Patience, Determination, & Mindfulness: Our Very Good Companions

This talk was given as part of Atlanta Mindfulness Institute's Community Meditation Group on April 19, 2020. Mindfulness, patience, and determination are explored as powerful and essential qualities to bring to life, especially in times of stress and crisis. With mindfulness present, we know whether our thoughts, words, and actions lead us toward peace or suffering. By cultivating patience and determination we can remain on the path to peace and know if and when we begin traveling toward suffering.

Transcript

So,

We'll have a short talk now and then have some opportunity for discussion together.

And I'll start just by saying how this talk came to be.

I had an email from a friend and fellow mindfulness practitioner this morning who said she was finding herself a bit challenged right now and could really use hearing some teaching on energy and determination,

Especially as we all began to realize the need to take this long view of the COVID-19 virus.

And I thought when she wrote to me,

I thought I could use that too.

I could use some teachings on patience and energy and determination.

And I thought we can do that tonight.

So thank you,

Susan.

It was a gift.

And that's one of the things I love about being on this journey or this path,

However you think about it with others,

Because often we're finding ourselves in similar places and looking in similar places for ways of support.

So thank you.

So tonight I want to talk specifically about the mental qualities of patience and determination and how helpful these can be,

Especially in times of difficulty,

Times when what we're engaged in is not a sprint,

But a marathon.

And before I jump into talking more in depth about these two qualities,

I want to say something about their connection to mindfulness.

As we've talked about before,

Mindfulness has its roots in Buddhist psychology.

And in Buddhist psychology,

Really,

There can be no path to peace,

No entree into other useful,

Helpful mental states without first there being the presence of mindfulness.

Mindfulness allows us to see what is actually happening in any moment,

What is happening in the environment,

And maybe even more importantly,

In our own mind.

In Pali,

Which is the ancient Indian language of the Buddha,

The word sati sampajana was often used.

This combines sati,

Which means mindfulness,

With the word sampajana,

Which means clear comprehension.

With this combination,

It's implied that through mindfulness and wisdom comes the ability to really see what's happening,

To know clearly what leads to peace and well-being,

And what leads to suffering,

Harming to ourselves and others.

When sati sampajana is applied to the mind,

We're able to differentiate between the stories that are created and reality itself.

We can see the mind states that are driving our intentions,

And we can see how whatever thought,

Word,

Or action is taking place in this moment will inevitably lead to the next moment.

So it is with mindfulness,

Or sati sampajana,

That we can begin to see such qualities as patience and determination.

We can begin to know when patience is actually present,

And when it's not present.

We can begin to see when determination is present,

And when it's not present.

This may sound like,

Really?

That seems easy enough.

And yet,

I have no doubt every single one of us here tonight knows what it's like to operate on autopilot,

Where you're not really aware of much of the lens that you're seeing through.

I know I certainly am.

And it really is necessary to see clearly in any given moment before we can actually know what is needed to be done and be able to act skillfully.

So patience and determination are two of the ten qualities in Buddhist psychology that are referred to as the paramis,

Or otherwise known as the perfections of the heart and mind.

And these qualities are said to be the qualities that lead to a mind and heart that is awake,

Awake,

And free of suffering.

Which I don't know about you,

But that sounds like a good thing.

So often we talk about the intimate connection between formal meditation and living mindfully and awake.

And indeed there is a deep and rich connection between these two.

Formal meditation tends to be the training ground for living mindfully.

What arises in the mind,

The heart,

The body,

And the environment around us during meditation is the same experience that arise during our daily life.

So with the stillness and the quiet of the meditation session,

We get this opportunity to know our mind intimately.

And we learn to shape the mind toward peace.

But we also know that the training of the mind doesn't stop with just meditation.

And these ten qualities,

These paramis,

Are said to be able to be cultivated in our life as we move through our day-to-day interactions.

So as we bring mindfulness to each one of these ten qualities,

We invite them to deepen.

We encourage their activation and presence in each moment,

Which ostensibly leads us to more peace and more freedom from suffering.

So I just want to share with you the list of the ten paramis that when made conscious and practiced diligently are said to lead to this awakened heart and mind.

So the first one is generosity.

The second is ethical living or commitment to non-harming.

The third is renunciation or letting go,

Which we talked about last week.

The fourth is wisdom and then energy and then patience,

Truthfulness,

Loving kindness,

Determination,

And equanimity.

So now let's look at two of these qualities in particular,

Patience and determination,

That seem to me to be extremely useful and applicable in this time of sheltering in place.

As we begin to listen and hear the experts and the scientists touching into the reality that this response to the coronavirus really will not be a sprint.

It will be a marathon and we will need mental qualities to fortify ourselves as we meet the challenges that are associated with this time.

