Acceptance ~ Serenity Wellness Podcast E57

Acceptance is a key element in moving us toward deep healing. Breaking us free from the deep-rooted systems that are seeds we no longer want to water. When we resist acceptance, it can create elevated emotions, increase desire for control, have us holding onto strong expectations and assumptions, all of which impact our mental, emotional, and physical health.

Transcript

Hello,

Welcome to Serenity Wellness Podcast.

My name is Nicole White and I'll be your host.

This podcast is dedicated to helping you tap into your full potential of how you can heal and balance your mental,

Emotional,

And physical wellbeing.

Together,

Let's explore inner self,

Connect with our strength,

And manifest your true nature.

One full of love,

Purpose,

And passion.

Welcome to episode 57,

Acceptance.

If you've been with me through these episodes,

You've been gathering many tools for your wellness toolbox.

Uncovering layers within yourself and awakening to deeper aspects of your emotion and inner understanding of who you are.

This can be heavy at times and challenging to understand how to embrace true change and willingness towards movement.

Acceptance is a key element in moving us towards deep healing,

Breaking us free from the deep rooted systems that are seeds we no longer want to water.

When we resist acceptance,

It can create elevated emotions,

Increase desire for control.

We might find ourselves holding on to strong expectations and assumptions and all these things,

All these areas,

And how they impact then our physical health.

You can revisit episode 35 for some reminders on resistance to acceptance.

I've talked about acceptance in various ways through episodes because it's such a part of many of the tools that are being offered and that can help us in our overall wellness.

It can factor into things like our emotions,

As we've talked about in many episodes,

Many of us struggle to really accept our emotions,

To embrace them and feel them.

It might be related to situations,

Situations from the past,

Situations in the present,

Or maybe the unknown ahead that we get wrapped up into storytelling or illusionary mind and creating emotions that we really don't need to feel because they're based off things that haven't even happened,

But will resist acceptance to something that hasn't even occurred.

It can factor into things like pain,

Sorrow,

Our own missteps,

Forgiveness,

Compassion,

And suffering.

Forgiveness with pain can be really high in terms of confusion and resistance towards moving into acceptance.

If that's an area that you find yourself kind of struggling with,

You can also check out episode 28 on forgiveness and you might find some tools there to help you.

We might also resist acceptance to our family lineage that we were born into,

The sometimes hardships and suffering that come with that.

We've talked before about how sometimes our caregivers or our parents didn't have the tools to help us or assist us because they weren't taught and it might have led to hardships in our life of us having to try to figure things out or,

You know,

Figure out our emotions or what to do with them and moving towards accepting that versus resistance or blame can be very helpful in our healing and moving towards change.

Acceptance also that we might be stuck in our own toxic cycle and that we have arrived at a desire to change when we have.

Maybe we've even been an abuser.

Moving towards forgiveness and healing without getting bound up in resistance to accepting that we have arrived now and are ready to make change now versus getting wrapped up into if onlys and the shoulds and the coulds,

Judging ourselves and beating ourselves up that we wasted so much time or missed out on this or that because we're just now arriving at a place of readiness or that we've maybe really damaged relationships and connections before we got to this place of growth.

Allowing ourselves to humbly own that.

I recently had a conversation with my daughter.

She is 27.

She'll be 28 soon but we were talking some about this and a little about some of the other things I will be covering today but this aspect here of family lineage but also our own stuff and just owning it without excuses,

I was sharing with her about my own journey and the healing that came for me but also being able to have these discussions with her that as a young parent,

I definitely lacked many,

Many tools.

I had her at 17.

I was a little ball full of trauma at that age that I didn't even know what really to do with or how to process and I would get into fight,

Flight or freeze cycles often within my trauma body and just didn't have tools or awareness and so that led to me at times not being able to hold space the best for her or to give her valuable tools when she was younger.

So we were able to talk through this and have this dialogue and talk about where the lack of learning came or where the trauma came and the growth that has happened since then that will allow her to have change also as a young adult in how she navigates through life.

But it was this humble owning instead of skirting around or making excuses for things I wasn't able to do in my past because I was in a place of suffering and I just didn't know what to do with that at the time.

That allows forgiveness in self.

It allows us to move out of being stuck but it can also bring great healing and relationship dynamics when we notice that we've made mistakes.

We notice that we didn't have tools and we're moving towards change.

Own it.

Talk about it within yourself or with loved ones around you.

We all have this power within to break cycles that are deeply rooted.

As rooted as they may be,

Awareness brings change.

Acceptance allows us to move towards change.

And it is never too late to activate change.

Everything is impermanent in every moment there is change.

No emotion is permanent.

When we recognize and embrace this truth,

It empowers us to move forward toward healing and change.

It elevates our desire and willingness to create something different for ourselves and assists us greatly in emotional regulation and not climbing that emotional ladder.

Acceptance is not accepting harmful behaviors toward us.

Not saying it was acceptable for someone to abuse us.

We're accepting that was a part of our history.

Our pain and suffering.

Acceptance does not wash away boundaries.

If we're part of a toxic or abusive family web,

Remember boundaries are not selfish.

