In today's session we are looking at how important your social bonds are.
We will look at the strongest ones and also their everyday connections.
Our goal is to gain clarity on whom specifically you should invest time and energy in.
We will look at how the quality and quantity of your interpersonal relationships influence you and how important they actually are.
Helen Keller said,
I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than alone in the light.
So let's find some friends who you can walk through the dark with.
When you think of your social circles,
You might think that it is a coincidence who you are friends with.
Most friendships start with a coincidental meeting.
But who stays in your life is not a coincidence.
It is not a coincidence who is in your life at the moment.
Consciously or subconsciously,
You choose and keep choosing constantly who you connect with and spend time with.
Becoming aware that you are in control of who you spend time with is fundamental.
Now,
When thinking about how you start friendships,
The word choose might be weird to use,
As it might take out the natural flow that a human connection is created with.
But as I said,
Subconsciously you are choosing already,
And if you are a healthy and balanced person,
You will most likely make the right choices anyway.
And bringing your choices of whom to spend time with to the consciousness will further strengthen your subconscious trust.
So why exactly is bringing more awareness to your friendships beneficial for you?
Of course,
There are obvious reasons,
Like a friend could try to get you into drugs,
Drink more alcohol or do stupid things.
This awareness would allow you to stop the friendship.
But you might benefit from investigating in more detail to understand the actual quality of your friendship.
The first indicator of the quality is imagining yourself to be in the worst moment in your life.
What would your friends do?
How would they approach you?
I understand it is a what-if question and impossible to answer 100% correctly.
I am also not saying it isn't important to have silly party friends.
But raising your awareness of your friendships will improve your ability to understand which ones you want to invest time in and develop further.
Now,
Another way of analyzing the qualities of your friendships is to ask yourself whether your friends make you become the best person you can be and whether you are making them the best person they can be.
Now I am not talking about cheering each other on.
I am talking about actually caring about other people's life paths.
I am talking about finding importance in each other,
Complimenting and challenging each other.
Now I am saying all this because I often observe groups of friends where everyone is unhappy with their own life situation,
Yet no one challenges each other.
These people keep each other company just enough to not feel completely miserable.
This behavior is not true friendship.
It is actually making sure everyone stays miserable.
Avoid these kinds of friends and groups.
Your friends are important.
They influence how you act,
Feel and think.
So not only choose people according to their words,
But also according to the way they influence and inspire you.
My next point is that often people have the deepest connections with their best friends and not their family.
This shows the power of friendships,
How much you can respect and care for each other.
Also,
Unlike with family,
Friends have to constantly choose each other.
You are not connected by default,
You are connected by choice.
So as long as friendships are serving you,
Put energy and time into them.
Now let us look at some easy ways to identify high quality friendships.
The first sign is that good friends will allow you to express yourself freely.
You will also be able to share literally everything with a good friend.
Furthermore,
Good friends will challenge you to go in the right direction,
Not the easiest.
They will care enough not to let you be anything but the best version you can be.
Real strong bonds,
Real friends will also buffer your worst moments and enhance your best moments.
Now that we talked about friendships,
Let us talk about everyday interactions.
I would argue that these mundane seeming interactions are also extremely important.
Any human interaction you have affects you a whole lot more than you think.
One small positive interaction could make your day just as one grumpy interaction could ruin your day.
Do not underestimate the power that mundane human interactions have.
When you become aware of your everyday interactions,
You will be surprised at how meaningful they actually are.
Everyday interactions account for around a third of your human interactions per day and they usually have humongous potential for beauty.
The main reason is that these encounters are usually unexpected and spontaneous.
I advise you to try and give every human you ever meet a little time and energy.
Most often you will be rewarded immediately with their reaction and over time with how connected you feel to this world overall.
Now,
Let us look at the blessing and the poison that your cell phone is in regards to friendships.
It is an absolutely great tool in order to get hold of people quickly and to have some sort of connection to them.
But,
And this is a big but,
The type of connection and experience via cell phones is of a lesser quality than a real human interaction.
Now,
This might be completely obvious to you,
But it is important to become conscious of this.
You can consume limitless information,
Pictures and videos of friends and other people online and you can chat with them using your cell phone.
Now,
All of that might be convenient,
But it is a catastrophe for your ability to grow and experience true happiness.
The less you connect in real life,
The less quality all your connections will start to have.
So,
My tip here is to make conscious decisions to spend time with specific people in specific ways.
Become conscious of how just being in the presence of other people makes you feel.
Start appreciating friends for who they are and what they bring into your life.
For a short moment now,
Think about the last couple of interactions you had.
Social interactions,
Work interactions,
Nodding at someone,
Buying groceries,
Ordering a coffee.
Tune in for a second and ask yourself how the interaction affected you.
It probably did not move you in a big way,
But it made the slightest of differences in your life.
And that is already worth it.
