Musical Affirmation And Lyrical Validation (Season 4)

Affirmations are positive statements that can help you overcome self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-Validating your thoughts and emotions will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger identity and better skills at managing intense emotions. Self-validation helps you find wisdom. What I am hoping to accomplish with lyrics is to put affirmations to music in the same way a song gets inside your head – I hope the meaning behind the lyrics validates and heals.

Transcript

Welcome to season four,

Episode two of The Stuck Stops Here.

This is Tammy Atman and I'm with LW Nolai and welcome to The Stuck Stops Here.

Sometimes I can't help it.

I count the good times I never had.

I woke up and felt it.

Breathing in all your bad.

I'm the furthest I've ever been.

Today,

We're going to talk about lyrics.

And the reason why I want to talk about lyrics is because I do a lot of meditating and a lot of people who are on the healing journey,

No matter where you are meditate.

And if you're doing,

You know,

Thought research like I've done and like LW has done,

Everything's about,

You know,

Reducing the amount of negative thoughts and increasing the amount of positive thoughts.

We spent a lot of episodes talking about why we are addicted to negative thinking,

Why we were raised on it and why it's so hard to get rid of.

So,

As I've said before,

I love words.

Always have.

And what I hope.

You know,

Today's podcast is called Musical Affirmation and Lyrical Validation.

So what I really hope to do with my lyrics in combination with LW's fabulous vocals and technical musical engineering is to accomplish the same thing that meditation does,

That yoga does and sort of inform,

Engage,

Entertain and empower musically and lyrically so that after you've watched a video or read that book or gone to a self-help class,

Whatever it is that you've done,

This,

You know,

You get a song that,

You know,

Sticks inside your head.

I would hope my goal is that my lyrics and LW's music does the same thing.

How's that sound?

That sounds amazing.

I agree with you 100 percent.

Well,

It's about time.

You argue with me a lot.

All the time.

Hurts my feelings.

Well,

This is great.

I'm so happy we're finally talking about the songs because we've been writing a lot of songs and it's exciting to talk about,

You know,

The subject matter and the lyrics and all that stuff.

So this is cool.

So the first album that we released a few months ago is called Torch Songs for the Healing Journey.

So,

You know,

The torch songs is sort of a catchphrase for,

You know,

Anthemic type songs,

You know,

Uplifting,

You know,

Empowering,

Motivational.

So,

You know,

That's where the torch songs and it's for the healing journey,

Because no matter where you are on your healing journey,

Whether you've just woken up and realized that your toxic parents are really toxic and that you're not,

Or you're really far down the healing journey and maybe just need to remind yourself and also enjoy how much you've learned and how far you've come.

So that's where the torch songs for the healing journey album title comes from.

So in the music,

You know,

Google,

Spotify,

Apple and again,

Under the stock stops here.

I'm keeping it consistent.

Yes.

So we have 10 songs.

From the first album.

We're actually working on our second album currently,

And the song you heard earlier,

Broken and Brave is from our next series of songs.

But right now we're going to talk about the first 10 from the torch songs for the healing journey.

Right.

First song is called A Thousand Faces.

And,

You know,

I when we write and collaborate,

I like the songs to be as general as they are specific.

So when you think about a thousand faces,

You know,

I think of that in a couple of different ways.

You know,

A thousand faces is all the narcissists in the world being the socially charming people that they are to everyone else,

Except the people that they are.

That's right.

So let's take a listen to a little bit of A Thousand Faces.

And I'm scarred we're on our knees again living in the same dark places.

One light and a thousand faces.

Another lie gets resurrected.

Another soul gets disconnected.

The monster says get down and crawl.

The monster says stay down and fall.

The child screams,

Wake up,

Wake up.

The child screams,

Get up,

Get up.

And the thousand faces is also I is my way of accepting responsibility for all the crazy roles that I've played.

You know,

In a codependent way.

And the self-sacrificing choices that I made,

Where I had to be,

You know,

Perfectionism is a face I wore.

Striving for excellence all the time without giving myself a break was another face that I wore.

Having to,

You know,

Play the hero role for different people at different times in my life was another face I wore.

So A Thousand Faces is talks about the roles that we play and also the masks that we wear for different reasons.

So that's where,

You know,

A Thousand Faces comes into play.

