I could tell that people were kind of like,

What's going on here?

That kind of thing,

You know.

Yeah.

Right.

Now,

Honestly,

I don't worry about it.

I can confidently walk into any store,

Restaurant,

Whatever,

And not have any fears of somebody being like,

Oh,

That's a girl or,

You know,

Anything like that.

Yeah,

Yeah.

It's me,

You're all men.

Like,

Yeah.

There's no doubt whatsoever.

But we talked about support from transgender community,

Where you are in your transition.

So the next steps are basically doing the- Next step,

Yes.

Hopefully just top surgery and then no more surgeries after that.

What is it,

Two total surgeries for you?

Yep,

Yep.

I did the,

Like I said,

The hysterectomy last July,

And then I only want to do top surgery.

It's just,

There's too many things that could go wrong,

I guess,

With bottom surgery.

And there's a very big possibility that you'll just lose all feeling down there.

Oh yeah.

And I enjoy sex,

So.

Yeah,

You're like,

Uh,

No,

That doesn't even sound like an option.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

Let's talk about Nikki for a little bit.

You are engaged and congratulations.

Then that happens when?

So,

Oh gosh,

She said the official date was,

Hang on one second.

Yeah,

I just remember seeing it and I was like,

Oh my god,

I'm so excited.

She has it set as January 20th.

Oh,

I love it.

Several months.

Right,

You're like,

Wow,

Time flies.

Quarantine has ruined everything.

I feel like time doesn't exist anymore.

No,

It's terrible.

I feel like months just flew by and I don't know what's happening.

Right,

Right.

Now did you get to work at all through any of the COVID stuff?

They ended up doing furlough for most of the salons through PetSmart,

Like right whenever everything happened.

So I was off work for like three months and then they finally slowly started calling people back and getting more here and there.

And then I worked for about four weeks and then I ended up leaving PetSmart just to dispute with my manager.

She wasn't the nicest lady and I didn't wanna deal with it anymore.

I figured I could take a little break from grooming,

Do something else for a while and then hopefully the plan is either getting a van and doing bobo grooming at some point in the future or just going to like a private mom and dad kinda shop,

Like just a little shop somewhere.

Not a fan of the corporate side of things.

Right,

Right,

That's so much more.

Just corporate.

Corporate.

They gotta do what they gotta do and I'm not always a fan,

So.

Right,

Right,

Yeah.

There's no,

There's a compassion piece missing I think for human beings.

Oh yeah,

Absolutely.

Corporate,

Right.

Do you guys have a date set?

We don't have a date yet.

Our plan is gonna be actually going to Colorado.

We are gonna go on a hike.

We haven't picked what trail yet,

What we wanna do,

But we're gonna do a ceremony somewhere in the mountains because we both think Colorado is absolutely beautiful.

I just think it would be a blast to just do a little couple day trip and just have kind of me and her and do our own little thing and then at some point after come back and do like a reception kinda thing here in Kansas City and actually invite like all the family and stuff.

Right,

Do like a party.

Right,

Yeah,

Yeah.

The ceremony's for us and then everybody can celebrate after.

Yeah,

Yeah,

I love that idea.

I think that's great.

When you met Nikki,

Your man.

Yeah,

Yeah.

So how does that conversation go when you're like,

Oh yeah,

By the way?

Luckily,

I could tell pretty quickly with Nikki that she was super open-minded.

We became really close friends after we met.

Honestly,

It was just platonic at first.

We just hung out all the time.

She would come over to my place and we would drive around and just hang out and do whatever.

There was one night that I was just like,

You know what?

What if this could be something more?

And I decided to just go ahead and tell her early on in our friendship that I was trans just in case it led to anything else.

And it did.

For you,

Right?

We had drove around for like 30 minutes and we had just pulled back up to my house and I basically was like,

All right,

I have something to tell you,

You know,

Let me know when you're ready kind of thing.

And she was like,

Yeah,

Go for it.

And I just did basically the same thing I did with my mom and I was like,

I'm transgender.

I was like,

I don't know how you feel about that or like what you're gonna say,

But whatever it is,

Let's get it all out now and go from there.

Let's talk about it.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh.

And she- Honestly,

She was mind blown.

She had no idea that I was trans.

And then she was super,

Super accepting.

I don't think I could have had a sweeter response from anybody.

She was like,

You know,

Who you are does not matter in that term of gender or sexuality or anything.

Like,

I just want to hang out with you.

You're an awesome person.

Like she was super great about it.

Oh,

I love that.

That's awesome.

And then it's just slowly blossomed into- Yeah,

Yeah.

Wonderful.

We just kind of,

Yeah,

Started hanging out more and more,

Getting flirty and now here we are.

