Who cares for the caregivers?
Hello again,
It's John here.
Thank you for joining me for another guided meditation.
In today's demographics of an aging population,
We have many caregivers.
There are also many people with developmental,
Physical,
And mental challenges that require some form of assistance from others.
Some people are caregivers as a vocation,
And others have evolved into the role just out of need and circumstance.
Whichever applies in your situation,
You're likely aware of the challenges and demands of this role.
It can be physically and mentally exhausting.
It becomes essential that along with the care of others,
We as caregivers need care too.
The thing is,
How do we know when we need some,
And when we do,
Where do we find it?
Well,
One way to know that develops alongside a mindfulness meditation practice is becoming more acutely aware of our physical and mental well-being.
By tuning into the sensations of the body,
We get to know what feels good,
And what can sometimes feel a little off.
Sometimes it's just plain obvious that things are completely out of whack.
Our minds are looping,
We feel fatigued,
We may have trouble getting to sleep or getting good sleep,
And we may start to feel a sense of hopelessness,
And that no matter what,
Things aren't getting better.
As we develop this sensory awareness,
The next thing is what to do about it,
How to help ourselves feel better.
As caregivers of others,
We seem to instinctively know how to help,
But when it comes to caring for ourselves,
Many of us have never been taught.
Like anything new,
It can feel inauthentic at first,
But that's okay.
When we can let go of the expectation that it should feel a certain way,
And simply trust the process,
The care will happen.
It just takes a little practice.
And so,
Practice we will.
Let's settle in and breathe together.
You can close your eyes if that feels good for you.
We'll start this practice the way we generally do,
With a few nice,
Slow,
Deep breaths.
You might try a slow count of four on the inhale,
And the same slow count of four on the exhale.
As we exhale,
We can invite a sense of letting go.
Trust your intuition here.
If a count of five feels better,
Do five.
Whatever rhythm your body needs to take these full breaths is just fine.
After three or four of those full,
Deep breaths,
We can let the body resume normal breathing.
Many of us have what I like to call our usual suspects of tension that we can check in on.
For some,
That may be the neck and shoulders.
Can we bring in some relaxation there?
For myself,
I always like to check that my tongue is resting gently in the lower palate.
It tends to get stuck,
Pushed up against the roof of my mouth.
Not in a tight way,
But letting it drop always has a nice release to it.
Sometimes that invitation to close the eyes,
Too,
Has a bit of pressure to it,
And I like to check in there to see that they're closed,
But not tight,
The eyelids delicate,
Like the wings of a resting butterfly.
From there,
We can sweep down through the body and sense if any other parts can also use a little letting go.
The chest,
Torso,
And belly.
The hands and arms.
The pelvic region and seat.
The legs and feet.
Then we can rest the attention on a home base like the breath as it passes in and out of the nostrils,
In the rising and falling of the chest,
In the expansion and contraction of the belly,
Or even in the whole body as it breathes.
You may prefer another type of anchor,
Like sounds in the background or distance,
Or the sense of touch like the forefinger and thumb,
Or the hands cupped gently in the lap.
We don't need to push,
Strain,
Or be rigid in any way about maintaining our focus on this chosen point.
The mind will wander.
We know that will happen,
And it's perfectly natural.
When we recognize that it has drifted away,
We can see the value in equanimity.
We are what we practice.
If we are self-critical for this natural wandering mind,
We are practicing self-criticism.
If we take the opportunity to be compassionate,
Understanding,
And loving of this human tendency,
We are practicing compassion,
Understanding,
And love.
When your caregiving soul has been working hard,
You've probably been lending a lot of compassion and kindness.
Can we bring in some of that to ourselves?
We can even say the words to ourselves,
Either out loud or in our minds.
I'm sorry you're feeling burdened.
I hear you.
I feel for you.
I understand what you are experiencing.
Give this a try.
Another skillful tool we can use or adapt is our language.
We know that these feelings of burnout and overwhelm are impermanent.
Instead of words like I am burnt out or I am overwhelmed,
We can strategically bring in something that more accurately reflects the reality,
Like I am experiencing burnout or I am experiencing overwhelm.
These can be just the ticket to lessen the intensity.
It reminds us that this too shall pass.
And just this time and space for ourselves to breathe,
Even if it's only for a few minutes,
Can bring some relief.
This is the gift of self-care.
It isn't any more complicated than this.
This isn't a quick fix or a magic pill that makes everything feel wonderful in a heartbeat.
This is a practice.
Practice makes progress.
A little bit of self-care today,
A little bit more tomorrow.
When things feel particularly hard,
We sometimes think we need to try harder.
Mindfulness teaches us to respond to the word hard with softening.
We can imagine our own arms around ourselves,
Accompanied by,
Or You are doing the best you can,
And that is enough.
You can even add,
What is there to lose?
The nice thing about these self-care strategies is that they travel with us wherever we go.
We can bring them out whenever we have a few moments to ourselves.
But we are also very social beings and connection to other humans is important too.
Just like the importance of those we care for being connected to us as caregivers,
It is strategic to connect with others and hold space for one another.
There are caregiver support groups and sanghas in many communities that we can attend in person,
And there are a ton of online meditation sanghas hosted from various locations around the world in various time zones that can line up with our busy schedules.
Some of you are keeping hours that make it challenging to attend groups in your time zone,
And so connecting with an online group can fit a little better and can be done from the comfort of your own space.
Finally,
I just want to express gratitude to you for whatever caregiving you're engaged in.
Whether it's an elderly family member,
Your own children,
Or the care of others as a vocation or volunteer calling,
Your time and energy are making the world a better place.
We are human beings and giving care is a beautiful and generous way of being human.
We cannot fill from an empty cup,
So please take care too.
You deserve it.
Thank you for your practice here and now this day.
I hope we can connect again soon.
