Heal in Place. Fill Your Still. (Dissociation | Emotional numbness)

If you were born into a family like mine that crushed and feared strong emotional expression, it is likely that emotional numbing is a debilitating issue. It was a destructive force in my life. I often felt dead inside. I was hyper-reactive, over-sensitive and chronically irritated. Consequences of disconnecting from your emotions involve mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual issues. A huge wave of relief and freedom that washed over me when I learned new coping strategies.

Transcript

This is Tammy Atman with the Stuck Stops Here.

Today's podcast is about dissociation,

Which is also called emotional numbness.

During these uncertain and highly anxious times,

I have created many podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey.

I am not a licensed therapist or a life coach.

Part of my healing journey is fulfilling a recently discovered life purpose by reaching out to those in need of healing from emotional abuse by toxic parents and transgenerational dysfunction.

If you are sheltering in place,

Perhaps some of you may want to use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies.

If you are like how I used to be,

A chaotic emotional firefighter addicted to busyness and outcomes,

This quiet time may feel like torture.

If you are experiencing a spiritual awakening and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey,

I truly hope these mini podcasts resonate with you.

I try to cover a lot of ground in a direct and succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.

How do you get so empty?

Who takes it out of you?

Quote by Ray Bradbury.

Dissociation or emotional attachment is a defense mechanism used to cope with highly stressful or overwhelming emotions.

It is a disconnection between your thoughts,

Emotions,

And behaviors.

I avoided dealing with traumatic memories and negative emotions,

Which was caused by my toxic parents who had no emotional awareness and did not and could not teach healthy emotional regulation.

For most of my life,

I coped poorly with obstacles both big and small.

I tried to control everything.

And when emotions would surface,

I was totally overwhelmed by them and would shut down.

I remember as a child having really bad panic attacks,

Followed by crippling emptiness afterwards,

And then felt totally depleted.

And looking back,

That kind of emotional exhaustion felt like numbness.

As I got older,

I did have less panic attacks,

But that despair of emptiness and nothingness stayed.

Emotional numbness or detachment is experienced differently by different people.

You may feel a chronic sense of boredom and emptiness as if you are not able to show or feel any emotions.

You may lose the ability to respond to daily events with the usual joy or the appropriate sadness.

And you may struggle to really know yourself and connect with others in a deep and meaningful way.

If you were born into a family like mine that crushed and feared strong emotional expression,

It is likely that dissociation is a debilitating issue.

It certainly was a destructive force in my life.

I often felt dead inside.

And when I wasn't feeling dead inside,

I was hyperreactive,

Oversensitive,

And chronically irritated.

It would take very minor events to easily throw me into a tantrum.

And I was often caught off guard by these freakouts,

These emotional outbursts that seemed to come out of nowhere.

In 2014,

After making a terrible career decision,

I found myself in a state of total collapse.

It wasn't about dying for me as much as it was about dreading the thought of living with myself forever that pushed me to consider suicide.

Since then,

I have devoted thousands of hours to research and inner healing work.

And I have learned that emotional detachment goes back to childhood and the way I was raised by my parents and how poorly they were raised by their parents.

Being abused by our parents emotionally,

Psychologically,

Or spiritually can contribute towards our inability to self-regulate emotions.

Being punished directly or indirectly for expressing our emotions in childhood can also cause us to dissociate.

Consequences of disconnecting from your emotions involve mental,

Physical,

Emotional,

And spiritual issues such as dysfunctional,

Toddler-like coping mechanisms,

Mild or severe depression,

Spiritual emptiness or apathy,

Inability to enjoy life,

Lack of close and fulfilling relationships,

Disconnection from inner self,

Confusion,

Irritability,

Chronic fatigue,

Addictions to both drugs and compulsive behaviors,

Physical illnesses,

And anxiety.

Here are some signs that you might be dissociated.

1.

Numbness and overwhelming sense of nothingness.

2.

Apathy and emptiness.

3.

Avoiding or suppressing emotions or doing both.

4.

Feeling distant from others and being disconnected from yourself.

5.

Frequent withdrawals from the people who truly care about you.

Brene Brown,

Author of The Gifts of Imperfection states eloquently that,

We cannot selectively numb emotions.

When we numb the painful emotions,

We also numb the positive emotions.

And this holds us back from living fulfilling lives.

I have some ways to deal with emotional detachment.

First,

Most important is getting professional help and possibly seeing a licensed therapist.

I am not a therapist.

I am not a life coach.

I am just sharing the resources that I used and the information that I have uncovered on my healing journey.

A therapist and professional help can help work on your emotional numbness and discard any shame or self-criticism attached to it.

On top of the pain of feeling empty,

I uncovered layers of shame,

Fear,

Rage,

And guilt associated with dissociation.

Once I learned to put away the voice of that harsh internal critic that formed in early childhood,

I was ready to approach my emotional detachment with self-compassion.

This is important because when you first acknowledge the extent to which your dissociation has held you back from joy,

You then may feel grief over the fact that you've been out of touch with yourself and your true nature all these years.

This was a challenging stage for me,

But it was worth it to work through it.

It is not easy to wake up one day and realize you have been living a false life.

But by embracing self-compassion,

You won't bypass your sadness and it allows you to move closer to it,

Feel it,

Digest it,

And heal it instead of suppressing it and letting it fester.

Other ways you can heal from emotional detachment.