So first,

Patience.

And there's a quote in a book that Alan Locus wrote,

It's called Patience,

The Art of Peaceful Living,

That really caught my attention.

And this is a quote,

He was at a dinner party with a friend and it's just something a friend said.

She said,

Just about every mistake I have ever made and every unkind word I have ever spoken might have been avoided if I had been more patient.

And that just really struck me.

If I had had more patience with my friend,

If I had recognized her to be just like me,

A learner of life's lessons,

Still learning,

Would I have had more patience?

If I had had more patience with my own self,

Finding myself frustrated with patience,

Would I have been able to sit a little longer with that feeling,

Trusting that what was needed would be revealed instead of acting so quickly in anger?

And there's another quote,

Honestly I have no idea who said this,

But I can certainly relate.

And the quote is,

God give me patience and I mean right now.

That's often how I approach patience,

Right?

Like I want it and I want it now.

And somehow that misses the boat of patience.

But I just invite you to contemplate this.

Under what conditions are you most likely to lose your patience?

What are the conditions that lead you to losing your patience more than others?

And when you do lose your patience,

What helps you regain it?

What helps you regain it?

You know I think when we consider the need to have patience,

Often the most difficult person to have patience with is not the toddler,

Is not our spouse,

It's not the dog,

It's often ourself,

Right?

You know it takes time to really know what thoughts,

What words,

What actions lead us to more peace.

And because we're in this process of learning,

We often continue to speak and act in ways that aren't in our best interests,

That end up hurting ourselves or others,

And we need to have patience with ourselves.

The messiness of being human just isn't easy.

And I think about this time of the coronavirus where so many new things are being asked of all of us.

And I don't know about you,

But I certainly find it sometimes hard to have patience,

To know that I need to sit still instead of doing something else that I want to do.

And you know what brings us back to the awareness that patience would be a good mental quality to have right now?

Is it our common humanity understanding that we're all in this together and we impact each other so much?

Is it that we understand the risk?

What is it that brings you back?

I think I've talked about this before,

But each morning I set my intention to live from an ethic of non-harming.

And each day I have the opportunity to see where I come up short.

This place of awareness is a place of patience also.

Each of the patterns that we've laid down over the course of this lifetime and that keep emerging even after we started this mindfulness journey take time to change.

They take time to extinguish.

And this requires patience.

You know,

I have a habit that has been conditioned for as long as I can remember of trying to do more and push through in times of stress.

And this can manifest in small ways.

It can manifest in large ways.

But inevitably when I act from this habit pattern,

I end up feeling worse.

And even worse,

I end up feeling disconnected from love and from compassion.

So I need patience as I continue to learn how to ease up,

How to rest,

How to get quiet.

You know,

And our families are another place that if the family is to be refuge for all members we need not only love and compassion,

But we need a healthy dose of patience also.

Now,

For example,

Learning to disagree without becoming impatient is a gift to everyone.

Think about how many people in your life have had patience with you,

Patience to wait as you've learned some life lesson.

It's interesting to make a list of all the people that have shown us patience.

Shanti Deva was an eighth century Indian teacher and scholar,

And he cautioned that one moment of anger,

One moment of losing our patience can destroy all the good that we have accumulated over eons.

That's certainly powerful,

And at first that might seem a bit hyperbolic.

But I think there is something we can glean from this.

Think about an angry outburst in which words have been spoken that reverberate for a very long time.

We all either know someone,

Or perhaps maybe we have held on to anger ourselves for years,

For decades.

What gets said matters.

We all make mistakes,

We all have the capacity to react quickly and say things we wish we hadn't.

We need patience with ourselves and with others.

We're all in this together.

And I think we all need patience right now as we sit in this prolonged place of tremendous uncertainty,

Not having any idea on a global scale or a countrywide scale what will happen economically.

We need patience to stay indoors.

We need patience to stay away from physical contact with most other humans,

Which I think is really counter to the way we're wired.

And patience has always been a quality that is extremely helpful and fruitful.

And just to deepen our understanding of patience a little bit more,

Patience is understood to have actually three aspects.

So first of all,

We have to be able to persevere.

So patience is something that has a long-lasting quality to it.

So it's not something we just implement quickly and then it's over.

The second is we have to be able to endure under stress.

If you think about it,

If you're out in a beautiful field of wildflowers looking at the deer,

Looking at the sky,

You don't really need patience.

You're pretty good.

Where we need patience is often in conditions of stress.

And so there is this quality to it where we have to endure.

And then last is the acceptance of truth.

And Sharon Salzberg has a quote that I really like that I want to read you.

She says,

In patience is feeling upset because things are not happening on our timetable or wanting to be more in control of a process so that we can have something happen in the way we'd like to see it happen.

