Hi again,
Welcome back to the Prescription to Feel Steadiness series by Emotion.
My name is Matt,
Javi's dad.
As we move together today,
We're going to talk about how we can keep love close to us,
And how this has the power to expand us.
Let's start by finding a quiet place outside where we can be still.
You can keep your eyes open or close them.
I'll keep mine open and turn toward the trees for our three grounding values.
The first value is to be where our feet are.
To embody this,
Let's take three deep grounding breaths.
Inhaling through the nose,
And exhaling out through the mouth.
Imagine the air pushing down to our feet,
Readying them to move.
Let's take three breaths.
With one more breath,
Let's put a hand to our hearts,
Feeling our breath move within us.
Tap your heart twice as a reminder to honor all the feelings as we move.
Finally,
Let's relax our gaze and stretch out our arms wide.
We are ready to connect with ourselves and one another without comparison.
By being here today,
We're taking steps to move towards steadiness.
Whatever way you choose to move is great.
What's most important is that you're here and that you know you're not alone.
Let's find a pace that feels right to start us off.
I'm going to pause as we find our stride.
Today is how we can build strength and stability when we stay close to who and what we love.
At Emotion,
We like to say that there is no safe distance to loving.
This phrase came from a conversation that Myra and I had with our incredible grief therapist,
Dr.
Joanne Cacciatore.
It is so simple and so beautiful and yet so powerful.
There is no safe distance to loving.
It tells us really explicitly that keeping feelings at a distance can strain our bodies and our hearts.
Can strain our bodies and our hearts.
Instead of distancing ourselves from this love that can hurt so badly,
We can practice turning towards it.
At first,
This might feel sharp and harsh because it brings up so much missing and aching.
But in time and with practice,
That act of turning towards can become a lifeline.
It is our way of being with the part of us that we know is there and deserves tending to,
Even if we can't physically touch who and what we love.
Ultimately,
This is about learning how to integrate our loss in a way that enables us to move in the world with an extra way of being.
It's almost otherworldly,
But it takes time and practice and attention.
I took my second child,
Kaya,
To Starbucks a few weeks ago.
It was early in the morning,
And there was another dad with his daughter sitting inside.
We said hello,
And after a few pleasantries,
He asked if we had any other children.
I said that we did,
Took a deep breath,
And told him about Javi,
Our oldest daughter who died in 2021.
He paused,
Gave me a knowing look,
And told me about his daughter who had died around the same time.
That morning,
My coffee run was transformed into an experience of deep connection and feeling part of a world as opposed to separate from it.
Turning towards our grief is made softer when we are surrounded by people who will remember and move with us.
They make us feel safe and brave.
If those people are in your life today,
Please share this session with them.
The emotion community is here to be that support for you too.
We want to remember with you.
That's why we're here.
Instead of our three minutes of quiet movement today,
We're going to try on a different type of movement to embody keeping love close and not at a distance.
I will walk us through how to do this.
First,
If you're moving,
Come to a stop in a place where you have some space to stretch out and a level of privacy that allows you to be present.
Stretch your arms out long to your side like we did before,
So that they're level with your shoulders,
Palms facing down.
We're going to hold our arms like this strong for 15 seconds.
I'm starting the clock now and I'll keep track of time so you don't have to.
Okay,
You can put your arms down now.
Move them around a bit.
Shake them out.
Now stretch out your arms long again,
But this time we're going to hold for 30 seconds.
Again,
Just focus on your breathing in and out.
I'll let you know when we've hit time.
Okay,
You can put your arms down now.
Now for the final round,
Intertwine your fingers together so your hands are in front of your chest near your heart.
Hold this position for 30 seconds.
Okay,
We're done.
I'm curious what came up for you.
How did it feel when you had to hold your arms out for 15 seconds?
For 30 seconds,
Where did you feel it in your body?
Now imagine I asked to hold your arms out for 60 seconds or for an hour or a full day.
How might have that felt?
How did it feel when you kept your hands close to your heart?
For me,
Holding my hands close to my heart was much easier.
When my arms were stretched out,
My shoulders started to ache and my hands started to drift downward.
We call this exercise weightlifting.
It's a simple way to physically experience the idea when we have to hold hard and heavy emotions away at a distance.
They can take a toll on our bodies.
They might even start to show up in our bodies in the forms of aches and pain.
But when we keep the heavy and hard emotions close to us,
We are able to explore them.
We can do more with them and we can help them move.
We can observe them more closely.
We can learn to understand them.
And ultimately,
We can hold them for longer without needing so much resistance.
Thank you for trying on this activity.
Feel free to get moving again for our closing words.
Or if you're feeling comfortable where you are,
That's great too.
I hope whatever comes next in your day,
You keep your love close.
I'm going to leave you with this poem called "'Tis a Fearful Thing' by Yehuda HaLevi.
"'Tis a fearful thing to love what death can touch.
"'A fearful thing to love,
To hope,
To dream,
To be.
"'To be and oh,
To lose.
"'A thing for fools,
This,
And a holy thing.
"'A holy thing to love.
"'For your life has lived in me.
"'Your laugh once lifted me.
"'Your word was a gift to me.
"'To remember this brings painful joy.
"'Tis a human thing,
Love.
"'A holy thing to love what death has touched.
'" Thank you for being here with me today.
I'm Matt,
Hobby's dad,
And I'm grateful to be in the emotion community with you.
See you next time.
Prescription to Feel is a series created by Emotion,
An organization on a mission to change the way the world relates to grief and loss.
Learn more at emotion-mc.
Org,
Or find Emotion on Instagram at we are underscore emotion.
Thanks for moving with us.