Reduce stress using mindfulness techniques such as meditation,

Reading,

Music,

Exploring nature,

Or any forms of art.

Exercising.

Whatever your favorite uplifting physical movement is.

Yoga,

Walking,

Stretching,

Dancing.

We can't go to the gym right now,

But there are plenty of online workouts and exercises of all kinds that will be very helpful.

Eating a healthy diet and getting enough sleep.

The last thing that I did to heal from emotional attachment.

I acknowledged the role I played in my own misery.

When you acknowledge the role you are playing in your own unhappiness by identifying causes,

Triggers,

And sources of stress,

You learn to more maturely deal with them.

By reframing both past and present experiences in order to see situations as they really are and not through a learned distorted lens.

This was a game changer for me.

Once I understood that I actually did have a choice,

A choice that my past and my toxic upbringing did not have to continue to define me for the rest of my life.

There was a huge wave of relief and freedom that washed over me when I learned that I actually could teach myself new coping strategies and not remain stuck using the same toxic family patterns that plagued my family for over a hundred years.

One of the last things you can do is discuss what you're going through with friends,

Family,

Roommates,

Or anyone that genuinely cares about you and that wants to understand what you're saying.

Also reaching out for professional help if you need it.

Two well-known online resources are www.

Talkspace.

Com and betterhelp.

Com.

I have a long list of resources on my website,

Thestuckstopshere.

Com,

And most of these resources generously provide free resources,

Downloads,

Videos,

As well as having books that you can purchase.

One resource that I recently discovered is a mental health therapist named Katie Morton.

Her website is k-i-t-i-m-o-r-t-o-n dot com,

Katymorton.

Com.

She has some great videos on dissociation.

I truly hope these mini podcasts are resonating with you during these very scary times,

And I hope they make you feel less alone.

This is Tammy Atman with The Stuck Stops Here,

And I hope you can heal in place and feel your still.

Reviews

Thank you so much for this. Makes so much sense and helps with understanding myself and the realities of my life. Xxx

I keep coming back to this for the simple wisdom it provides on such a large and complex subject, thanks

Thanks. Really encouraging to hear from. Someone who has done the work to overcome issues.

After the intense weather cyclones and floods here on nz I have felt more of this. I really appreciate your insight and language to describe what occurs when it seems impossible to react to others and to life with the same connection. Numbing is a real defensive way of dealing with overwhelming situations. Thanks for sharing

Great resources! I resonate with your personal journey; thank you for sharing. 🙏

I’ve never felt so succinctly identified in all my life. Your words are on point. I have come such a long way and am working on me daily. Thank you. Thank so much.

Thank you so much for generously sharing your learned experience and resources

TRIGGER WARNING! I need to say it.
This is an awakening unlike what I thought it might be. Dealing with this is some of the, no! the very hardest thing I’ve ever done. So very disturbed due to late in life and barely holding on. I’ve had a spitfire, balls to the wall -go get um attitude since birth and now FEEL times up! To late! But come to find out on this journey of only 10 months it may or may not be times up because I keep finding, mystics, teachers, guides,musician, angels, animal spirits, story tellers, doctors, the collective, a whole other world of sisters and brothers that have been pulling me out, pulling me up and standing guard till I get back up. Panic stricken that I have to hurry, times up! Need strength to fight for me for once!! Literally….ME and so hard when you have never felt love, kindness, belonging, peace,safety,balance,friendship,calmness…. Quiet mind…..true rest….and I keep landing on the wings of my angels like Tami to say her truth as hard as it is, for others to maybe have the chance to wake up because they can’t say it. If I don’t say it, my time is up. My time was stolen and so was the time of the ones that have mine. But these little rays of light keep finding the cracks and the are whispering Patti, please don’t give up. It’s your turn. You don’t want this to cross over with you when it is time. It was never mine to carry. Please pray, think of, shoot vibes…just whatever you can to me . I’m in this alone right now but Tami gave some tools I bet are powerful and after I heard this a made an appointment with Psychologist specializing in childhood abuse and rape. Thank you Tami you are my hero and sister!!!💕💫🕊

Thank you so much for this talk. I resonate with the feelings and situations you describe. You're inspiring, and this was helpful for me to want to work towards a more emotional associative life. I wish you the best too.

Great info !!!

Outstanding 💞

Thank you

Really lovely and encouraging. Thank you!!

Thank you.

Amaaaaaaaaaaaazing!!!! Thank you for honoring your calling. May I ask, do you practice strong boundaries or need no contact with family at all?

Very interesting. I’ll have a look at ur website also 🙏

Your podcasts are of so much help to me, right in the middle of my process they really hit the spot. Thank you for sharing your work💙

Thank you. I wonder why therapists do not discuss dynamics like enmeshment and codependency with clients. Do they not recognize it, is it a new understanding for which they are still behind the curve educationally or clinically? To withold healing through sharing this awareness with people would be harming and unethical. Similar to the harm and neglect we already experienced. Well, just grateful for you and your brave and blunt and generous style. The future of real me begins now with 100% commitment to myself! Best wishes to others in the same boat. ☀🐣💗😃

Excellent description thanks a lot. Need it today...

Thank you so much for this information as I am starting to understand what is truly happening to me after all these years of feeling like I was not myself. Its been scary but good to finally learn that what I am experiencing is not something I should be ashamed of and I can get help. Thank you 🙏