We're taught that if there's conflict,
You need to conquer something.
You need to win.
You need to get what you want.
We're told that the resolution is somehow rearranging the surface condition of life,
Even to the point of changing yourself violently.
It's this if-only.
If only life wasn't life,
I wouldn't have to be disturbed.
I wouldn't have to be triggered.
If only that person would be how I want them to be,
I wouldn't be disturbed.
Do you see all the commotion here?
All the moving around?
There's no stillness there,
And we just end up exhausting ourselves.
♪ Okay,
Let's do it.
♪ If you're unfamiliar with Holding Space,
I'd love to be seeing this program.
It is an opportunity for us to hang out and be here.
It's scheduled for about an hour,
And we get to check in with the present moment.
We get to allow ourselves to stop running around,
Maybe stop searching for a distraction,
And we can allow this time together to just truly be here.
And then in that being here,
I'm going to do what I do,
Which is share insight and wisdom that invites us to see more love,
Compassion,
And freedom.
To see what's really going on.
♪ You know,
Because from my experience,
And this is one of those beautiful discoveries about life,
That the more you see what is real and true here and now,
You can't help but experience a greater depth of more love,
Compassion,
And freedom.
We might also call it just presence.
The more you can discern the difference between what you imagine to be happening and what's really happening,
You start to recognize,
Oh,
Wait,
I can just be here.
All of these monsters are imaginary,
Trying to chase me away from the present moment.
I can actually just be here.
No,
I'm not in an attic.
I'm at my friend's loft,
And I know it kind of looks like an attic,
But it's not.
It's actually quite a really cool space.
But I'm hanging out here and doing the livestream.
And that was part of the interesting journey because I had to bring my gear,
My microphone,
My computer,
My camera,
And all that.
But I'm excited.
The way that I like to begin this thing is just with sitting with you in silence for a minute or two to allow ourselves to just kind of ground into the presence and recognize maybe that the silence is more profound than anything I'm going to say.
The silence is the real teacher.
But then we'll play from that silence with silly words.
And allow ourselves to see something.
And then after I run my mouth for a little bit,
I will open it up to some questions.
And I can speak to those questions from my perspective.
And then we will end with a short five,
Six,
Seven-minute guided meditation that inspires you to continue on in your day or evening with a spirit of love and play.
So let's do that.
Nice to see you guys.
I see some familiar faces coming back,
Hanging out.
Awesome to have you here.
Let's go ahead and just check into some silence for a minute or two.
I love that I can show up here and not really have a plan about what to speak to.
Sometimes there is a topic and sometimes I'll be inspired shortly before with an idea of what to talk about.
Other times I have an idea of what to talk about and I don't end up talking about it at all.
But what's on my heart right now,
I had a,
Was that today?
I had a Zoom call with someone and we were just checking in,
Seeing how things were going.
And they were sharing an experience with me about a close family member who was moving away,
Moving across the country.
And this family member was dear to them and she noticed an immediate freak out,
An immediate trigger that this person who was a flavor of support was leaving.
And as she was being triggered,
Within a few moments she noticed she was being triggered and she became super curious about the trigger.
Like,
What is this really about?
And as she explored the trigger,
She realized how one,
It was super sweet and adorable and on the other hand,
How it was also kind of funny.
And as she shared this with me,
I thought to myself and I told her,
You know,
That is exactly the point of real spirituality.
That is the opportunity.
Beyond all the bells and whistles,
Beyond all the hype,
Beyond all the future promises of superpowers,
The opportunity to have some space within yourself to see what's happening and to hold it all in love.
You know what the point is not?
To live a life where you never get triggered.
Right?
Isn't that often the fantasy?
Maybe we think somehow if we do all the right spiritual things then we'll never get triggered again.
Rather than recognizing that maybe the experience of being triggered is just part of it and that's okay.
And the more you see that it's okay,
That it's just part of it,
Then you can look at it.
You can observe.
And you can recognize a love for it all.
Like it's just okay.
And you know what happens when it's not okay to be triggered?
This is profound.
Hear me here.
What happens when it's not okay to be triggered?
You get triggered by your trigger.
And then you know what happens after that?