Okay.

So how long did you know Nikki before you got engaged?

So I met her in March of 2019,

Not quite a year before we even got engaged.

Oh,

That's fantastic.

I love it.

And I love that you were friends first before anything.

I just think that's the best.

Oh,

Honestly.

Yeah.

Cause now like she,

She is still like my best friend outside of being my partner.

Like I love that we can have days or,

You know,

Moments,

Whatever,

Where honestly,

It doesn't have to be anything romantic.

Like sometimes we just hang out and we're just chilling.

Like it doesn't have to be,

You know,

Always all the time relationship,

Relationship,

Relationship,

Which is super cool.

That is,

That's a wonderful,

Wonderful way to start having friendship.

Then the dreaded question that every engaged and married couple gets is,

Do you want to have kids?

Or when are you going to have kids?

We do not actually.

Honestly,

With how small Nikki is,

Pregnancy would really dwindle down her health.

If we ever did anything with kids,

It would be like years,

Years down the road.

And we have talked about like adopting older children in the foster system.

So like the 16,

17 year olds that are just going to age out and not actually ever have,

You know,

That home base.

We just kind of,

If we do anything,

Which we might not,

But if we end up doing anything,

That would be it.

And that's,

That's interesting.

I feel like there is a trend around your age group that is more leaning towards not having kids.

Oh yeah,

Absolutely.

Right,

Or adopting.

And I think that's fantastic.

I think it's awesome.

I love that people are adopting more and more.

And I honestly,

I hope that we could just have every kid in the foster system somehow figure out either a home base or an actual safe place outside of some of these cruddy foster homes.

I know that there are really awesome foster parents.

Some of my friends are friends with people that do like fostering for smaller kids or even like young adults.

And I think that is absolutely fantastic.

That is super,

Super cool.

But I just,

I hope that my generation is the one that kind of kicks it into gear with adopting instead of feeling the need to like have your own biological kid.

Right,

Right.

I think that's another societal pressure that is just passed down.

This is the way it's always been.

This is the way it always should be.

Right,

Right.

Just have to continue in this pattern,

But it's okay to do something different.

And to goes back to,

There are so many kids in foster care.

And yes,

There are a ton of wonderful foster care parents and homes out there and group homes.

However,

There are still those that are suffering and struggling and running away from bad foster homes.

So if people would foster,

It would just be an amazing thing.

Get those kids out of there.

Kudos to you.

I think that's fantastic.

Thanks.

Staying outside the box all the way.

I love it.

Yeah,

We don't want to add anything else into this shit show that is the US right now.

Right?

The whole world.

What are you talking about?

Honestly,

Honestly.

Like the whole world.

I'm just like,

What the heck is going on?

Yeah,

We figure if we end up doing anything that why not help some kids along the way and give some kids that don't have anything,

Either a home or kind of a start into life.

I think it always just goes back to the love and the feeling loved and wanted and cared for and safe.

Right,

Right.

Being able to do that.

It just sucks whenever they just age out of the foster system.

Cause like I couldn't imagine not being able to just call my mom one day just cause I'm feeling down or I don't know what to do or even calling like you or Kelly or anybody.

Like you need kind of that like family base and people to kind of rely on cause once you're like out of foster system,

That's just kind of it.

And that sucks.

Now you're on your own 18.

Right,

Right.

Like good luck.

I can't even imagine.

I need to connect with you about if you know people that are fostering cause I would love to have a conversation because foster is,

It's not.

I'm not gonna get you in contact with some people.

Yeah,

That would be fantastic.

I would love that.

I wanna wrap with a huge thank you for coming on and being open and sharing all things with me and the world basically.

Of course.

And I appreciate that you are on the journey that is true to you.

It's just huge self love and it's such a wonderful message and that is the reason I had to talk to you because there are so many people that are heterosexual and struggle with self love and really being true to who they are and making promises to themselves and keeping them and your journey is just an amazing,

Your life is amazing,

You're an amazing human being and I love your spirit and laughter.

Like every time I'm around you,

I laugh and have a great time.

The love is real.

I love it.

Oh,

I love you.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate it.

Yes,

Absolutely.

I could actually talk to you.

Is there anything else that you've been curious about through all these years?

No,

I think that was it.

I just wondered,

I have heard so many times that most gay people know they are gay around five or six.

Yeah,

And I mean,

What's kindergarten?

That's like five or six,

Right?

Yeah,

Yeah.

I mean,

Yeah.

I honestly,

Like I've never really felt that attraction to men.

It just,

I don't know.

I don't know,

Girls are just too pretty.

Exactly,

Right?

There is something wonderful about a woman,

Right?

I want to really end all of my conversations with the final five,

I call it the final five.

