Embody Emotional Intelligence

Many think that meditation can help to control emotions of anger, jealousy, needs and desires but in fact it can make them stronger. In this fascinating and insightful talk, we learn how to prevent such emotions from distracting us from our calm centre. We are then led by Tony into a gentle practice, to put these beliefs into action.

Transcript

Hello, We will start very soon. A wonderful day to continue with the spiritual practice, With your meditational practice. Many people have asked me about emotions and how that works, How it works when we are overwhelmed or caught up in a situation that makes us very volatile or very emotional or unable to manage the overwhelming emotions that we are feeling in that moment. So many people actually practice meditation thinking that meditation is a good way to control emotions. But I just want to briefly let you know before we continue with this practical meditation, This practical and tangible meditation that you can apply during those volatile times or during those moments when you are overwhelmed by emotions, I just want to explain what being overwhelmed by emotions really, What is that experience? What does it mean in actual fact rather than as just an overwhelming sensation? And emotions are very different from deep feelings. So emotions are the things, Are those things that happen to us when we are attached to various situations around us that then creates an identity or creates this sense of, You know, This is me, This is happening to me. So you are identifying with a story that is in your mind or identifying with a cultural social story that is created in such a way where you believe you are part of that reality. And very often that reality is painful. We don't begin to question emotions when they are pleasant. It's only when things turn a little bit more negative or more painful that we begin to look at emotions and wonder why they are overwhelming us. The negative emotions can be very powerful. These negative emotions can be emotions that you recognise. Everyone probably recognises these emotions. The emotions are, Negative emotions are emotions that relate to various things such as negative things such as fear, Anger, Things that are happening inside that we can't really name challenging emotions that prevent the mind from being calm, Distracting emotions that create a volatility or a torment within our hearts or other emotions such as grief, Jealousy, Longing for something, Desiring, Wanting something. That's also an emotion and can cloud your mind and torment your heart because it will create a situation where you act in certain ways which you regret later, Which you begin to question. You know, Why am I thinking or feeling these emotions? What is really happening within me? So the emotional overwhelm that happens is very difficult to control. Many people want meditation to eliminate these emotions and actually meditation doesn't do that. Sometimes it actually makes those negative powerful emotions even stronger. So the anger that we feel or the fear that we feel or the longing that we feel or the grief that we feel or the jealousy that we feel creates more, More distractive perspective, Creates more torment in the heart. So meditation often creates a stronger perception or stronger awareness of these negatives. So the idea that we can practice meditation and help eliminate these emotions are usually born out of the perspective that we can only transcend negativity by finding something positive outside of ourselves. And we can't eliminate emotions. We are emotional creatures. We are very different from an insect, Which probably isn't emotional, Or a lizard, Which is less emotional than say a dog or a human being. We are emotional and we can embrace that aspect of ourselves and understand that meditation teaches us how to focus and calm the mind rather than prevent the emotions from happening in the first place. Meditation teaches us how to calm the mind and prevent the emotions from distracting the core essence that is your awareness. So if you want, You can use meditation to observe the emotions that are happening that are sometimes very volatile. You can observe the storm from within a meditational space rather than avoiding them, Negating them or suppressing them. So over time, You can develop a very insightful way, A very penetrating and powerful, Insightful way into what the nature of these emotions and their connections, What does it mean? What is the underlying story that keeps generating the story that you hear in your mind? So ultimately, When you begin to investigate these stories, You will see what is happening. You will understand what's happening and it's easier to dismantle the core energy substance that is holding them together in your mind. So as you begin to recognise intuitively, Subtly sometimes, You begin to recognise what is going on. You begin to recognise not why you're emotional, Because we are just emotional, But what is driving that story in your mind to create more of the same, More of the negative. Then we can dismantle the story entirely and simplify, This is what meditation truly means, Simplify, Simplify the experience. So I've been speaking about emotion. So I love the fact that meditation doesn't suppress the emotional aspect of our manifestation here in the world. And actually, Emotions can be very powerful when there is a level of emotional intelligence. This is what it means to simplify the emotional story in your mind. When there is a level of emotional intelligence that allows you not to want to suppress or run away from the negative, But actually to face it with your positive attitude, To face whatever it is that's presenting itself as anger or fear or