Bring Excitement Back Into Your Relationship

Is your relationship stuck in a routine, leading to emotional disengagement? Routine and monotony can sap the excitement from your connection, increasing the risk of infidelity.

We'll explore ways to renew excitement, increase engagement, and strengthen your bond. Embrace new experiences together and rekindle the joy and passion in your relationship.

This is from a Live Class Recording.

Transcript

How can you save your relationship from boredom?

And in its basic,

Boredom means the lack of joy.

And a very simple example for this is that when you have a hobby and when you're doing what you love doing,

You enjoy it and you're not bored.

So whenever you have joy with whatever you do,

You probably won't be bored.

And you are bored because there is no joy,

No excitement in what you're doing.

And we have,

I put down here three reasons for why you are bored in your relationship.

And I will also give you the solution,

Some suggestions that you might want to implement,

You might not,

It's up to you.

But I just want you to know that there is something you could do about it.

So the first reason I've got here is routine and monotony.

Now the thing is that routine is very helpful for us humans.

We love routine.

Our brain loves when it knows what is going to happen because that takes away the uncertainty and that gives us freedom in some way that gives us calmness.

We know what's going to happen.

On the other hand,

Always doing the same thing can be quite boring.

So what do you do about it,

Particularly when it's about your relationship?

And it might be that you have this routine,

You both get home from work,

Then you cook dinner,

Then you sit down,

Then you eat,

Then you watch TV,

Then you go to bed and that you do that every day,

Every night,

Every evening.

It can be a bit boring.

Anyway,

So what I want to suggest is to implement small,

Short or little activity.

And one of these activities,

Something like this,

It's a couple's game.

So what this is in particular,

These are many cards and they all have a question written on it.

And you just pick a card and you ask your partner the question.

They answer it,

You answer it.

You have a bit of fun.

You find out what's actually going on in your partner,

How he or they set a question like,

What was your first thought when you met me?

We have never talked about it.

So it's quite interesting what comes out and it's entertaining.

And the best of it is it helps you increase your emotional intimacy.

But we come to that a bit later,

But that is one thing you could do.

Another one is to change up maybe the dinner location.

We do that sometimes,

Particularly in summer that we then have dinner on the balcony because always having it in the dining area,

It's like always the same.

So mix it up,

Maybe have a picnic on the floor,

Whatever you want to do,

Mix it up.

What I like to do sometimes is to dress up.

So I just put on,

If I've been working from home all day,

Got the same clothes on and I'm just fancy like,

Something fancy like a dress,

Maybe high heels,

Whatever it is,

Put them on,

Dress up.

Or if that's your day-to-day dressing,

Dress it down.

Whatever you want,

Just put something different every now and again.

It doesn't mean it has to become another routine,

But it can just be something that you occasionally put in there just to have that bit of spice there.

Another reason is the lack of new experiences.

And here I usually get three reasons for why couples don't have new experiences.

Number one is money.

We don't have money,

Don't want to spend money.

And I don't know about you,

How it is where you live,

But I know here in Shenyang,

Many of the museums are for free.

Now museums are not for everyone,

But luckily there are different kinds of museums and they are for free entrants.

There are also exhibitions.

I love art exhibitions.

I love other kinds of exhibitions.

So when something comes to mind,

When I see something like,

Let's go there,

Have a look,

Because if you don't like it,

You turn around and go.

And then you have something to talk about.

Another,

Increase emotional intimacy.

You talk,

You have something experienced together.

And that's always amazing.

Or you could walk through town.

There is this one movie,

I don't remember it,

But this guy puts a tape together for this woman to walk through Chicago,

To admire,

To see the architecture.

So how often have you walked through your town,

Looked at the architecture,

Looked at the little things,

Not just window shopping,

But actually looked at the shops.

How do they look?

How are they decorated?

What about the people?

That's for free.

Just go,

Go on a walk,

Go to the park.

That's free,

Usually.

I mean,

At least it is here.

So there are things you can do for free.

Another reason is what to do.

I don't know what to do.

And I share my secret with you that I'm going to do,

Particularly in winter when most of the activities will be inside.

