How Shame Hijacks Your Decisions And Keeps You Stuck

Live Class Recording: Do you struggle to trust your decisions?

In this talk, you'll learn how shame, regret, and self-doubt can shape your choices without you even realising it.

We'll explore what's happening in your mind, body, and energy when you stop trusting yourself, and simple ways to rebuild confidence, release old emotional wounds, and make decisions with greater clarity and self-trust.

Transcript

Okay guys, So let's start. We are talking about releasing the shame of decisions you no longer make. And I want to go through what's happening in your mind. What's happening in your body and what's happening with your energy. When you hold on to that shape. So let's talk about the mind. Decision means you have a choice what to do, Going left, Going right, Taking this or taking that, Leaving this behind or leaving that behind. So it's always something you decide a choice and usually when you are coming up to have a choice. You expect an outcome. Your brain expects a particular outcome. And the interesting part is that none of us can look into the future. But you'll have this expectation and when that expectation doesn't get fulfilled, What usually happens is you label it. As a bad choice, A bad decision. And when that outcome. Harms you or anyone else emotionally, Physically, Financially. It puts something on top and that's usually when the shame, The blame, The self-doubt and the regret comes. That's when it's formed because you have an expectation. An expectation doesn't get fulfilled. Now it's you. Who you blame for making that bad choice, Making that bad decision. What also happens is during that process, During your expectation not getting fulfilled, And you then blaming yourself, You believe now that you are bad in making decisions, Maybe in particular situations, Maybe in general, But you have created that belief. And probably all of you know this picture of the iceberg that is just a little bit, The top is above the water and the big chunk is underneath the water. And underneath. Very, Very far down. That's where your beliefs sit. So they are a foundation of who you are. Who you believe you are. But now you created that belief that I am bad in making decisions. When I make a decision, When I make a decision, It might go wrong. I will harm myself. I will harm others. I will lose. Whatever it is, But that belief is there. And what happens with these beliefs, And that goes for any belief you have, May be that you're not good enough, That you are too old, That you are too big, Too small, Too poor. Not good enough with your skills, Whatever it is, You have these beliefs created. And they now go into your filter system. And the filter system sits right before a thought gets created. So we have the thought, And then comes the feeling, And then comes the action, And then comes the result. So now you have in this filter system, You have, I'm not good at making decisions. When I make decisions, I lose. So everything. That comes now. Through your head, Through your thoughts, And goes into your feelings, Into your actions, Into your results, Has that label on it, Bad in making decisions. Always choosing the wrong path. Always making the wrong choice. That's now a belief. So everything that happens after. Is marked with that label of I'm not good in making decisions. And when you think about it. That means every other choice, Even if it's a small choice. Gets filtered through exactly that belief. And then you might struggle to say, Oh, Do I eat Italian today or do I eat Chinese today? Or do I go in line two or do I go in line three? And then you go into line two and then line three is fasting. I made the wrong choice. You look for that evidence of you making the wrong choice. Because that's what your brain, Your mind is trained to. It looks for evidence to give you to give evidence to your belief. It looks for answers to evidence for your belief to be correct. So whatever you believe. Your brain will find evidence that it is true. So that's happening in your mind. What happens in your body? Because everything is connected. You know that. I'm not telling you anything new here. Everything is connected. So what happens in your body is your body usually gives you a signal. I know it for myself when I have a choice to make. My body gives me a signal. I feel like I have this knowing of making this choice, But my brain comes in and says, No, No, No, No, Logically. From experience. The other choice is better. And many of us are disconnected from our body, Not listening to our intuition, To our gut feeling, To what our body is signaling. And we trust that our brain, Our mind is the one thing we can rely on. So that's what you do. You make the choice depending on what your brain is telling you. But again, Your brain has that filter already there. And that's the idea, The answer that it gives you with that filter, Through that filter. But your body gives you that signal. Don't trust it. Now you ignore it, You ignore what your body is telling you and you still expect a particular outcome. And that outcome doesn't get fulfilled. So you feel bad. You feel in your body, It might be pressure, It might be that you have a lump. In your throat. It might be that you have butterflies in your stomach. It's always an interpretation of the body signals that you get and what you do with it. But your body will give you a signal and you will interpret it as, I feel bad. And now I feel the shame. I name it shame. I name it blame. It creates self-doubt. And in your body that means now I have a blockage, Now I have created a trigger. In the future. You get presented a choice. You probably feel it in your body that if, Oh my God, Panic, Fear. Self-doubt, Shame, Regret, Everything comes flashing back and your body is signaling that, Oh, We are triggered now. But again, Maybe you are disconnected from your body. You ignore it and you still go with what your mind is telling you, Even though the fear is there and your mind is telling you through the fear. That may lead to not making a choice at all, Postponing the choice. But your body is in panic, It's in fight and flight or freeze, It's in this