negative emotions or complicated, Challenging emotions. As you face that with the positive attitude that is meditation, Then the negative is still present in your life. It's not that all of a sudden these feelings of fear or the feelings of jealousy or the feelings of grief disappear, But they become so unimportant in the greatness of your experience, The positive experience that you now embrace from within this attitude of meditation, From within this attitude of simplifying your thoughts and the story in your mind to such a degree that you can observe every little aspect of what is presenting itself within you as a challenging emotion. You can observe and be aware of all the spaces that create that energy within you. So you become more clear, You become more focused, You become more aware. And rather than suppress, You transcend. You transcend the space of needing to change or fight with a negative feeling within you. So fear no longer becomes, No longer demands of you that you fight with that fear. So it's not this natural reaction that many people get into, The fight or flight mechanism. So you fight yourself or you run away from yourself because often fear is mental. It's the story that you're repeating in your mind and there is nowhere to run to in the end really, But your body is ready to run or fight within this emotional volatility experience that you're having. And when you drop that, Because there is no need to fight your fear or there is no need to fight your anger, You begin to embrace from within the positive all aspects of yourself. So this allows you to fixate your attention upon the energy of the body rather than on certain thoughts or emotions that cause the body to contract. So we can practice this meditation. This is a tangible meditation. Whenever you're feeling overwhelmed by emotions, Whenever you're feeling that there is too much happening all at once and you can't really focus, Then simplify the experience so that you mentally are able to not obsess over whatever the mind is thinking, But you're able to bring your attention, Your thoughts and your emotions aren't contracting because they're focused upon your breath or your body, The solar plexus area. So you really, You ground yourself. So rather than being anxious, Which means that you step outside of yourself into the mind story, Which is all over the place, You come back to a focus, You fixate your attention in a certain way where you notice your body, The flow within your body and you open up to the positivity of what that flow means. So you can just recognize I'm breathing. So right in this moment, I'm okay. I'm breathing deeply into my abdomen, Into my diaphragm. So right now I'm alert, Open, Fluid. My mind is fluid and I can transcend whatever contraction is happening in the story that my mind is telling me that really is trying to pull me towards worry or stress and I can connect and develop a relationship with the flow that is mindfulness, That is awareness. So as you allow yourself to connect to this flow, You're allowing yourself to practice repetitive awareness. This means that you're aware of each moment as it unfolds rather than the story, Which is the idea of how the story unfolds, The perception of how that story unfolds. Rather than be in the future or be in the past, You are coming back to this moment and repetitive awareness means that you just keep coming back to the flow, To the spaciousness, The skylight quality of the mind rather than the contracted mind that is caught in a fear or a negative or in anger or whatever it is that it may be caught up within. So ultimately when you practice this repetitive awareness, You're simply dropping into the flow, Dropping into the flow that allows you to let go of this idea of the self is separate, Let go of this idea that you have to do something and that self that is separate needs to find a compliment outside of itself so that it feels more whole again. Ultimately you just honor your being. When you honor your being in this way, Then there is nothing to do. And as the Zen masters have spoken throughout the ages, As they've spoken to explain this experience in parables, They've spoken about being is just being. There is nothing more. There is no added quality to being which the mind desires or wants. I want to meditate so that I get rid of my negative emotions. I want to meditate so I'm not challenged or in such a painful experience. Being means that you drop all those needs and all those desires and you simply come back to honoring the flow within. So this means that you're just being. So being is just being yourself and being yourself means that you're letting go of those aspects of yourself that are perceived as real. So the story in the mind is no longer the core of your focus. You're coming back to the flow. You're coming back to this natural flow. So the story in your mind is still there, Perhaps somewhere in the background and you can perhaps still hear it once in a while, But it becomes less important because you're connected to your flow. Your being is here in the present, In the now rather than in some perception of the future or some perception or remembrance of the past. It's such a wonderful experience. Why not practice this right now as you breathe in and breathe out? Let go, Let go of the need to eliminate negative emotions, Of the fear of being caught by overwhelming emotions. Let that go. Don't identify with the story in your mind, Just observe it from a neutral perspective. Deep breath into the abdomen, Deep breath into the diaphragm, Letting go, Letting go of whatever is causing you to act in ways that later on you recognize wasn't really appropriate. So worrying, Stress, Panicking, Being upset, Being angry, Projecting, Whatever