How To Find Inner And Outer Confidence

A Recording From the Live Session on the 28th October 2021 around inner and outer confidence.
It's important to work on the inner part first, this is about who you are being. Outer confidence is what you are doing. This session might change how you think about confidence, freeing you to fully be yourself, despite what your mind says.

Transcript

So, Yeah, Like, I think this whole thing about confidence is always misunderstood. Because I didn't have any confidence when I was growing up. I was the guy who was left out and felt left out at the same time, Right? Not just feeling left out, But was left out. So it was a double whammy, Almost. And I didn't, I tried to spend my whole life trying to fit in to people. Being this like, This pleaser, This pleaser that went around trying to adjust myself to fit in to others, You know? And of course it creates tension because the real you inside knows what are you doing is kind of saying. And what you know is like, What is this act you're putting on? This takes energy. Think about it, Being an actor must take energy for the actor. Like I'm talking about really being an actor who's doing this for a living, Right? Must take energy for them because they have to act like someone that's not them. So it's like they have to remember what this character lives like and acts like. So of course it's a tiring job. But we fall into this into our lives of like playing an actor, Actress. So we get drained and it doesn't feel like we're ever home. It doesn't feel like we're ever comfortable. And unfortunately I think this is the case for everyone actually. I don't think I've met anyone who has not had some sort of insecurity within themselves. Whatever that looks like. So tension gets created. And I actually believe that this is a part of our life to go through this place. Like to be there but to not stay in that phase. And most of us stay in that phase, I stayed in that phase. Just you know stuck and wondering why I'm anxious, Wondering why things are challenging, Wondering why I feel angry, Wondering why I'm arguing with people, Wondering this and that, Wondering why I feel lost. And it just goes on. And then you get to old age and then you say oh you know suddenly you get to older age and you're like woah there's things that are more important in life. But even still you're still holding onto that identity of yourself. And then maybe, Maybe you get to this place where you're like huh, Yeah there's something else here. But you don't have to wait until this randomly happens, You create this. So when I say inner confidence to start with, Inner confidence to me is being yourself. Confidence is an act, Which you know it seems like an act sometimes. Seems like you have to act confident, You have to be confident. You see this grand lively person on the stage and they seem like they've got so much of this thing called confidence, This thing that we sometimes feel like we don't have. But really it is, To me it's inner confidence is when you peel the layers of the acts you're putting on. You peel the layers and you get into the core of who you are. Where you don't have to pretend or you don't have to be fearful, You don't have to try and fit in. It's just you're being yourself. And it's funny because people used to say that to me, They were like just be yourself. And I used to be like I don't know what that is. You know, Well let me take that back. I knew what that was but when someone said that I was kind of like hmm yeah, I didn't really get it. This whole thing of be yourself is just, There's only one you. There's only one of us. Nobody is like you. And they're never gonna be. Your parents, Yeah maybe you've inherited some things from them. You've taken on habits. You've taken on their habits, Their teachings. Okay, But you're not them. You might have a daughter or a son. Yeah they might look like you. But their whole opportunity for life is different to you. This is why a lot of people get stuck in this place of wanting to control other people. Because we want to bring people into our eyes of seeing the world. To just, You know there can be so many things going on underneath the surface. But again it's like this proving of ourself going on. When we're not really being confident, When we're not really being in our truer self, There's this proving game. And the only time you need to prove anything is like if you're on trial for something. If you're on trial in a courtroom. But think about it, That's how we're behaving. Like we're on trial. Like this means something and we have to prove our case. Even in casual conversation this comes up like proving. And proving is tension. It's like try and just think about it when you're in these situations. When you're in this place of trying to prove, Your whole body gets tense. And then the other person senses it too. So they go into proving mode. It's like their defense mechanism comes on now. Because they're trying to defend what they believe is true. Even with your best friends and your family members this is happening constantly. It's just like this clash of our minds of proving mode. When you get to this place of being so content on the inside that you don't need to prove, That's confidence. Because you're just, Yeah, You're okay because you are okay within yourself and you know that whatever you're doing is great. Whatever they're doing you don't have to worry about but you could get to this place eventually where you say whatever they're doing is great too. That's happening. This is happening. I'm doing me. You're doing you. And yeah, When things come up like someone said, Feedback from others, Here's the thing, That's coming from them. Does it make it true? If I was to say, Hey you are a pineapple, Your hair looks like a pineapple, You look just like a pineapple. Does that make it true? Maybe my mind is so wired to seeing pineapples that I think everyone is one. And I'm using a funny example on purpose just to illustrate to you, Pineapple, Or I see I have to judge, Or I see fear, Or I see this from my view. And I know it may be easier said than done to say that you look at it that way. But if you look at it that way, You start realizing, This person seeing it like this, I wonder why? Why are they annoyed at me? Why are they giving me this feedback? You become curious about them. You know like Sherlock Holmes, He investigates things and he's curious about mysteries. Try and solve the mystery, What's going on here? Go back to them instead of you. Go back to them and be like, Hmm, Well, Maybe they're having a bad day firstly, Maybe something happened before, Maybe that's right. Maybe they're holding on