Patience doesn't mean making a pact with the devil or denial.

Ignoring our emotions and aspirations is not what patience is about.

It means being wholeheartedly engaged in the process that's unfolding.

Rather than ripping open a budding flower or demanding a caterpillar hurry up and get that chrysalis stage over with.

And Lao Tzu,

The ancient Chinese philosopher and founder of Taoism said,

I have just three things to teach.

Simplicity,

Patience,

And compassion.

These three are your greatest treasures.

And when you think about it,

We don't will stillness and insight.

We don't will the discontinuation of pain or restlessness.

We practice patience.

And when we're patient enough,

We get to see the natural changes that are always occurring.

Restlessness becomes stillness.

It's patience coupled with mindfulness that allows us to sit quietly in meditation as uncomfortable as the body sensations may be.

As difficult as the thoughts might be that emerge.

Through patience,

Our reward at some point is the return to inner calm.

With patience,

We see pain often changes into something else.

With patience and mindfulness,

We observe the pains of our lives differently.

Reaction no longer rules the day and we have the opportunity to really know deeply the reality of impermanence.

How most everything simply comes and goes on its own time.

With patience,

Insight arises and wisdom can grow.

Without so much thrashing about,

Grasping for more pleasure,

Pushing away from pain,

Sati Sampajana has the chance to develop and we really begin to live into the path of peace.

But going back to that anonymous quote,

God grant me some patience and I mean right now.

Patience can be challenging at times to find.

We need something to support us in continuing to come back to patience when we lose it.

And this is where the quality of determination or another name for it is resolve.

Can be extremely supportive.

I like to think of determination or resolve as the momentum that wakes us up.

Motivational speakers often espouse this create the life that you want to wake up to.

And I always get a bit nervous about that.

It feels overwhelming to me to think about create the life you want to wake up to.

I don't know how to create a life except through moment to moment experiences in which I make mindful or unmindful choices in my thoughts,

Words and actions.

So I actually like to think about it as create the mind that you want to wake up with.

After all,

There's a direct thread from our thoughts to our actions to our life.

From our thoughts to our actions to our life.

Determination is a combination of energy and intention.

We need the energy to keep going.

Sometimes the energy is there naturally and other times we have to arouse it.

We can even experience this in meditation.

Think about during the sitting practice.

We're used to observing that balance of energy,

That dual experience of wakefulness and relaxation.

So with mindfulness,

When we see ourselves beginning to get too relaxed and dullness and drowsiness taking over,

We can rebalance the energy in the body by arousing effort through the emphasis on the in-breath.

So we know how to arouse energy that's needed.

You know,

As I was writing this talk this morning,

I noticed my energy waning.

I noticed distraction arising and ultimately doubt taking hold momentarily.

Familiar thoughts came in like,

Oh,

This isn't making sense.

I'm tired.

Maybe I'll just go make some tea.

And at first glance,

These thoughts may seem like no big deal.

They may seem fairly benign.

But without mindfulness,

These thoughts lead to the next thoughts,

Which lead to the decision for me to close my laptop,

For discouragement to grow,

For doubt to rule,

And ultimately to make a cup of tea that I don't even know that I want.

So with mindfulness present,

I can arouse the energy and remember my intentions.

My intentions are to practice these skills,

To hone these skills that I know lead to more moments of peace.

And to also,

When it comes to writing this talk,

To take an active role in part of a community that's interested in showing up in a more present and kind way.

So these are the ways we reorient ourself in any given moment when we start to move from the path of peace to the path of suffering.

It's important to remember consciously that intention can be reviewed and energy can be actively aroused,

That we don't have to live our lives passively waiting for certain mind states to show up.

When we live like that,

We tend to be pulled around by whatever mood,

Whatever mind state that we've habituated up to this point.

And in order to change the quality of our experience and existence in this very short life,

We must be mindful about what's needed at any given moment.

And I would suggest that patience and determination along with mindfulness can certainly aid us along this journey.

So I think I'll stop there and I'd like to just invite you into a contemplation with me for just a few moments and then we'll have an opportunity to have some discussion together.

But if you would just close your eyes if that helps you access your own experience and maybe just take a few conscious breaths,

Breathing in and breathing out,

Just allowing what's been said to settle.

The first question that I really just want to pose and just invite you to let whatever comes up just come up without judgment,

Without critique.

So what is it that you really want in this life that's here?

What is it that you really want in this life that's here?

And how do you see patience and determination playing a role in supporting you?

How do you see patience and determination in playing a role to support you?

And how do you see patience and determination in playing a role?

Pentagon.

.

Reviews

Really great to hear this, thank you 🙏

I needed this! Thanks.