First one is what's your favorite word?

My favorite word is probably moist.

Moist.

Just because it has always killed my mom.

So when I was younger,

I would say it constantly because she hates it.

So it just slowly became like my actual favorite word.

I just think it sounds so funny.

Just moist.

There are so many people that hate that word.

I know,

It's crazy.

There's so many.

And I'm like,

What is this a word?

Moist.

Yeah,

They're all cringing right now if they're listening.

It's not your favorite word.

Sorry.

Not sorry.

So what turns you off?

Bad smells.

If somebody smells gross,

Automatically not having it.

Don't want to be around them.

Backing away,

Backing away.

Exactly.

Like I make sure to spray cologne every morning,

Deodorant every morning,

Brush my teeth.

Like I can not do bad smells.

Like at all.

Yeah.

Okay,

What sound or noise do you love?

Cat's purr.

What?

A cat's purr.

Oh,

A cat's purr.

I thought you said a cat's prayer and I was like,

What?

A cat's purr,

Yes.

Oh.

Yeah,

Whenever I just cuddle with my cat,

The reason that I adopted him is because he purrs so loud.

When he was a kitten,

He literally sounded like a motorboat.

Like as soon as you touched him,

He would just start like,

Yeah,

Just as loud as possible.

He's gotten a little bit quieter the older that he's gotten,

But still every time I cuddle with him,

It's calming.

I love that.

That's a great one.

Okay,

This one's dangerous,

But what's your favorite cuss or curse word?

Fuck,

Absolutely.

You can use it in any sentence.

Yeah,

That's great.

Anytime.

Yeah,

Yeah.

I would imagine if I asked Vanessa,

That would be her favorite word too.

Same thing,

Absolutely.

It's gotta be.

I love it.

What profession,

I think you kind of answered this earlier,

But what profession other than the one you're doing now,

Would you like to attempt?

So,

I mean,

If we're going outside of other than grooming,

Honestly,

I would want to be a truck driver.

I think it would be super awesome to do like state to state semi-driving.

And if I ever eventually get my own truck,

Then I could just bring Nikki and whatever pet we have at the time along with us.

And we can just see random things while we're dropping off or like after any sort of deliveries on the way back home,

Whatever,

We can stop and look anywhere.

And I love being in the car,

Driving around,

Listening to music,

Whatever.

Yes,

Yes.

I think that would be super fun.

Yes,

And I think I've heard of that couples do that.

They get older and they're like,

All right,

Let's do it.

We don't have kids at home.

We're gonna drive in.

I'm along for the ride and we're gonna see stuff.

Right,

We can just eventually see all 50 states and try and pick like two or three things in every state that we want to see specifically and kind of go from there.

Yes,

I love that.

I think that is fantastic.

Well,

Is there anything that I might've left out that you would love to share that we didn't talk about?

No,

Not really.

I mean,

Nothing that comes to mind really.

You asked quite a few questions.

I think we did a good.

I think we did a good too.

It was fun.

It was very informative.

And my hope in having you on is that I'm sure there are many other young people that are in the place you were as a teenager at 18,

Maybe even in the beginning stages of transition from that.

This touches them and they too know that you get to the other side of it.

And like you said,

What I loved was if somebody can't accept it,

Those probably aren't your people anyway.

Yeah,

Exactly.

Right?

So great message.

You gotta learn that sometimes it's better to just cut ties than to try and hold on to something that really is never gonna be.

Cause if you have to convince somebody who you are isn't a bad thing,

Then you really don't need them in your life.

Oh,

Right.

Absolutely.

If it takes any sort of convincing or begging for somebody to just be your friend,

Then you don't want that.

Yeah.

And then the other piece of it is there are a lot of people like me out there,

We're open,

We're willing to learn.

And,

But we don't know that much about the gay and lesbian world and all that it encompasses.

It's not just gay and lesbian,

But the LBGT U plus world.

There's just so much there.

And the message is we're all human.

We're just human beings who want love and who want to love.

I love that.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing and to the rest of you,

Thank you for joining us.

I hope you learned something.

Maybe it opened your mind a little bit,

Heart a little bit,

And we will talk with you all soon.

Thanks so much for joining.

Thanks.

Reviews

Thank you ~ I’m on a post-transition journey and this interview taught me a bunch of this I’ve needing to know! You totally rock!

Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I’m 25 and trans and wanting to start my transition but nervous to, and this really helped to hear Sebastian talk about his story. His T birthday (Aug 19) is the day after my birthday - Aug 18! Cheers and thanks again 🤍

Please have more interviews with this amazing person. I learned so much and I appreciate his openness and beautiful heart!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️

What a beautifully open, honest discussion!
Thank you!