How To Make A Powerful New Year's Resolution

This session begins with a simple question: 'Why don't you start now?' - if your resolution is truly aligned with your highest purpose, there is no reason why you should arbitrarily wait until a certain day on the calendar. You should act now. From there we discuss the importance of value drive choices and touch upon the fleeting nature of motivation, using it to instil habit and routine rather than relying on it to persist eternally. This track is taken from my course, How To Make A New Year's Resolution You Will Actually Stick To available now via my profile.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to session one.

I invite you to take a seat or lay down and get yourself comfortable.

You can close down the eyes if you wish and take a deep slow breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

This course will go into new year's resolutions but really it is a course about goal setting and habit building because that's sort of what we're really doing here as a new year's resolution.

But the first thing I want to draw your attention to is the flawed nature of the new year's resolution.

Why are you waiting?

Why are you waiting until some arbitrary date on the calendar to make whatever change you're hoping to make?

You want to start a diet,

You want to get fit,

You want to learn something,

You want to change,

Whatever it is.

What are you waiting for?

Why do you need to wait until the new year's to make this change?

I invite you to start now.

Just start now.

Because if you need this external push,

This idea to start at some arbitrary date,

That suggests to me that the goal you've got in mind won't stick,

Won't last,

It's not strong enough.

I'm going to talk about that a little bit later but you know if you want the full benefits of this course,

You've got it.

This is it.

Start.

And the second benefit is if you stop the implementation,

Get back on.

I've talked about it in other courses but the way to establish a habit,

To maintain a habit,

Is to realize that there'll be days that you miss.

Okay,

That's fine,

Get back on.

If we're talking about exercise or diet or meditation or whatever it is.

If you miss a day,

Start again and just get back on.

If you miss a day every week for a year in your diet,

You've still eaten well for 300 or more days in the year.

You've still exercised 300 days in a year.

Over a long term,

That's a massive positive change.

But what a lot of people do with new year's resolutions is they set a goal,

They wait till the new year's,

Set that goal and then they inevitably drop the habit.

They eat the cake,

They smoke the cigarette,

They don't exercise,

They don't meditate,

Whatever it is.

And then they stop and they wait until the next new year's.

I would suggest that you start now and if you miss a day,

Acknowledge it,

Learn from it and start again tomorrow.

That's the crux of the course.

You can pause it,

End now and leave and you've got it.

But of course we're going to go into a bit more depth.

The next thing I would suggest is to consider if the goal is in line with your highest value.

You want to lose weight.

We will talk about the ways to word that goal to make it most attainable.

But is losing weight the goal that is at your highest value?

Or is it being healthy?

Is it fitting into a wedding dress?

Is it gaining muscle and strength?

Let's get specific here.

Is a certain number the goal?

If so,

You could just not eat and you would get that goal eventually.

Now obviously I'm not suggesting you attain this,

But certain goals are not your highest level values.

Do you want to get fit?

Or is your goal to do something specific?

Are you trying to save money for money's sake?

Or is there something you're trying to save for?

Work out your highest value in whatever field it is.

Aim for that.

Put that on your wall,

Rather than these lower level ambiguous goals.

So that's something to consider.

So that's something I want to suggest to you is sit down before you just set an arbitrary goal,

Sit down and work out what you actually want.

This is an act of meditation and introspection,

A turning inwards and asking yourself,

What do I really want here?

Let's go deep.

Let's look internally.

Because if you don't take those steps,

Your goals won't align fully with your values.

And you will end up dropping it because the motivation will wane.

This is the thing about motivation.

It doesn't last.

Motivation can start a habit,

But discipline needs to maintain it.

You're motivated now to exercise,

To diet,

To study that class,

To do whatever it is.

Will you be motivated in three months?

A better option is to use this motivation to establish habits.

And we're going to talk about that as well.

But if the goal isn't in line with a higher value,

There is no point.

Some people value time,

Money,

Status,

Things,

Internal states,

Family,

Whatever it is.

It's okay to value whatever you value,

But don't kid yourself.

My highest value is time.

Time with my family,

Time with myself,

Time with my art,

With my creativity.

That is what I value.

So if I was to say,

I'm going to save up for a new car,

Because wouldn't a new car be fancy and great?

I wouldn't end up doing it.

Because that value doesn't align fully with my highest value.

That money could be better spent elsewhere and the car that I've got would suffice.

So whilst I might be able to save for it a little bit at the start of the year,

I would drop off.

I encourage you to sit and really look internally and go,

What do I value here?

There's a meditation practice or an introspection practice that you can do where you get yourself calm and into the groove and all of that sort of stuff that I'm sure you've gone down those paths practicing.

And you just ask yourself the question,

What do I want?

An answer pops up,

You sit with it.

What do I want?

And you keep going,

You keep going,

You keep going.

You ask yourself why,

Why do I want that?

And you dig deep,

Dig deep,

Dig deep.

That's the goal.

That's where the beauty and the power and the resonance will lie.

I encourage you to try that.

And when you find your value,

That's when we're going to talk about goal setting.

That's when we're going to talk about the way to formulate a goal that will work in habit building.

But find that point,

Find what you want,

Take those steps.

And from that place,

You'll actually be able to attain something of worth,

Something you can stick to.

I want to also suggest that you need to make your goals,

Your resolution,

Your habit building,

Whatever it is,

Life appropriate.

Once again,

It's very easy to instill something into your life with motivation for the first couple of weeks,

To diet,

To exercise,

To change,

To learn,

To do.

But that all costs time and other resources.