So the other thing I wanted to mention about the song is,

You know,

The child screams,

Wake up,

Wake up.

The child's gonna get up.

Yeah.

So that's,

You know,

We get disconnected from our inner child as a result of a toxic upbringing and generational trauma.

We all do.

Goes back,

You know,

Hundreds of years.

So but the inner child is the one that's screaming to get out to to the inner truth,

Inner child,

Inner peace,

Authenticity.

It's all in that same category.

So that's,

You know,

Deep down,

You're ignoring your truth,

Your inner child,

And that's where that that line comes in.

And that's part of our stress.

Part of our negative thoughts is ignoring that.

So that sums up A Thousand Faces.

All right.

Let's move on to the next song.

It's called Find You.

Find You.

So I start off with nothing ever comes when you chase it.

And the reason for that is I chased everything.

I chased validation.

I chased happiness.

I chased impossible goals.

I chased inner peace and it never worked.

None of it.

All I did was,

You know,

Run around in circles.

You spun your wheels all the time.

Again,

Motivated by negative thoughts,

Motivated by being totally unable to regulate my emotions and deal with reality as it was.

Well,

Let's hear it.

Let's hear a little bit of it.

Absolutely.

Here's Find You.

Find You.

Find You.

Find You.

Find You.

Find You.

Wow,

That is so pretty.

You did all right.

You did all right.

So,

You know,

One of the inspirations for for the chorus there was reading John Bradshaw's Healing the Shame That Binds You.

So.

Which is what it does.

Because we are taught shame and,

You know,

Shame manifests itself into narcissism or to codependency.

And again,

This is not absolute.

It's a spectrum.

I'm speaking from my experience and my interpretation of the things that I've read.

So,

You know,

When I say stealing the blame inside you,

Heal the shame that binds you,

It's just taking taking your soul back.

And,

You know,

I also say tired of being your next meal.

Tired of being your next meal.

That goes out to the narcissist,

Because when narcissists raise children or with relationships with anybody,

You are their supply.

You have no other purpose other than to quickly adapt to their ever changing chaotic moods.

They need a victim.

They need a victim.

They do.

They need someone to control it.

Absolutely.

But they would never do it socially.

Most of them wouldn't anyway.

You know,

They would definitely spend more time charming strangers than being kind to their to the people that they are supposed to care about.

So that's,

You know,

Where Find You came from.

When you stop chasing and you start to,

You know,

Accept who you are,

Then what is real will find you.

Right.

Time to find time to let what's real find you.

That's right.

So.

The next one,

Next,

I want to talk about is called Wasting Time Saving Face.

So that sort of captures,

You know,

The moments,

You know,

When I,

You know,

Hit rock bottom,

You know,

I really felt like,

You know,

Everything was closing in on me,

That I had wasted my life.

And at that moment,

You know,

I realized that I was.

Holding on to a lot of things that was not working for me,

That were actually really toxic for me.

And.

I felt at the same time that I lost my way,

I also found my way at the same moment,

Because that's what rock bottom often will do.

Is,

You know,

Put you in a place.

Where you have to make a decision.

And I,

You know,

One of the things I thought about hitting rock bottom is,

You know,

I was ashamed that I had hit such a low point.

So.

And once I accepted that,

You know,

I had.

Chosen it to live a toxic life.

And I was wasting my time doing it.

It was a wake up call for me.

It was big aha moment.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear that.

That aha moment.

Here comes wasting time saving face.

What I don't know.

Have I lost my way?

I found my place wasting time saving face.

I woke up the day I died.

Nowhere to run,

Nowhere to hide.

And the last thing I want to say about that song is,

You know,

I end the song with I've got to be much better than fine because people with,

In my opinion,

People with high functioning depression like I had and high functioning anxiety.

Function well,

And they will tell everybody they're fine and they're not.

So that's where that comes from there.

So we're going to move on to on dearly departed,

Unduly departed.

What is that one about?

That is dedicated to the dead people that passed on all the toxic crap and didn't bother to fix themselves.

I love it.

I know that it wasn't very delicately played,

But that really is the truth.

So you think about,

You know,

You know,

When we were listening to,

Um,

Gail last week,

Um,

You know,

The alcoholism that ran in her family and the,

The,

Um,

Effects,

Multi-generational effects from that,

You know,

Lasted for decades.