You get triggered that you're getting triggered about your trigger.
How do you think that's going to go?
You know,
There's a fundamental message that I invite people to contemplate.
And that is,
If you're struggling,
Nurture slash cultivate your ability to discern the difference between what you imagine to be happening and what's really happening.
So that you can be more present and connect with love,
Compassion,
And freedom.
If you're struggling,
Be still and know.
What does that mean,
Be still and know?
Isn't that one of the classic spiritual phrases spoken by all the traditions in some way or another?
Be still and know.
Gosh,
It's so beautiful.
Because,
Traditionally speaking,
That is not the path we are taught.
We're taught that if there's conflict,
You need to conquer something.
You need to win.
You need to get what you want.
We're told that the solution,
The resolution,
Is somehow rearranging the surface condition of life.
Even to the point of changing yourself violently.
It's this if-only.
If only life wasn't life,
I wouldn't have to be disturbed.
I wouldn't have to be triggered.
If only that person would be how I want them to be,
I wouldn't be disturbed.
Do you see all the commotion here?
All the moving around?
There's no stillness there.
And we just end up exhausting ourselves.
And like this person I was talking to,
She had in her mind the fantasy of this person always being around to participate in her vision and the life that she wanted.
Like when she would imagine the future,
This person was close by.
And so to hear that that's not going to be the case anymore,
It destroys the fantasy.
It throws us back into the unknown,
Into uncertainty.
And yeah,
That can be scary.
But if we're not willing to meet that fear,
If we're not willing to meet the unknown,
Then we respond violently that wants to control other people and say,
No,
No,
No,
You shouldn't move away.
No,
No,
No,
No,
You shouldn't live your life.
No,
No,
No,
You shouldn't be you.
I need you to be what I want you to be.
So that I don't get triggered.
So that I don't have to see what I'm afraid of.
And you know,
I get that.
I get that.
And I'm certainly not trying to call you out directly,
Maybe subtly,
As I'm just talking to myself,
Of course,
And you're listening.
But there's an invitation to see what's really going on so that we can be free.
To see that we don't have to hold on.
So that we don't have to run around collecting prisoners.
So that we can let go.
And not just let go because we should or we have to,
But let go in love because that's what love does.
Love doesn't say,
Be what I want you to be and then I'll love you.
That's not love.
Love says,
I love you.
I enjoy you and I would love for you to stay.
But I love you.
It's not a demand.
It's not an expectation.
There's no fear in love.
But yet,
Love can love fear in the way that love is not afraid of fear.
Love understands fear.
Love understands fear.
Love allows fear because love knows there's nothing to fear.
Which is super,
Super sweet.
Be still and know that's the theme for today as we stumble upon it in our journey of holding space so love can be seen.
Be still and know the great spiritual pointer.
It doesn't say run around and control things.
It doesn't say run around and love things conditionally so that they do what you want them to do.
Be still and know discern the difference between what you imagine to be happening and what's really happening and you will see there's nothing to be afraid of and I understand that might be a stretch for some.
Sometimes it's a stretch for me too.
But nonetheless this has been pointed to since the beginning of time since the beginning of human beings being human beings there's been some crazy person running around saying hey wake up wake up from your dream from your dream of something to fear and see what's real see that all is well even when it appears that it's not and even when it appears that it's not well that's well meaning that it's ok it's ok it's not all is well so you should feel like all is well right?
It's not a demand it's all is well and I'm sorry that you're hurting to not be afraid of your hurting to hold space for your hurting if that's what's happening right now and so you know what?