survivor and What you do is you push it away. No, No, I need to, I need to rely on my brain. I need to rely on my mind. I need to try to look into the future and find the right answer, Make the right choice. I need to get that crystal ball out and find what's happening in the future so I know that I will make the right decision now. But you push your emotion away. And what happens when you push your emotion away? It grows. The trigger becomes stronger and stronger. And that's why the feeling of shame, The feeling of blame, Of self-doubt, Of regret becomes stronger and stronger over years because you're pushing away your emotions. And that's like a wound you haven't attended to. When you don't attend a scratch, It can be. In flame it can get all this passive can you can lose your arm. Worst case scenario. I'm overdoing it here but you get my point. That emotion that you try to push away is an unattended wound and you try to heal it with your mind by telling you what to do, Think positive. That's the big downfall with COVID. In today's mindset ideas that thinking positive will save you, Will help you treat your emotional wounds and it won't. It's one part, But the wound is in your body. So that's where we need to attend it. We need to go into our body and we sit with our emotion. I'm not talking about the feeling. The feeling is the interpretation. It's the name that we give it. The emotion is what's happening in your body. So when the choice, The decision comes to you, Say here, Left or right, And you're like panic, Feel it in your body. You choose to ignore. The cycle starts again. And what happens, I've written it down here, Your inner critic wants to protect you from emotional harm. That's its main purpose. Every one of us has that inner critic and that inner critic All its might want to protect you from that emotional harm, From that emotional not feeling good. So it brings in the mind and it tells you, Do this, Do that, Do nothing, Whatever it is. It's a survival strategy. And some of us, Because we can't deal, We just ignore that emotion. That trigger and we're not attending it. But the blame, The shame, The doubt, The regret is too big. We take other survival strategies that might be drinking, Overeating, That might be disconnecting from our body, Disconnecting from other relations. It might be silencing ourselves, Being quiet. Bringing on an identity that feels safe but isn't who you are or who you want to be. There are thousands of survivor strategies and the main purpose of each of us is to survive. So our brain, Our body, That's what it's trained to do. So it does that in any shape possible. Now let's move to the energy level. What happens when you're stuck in that cycle of shame, Of blame, Of regret, Of self-doubt, Is that your vibration stays low. And you attract what you are. Again, Not sharing any news here. You attract what you are and if you're constantly in that level of self-doubt, Self-blame, Self-shame, Regret, That's what you attract. You attract those opportunities, You attract those people and your brain is filtering everything to give you evidence. Nothing is working maybe. Because everything plays together. Your mind is telling you, Look here, You made the wrong choice again. And then your body is signaling you, I'm in stress. My nervous system is overreacting. Help me. And your energy. Physically and energetically. His law goes down. That's what you attract, More and more of it. But you don't want that. You want to get out of it. You want to get away from it. But you're stuck in that because you're addressing. Not all of the three levels. You might address one level, But you forget the other two. So that's why we're doing here this in a integrated way, Body, Mind, And soul. So let me, Give me an idea of what can you do. How can you release the shame? How can you release the self-blame, The regret? And let go of the decisions that he made in the past and move forward with a clean slate. So first of all, Let's talk about the mind. I want to share with you a sentence and I want you to sit with this sentence. I will repeat it a couple of times just so we get through. You did the best you could with the resources you had at the time. So you did the best you could. With the resources mentally, Emotionally, Physically, Financially. That you had at the time. Now, When I heard that sentence for the first time, I was thinking about my parents. And I thought, How? How could it be that the best they did. Was that they hit me. Not. . . I need to go to hospital, But they hit me. And I thought, How could that be the best? They could do. And saying it again, You did the best you could with the resources you had at the time. After repeating that sentence a couple of times, They don't on me. It's like, Ooh. Interesting. So the resources mentally. They probably. Were worried about me. Emotionally, They were exhausted. They had to go to work five days a week, Working shifts, Both of them trying for us three children to get a proper life, Giving us financial security, Having to deal with their marriage, Having to deal with their co-workers, With what's going on within themselves, With their self-doubts, With their insecurities. And those were the resources they had to bring to the table. And those resources were very, Very limited. And the best they could do. Slapping me. I'd say, Stopping me. But that was the best they could do it at the time. So what this means for you. You may did something. Years ago. And years ago, Your resources. We're very limited. Your awareness was very limited. So you did the best you could at the time. Nowadays, If the same situation, The same decision would occur again, You have different resources, You have a different awareness. You might choose differently. So the identity that you displayed at the time. The resources were different. Than the person you are now. Maybe nowadays your resources are very limited and you do things, You make decisions, You make choices that you're not proud of. But again, You did the best you could with the resources you had at the time. That's not an excuse for doing bad things. Don't get me wrong. That's not what I'm saying. But I want you to be