to some tension that they've held on to for their whole life that they've never really looked at. Maybe they really want something, But they just haven't got it yet, So they're tense. Maybe they just see the world in a very different way to me and that's okay too. It's when we try and fall into order, You know like army people, Where they stand in a perfect line and everything is perfect, Every single person in the line is exactly the same. When we fall into that trap of trying to be in order, Trying to fall into a way led by someone else, Then yeah, There can be challenges there. That's probably why it doesn't feel good. That's why it doesn't feel good to receive this feedback, Because a part of you knows that well, This isn't true. And then the other part of you is wondering why, No, Wondering if this is true. So then you get defensive and you get worried. So all this whole thing about self-esteem and getting really hurt by things occurs. And here's the thing, It happens to everyone. For example, I'll give you an example with me just to show you that I feel things too. I remember when I first started posting on social media, It was about a year ago, And I wanted to connect with people who had gone travelling, Just like me. So I started just searching hashtags and searching for places and travelling things, These photos of things. I started just saying yeah, I want to connect with like-minded people. And then one person, I think I must have saw her photo, And it was just a photo of greenery, Right? I think it was like, I don't remember which country it was, But it was just a summer's day, The sun was beaming, And it was just a beautiful photo. There wasn't any photos of her at all, It was just this stuff. So I messaged her and I say, Cool photo, Where was that from? And I've noticed all your photos are really cool, Where are they from? And then she messaged me back saying something like, Raj, What is your agenda? Like no hello, Nothing. Raj, What are you doing? Something like that, Right? And I was just like, I must have said something like, No, Actually after that she said, Raj, You know you could have asked me that on the comment on the photo. And I was like, Yeah, I'm just here trying to connect with people online, Because this is quite new to me, Being online like this, And trying to find like-minded people. She was like, What is your gender here, Raj? And I noticed myself like questioning myself, Like hmm, Yeah, I'm not sure. And I tried to explain, I was like, Yeah, I'm just here trying to connect with people, And she said something like, Raj, Women get hassled by creeps like you all the time. And I was like, Oh my god, It hit me in the heart. I was like, Oh my god, Am I being a creep? I started judging myself and wondering, Like maybe this is very inappropriate to send a message to someone directly in this world online. Maybe there's something about my profile that looks creepy. Maybe she's looked at me and thought, Whoa, This guy looks creepy. Maybe there's, I don't know, I just started taking so much offense to it, And I thought I did something. I couldn't sleep for a day. I was just like so hurt, Because I hadn't had this kind of conversation in a while, Where someone's just been that and said something like that. And then she said something like, She's going to block me. And I was like, Oh my god, I can't even explain now, So it's just gone. She's going to keep that opinion of me. So you see, Like what can happen. I made it all about me. All about me. I'm the one who's wrong, I said. Then I spoke to a few female friends, Because for some reason I connect really well with women. Probably because I have a lot of sisters. I have three sisters. And they always had a bunch of friends that used to come around, And I was just connecting well with women. So I asked my female friends, And they were like, Well, She's right. Men do send messages a lot. But what you said wasn't creepy. So what if she was just having a bad day? What if she just had really bad experiences? And they gave me all these options, Like what if, What if, What if. Looking at her perspective. Looking at the person. And that's the key. That's the key. If you look at the other person, If you look at the bigger picture in life, You look at the whole situation, Then you realize, Like, This stuff isn't personal. If you make it about yourself, It's ego there. It's ego working. It's turning itself into, Against you. Your mind goes against you. If you take this view of like getting into a situation, And looking at it from an observer's view almost, Then you're free. And that's what happens when you get confidence. Like even the word confidence, I don't even use that much. But to me it just means you're free from your mind. You're free from this like trap. This trap of I am this, I am defined by this. These like rules of who you are. Things like personality tests. Your personality tests might say you're not a very confident person, Or you're this type of person, Or you're really good at this, But not so much at this. I don't believe in that. That doesn't make sense. Well I stopped believing and I used to believe in that. Now I realize the potential for every human, Especially because I'm working with people one to one now. I see them go from who they think they are, And we peel away all of that, All of these beliefs, And they go to this place that they could only wish they could be. Because they take that, The mind element out of it. The same for me. I didn't think I could have anything like confidence. And now I realize I don't have to have this like big bravado and I have to be like a person humping everyone up. My style of confidence is me. That's all confidence is, Is being yourself. It doesn't mean you have to be away. You know like these books around confidence and if you are confident you have this, This, This, This, And you look it up and you say what does it mean to be confident and they will tell you away. That doesn't make sense. That doesn't make any sense. Or you have to be a certain way to be a great speaker or whatever right? You have to move your hands in this way and you must change your tone from a quiet tone to a loud tone and pump people up. Yeah those are great actually and I get why some people prefer having this like methodology because yeah if you can change your tone if you can do these things you will have this confidence you will be great at speaking you will be great at this and that. But really like what I believe now is that we have to take the mind out of the equation so we're left with pure potential and the pure potential is just us. Anyone can be confident. Everyone. So that's what I mean about inner