Rx To Feel - 3. Honor All Feelings

In session #3, as part of the Rx to Feel by E-Motion Steadiness Series, guided by Kati, Sean’s sister, listeners are invited to delve more deeply into the E-Motion value to honor all feelings. This topic allows listeners to fully inhabit all emotions that come up as they move with their grief.

“Rx to Feel” by E-Motion is a self-guided audio series for grievers, by grievers. It is intentionally designed to be listened to while in motion, to help us move with, rather than away from, the hardest things. This first 12-session series focuses on finding steady ground.

Transcript

Hi everyone. Welcome back to Prescription to Feel Steadiness Series by Emotion. My name is Katie. I'm Shawn's sister. I felt like my body needed a walk today, So I'll be walking alongside you as we move through our session together. But I invite you to choose whatever movement feels right to you today. Let's get started with our grounding rituals. If you can, Find a quiet place outside where you can be still. You can keep your eyes open or closed. I'm going to close mine. We'll start with three deep grounding breaths, Helping us to be where our feet are. Take one inhale through the nose and a long exhale through the mouth. At the end of your exhale, Wiggle your toes, Helping your breath to land all the way down at your feet and studying you on solid ground. Let's do that three times together. Okay, Now we create space to honor our feelings, Opening ourselves to this with two taps on our heart. These taps are a gentle reminder that whatever comes up today while we move, It's okay. We're going to try our best to move with all of it. Now, Slowly and with softness, Lift your arms so they're level with your heart. Stretch them out wide with a slight bend in your elbow and imagine that you are embracing the space in front of you. Let connection rather than comparison be our guide as we move today. All right, We're ready to get moving. Remember that whether you're walking, Running, Hiking, Or biking, Take this at your own pace and one step at a time. I'm going to pause for a few seconds as we find our stride. Today, Our concept of hold and move with is to honor all feelings. This probably sounds familiar to you by now since it's also one of our grounding values and today we're going to explore it a little further. Giving ourselves permission to feel is empowering. When we experience loss, We quickly learn that we control nothing. This realization can paralyze us with a sense of helplessness. Learning to let go is an essential practice in grief work. We accept our lack of control by accepting whatever we are feeling. Honoring our feelings is not easy. I know, I've been there. The emotions that come up in grief can be overwhelming or confusing and sometimes paradoxical. How can something make me laugh so hard I cry while my heart feels so shattered? So many voices and messages in society are also telling us to run from the pain, To move on from our loss. We are told to focus on the positive or count our blessings or be resilient, To get back to being the person we were before tragedy struck. We're asked to stifle our grieving selves to avoid talking about the person or our experience. But we can find relief in the unity of opposites, Which means two seemingly opposite feelings at the same time. Pain and pleasure can coexist. Anguish and joy do not oppose, They amplify. They deepen our experience as humans. When we embrace a constellation of feelings, Our grief can actually soften. We see awe and wonder alongside heartbreak. We can appreciate this in both the ordinary and extraordinary moments. At my wedding, Two weeks after Shawn died, I felt this unity of opposites in action. Instead of avoiding the pain and sorrow of missing Shawn, We invited it into our event. We honored his memory while celebrating the love that brought us together. The band played a mix of favorites from every generation. We sang at the top of our lungs, Slow danced, Jumped and twirled with abandon. At the end, We held up candles like we were at a rock concert. Every guest joined in, Laughing and crying, Acknowledging the intensity of this moment. It was overwhelming, A settling in of this insuppressible happiness permanently intertwined with our anguish and immeasurable sorrow. I described it as flexing our joy muscles, Reminding ourselves that we could feel this good within the context of such pain. We were feeling it all. We were in love. We were aching for Shawn. We were beside ourselves with delight. We were brokenhearted and wholehearted all at once. We were entirely alive. When we learn to do this, When we learn to make space for both the joy and the anguish, We can learn how to exist in a transformative, Expansive way. In just a moment, We're going to move into our quiet movement, Which will start and end with the sound of a chime. As we move in quiet today, Let's try to fully allow in any emotion that comes up. As each emotion presents itself, Try to acknowledge it without judgment. There is no need to identify it as good or bad or even to try to identify what the emotion is. Instead, Turn your attention to where in your body you are experiencing this emotion. Tune in to the experience of moving and locate the feeling in a particular part of your body. Does it come and go? Does it move around? Does it get bigger or smaller? For me, When I move outside, I feel overwhelmed with emotion as I take in the natural world around me. Sometimes an emotion comes up which is difficult to name. It's a strange combination of delight at the beauty of nature and a crushing sadness from the heartbreak of my grief. Instead of trying to name all the emotions coming up for me, I think of where in my body I feel them. I feel this as a pressure, Slight burning sensation right in the center of my chest. It moves with me up to my throat, Making it a little tight and sometimes results in my eyes welling up and tears streaming down my face. Sometimes I even let out a quiet sob or a shudder. It is not good or bad, It's just my body's response to love and loss. When it passes, I let it without trying to hold on to it. I also don't wish it away. I try to trust it to move along with me for as long as it needs to and gently let it go when it is time. So if powerful emotions come up for you during this quiet movement, This is okay. We can trust our hearts and our bodies to care for it and let it move through us. We can tap on our hearts at any time to remind ourselves to honor all of these feelings and allow them the space they need. I'll be moving right here with you the full time. Here we go. Welcome back. We are focused on honoring all feelings today and I'm curious about yours. What is one thing you wish someone knew about your grief? What is one story of hope that you're holding? What else came up for you during our quiet movement time? If there's something you'd like to take from this exploration, Feel free to take a moment right now and make a note in your phone or just make a mental note to yourself. Remember that this time is for you to shape in whatever way you'd like. Reflecting on the ways we honor all feelings and the unity of opposites made me think of Roskay's book, Inciting Joy. It reads, But what happens if joy is not separate from pain? What if joy and pain are fundamentally tangled up with one another? Or even more to the point, What if joy is not only tangled with pain or suffering or sorrow, But is also what emerges from how we care for each other through those things? What if joy, Instead of refuge or relief from heartbreak, Is what effloresces from us as we help each other carry our heartbreak? I love this passage because it captures the very heart of the emotion community, The joy that is inextricably intertwined in the act of caring for one another through heartbreak, Pain, Suffering, And sorrow. Thank you so much for moving with the emotion community today. My name is Katie, Sean's sister, And we'll see you next time. Prescription to Feel is a series created by Emotion, An organization on a mission to change the way the world relates to grief and loss. Learn more at emotion-mc. Org or find Emotion on Instagram at we are underscore emotion. Thanks for moving with us.