Welcome to this guided meditation.
If you are listening to this together,
It means something important.
It means that despite the hurt or the frustration or the misunderstanding,
Some part of each of you still wants connection.
Some part of each of you is choosing to not walk away from this moment,
But instead to pause.
You don't have to solve everything right now or decide who is right.
This is not a time to convince or defend.
It's just a time to pause and this is a beautiful place to begin.
Find a comfortable position.
You may sit side by side or across from one another or simply just be in the same room.
There's no need to touch if that doesn't feel okay right now.
Just allow yourselves to share this space.
Gently close your eyes if that feels comfortable.
Take a slow breath in through your nose.
And gently exhale.
Breathing in relaxation.
Exhaling tension.
A deep nourishing breath in.
And a long slow breath out.
Allow your shoulders to soften.
Your jaw to unclench.
Your hands to relax.
For these next few minutes,
Neither of you have to prove anything.
Neither of you has to win,
Or to fix everything,
You just have to breathe.
Notice your body.
Notice where the fight still lives inside of you.
Maybe it's a tightness in your chest,
A knot in your stomach,
Or tension in your shoulders,
A lump in your throat,
Whatever it is,
Just simply notice.
Without judgment,
Without needing to change it.
And as you breathe,
Just imagine creating a little more space around those feelings,
Not pushing them away.
Not suppressing them,
Just simply making room for them.
You're having a difficult moment and strong emotions are present.
You can allow those emotions to be there without becoming them.
Notice that you are not your anger.
You are not your hurt.
You are not your fear.
These feelings are temporary and they're moving through you.
You experience them and you release them.
Like weather moving across the sky.
Beneath the storm there is something steady,
A deeper self,
A wiser self,
A calmer self.
Allow yourself to rest there.
I want you to look inward just for a moment and just let go of your partner entirely.
Bring your attention only to yourself.
Notice what is hurting.
What is the fear that lives underneath your anger?
What is the sadness that lives underneath your frustration?
What's the longing that lives underneath your defensiveness?
Most conflict doesn't start from hatred or contempt.
It usually starts from pain or hurt.
Fear,
Powerlessness,
Disappointment.
Wanting to matter or be seen,
Wanting to feel loved.
Notice what your heart is truly asking for,
Not what your anger is asking for.
Really pay attention to your heart and take a breath.
Remind yourself.
I am responsible for my own thoughts.
I am responsible for my own reactions.
I am responsible for my own healing.
I can take ownership of my own side of the street.
Not all of it,
You're just taking ownership of your part,
Your peace,
Your reactivity.
Nothing more,
Nothing less.
Now bring attention to your partner in your mind's eye.
You don't have to agree with them.
You don't need to excuse anything.
Just simply picture them.
Remember that they are carrying fears too.
They also have their own wounds.
They also have moments when they don't know how to express what they need or feel.
They are also imperfect just like you.
Take a breath and consider the possibility.
What if the story that I'm telling myself isn't the whole story?
What if there's something that I don't understand yet?
What if my partner's intentions are different from the impact?
What if there's more for me to learn?
Breathe in curiosity.
And breathe out tension and expectation.
Just for this moment,
You don't have to be certain about everything.
Just allow yourself to sit in a space of openness and curiosity.
And remind yourself that you may not know everything.
There might be another perspective.
To stay curious.
And seek understanding.
Now bringing attention to the person you love.
Allow your mind to travel back before this argument,
Before today's hurt,
Before all the accumulated stress.
Before all of this and remember a moment when you felt connected.
A moment when you laugh together.
When you felt understood.
When you felt grateful for this person,
I want you to really see it and feel it.
Remember that version of them.
Remember the goodness you have witnessed and the kindness,
The effort and tenderness,
The humanity Remember that this conflict is not the entirety of your relationship.
It is one moment,
One chapter,
Not the whole story.
Take a breath.
And silently say to yourself,
This person is more than their worst moment.
I am more than my worst moment.
Breathing in gratitude and curiosity.
And exhaling tension and expectation.
Imagine placing your hand gently over your heart or you can do so right now if you're comfortable and feel the steady rhythm of your heartbeat.
A lot of times we have to remember that our heart knows something that fear often forgets.
Most people are not trying to hurt the people they love.
They are trying to protect themselves,
To be understood,
To meet a need,
Avoid pain.
But underneath it all is a longing for connection.
Think to yourself,
Perhaps my partner is struggling too.
Perhaps they are hurting too.
But maybe we are both doing the best we can with the tools we have in this moment.
Notice what happens in your mind,
Your body,
When compassion enters the space,
Even if it's just a little bit.
Now imagine a spacious pause between feeling and reacting.
A pause where wisdom can enter that space.
Where choice and kindness can enter.
And see that pause and that space grow larger and larger.
And the next time emotion rises and things get escalated,
You can step into that space and breathe.
Your breath is a beautiful gift you take with you wherever you go to help you slow down,
Get curious and find compassion.
You can ask a question instead of making an accusation.
Maybe express a feeling instead of assigning blame.
You can listen until the person finishes instead of preparing your defense.
You can remember that your partner is on the same team and not your enemy.
The problem is the problem and the two of you are on the same side.
Take a slow breath in.
As you exhale,
Repeat to yourself,
I can pause.
I can self-regulate.
I am in charge of my own feelings and reactions.
I choose my response.
I can return to love.
Now bringing your awareness back to the present moment,
Notice the person sharing this space with you,
Not as your opponent,
Not as a problem to solve,
But as a fellow human being.
A human being who hurts,
Hopes,
Fears,
Longs to be loved just like you.
Take another deep breath in together.
And exhaling gently.
As you sit here together,
Allow this intention to settle into your hearts.
May we seek understanding before certainty and expectation.
May we choose curiosity over assumptions.
May we take responsibility for ourselves.
May we remember the love that brought us here.
May we treat one another with the same kindness we hope to receive.
We do not have to solve everything right now.
We only have to take the next loving step.
When you're ready,
Gently open your eyes and before speaking,
Take another breath together.
And remember to lead with kindness and curiosity.