It crosses time zones.

So the unduly departed is sort of a play on,

You know,

The whole funeral,

Uh,

Because what they have left behind is not so dear.

Right.

Right.

Okay.

Let's hear it.

On duly departed.

I wonder why you gave us life needed some place for your night scattered glass across the floor,

A thousand cuts,

I reach the door,

No time left to borrow.

Filled with sorrow,

Pretty face and monster eyes A legacy that we despise Take my weary hand Come with me to an honest land No need to finish what they started Until it departs and.

.

.

You don't know the suffering that permeates decades and generations I'm going to say that a lot because it lasts forever Until somebody wakes up and stops and says this is enough But then I try to turn it into a little positive Come with me to an honest land Don't finish what they started Just because we've been immersed in it And force fed a toxic life doesn't mean we have to hold on to it But again,

Validating the rage and the pain is okay What we have to do is just stop unpacking and living there So that's where I try to validate lyrically where people are coming from In those lyrics right there I love the message,

I love it And let's see.

.

.

No time left to borrow You don't want to spend your whole life living the way they did It doesn't matter if you're 20,

40,

60 or 70 At least preserve what you have left Yeah,

I'd like to think that's why you're listening to this podcast You want to live the rest of your life on your own terms Regardless of where you are age-wise So,

On to the next one Remember So I was craving to write a rap song I don't know if I did it well,

But I did enjoy writing it And I did appreciate what you did with it I did my best I think I was trying to be Eminem and Drake And I failed,

But I did have fun I had fun failing Listen,

We emulate certain styles of music that we don't necessarily do as well as we'd like to But we make it our own,

And that's what we did That's what we did So,

The premise behind Remember is we see this meme a lot Remember who you were before they told you who to be I see that a lot And it was really inspired by that That's where this Drake,

Eminem,

Wannabe song came from So why don't we take a listen Let's take a listen to Remember Lyrical lunatic cutting ties I didn't pick a saboteur with eyes that bleed Red is fire,

White is death It beats so hard inside my chest Who do I feed?

I'm free Remember who you were before they told you who to be I'm free Remember what you saw when they told you not to see I'm free Remember what is true when they told you to lie I'm free Remember all the reasons when you ask yourself why Alright,

I do like it I do too I'm free I love it So,

I start off saying lyrical lunatic cutting ties I didn't pick You know,

Part of my denial And I did this a lot in my career,

I love to write And I love words And I ignored that Didn't face it,

Didn't acknowledge it,

Didn't even get it And all these words,

You know,

And thoughts were always running through my head And one of the things they want you to do on a healing journey is journal And that's how I started,

You know,

Writing,

You know,

Got to my first book Cause originally you thought you were more of a fitness.

.

.

I mean,

I was in the fitness world and I was in the sales world You know,

So I had to like close that deal You know,

I had to engage that client and get them to like the product Which means,

You know,

They'd like me and I'd be great So you neglected your creative spirit I destroyed it because it would come out in all the wrong ways And it's funny cause I did the opposite I neglected my business savvy and went the creative route All creative all the time And it's so interesting,

Like now I'm looking back going You know what,

I'm pretty entrepreneurial actually,

I'm pretty savvy,

You know You are like a big picture,

Like,

You know,

You're a director You're a big picture person,

You know,

You definitely are like that And I was living like that and I can do it I'm capable,

But I hate it It's so interesting how we switch,

Like you change roles Like you remember who you were before they told you who to be Once you figure it out,

It takes time to find out who you are Once you start disengaging and distancing yourself from all the toxic behavior You do remember who you're supposed to be You know,

And we have red as fire,

White as death,

Beat so hard inside my chest Because that captures the perpetual anxiety and depression that rules your life And the extreme choices you make and the poor extreme choices you make As a result of not being,

Not remembering who you're supposed to be You know,

Who you really are Right.

And you know,

When I say when they remember what you saw When they told you not to see because they told you to do the opposite of what was good for you Remember what is true when they told you to lie They told you who to be,

It was a lie,

It wasn't true Remember all the reasons,

Why am I here at rock bottom or why am I at a good place?

What are the reasons?