And what I'm planning on doing is I go onto TripAdvisor,

You know,

That little app,

And you can put in,

Or you can click that button,

Things to do nearby me.

And it gives you this whole list of attractions,

Things to do.

So just go through that list.

That's my plan for this coming winter,

To go through that list and just go to everything they put out there.

And have a look.

Again,

If you don't have the money,

Don't go there.

If you don't like it,

Turn around,

Go somewhere else.

You don't have to be there,

But it gives you an idea of what you could do with your time,

With your partner.

And again,

If you don't like it,

You still have something to talk about because it's always great to just moan how bad this experience was.

And another reason is no time.

I don't have time.

We don't have time.

And this comes down to not prioritising your relationship,

Not prioritising quality time.

Which leads me to the third reason that I've written down for boredom in your relationship,

And that is the neglect of your relationship.

And usually you neglect your relationship because,

Number one,

You lack emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy means you feel you can be you,

All of you,

The good,

The bad and the ugly,

And your partner accepts it.

You don't be judged when you share your fears,

When you share your dreams,

When you share your crazy ideas.

It's all okay.

Doesn't mean they agree with everything,

But you know you can say it,

You can talk to them about it,

And you don't get judged.

You feel fine,

You trust them,

And they trust you.

That's emotional intimacy.

And usually when that is lacking,

You don't prioritise your relationship because you might not feel safe and other things feel more important.

So what you can do to increase that emotional intimacy is,

Another one again,

Have these cards.

They are amazing,

And they are so much fun.

And again,

They are just a conversation starter.

They can be a conversation starter.

They can be these little sparkers in between where you two connect,

Where you two experience something together,

Where you learn something about each other without judgment.

And another thing you could do to increase emotional intimacy is spend quality time together.

We come back to prioritising your relationship.

And often I hear from clients that,

I have no time to do that.

I need to earn money.

I need to look after the children.

I need to do this,

This,

And this.

It's all good.

Of course you do.

You have your responsibility.

But what are you doing all of that for?

You go and earn a lot of money so you can have that family.

That family might not exist very long or not in a happy place if you don't put time in your relationship.

If you disconnect emotionally,

Often what follows is the physical disconnect,

Sexual,

Et cetera.

So put time,

Quality time.

Prioritise time with your partner.

And it doesn't have to be a whole day.

It doesn't have to be hours.

Again,

It takes maybe two minutes,

Three minutes.

And if you do this a couple of times a week,

It's a great starter.

And you might continue with that.

You might even find more questions.

One of my clients,

They started to have this bedtime routine where they checked in,

Not just how was your day and we talk about what happened,

But also how did you feel today?

What emotions did you went through today?

What was the cause for that?

Building that trust,

Building that understanding and acceptance to be who you are,

That every feeling that you have is valid and that you can share it without being judged.

It's the priority.

And the last thing,

And we're good on time,

Amazing,

Is a reminder.

It's written here.

I want to remind you that you are the most important person in your life.

You are the asset.

I've said this so many times.

I want to remind you that look after yourself.

You are the asset because you are the one you spent 24 seven for the rest of your life with.

No one else.

So look after yourself.

And you're also the change.

In order to improve your relationship,

You don't need your partner to buy in.

You can be the change.

You can start to make things happen.

Might take some time,

But you can do it.

You can be that change.

And a question,

Are you bored when you by yourself?

Because sometimes what happens is that we don't know how to entertain ourselves.

And then we put this pressure on our partner to be our entertainer.

Only when they are here,

We do something exciting because we don't know what to do with ourselves.

We don't know what we enjoy.

We don't know what we like.

So I want to encourage you to find out what is it that you enjoy?

What is it that you can do for yourself?

These little sparkles of joy throughout the day so that you are happy,

That you don't depend on your partner,

But quite on the opposite,

That you can excite your partner.

And that's it for today.

Thank you.

Reviews

Thank you so much, Anna. This really is an eye-opener and Filled with great reminders. Today I will prioritize my relationship by being playful, creative, and curious.💞🤗