The quiet whisper coming deep from within my heart.
The gentle nudge from my soul trying to get my attention.
It starts out as a breath so faint I can barely hear it.
It's more like a vibration coming from within.
Gently getting louder the more I ignore.
An echo.
A longing.
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to know.
I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist.
This pain that keeps bubbling up,
I push it back down.
I can't right now.
I'm too busy shuffling the papers,
Organizing the pages I want to burn.
The words come to me in a rustle,
Each syllable peaking my ears.
I hear it.
I know you were there,
Trying to get me to turn my head.
To look at what it is I don't want to see.
What is it you want me to know?
Is it to forgive myself?
No.
Is it to release the pain?
I can't.
Is it to let go of yesterday?
I don't know how.
To release the worries of tomorrow?
If I do,
Then what?
I close my eyes,
Cover my ears.
The hush of silence haunts.
It comes in heated waves,
Threatening to drown me.
Go away.
I'm not ready.
The pulsing increases,
Pounding,
Deafening.
The whisper becomes a roar,
Banging on my insides until I have to let it out.
It breaks free in guttural sobs,
Shakes and convulsions,
Seeping through the cracks in my heart,
Spilling out like rain that pours over my skin,
Flooding my body until I'm a pool on the ground,
Drowning in the past,
Gasping for the future to come.
I need it to come,
To get past this moment where it hurts so bad.
I can't take it anymore.
I face the voice.
I turn and look.
I see the girl crouched in the corner.
Have you had enough,
She asks.
Can we go now?
Can we get back up and find our way?
It's okay to hurt and rage and let your insides come out,
To spill it on the ground,
To let it flee away from the now,
Where it doesn't need to be.
My inner strength awakens suddenly,
Like a shout,
Like a statement,
Like a battle cry to free.
I rise from the waters and shake off the pain.
I am finally willing to hear it,
The sound,
The whispers of me.