it is, Let that go, Come back to the flow, Which means that you're just present here. Really in the end, Your presence in this moment doesn't require all those things. So you can just let go. If there is any contraction, Any restriction in the way that your body breathes, Just open up, Be receptive to the flow and allow yourself just to drop into this moment, Into this moment that embraces the transcendence that happens naturally, The transcendence whereby you let go of the torment that perhaps lives in your heart, Let go of the torment that clouds your mind. You just flow into this wonderful state of stillness. As you breathe in and breathe out and let go, It's so wonderful just to let go into the space of stillness, Eliminating the need to do anything. You just recognize that the flow, Your breath brings you back to this moment, Connects you back to this moment. Your attention is here, Not over there. So the more you focus on your breath, The more you focus on letting go, The easier it is to let go of the story and the identification with the story that your mind keeps repeating within itself. So repetitive awareness is really a way to just say to yourself, Whatever out there in the future, Out there in the past, It's not that important. I'll come back now to just being. Cannot cling to your separate self, The idea that suffering is more important than just being present here in this moment. Those strong forces that surround you that grab your attention or grab your perspective of understanding the world no longer play out in the same way. You're experiencing as you let go, A glimpse, Even if it's just for a moment, A glimpse of who you truly are, The illusion that you are separate and you need to find something out there to complement this state of separation which results in overwhelming emotions. That is an illusion. It's not real. In this moment, It's not real. So repeat this within yourself as you come back to this moment, As you come back to the flow. Whatever out there, Whatever perception is just my perception. It's not reality. So I can let it go. Sometimes the mind will say, No, No, No, I don't want to do this. As you breathe in and breathe out and let go, Sometimes the mind will say, Okay, I can let go, But I want to get back to that thought or that story in my mind because it's really important for me because I'm reacting in a feel or I think it's important. Let go of the clinging to this separate aspect of the self. The clinging is the desire to hold on to the story. The mind will hold on, Hold on to the story that it repeats inside of you. The fear or the longing or the grief, The jealousy, The pain, The worry, The whatever will keep repeating it until you are clear enough that what is most important is this present moment rather than the moment that you're worried about sometime in the future or caught up worrying about sometime in the past. Let go. As you breathe in and breathe out, Spend a few moments now as you let go, Integrating the experience within so that the calmness of your mind and the calmness of your body allows you to let go of the distractions, The stories that the mind can be attached to for a very, Very long time. This repetitive awareness that you're practicing right now as you come back to this moment allows, Gradually allows for a spaciousness quality, A quality of skylight quality, A quality of greatness, A quality of spaciousness that welcomes whatever arises within this moment. Be aware that your intuition can truly connect to the feelings that you're having, Not the reactive volatile emotions, But the feelings that you're having right now in this moment. Very often, You're just positive because you are honoring your being. You're honoring this moment as it is rather than getting caught in the perceptions of the future or the past. You may notice throughout your day today as you practice this meditation that there are moments of freedom. There are moments where you're just happy being for no other reason than the fact that you are right here, Present in this moment. Just spending a few more moments letting go, Integrating the experience, Embracing the spaciousness of your experience. When you're ready, Perhaps writing in your journal or writing somewhere on a paper, Just two or three of the positive experiences that you may have experienced coming back to the moment, Coming back to this moment rather than focusing on the future. It could be something as simple as, I became aware of my body. I became aware of the joy in the way that I breathe when I open up in this way. I became aware of how lovely it is to let go of the baggage, The heaviness of worry or the heaviness of stress. Whatever, Every person is unique. Just writing it in such a way so that the positive becomes integrated in your meditation or practice in such a way where you can bring your meditation or practice out into your everyday mundane living. So that you remember the positive, Which is easy, Rather than fall back into worrying as you go back to the various situations in life that may remind you of why you need to worry. Just remembering, The remembrance of the positive is very important as part of the integration. Thank you.

Reviews

Thank you Tony. I hadn’t considered this approach before.

Thank you so much for this. It was very helpful for me, since I often find myself in stressing loopholes and emotional situations. I found that it felt lighter to let go of the baggage. I will be saving this talk to help my spiritual progress.

Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏽😊

Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you 🙏🏾

Felt freedom...free from thoughts that hold me as a prisoner and keep from enjoying the right here and now. 🙏❤️