And then you'll be free when you remember who you are And you start doing the things you really want to do,

You'll be free Yeah,

It's very empowering to be distanced from the toxicity And I think that I'm free captures that empowering feeling and taking back your power By not being in that trap anymore So moving on to long way around Long way around Yeah,

So it captures a lot of different things The main one is that the healing journey is not linear Sometimes it's easy,

Sometimes it's hard,

Sometimes it's clear,

Sometimes it's confusing But I like those opening lyrics,

Gonna change my name,

Gonna change what I do,

Gonna change my mind Because I can't change you I really love that,

Because we can only change ourselves,

We can't change other people And that's what it takes,

Is you have to learn to control,

Accept what you can control And let go of what you can't And that's where,

In that first I try to capture,

I'm not pointing a finger I'm acknowledging my role in getting back to me Let's hear it,

Long way around Gonna change my name,

Gonna change what I do Gonna change my mind,

Cause I can't change you And I'll stick to your cave,

Looking for a spot I wanted more than a shot in the dark There were days I crawled up mountains There were days I stayed in bed Those days turned into years Drowning inside my head You can't see that,

But the scars are true I took the long way around,

Just to get through I'm ready as I'm ever gonna be I took the long way around,

Just to be free So crawling up mountains,

Staying in bed,

That's all part of the healing journey As well as the grieving process A lot of times what's hard about the healing journey is grieving the life that you didn't have Prior to being able to do that,

You run around like a chicken with your head cut off You could be gambling,

Shopping,

Perfectionistic,

Overly busy,

Overachieving,

Underachieving Eating disorders,

You can do any of that to avoid grieving the life that you didn't have So then in the middle of that grieving process,

Once you get rid of all those bad behaviors and those bad habits And you move forward into your healing journey,

You still sometimes feel like you're crawling up a mountain But it's worth it It's absolutely worth it That's the important part That's why I say it's a long way around,

Just to get through Because it's worth it Yes So moving on to break in the bed Break in the bed,

So the break in the bed is growth is painful And anytime you're uncomfortable or scared,

That means you're being challenged for a good reason The universe is challenging you for all the right reasons They put something in front of you and it's scary and we're raised to probably run from that Be blind to it and avoid it And that's where the deja vu catch-22 because it's miserable to stay and very scary to change So you're always in that confusing haze as you navigate what are the better options To stay the same,

Be comfortably miserable or be really scared and get packed through that fear to get to a better place And I decided that being miserable was worse And that's where the break in the bed,

The road turns,

Things change So you say break,

It's actually B-R-A-K-E,

Right?

Not a break like a B-R-E-A-K Yes,

You're slowing down as life changes rather than snapping So you're slowing down as things are presented to you,

You're pausing,

You're taking a step back What's really happening here without reacting?

A break in the bend is a response to where you're supposed to be headed And not a rejection or reaction just because you're scared Awesome,

Let's hear a break in the bed Every time I wake up I'm at a break in the bend Don't know how I got here or when It's a deja vu,

It's a catch-22 And I could use a friend Every time I wake up I'm at a break in the bend Oh,

Will this chaos ever end?

I've been up,

I've been down,

I slept on the ground I can't go through this again They say time heals all wounds,

I disagree I threw away all the bags,

That's when I was free,

Yeah So I talk about,

You know,

I could use a friend Part of the healing journey is becoming friends with yourself Most,

You know,

From a social standpoint you're not friends with people you dislike So if you dislike yourself you can't be friends with yourself That's a good point Yeah,

So that's where I use that line And when I say,

You know,

I can't go through this again I can't keep reacting the same way to the toxic people in my life I just can't,

I have to do something different And then they say time heals all wounds And I don't believe that,

I disagree with that And I do say that quite clearly there So it's not time that heals all wounds,

What is it that heals all wounds?

