Dear friends,
In the course of each of our lives many people will come and go.
Some people enter and they stay with us for the whole of our lifetime.
Others accompany us only for a short while.
Our lives could in that sense be compared to a train journey with passengers getting on and off the train as it moves from station to station.
In this meditation we think of how we might reflect with mindful compassion on our lost friends.
We think of people who have been part of our lives and who for one reason or another have moved on.
Francis Thompson tells us,
The fairest things have fleetest end.
Their scent survives their close but the roses sent his bitterness to him that loved the rose.
We can at times be overcome with sadness at the fact that people who were once part of our lives are no longer with us.
Death of course is something over which we have no control and sadness at the loss of a loved one is natural.
It is to be expected that over time we will lose people through death.
But what we wish to look at in this meditation is the loss of people through the breaking up of relationships.
The loss of friendships or the process of simply drifting apart as the paths of our lives diverge.
I invite you to spend a little time now thinking of some people whom you've lost.
Not people that you've lost through death but just people lost through the changing circumstances of life.
Don't allow yourself to become fretful about the people that come to mind.
This is just an invitation to call these lost people to mind.
This is to help us better cope with the fact that they are no longer part of our everyday lives.
That is what we're aiming at in this reflection.
Welcome back.
We could spend time vaguely regretting the fact that we seem to have drifted apart from someone.
Perhaps someone crosses our mind and we vaguely wish that we could renew the old acquaintance and then the thought passes and nothing is done.
Now if it is desired that a relationship be re-established someone must make a forced move.
Maybe you might decide today to make such an initial move in the next little while if that is something that you think you should do and that's fine.
Let's pause to consider if that is what is appropriate in relation to any of the people that you are missing as you listen to this.
Welcome back.
You may feel that that someone has been allowed to drift away.
You might feel the inclination to try to establish contact with that particular someone.
If so resolve now to make the approach very soon,
If possible in the next week and do this while the thought is fresh in your mind.
In the course of a lifetime many people will separate from us simply through busyness.
It may not even be the case of neglect on anyone's part.
Yet in some cases the split arises because someone no longer gets on with us.
It can happen that we no longer see eye to eye with this person.
There need not have been a major row.
There may have been in some cases a deliberate parting of ways.
But more usually it's just that we or they have taken a path in life that is removed from the place where we were at when we were together and we all have to cope with the busyness of everyday life.
Although in a general sense we wish everyone well we cannot possibly be friends with everyone.
There's a limit to the number of people we can each fit into our lives in any meaningful way.
Any of us will be lucky indeed if we can count real friends on the fingers of our two hands,
Even on the fingers of one hand.
That is to say a set of people who truly love or care for us and we them in any meaningful way.
But what about the people who have moved on or moved apart from us?
Let's see if we might direct love,
Compassion and gratitude in their direction.
Then let's look upon these people to be part of the tapestry of our lives and then let them go.
We must try to extinguish any bitterness we might feel at their departure.
Let us wish them well.
Let us give them thanks for the fact that for a time they were with us and we were with them on the journey of life.
Here's a suggestion that you might find helpful.
Place the names of people who are on our minds in this way into a memory box,
Just the names not the details.
And then once in a while we might take a look at that box,
Open it,
Mindfully look through the names of former friends and quietly say I give thanks for the fact that each of these people were part of the tapestry of my life.
I'm sorry for any suffering I may have caused any of them and I forgive any suffering that any of them may have caused me.
I wish them well.
I wish them happiness.
I wish them peace.
I hold no grudge against them.
I hold them in the light of grateful remembrance.
In some situations we may find a lingering tinge of bitterness.
We may not find it easy to formally put an end to any bitterness we might feel but it is important that we try to let it go.
Forgiveness will benefit you more than the person against whom you feel a grudge.
Forgiveness is not something that we do for others.
Forgiveness and letting go is something that we do for ourselves.
Not forgiving someone has been described as the equivalent of staying trapped in a jail cell of bitterness.
Here in this cell you are serving time for someone else's crime.
There is the popular song entitled If You Really Love Her,
Let Her Go.
Such true words.
The Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh says,
Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.
He goes on,
If in our heart we still cling to anything,
Anger,
Anxiety or possessions,
We cannot be free.
Words of Thich Nhat Hanh.
So in gratitude stand back.
Observe the tapestry of your unique life and looking at those who were part of it,
Wish them well.
Wish them happiness.
Wish them peace.
Hold no grudge.
Hold them in the light of grateful remembrance.
They have walked part of the road of life with you and that cannot be altered.
Before the closing bell we might usefully call to mind the serenity prayer.
This prayer will be a help when it comes to deciding whether we should try to renew an old acquaintance or let it go.
It might prompt us in a spirit of thankfulness and goodwill to assign the name of the individual to our memory box and leave it at that.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
So may it be with all of us.
Namaste.
You you