aware. There is a different perspective. It is not just black and white. There is a gray area. And By looking at it from this perspective, You can see that the resources for anyone who did anything bad the resources. We're limited. If whoever did something to you. That hurt you, That's still hurting you, And is hurting you. You can't forgive them. You don't want to forgive them. Remember, They had very limited resources, Not an excuse for their behavior. But just bear that in mind and the same goes for you. You have or had very limited resources. That's why you made that decision. Maybe you were desperate for money, So you made that choice and the outcome wasn't what you expected. You maybe lost more money. Now you regret it. But at the time. With the resources, The desperation, The panic. The hope, The wish, The worry. That was the best choice. That you could make. Now what's happening in your body? What can you do with your body? When you are connected to your body, And I'm not saying you're not, I'm not saying you are, Because working with clients one-on-one, Many of my clients, When I ask them how you feel, They're telling me what they think. So there is a disconnection. When I ask them, How does it feel in your body? I don't know. There is nothing. So that might be true for you as well. And that's totally okay. It just means there is a disconnect. Nothing more, Nothing less. It's not a bad thing. It just means the connection is not like the Wi-Fi. It's not working properly. So what I would like you to do when you get to that point again where there is a choice presented to you. The bad feeling comes. Ooh. You sit with it. If possible, You scan your body and see where does it sit. Might sit on your head somewhere, In your body somewhere. You might not feel anything in your body at all. And that is okay. What you do then, You just sit with whatever is happening, Even if nothing happening. Try to focus on that. And when the mind comes in and says, Oh, What are you doing here? Because the inner critic wants to protect you from emotional harm. So they want to get you out of that. They don't want you to feel bad. When you notice that, When you become aware of these thoughts coming in, Say interesting, And with that you break. That thought. You break that spiraling. That's how overthinking happens. You just start and you spiral. And by interrupting it, You say, Interesting. I've noticed, I've become aware of you coming in and telling me now these stories. Interesting with all the love you can master in that moment a lot of curiosity like interesting No hate. No pushing away and focus on feeling bad. Because what happens when you ideally, When you feel something in your body, That's the best way to notice it is that I like to tell my clients, Scan your body, And then if you feel something in your body, Give it a number from one to 10, One very low, 10 very high, Where would you put that feeling, The strength, The power of it? And maybe it's a five, And then you sit with it until it becomes a four three because that's what's happening with those emotional blockages. When you sit with them, When you give them the awareness, The attention. They lose their power. And some are very deep. Some need days, Weeks. To get to a one or a zero. Some are faster. It depends how strongly they are integrated in your belief system. Again, We have that iceberg. They're very, Very deep down and you breathe it from the bottom of your heart. It takes longer. But that's okay. I want you to notice that there is a difference, That it will become softer, Less powerful. And I want you to give yourself permission to feel bad. That always helps me to give myself permission to feel bad, To stop that inner war with myself where I'm saying, Oh, I want to release it. But I don't know or it hurts so much or what if it doesn't work? Yeah, That's what I call my inner war. And as soon as I give myself permission. To feel that. I can breathe out. It feels like I can breathe again. It felt before like I held my breath and now I can breathe again. So give yourself permission to let go, To sit with it. And if you like to do something for your energy, I like to. Tell my clients that they should listen to a particular sound because I'm a sound healing practitioner. So I like to use all the tools that I have. And in this case, For this topic, We want to address the root chakra and the sacred chakra, Because the root chakra is all about self-trust, Trusting yourself, Grounding yourself, Being there and connected. Chakra is about yes sexuality and sensuality and creativity but it also it's about I feel. What you feel, The connection with your body. So what I would like you to do is just to try. Once a day for the next seven days. Depending on which one you feel needs more attention. Is it the self-trust or is it the body connection? The self-trust is I am. The body connection is I feel. So for I Am, For the root chakra, You listen to the frequency of 396. And you just listen to that tone. It's just a tone. It's not the music that's just like nice to hear, But it's about the tone. It's about that hertz frequency, Three, Nine, Six. Or if you say, No, For me, It's more the connection with my body, Then you listen to four, One, Seven. That's the sacral chakra. It's this whole Fajr frequency and do that once a day. And it doesn't matter where you are. You can drive. It doesn't matter what these people say in those videos or when they say you need to close your eyes. It's not about that. It's really just about that frequency, About that hertz frequency. And you listen to that once a day for the next seven days. From experience with my clients and I'm using it myself. My clients feel calmer particularly when it's about the root chakra trusting yourself they get calmer when choices or when they have to make decisions they feel so much calmer in okay what am i doing and it doesn't the choice the decision doesn't become an answer of fear of or overwhelm it's more of i can handle whatever comes next whatever outcome happens i can handle it so i make the best I can do with the resources I have right now. And they do that from a calmer point of view in their body, In their mind.