Even as we're here if you're hurting I'm sorry really and maybe you don't like hearing it but that's ok because I know it sucks to hurt but also what sucks about hurting is thinking that it's not ok that you can't just allow yourself to feel what's being felt to allow yourself to hold space for yourself you know what it's like you know because all of this is so tied with the nature of relationship relating one of these days I'll do one of these sessions on relationships it's one of my favorite topics it's very much like the dynamic between a parent and child not to create expectations I'm just illustrating a point imagine a child is confused and gets their feelings hurt and gets really sad and they come to mom and mom says no no no it's not ok to hurt it's not ok to feel bad I don't want you around me when you're like that is that what love does or does love say come here let me hold you because love knows that it's just an innocent misunderstanding and you're confused right now you're taking it personally even though it's not about you at all but I understand what it's like to take things personally and I also know that you're ok so let me hold you you see that love isn't afraid of the pain it's not afraid of the misunderstanding it's not afraid of the confusion it says let me hold you and we will watch the confusion melt together and my oh my how it melts effortlessly when being held by love this points to the opportunity in the transformation of the relationship we have with ourselves how often do we look at the authenticity of our human the reality of our human experience and have these expectations that say you shouldn't feel like you do that's not being spiritual where's the love where's the compassion where's the freedom that's so free that if you're sad you can be sad where's the freedom to simply be as you are freedom is not to be how you think you should be freedom is like I'm so free I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not I can be human I can feel I can experience the richness of life of what I am in all the seasons in all the colors because when you look at the totality of it all my god it's gorgeous in the same way like all the seasons they can be so different sometimes unbearably hot sometimes unbearably cold crazy windy lightning strikes sets things on fire but yet if you step back and you look at the whole thing that we call life my goodness it's extraordinary are you not also this how silly it would be to tell the thunder it's not ok to be the thunder because it's not what I want how silly to tell the rain you shouldn't rain because I have plants as if the point of life was to get to the future rather than a point to life which is to truly see life which is also to truly see you the reality of you which is the wholeness of you be still and know this discovery this awareness this seeing as far as I'm concerned this is the primary opportunity of being alive this is the most important thing I cannot see anything in my life that isn't touched by this and as this is seen more clearly I can't see anywhere in my life that isn't touched by this and same with not seeing clearly this speaks to devotion this speaks to a sacred reverence for the truth of life not truth in some problematic sense it's not a truth that the mind can see it's not an image it's not a sentence it's not a symbol it's not a label it's not an idea it's not a belief it's what's real and we can go our whole lives and not see it and that's fine because it's still there,
It's still holding you it's still supporting you it's okay if you don't see it it's just more painful it's amazing and again speaking to my own experience it's amazing how I might think that there's something more important than this really in recognizing the profound nature of it I can't help but give my life to it I can't help but surrender everything that I think I want and lay it down and say maybe you know what that reminds me of?
A very classic phrase which is a pointer thy will be done not my will but thy will my god such a phrase would irritate me all to hell 15 years ago but now it makes beautiful sense because of course I thought life was about getting what I wanted which is understandable it can look like that but when I be still and I see more of what's real and true I see that there's nothing I want other than this and then I see that I already have it and the want disappears my goodness my goodness so beautiful do we have any questions today?
I can speak to those for a little bit and then we'll do a meditation I'm so grateful to be here with you thank you for holding this space with me you know what's amazing is if there wasn't anyone here listening if you weren't here this wouldn't be happening so thank you you can just enjoy the silence too you know because so often the question disappears doesn't it which is also like the want disappears but even if there's a question that's ok even if there's a want that's ok it gives us an opportunity to look at it and then in looking at it the question disappears maybe helped by a poetic answer but ultimately the answer shows you that there's no question which is a beautiful game we play Tashana asks why do we feel fear when we know it's the right thing to do oh that's great that's really great and playfully I can tell you exactly why and I'll use words to communicate it and if it resonates great if not then ignore what I'm saying why do we feel fear when we know it's the right thing to do let's look at this in the dynamic of being honest do you see how it's kind of the same thing when you're honest you're not afraid you lose control when you're honest you don't know what's going to happen do you notice this with a lie you can attempt to maintain control right like if I don't tell the truth then I can kind of anticipate what the response will be like I won't be judged if I pretend to be something that I'm not which is a lie I can avoid judgment I can avoid the uncertainty of maybe being judged you can't really be judged but that's another talk and so it's very similar with doing what you might call the right thing which could be another video is it lets go of the facade it exposes you to the world you have to let go there's no more hiding and of course this is the path because it's really what you want is to let go right and again notice this that the craving that we have for freedom in some way it says I wish I could just be honest which is also like saying I wish I could just do the right thing which is also like saying I wish I could just be myself so this is the fundamental thing that you want slash crave but it is also the fundamental thing that you're afraid of and this is fascinating too because and again in a manner of speaking words the one thing you want most is also the one thing you're afraid of most that's something to ponder because it can set you off on a great adventure of facing your fear so that you can connect with the one thing you're here to connect with in this life it's kind of like real love it's what you crave but you're also terrified of it again do you see how this invites a stillness right it doesn't invite chaos it invites you to come home to yourself and be still and ask yourself what's really true Wolfie says love to listen to your rambling about something we can't talk about being here together in this energy is Frensky oh being in this energy in Frensky is pure gold.