Even if it is family.

Perceived obligations keep us trapped here and stuck on repeat.

Continuing to what are those seeds of maybe toxic cycles.

Acceptance is also not about stagnation.

It doesn't mean moving into complacency.

Acceptance of the realities around us and within us allows us to move towards change and breaking cycles.

It allows us to embrace willingness and recognize our deeper patterns related to our own layers of suffering.

Those autopilot subconscious behaviors and choices we make until we're healed.

We can keep repeating cycles.

Each level will get harder until we recognize and move towards change.

And some people stay stuck in a cycle their entire lifespan.

We might find our own selves looped in a cycle of avoidance or dodging emotion.

A cycle of staying within illogical and irrational storytelling.

To keep feeling busy instead of looking deeper within at what really is happening.

That will keep us stuck.

Continuing to feed our subconscious habits that no longer serve us.

Spilling out into our relationship dynamics and even into the partners we choose.

We can even have awareness of the repetitive cycle and even how it might mimic our early childhood traumas or our feelings of love that we felt were missing.

So we might even be aware that we're repeating this pattern and choice in our life to try to heal earlier things in our life.

We might recognize the non-effectiveness of that.

And then we dive in for round five.

Not making the change and continuing the pattern.

It is never too late to change.

To move away from toxicity and unhealthy patterns or relationships.

When we slow down,

Pause,

And embrace stillness to look deeper within.

We can notice how our own unhealthy patterns are linked with experiences of emotional difficulty,

Suffering,

And even trauma.

We can begin acknowledging our full truth with compassion and loving kindness.

I talked some about my own experiences with this and some tools for you to consider in episode 53,

Breaking Cycles.

If you want to understand some of that part a little deeper and gain some tools there of how to explore things within yourself.

Remember life is not a performance.

Accepting who we are allows us to remove our masks and take off the costumes.

This acceptance also involves accepting others where they're at.

Not expecting them to feel,

Think,

And behave a certain way.

And accepting they are processing things,

Perceiving things,

And reacting to things the way that they are.

We have a lot of divide currently brewing around us.

Definitely here in the US and I'm sure many of the other countries that are tuning in have your own areas of divide.

People are getting into these heightened reactions,

Even heated arguments on social media thinking that they are somehow going to change the person's opinion or have an expectation for them to see it their way when it's only further creating more divide.

Disaffolding allows us to not throw fuel on our own fire.

We're all not going to see things the same.

Some people are not going to like you.

You might even disappoint others.

It's our own choice how we digest and react to this.

I had a situation in May.

I did this Facebook post and in the post I talked a bit about how I was processing anger I was feeling about all the social injustice happening.

And instantly I received multiple private messages.

They were all from white males kind of telling me how I should be thinking and feeling.

Three of them were about how I should be calm.

That there's nothing for me to be angry about.

That I am seen as a place where people go to,

I'm trying to think of the exact language,

Like of this zen person that people turn to when things are stirred up to get some calmness.

I also received a message from someone who initially was letting me know that they were in therapy and had discovered within therapy through their life that they had deep rooted racist and misogynistic views from family lineage and such.

And so I thank them for their vulnerability in sharing that with me,

Offered some support and encouragement,

And then they followed up by letting me know that I was confused by their message,

That they were just messaging me to let me know that they are racist and misogynist but they don't have any desire to change that.

So what do you do?

How can I react to that,

Right?

I could get all stirred up and react and try to get them to see and all those things,

But that's where they're at and that's okay in terms of how I'm going to digest it.

It doesn't mean I accept racism or misogynistic views.

If you know me at all or have listened to any of these episodes,

You know that is very far from my truth,

But they are where they are.

So my response was to thank them for sharing and clarifying and that maybe somewhere along their way they will decide to turn a different route or make a different choice,

But that I'm also not someone,

You know,

They can confess things to and be resolved of that either.

So I wanted to make sure they knew that because I wasn't really certain on what their full purpose was in sharing that piece with me.

I also got a message from someone who I respect,

A friend,

Trying to also give me some guidance on anger being an unhealthy emotion.

And again,

It allowed dialogue about the importance of all emotion,

Anger being one of them.

We just want to try not to fuel the anger into rage and climb that ladder,

But acceptance of all emotion,

Anger included.

At the same time,

I also came home later that evening to find a beautiful bouquet of wild flowers and a handwritten card on my porch.

From someone else who took it upon themselves to even come to my home and drop that off,

Because they were very grateful for my post and my continued allowance of me being vulnerable with others to assist in developing wellness or awareness or whatever it is that it brings to anyone that it does,

Even if it's just one person,

If I can help people within,

Then that's what this is all about.

So you can see there are lots of different ways we might react or process those situations.

What we do,

How we digest and react,

It's our choice.

It might take practice.

It might take a bit of calm.

You know,

These things and the way I process things now was not always my truth.

I used to have a really hard time managing my anger.

I had my own history of escaping my emotions and trauma through addiction.

Awareness brings change.

It's never too late to change our patterns.

And wellness tools will allow us to build new highways in the brain to develop and support the process.