That all costs time and other resources.

You push the other parts of your life out to make way for it,

But the other parts of those life push back.

You know,

You may have to watch less TV,

Spend less time with friends or family,

Make changes,

But life doesn't like to change.

So you have to be realistic here and go,

Okay,

This time,

This resources has to come from somewhere and be steadfast knowing that life will push back upon you.

Can you handle that?

If so,

Great.

But if not,

Realize that you need to maybe start a little bit slower.

I am a massive fan of the idea of starting with one minute a day,

Just one minute,

Just one minute.

Let's say you wanted to establish an exercise habit.

Just do one minute of push-ups or squats every day.

Doesn't sound like much,

But do it.

Do as many as you can in one minute and see how many you can do and do it the next day and the day after and the day after that.

Just saying that,

Don't you wish you'd been doing that every day last year,

Right?

Same thing as meditation.

It'd be ideal to sit for a long time,

But just one minute a day is more than nothing.

Something is infinitely better than nothing.

The reason I'm saying this is one minute,

Just one minute done daily is easy.

Almost every person in the world can find one minute to do something.

Is it possible to start your change there?

Maybe.

Let's say your change that you want to implement is something more mental,

More eternal,

Like a boundary setting thing,

Like saying no.

You're going to stand up for yourself,

Set boundaries,

Not be used anymore,

That sort of goal.

You're pushing against a lot of conditioning,

You're pushing against a lot of energetics internally.

It's going to push up and it's going to be hard.

Maybe you can do it at the start,

But life will happen,

You will get stress,

The motivation will drop.

Say no once every day.

That's the goal,

Just once,

Just one iteration of saying no every day.

Can you do that?

Seems far easier.

The point I'm trying to make with this first session is number one,

Start now.

Start now,

Don't wait,

Don't wait until the new year's resolution.

There is no difference between you now and then,

Other than a weird,

Arbitrary,

External,

Date-based goal.

If you really cared,

Start now.

That's the second thing,

Make sure you do care about it.

Sit with your values,

Does the goal that you want to attain align to your highest purpose?

If so,

Great.

If not,

Figure out what your highest purpose is and aim your goals there.

Remember,

Make things life appropriate.

Realize that life will push back,

That you will have to potentially go slowly,

And that you probably want to let your friends and family members know what you're doing and why.

Why are you spending time to meditate?

What will that give them?

And importantly,

What do you need from them to implement your habit?

Oh,

I'm going to be dieting.

I want to reduce my caloric intake so that I can lose some weight and be healthy.

Hey buddy,

Hey partner,

Hey roommate,

Hey husband,

Wife,

Whatever,

Please stop bringing chocolate into the house,

Because I can't help myself if it's there and I want your support on this goal.

Or if you're going to bring it into the house,

Don't show me,

Don't share it with me,

Don't offer it to me,

Because it's a measure of self-awareness,

Right?

If you're wanting to lose weight or eat healthier,

But you know you can't say no,

You know that the temptation of the chocolate is too much,

Don't have it in front of you.

And if that means that you ask other people for help,

Support,

Guidance,

Ask for help.

If you know that you struggle to find the motivation to exercise,

Twist what exercise is.

It's moving your body,

It's not just running or lifting weights,

Can be,

But it's moving your body.

Okay,

Find an activity that involves moving your body.

Do that,

Do that with a friend or a family member.

Ask for social proof,

Say hey,

I'm trying to exercise daily this year,

Just a minute starting off,

But growing.

Check in on me,

Help me out,

And better yet,

Do it with me.

Maybe you struggle to implement the routine of meditation,

It just,

Your day just runs away from you.

Okay,

Every morning,

Make it a habit,

You wake up,

You brush your teeth,

You go to the toilet,

Then you sit for one minute in meditation,

Or you do a guided meditation online somewhere,

Whatever.

Make it a habit,

A routine,

And tell your family what you're doing and why.

When I'm meditating,

I need to not be interrupted unless it's an emergency,

And this is what an emergency is.

Get them on board,

Get them helping you,

Get them checking you out.

So in tomorrow's session,

We're going to talk about specifics of goal setting,

How to set goals well,

As well as how to maintain the motivation or re-boost your motivation over the year.

But for the moment,

I want to encourage you to engage some social proof and enter the classroom and let me and everyone else know what you value and what you're thinking of having as a New Year's resolution.

So I value health.

What I'm thinking of a New Year's resolution is walking for 30 more minutes a day,

Every day.

Something like that.

Mention that in the classroom.

I will be there daily to encourage you,

To cheer you on,

And to answer any questions you might have.

But I encourage you to also check in with the other people in the classroom.

Let's help make each other accountable.

Set your goal,

State your goal,

And encourage other people to set and state their goals as well.

Now we're going to refine that goal in session two tomorrow and get it worded in a way that works perfectly for you.

But for the moment,

Just share your value and what you're sort of looking at,

Working on,

And comment on each other's,

And I will be there too.

And we can develop a bit of a community.

Like I said,

Social proof is great.

It causes you to,

Well,

Stay accountable,

To not be a hypocrite,

To do what needs to be done to maintain that face.

It's another way of maintaining motivation and establishing a habit.

So enough on all of that.

Contemplate your values.

And then let's jump into session two.

Catch up.

This track is taken from my course,

How to Make a New Year's Resolution You Will Actually Stick To.

Available now on my Insight Tumblr profile.

Reviews

I appreciate the realistic, practical suggestions about setting and keeping resolutions. Good ideas! Thanks. 🙏