Acceptance and awareness,

Those two things So just time alone isn't going to do it,

You can't just sit there and wait No,

Because,

You know,

Those bad habits are still there Right So that's why I say I threw away all the bags,

All the bags that were mine And that's what heals the wounds Yeah So next one Scraping you off Scraping you off,

So there's a lot there for that one One of the inspirations for this song was Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps a Score He wrote,

He's a medical doctor and I think he's the one that discovered PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder So he talks about the damage that depression and anxiety can do to the body And depression and anxiety are caused a lot by unhealed In my case it was caused by unhealed emotional abuse You know,

I didn't address the effects of that And I think that,

You know,

Your brain can make you sick If it's not operating the way it should be and you're not living an authentic life Right,

It's like last week when we spoke to Gail and she was talking about how her husband was an alcoholic But then her doctor said,

You have PTSD based on what she's been dealing with And she was having all these medical issues because of it So that's where,

You know,

The body knows what the mind and soul can't see comes in And the whole,

The symbol of the song,

You know,

The song symbolically is a metaphor for I'm not going to be a dumping ground for you anymore,

I'm not going to be your narcissistic supply anymore Your happiness is not my responsibility Right,

That's great,

Let's listen to Scraping You Off Ten thousand miles from where I'm supposed to be The body knows what the mind and soul can't see So many tricks and names for this I can't breathe through all I've missed Another bitter memory This time I'm not a place to put your trash My time to answer questions no one asked Next time I'm scraping you off my skin Life,

Life,

War rages on within,

Yeah That song rocks It does,

You know,

And so I,

One of the phrases there,

So many tricks and names for this You know,

Because that's where,

You know,

Toxic people employ fear,

Obligation and guilt in a myriad of ways And it's tricks and names and it is designed to confuse you and control you And it makes you unable to breathe And once you recognize that it's happening and you can distance yourself from it You can definitely scrape it off And one of the things is,

You know,

This time,

My time,

Next time,

Lifeline This time I'm not a place to put your trash My time,

It's my turn to figure me out Next time I'm going to learn from this I'm not going to keep doing things the same way and expecting a different result And lifeline,

You know,

You're throwing yourself a lifeline with awareness and acceptance And,

You know,

It releases yourself from the war that they keep trying to,

You know,

Keep have it raging on inside you That's what they want,

Because they have it,

You know You know,

You have what's missing in them and they want to kill it Wow So that's where scraping you off stems from Next one,

Keep on keeping on Right So this is a good one This was one of the first ones we did,

I think We did,

And your brother played a little guitar in that That's right,

Thank you,

Dr.

Renee Very sweet guitar So,

You know,

This is designed to be positive in the face of so much adversity And when you are surrounded by toxic family members that you need to Or,

You know,

Toxic significant others,

Whatever it is that you have to That you've decided need to be removed from your life or minimize contact It's keep on keeping on because it's not easy It's not There's a lot of guilt,

There's a lot of fear And there's a lot of,

You know,

They're always pecking at you Well,

They need their supplies,

So they'll keep bothering you Exactly,

They're not going to leave you alone They won't leave you alone and they got to keep trying And you got to keep on keeping on State your course,

Find your truth,

Be authentic That's right,

Here it is,

Keep on keeping on Is this a bitter end or a brand new start?

Am I falling together or am I falling apart?

It hurts to be stuck where I don't belong Keep on keeping on when the road gets long They push me down just to catch my fall Keep on keeping on even when I had to crawl My wings were broken from towing that night Keep on leaving what is heavy behind Keep on keeping on Keep on keeping on Exactly,

So when you,

A lot of people realize And they wake up and they realize that,

You know,

They cannot change their toxic family They will never have the kind of parents that they needed It feels like a bitter end,

But it's also a brand new start at the same time Right And you feel like,

You know,

How can I go on?

You know,

I feel like I'm,

You know,

You feel like you're falling apart Because you have to now acknowledge that you need to make a decision about your family And in a way,

You know,

Is it falling apart?

I see it as falling together,

But you can look at it both ways depending on,

You know,

Where you're at And I use the term they push me down just to catch my fall You know,

Again,

Manipulation So they cause you to fall so they can be the hero to catch you from the fall That,

It's always a trap Right,

It's a double edged sword You know,

Every necklace that my mother gave me was really a rope And I needed somewhere to put her knife Exactly,

And I'm not the only one that feels that way And,

You know,

I talk about,

You know,

My wings were broken from towing that line Because you can't fly when you're towing the generational trauma line And it goes far back,

Well entrenched,

But you can't fly So,

Um When somebody's holding you down with a necklace rope around your neck There's no flying,

You can't fly Exactly,

But no matter how hard it is,

You know The further along you get in your healing journey The easier it is to keep on keeping on Yes So,

And,

Uh We've got one more,

Yes,

One more The last song on our first album is called Shame Busted Shame Busted So,