Amen yeah this is what I love so much is just resting in this space and seeing what's said even if what's said is silence and there's a power when we come together like this whether it's in person or even online and we bring our hearts and there's the shared intention to just be present and be present with an openness to see what's true or to be in what's true a willingness just to let go of all the silliness the pretending it's really great I love that we can live our busy lives doing what we do we can get lost,
We can get confused we can get triggered but we can always just come together take a moment,
Be still and remember and that remembering is kind of like plugging in your battery seeing that it's all play it's all play even to be serious is to play a serious game,
That's fine but to come home and to see the illusion of it all,
The play of it all to relax and breathe and then go do it again Erica asks so what if you are triggered by what someone says and you usually take the high road and walk away when can you address the person and say that hurt me even though you know it all really originated and ends with you is it pretending to walk away she asks it can be and it cannot be you get to find out for you you know beyond all of the spiritual language which doesn't exist so that you can memorize it and repeat it it exists to bring you back to a place of sanity so that you can just be human which often comes with expressing the hurt that you feel you know what a nice way to explore that and just even before I begin saying this I think about a person in my life that I just love so dearly and even though I can see very clearly that there's a fantasy in it like it's a dream I can see how the love isn't really personal it doesn't stop me from saying you know what I love you likewise it won't stop me from saying when you say this or that it really hurts you see because right these things are expressions of fear right like to get hurt it's fear happening now we can talk the spiritual game and show that there's nothing to be afraid of and the ego mind takes that and say ok don't be afraid that's not the pointer the pointer is there's nothing to be afraid of so it's ok if you're afraid you don't need to be afraid of being afraid because isn't that what we're mostly doing is being afraid of being afraid and so we avoid life because we don't want to be afraid we avoid connections we avoid following our hearts because we're afraid of being afraid but to recognize that all of this human stuff is a great adventure and being afraid is a part of it even though there's nothing really to be afraid of and to see that there's nothing really to be afraid of is a great permission to go on the adventure knowing that there will be times when you're afraid and that's ok good she says so helpful crying in a good way that's beautiful that's really beautiful I think crying is so beautiful it's such a beautiful human expression sometimes I have to be playfully cautious when I'm with someone and they're crying like in a hurtful way because like say something didn't work out or whatever but it's so beautiful that I have a really hard time not smiling because I'm looking at you crying and you're so beautiful crying and they might think you're laughing at them that's not happening at all you're just really really beautiful even when somebody gets confused gets lost and frustrated there's a beauty in that but this is also when I talk to people on zoom they know that space when we talk so it's like they know if they start crying I'm probably going to smile real big and they know that that's perfectly ok they understand where I'm coming from there's just such a love that can hold space for that there's nothing going wrong here because you're losing your shit it's perfectly allowed my buddy Sven says every time I release the vast space of givingness to whatever wants to be held in equanimity that it truly is always here just letting it be here in whatever form it appears is such a peaceful space to fall into absolutely absolutely that is super super beautiful alright let's do this guided meditation I've got some dinner in the oven and I've timed it perfectly I've been slow cooking something and it's going to be done in about ten minutes let's do this guided meditation and then continue on in our day with the spirit of love in play here we are here we are here we are right here right now let's just be here so many things we could possibly think about yesterday this tomorrow that but let's just taste this moment we're going to take three big deep breaths and as the air fills our lungs we're going to taste the love in life let's breathe on the exhale we get to share that love back with life let's breathe so much gratitude for this moment right now it's this moment that holds us it's this moment that provides for us it's this moment where healing happens let's give ourselves to this moment three more deep breaths three more deep breaths thank you so much for sharing this space with me today
