The Freedom Of Not Reacting

Let's imagine that you are feeling an emotion that you're not really enjoying.

Let's imagine you're feeling angry,

You're feeling upset,

You're feeling sad,

You're feeling frustrated,

You're feeling disappointment,

Any of those feelings we don't really want to be feeling.

Now,

What if you didn't have to react to it?

What if you could just sit down and feel it?

What would be different?

Well,

What would be different is that if you were okay with feeling your emotion intensely in the moment,

Well,

Then you wouldn't have to make it mean something and you wouldn't have to take action from it.

Let's imagine that you feel angry.

Now,

If you want to react to the anger,

You might go out and do something you could regret.

If you were to react to disappointment you might make it mean that you didn't do what needed to be done or somebody else did something to you and you go into the blame and shame.

Now in coaching,

We don't want to do that because that is so unproductive.

We want to get really,

Really used to just accepting our emotion and we want to normalize it to our subconscious.

So this is what we do.

We sit down and we feel any kind of temporary emotion and we're okay with it because we know that an emotion is simply a hormone that is causing around in our body.

So we don't have to make it mean something.

We are okay with feeling it,

Having it be in our body,

Now our subconscious thinks,

Oh,

This is normal.

I no longer have to react to it.

I no longer have to create meaning out of it.

So we can sit down,

Feel any emotion,

Anytime,

Whenever we want to,

And have it be okay.

So let's say somebody triggered you and you want to react to it.

Now,

In coaching,

Instead of saying,

Oh,

This person shouldn't have said that,

Or this event shouldn't have taken place,

Or I don't like this,

Or any such thing,

We ask a much more insightful question.

And that is,

What is this event or person reflecting back to me?

And let's imagine that somebody just suggested like let's say you were overweight.

Now ask yourself,

Where do I believe that I'm overweight?

And that is really what is hurtful in that comment,

Isn't it?

It is really that somewhere you are on board with the idea that you're overweight.

If somebody called me overweight,

I would just say,

No,

I'm not.

And it wouldn't affect me.

I wouldn't have a feeling.

I wouldn't have a thought attached to it.

So if somebody triggers you,

It's because you somewhere inside of you,

If only a tiny part of you,

Somewhere believe that they are right.

That what they're saying.

Could be true.

And that's where we want to go in and ask the questions,

Where am I believing this?

Do I want to believe it?

What would I like to believe instead?

So coaching can get you to be non-reactive to your environment and to people.

It can prevent you from going into blame and shame.

It can prevent you from having regrets or reproaching yourself for anything because you become very self-aware and you become able to see,

Oh,

This is a thought.

It's not actually a fact.

It is a thought.

So let me go and look at,

Is this thought serving me?

Or do I want to change it?