Um,

And it really simple,

You know,

We are raised on shame and blame My parents were raised on shame and blame Their parents were raised on shame and blame So,

We all keep carrying these bags and we never really stand,

Walk,

Run,

You know,

Function We're trapped by this heavy load that we keep carrying that keeps getting passed down Yes Well,

Let's hear Shame Busted Take back your bags,

I got myself a plan Take back your bags,

Cause I can barely stand And if I can't stand,

Then how can I walk And if I can't walk,

Then how can I run And if I can't run,

Cause I'm trapped inside The cage you built around my mind Oh,

Shame Busted threw and took a bite out of me I locked the door and threw away the key Oh,

Shame cut right through and brought me to my knees Black,

White,

Right,

Wrong,

Flight,

Fight,

Freeze Like a rocket on fire,

Always wanting more Oh,

I love that So,

You know,

When I talk about Shame Busted through and took a bite out of me Because that's really what,

Shame eats away your soul And it never stops until you face it And when I say I locked the door and threw away the key So I completely blocked myself off from my true self,

My authentic self Who I was supposed to be And Shame,

It'll bring you to your knees And the last line of that chorus,

Black,

White,

Right,

Wrong,

Fight,

Flight,

Freeze You know,

That symbolizes our emergency response That gets activated whenever we feel shame So,

You know,

The fight,

Flight,

Freeze That's an automatic response to intense fear And we will do anything to avoid feeling that And we will respond,

We will react in extreme ways to avoid feeling that shame And that's where that line comes in It's almost like,

You know,

A pinball,

Pinball machine You know,

You're just bouncing back and forth from situations that trigger shame Yeah Until you look at these situations realistically You're gonna always be in fight,

Flight,

Freeze mode Right,

So you have to work hard to not get triggered And to find a new way to handle things Rather than absorbing the shame into your psyche Right,

You know,

You have to face it head on And that's very,

Very hard to do But it's worth it It is Because,

You know,

When you see people,

You know,

Reacting now When I,

You know,

I know that they're being triggered by shame You could see them start to freak out You know,

And they don't think that people,

You know Probably most people don't notice Or they'll be like,

Oh,

He's freaking out but not really know why Or she's freaking out,

Not really know why But I know why Been there,

Did that Right,

That's right And wrote about it And wrote about it And talk about it So that,

I'm hoping that,

You know,

The listeners will get some Affirmation and validation from the music,

I really do Yeah,

This is a good way to remember some of the concepts too Because lyrics are,

You know,

Lyrics and music are easier to remember sometimes Than just prose,

You know So hopefully this will make people,

Help them on their healing journey Towards songs for the healing journey I hope so Yes And I think,

Go ahead We'll look forward to reconvening in a couple weeks Absolutely,

And I think we'll end this episode with the song we started with,

Broken and Brave Which is a little sneak peek of the next album Yes,

When are we releasing that?

It's up to you,

Genius I don't know When it's finished,

We have work to do Well this concludes Stuck Stops Here,

Season 4,

Episode 2 If you want to hear more of the songs,

You can hear them on Spotify,

Apple Music Amazon and Google Amazon and Google I'm like fungus,

I'm everywhere And we should put that in the show notes Yes,

Boss Alright,

Alright everybody,

Catch you next time I'm the furthest I've ever been Far from your atomic rage The more I feel,

The more I know Time for me to turn the page Knock me over with a feather Crush me like a tidal wave We're deceived,

Nothing's real This one goes out to the broken and brave piano solo I ask the ghost in the mirror Show me a little mercy now I've crawled through lies and chaos Get up,

Give out,

Do it now Found myself on the other side Surprised by what I could not see It's a soul fight I will win Yesterday lied to me Knock me over with a feather Crush me like a tidal wave Don't want to fight anymore This one goes out to the broken and brave Knock me over with a feather Crush me like a tidal wave We're deceived,

Nothing's real This one goes out to the broken and brave Knock me over with a feather Broken and brave Broken and brave

Reviews

Thank you to whoever decided to do this podcast. I love all the songs and resonate with each one. I’ve thought of trying to make a Playlist here but don’t even know if all the songs are here in their entirety. Anyway I’ll try and find them on the other formats you listed. Keep up the good work ladies! 💜