We can even notice our resistance to acceptance with everyday life things,

Like traffic is a great example.

And even our perception of traffic is dependent upon where we live and the communities that we were raised in.

But we will get all angry and frustrated and all kind of things if we're in traffic.

But again,

Like just that example of depending upon where we're at,

I grew up kind of outside the Philadelphia area.

And so there's more traffic down there,

Schuylkill Expressway kind of mess.

And then I moved to where I live now and it's mountainy and farmy.

And initially when I moved here,

I was still a bit ragey with my traffic situations.

And now I'm like,

Ah,

I'm behind a farm equipment.

No problem.

I will take this.

And then a few years ago,

I vacationed in California.

I don't know the road names I was on,

But oh my goodness,

That was like times 10 from what the Schuylkill Expressway was like.

So although I was quite used to lots of traffic in my life,

When I experienced the California traffic,

I was a little overwhelmed.

Like what on earth?

So feel for you guys out there.

You got a lot of traffic.

But you can see like where we're at,

How we digest,

What we perceive,

How we react to even something like everyday stuff like traffic.

Accepting also,

Like I mentioned earlier,

Not everyone is going to like you.

That's okay.

All we can do is dedicate ourselves to being the best version of ourselves.

Healing our pain so we don't project that onto others or stay stuck in unhealthy cycles.

Accepting that our past suffering is a part of history and moving toward healing and empowerment.

I used to get stuck into pockets of wonder.

Wondering who I'd be today had I not had to go through so much trauma.

When layers of trauma start in early childhood,

It can impact many areas of our developmental phases,

How we connect through love and trust.

Through building wellness tools and really embracing acceptance,

It blossomed self-love and recognizing it was all a part of my life experience.

Not accepting the behaviors that hurt me,

But not resisting the truth of my circumstance and how aspects of them have molded me into who I am today.

Had I not experienced everything I did,

I might not have gone deep into the areas of mental health and healing that I have.

I might not have developed the traits within me that lead me to have passion and excitement about going down rabbit holes of exploration,

Which have led me to profound experiences for myself as well as what I'm able to offer others.

Acceptance,

Embracing and truly accepting means accepting our full self.

Accepting and loving ourselves means loving all of ourselves.

The broken parts,

The hurt parts,

The anxious parts,

The ones that sometimes get fueled with anger.

It's not just about loving and accepting the joy in good times.

Acceptance of our full humanness is what allows us to have balance in life and emotional grounding.

It allows us to ebb and flow,

To have unconditional love and compassion for ourselves and for others.

It connects us to oneness and how all is connected and encourages us to vibrate out love and be more willing to receive love.

Sometimes people have a difficult balance there where they might be really great at giving love,

But the receiving,

They all notice like fears or they'll notice walls coming up around their heart in the receiving.

Or some people have a great ability to receive and a lot of fear or walls popping up with the giving.

As we own our full self,

It allows us to move in these directions and realize that both the giving and receiving is equally valuable.

It also allows us to own our own stuff,

Taking accountability for our actions and missteps to guide us towards change,

Forgiveness and empowering ourselves to make those changes.

Acceptance does not mean complacency.

It means awareness and letting go of resistance.

Accepting our truth to create a genuine relationship with ourselves and all those around us.

This resistance to acceptance can spill into many categories in our lives and create heavy and intense emotions.

Notice be aware and try not to dip and dodge yourself,

Your emotions and your truth.

Find your areas of resistance and build up your wellness toolbox in those areas.

Change is always happening in every moment.

Empower yourself to be a part of the movement.

The more you spend time with you,

The more you might find out just how lovely you are.

These areas that we might notice that are challenging.

Remember acceptance is not about not having a voice.

These areas where boundaries come in allow us to speak our truth.

We can take on advocacy roles to use our voice to empower change as a collective.

Working to keep on breaking patterns or potentially dissolving relationship connections that we recognize are not in alignment with our boundaries,

Values or morals.

As always,

Thank you for sharing space with me.

I've mentioned some episodes to assist in some of these areas that we discussed today,

But you might want to also consider starting at the beginning to build your wellness toolbox for mental and emotional healing.

Stay tuned,

Stay well,

And thank you my friends.

Talk to you soon!

Reviews

Excellent as usual! Thank you!

This episode is right on time for me. I have been working on acceptance for most of two months now regarding my parents (92) resistance for putting things in place so they can continue to live at home vs assisted living. My dad is currently in a rehab facility after 4 hospital admissions, two procedures and a major surgery since July 8. It is unknown if he will be able to return home or not. My mama has been impossible during all this and her objections to any help have triggered me greatly and we had the worst confrontation of my life a few weeks ago and I literally thought I was having a medical emergency! This is not how I want to live at 68! Low contact and putting boundaries in place no longer work. She is controlling and demanding (among others things) and it drains the life right out of me. I’ve asked for help from her doctor and local hospital but no help has been offered . They just say she is competent and understands the consequences of her decisions! Sooooo I’m just trying to accept that and allow life to happen. It’s certainly not easy though!

Thank you again for these podcasts that help us who are trying to change and better our lives and those around us ! 💜