Every Relationship Should Come With A Duplex

The over-arching theme is about radically accepting life at face value to enhance our practice of living in the here and now…living in our current reality. One example of how we argue with reality is when we “should” something. In this theory, “Every Relationship Should Come with a Duplex,” is a play on accepting our reality. Most relationships do not come with duplexes. And even duplex is a metaphor for the second half of the title “…a book about Trust.” Background music by Narek Mirzaei, Concentration 12 Hz.

Transcript

Every relationship should come with a duplex, A theory about trust. In my book, Life Unedited, The Power of Radical Acceptance, 28 Theories of Living in Reality, The overarching theme was about radically accepting life at face value to enhance our practice of living in the here and now, Living in our current reality. One example of how we argue with reality, Probably several times a day if we pay attention to ourselves, Is when we should something. In this theory, Every relationship should come with a duplex is a play on accepting our reality. Most relationships don't come with duplexes, And even duplex is a metaphor for the second half of the title, A book about trust. The metaphorical duplex represents space. The idea of a duplex is that each person in the relationship would solely occupy one side of the duplex. It is their individual space. Space is key in developing and maintaining a healthy relationship. No one probably ever told us that. The reason space is so important is that we all need it from time to time in our lives, In our relationships. How we recognize a need for space, Request space, Take space, Respect space, And encourage space for our partners is imperative in nurturance of trust in relationships. Trust is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships. That means not only those relationships with friends, Family, Intimate or life partners, It first and foremost means our relationship with ourselves. If we do not have trust in ourselves, We cannot have trust in anyone outside of ourselves. If I don't trust me, Then I don't trust you. And that sets our relationship up to be insecure, Possibly needy, Questioning, Second-guessing, And worst case, Toxic. How we recognize a need for space, One word, Intuition. What is required for intuition? Trust, Trust in ourselves. This means radical acceptance of ourselves as we are in each and every moment. In that moment, We are exactly who we are. And in that moment, We trust ourselves. We have our own best interests at heart. That means paying attention to our body. Our bodies are always seeking balance. Our body senses, Interprets, And knows its need for balance in each moment based on the energy it experiences in that moment. We have an instinct, An intuition. It all happens like the speed of light. So we are not always aware of that knowing. We are just cruising along through our day until our body reacts in such a way as to bring us to a stop, Like something does not feel right. Our intuition forces us to pause and investigate. Another way our body stops us is when we become sick. This is an example of not paying close enough attention to warning signs and something inside of us that says, Enough, Bring on an ache or pain or illness. Presence in the here and now is paramount. We spend so much time in the past. Pay attention to things we say just on the day to day. How often are we speaking about past events, Conversations, Situations, Memories, Feelings, Etc. Rehashing, Reliving, Reinfecting ourselves with past discomforts lends itself to depression. When we aren't talking about the past, Often we are talking about the future. If-then or when-type statements, Attempting to solve for future concerns that have yet to happen, Or putting conditions on our current state. Rehearsing future scenarios is a surefire recipe for anxiety. It is a practice of catching ourselves and reeling our thoughts back to right here, Right now, And trusting that my present is exactly what it is. Really trusting that. Because why not? If we don't like it, Change it. And it is happening for a reason. Even if we don't know what the reason is, Sit in a space of trust and step forward from there. When we choose to radically accept and trust ourselves, As well as pay attention to what our bodies are telling us without second guessing or writing stories around that information, We recognize our need for space. Space can look many different ways and we need it for many different reasons. And to be quite frank, We don't need reasons to need space. That said, It can't hurt to elaborate on all three of these points. Space can be as simple as quiet in the same area together, Or as serious as a legal separation or divorce, And everything in between. The duplex represents space of any kind. Basically, Each person in the relationship solely occupies one half of the duplex. They do not have keys to each other's half and do not enter the other's dwelling without permission. This couple can spend as much time as they like in one another's space, As long as it is consensual, And when one or the other of them wants space, It is taken and respected without question. This requires a great deal of trust. People need space for themselves, Period. We need downtime to rest, Recalibrate, And reinvigorate, Alone. That isn't about other people, Even though we have been domesticated to project it onto those around us in blame or as an excuse. We are responsible for our own needs, And our instincts tell us when and how it would be best to take care of those needs. A very important point here is that we do not need an excuse to take care of our needs.