confidence. Inner confidence is peeling away the layers of what we believe things should be or what someone else looks like or you know it's just a trap of our own making. And the ways I've done this is slowing down and you guys know I talk a lot about slowing down but also working on your energy like what lights you up? What doesn't light you up? How about you do less of that? Taking those things away slowly as hard as it may be. Anyone can do this. There's no like secret formula to it. It's just I think it's just about committing to it. Committing to a change. Committing to mastery and crafting of this self. So yeah inner confidence that's what it means to me and it means when you're just left with this pure essence of you. It's like if you were imagining the sand and there's like this beautiful shell and you only find it when you've moved the sand out of the way right? Move the sand out of the way then you find this shell. Wow look at this. This is awesome. This is what I got. I don't need to be like anyone else. I need to go into this this special um this special place where this person tells me who to be. That's old school way of doing things. Dictators really. That's a dictatorship. Where you have the the the one teacher who tells you exactly what to do how when you follow like a like a puppet. And you might say well Raj you're doing teaching right now. But my way of teaching is different. I like to encourage insight. I like to encourage people to be the best the best self they are. I don't say it my way. You can do it my way. I know things that have worked and I know things that will work for people but again it's like coming back to yourself first. So that's the first part. The second part is outer confidence. And what I mean by outer confidence. I'd love for you guys to put it in the chat actually. What do you guys think I mean by outer confidence based on what you've heard so far. And let me know has this been useful so far. What has been your takeaways because I'm seeing a few things coming up. I'm going to get back to them. But yeah let's have a quick look now. It depends about the community question. It depends what type like what what works for you. And some people love that feeling of community and being in groups and you know being with a bunch of people. Some people love that. Personally for me I think it's about going inside into myself first before I become like before I look on the outside. I think that's a better way because then you start to get to know yourself deeply. But community is also great. I'm a part of a bunch of communities because it helps me see things in different ways. But here's the thing you have to be intimate with yourself no matter what. And with family members with people you love. Yeah of course. But you can't rely on them to be the person that saves you. That's the key where people get trapped. Relying on others to bring them some special you know I go to this thing and I'm you know oh great yeah well everything's great. No no no. Doesn't work like that I'm sorry. If you really want to get to the best state and the biggest potential you have to you have to own yourself. Own it some way or another you have to own it. Also be part of communities yeah sure but you have to own this within yourself as well. Do what it takes. And have the right type of people around you as well right. The right type of people. This is what I've started leaning into more like I said I'm more of a person who likes to go in and be on my own. But I've started leaning in the last few years leaning into the right type of people. Being the right people like on my side in my corners mentor me support me you know is is huge because you realize firstly you're not alone. Secondly you realize that there's people that can bring different things to your life. For example with me things like business and finances and stuff like that I love getting support or help from other people on that because as much as I know stuff I want to take myself to the next level with that. And also with other things like stuff like connecting with family and a bunch of things I will connect with the right people that can bring that to my life that can help me bring that to my life let's say instead. Because some of this stuff is like it's a lonely game there's some things where you're just you're great in this area and you know what you're doing but there's other areas where it's like oh my god I don't know I'm I feel like I'm out of my depth. Like things like online stuff I've been connecting with a few people recently who are supporting me in that area like thinking of the bigger pictures and how to like yeah do all this other stuff that I haven't done yet. And then I actually got some support from a healer she calls herself a few years ago who helped me see things in a different way that I couldn't see alone on my own. So what I'm trying to say is you have to own this you have to do this but you bring in the people that can help you but don't expect don't sit there idle and expect that they are going to do all the work and change your life for you. It has to be you bring them in to support you and then together you you fly basically. So I hope that makes sense. In terms of outer confidence I'll come back to that before I go back in the chat. In terms of outer confidence yeah Aaron's made a good point there. Is yeah stillness when encountering others. I think that's it. I think that's a part of it actually I think it's a part of it is being in this state of poise with the world. This state of poise where you're seeing things clearly like you've taken off these shades you've taken off your shades and you're seeing oh wow there's so much light it hurts my eyes. You're in this state where you can see things clearly and you're able to interact with the world with clarity with knowing with drive drive. And when I say outer confidence I also mean taking the right actions going in and taking actions doing it doing what you got to do. So inner confidence is this being mode this like wisdom is like having being in this great calm place and then outer confidence is powerful action taking whatever that means to you whether that means you have a discipline and you do certain things each day that are going to help you. Looking after your health this could be having uncomfortable conversations with people that you really want to have and you know that's going to help you. This could be things around creativity or like something you want to build on the side. There's a lot of people who message me sometimes about the business that they want to create. That's you need outer confidence you need to be able to take actions and do stuff and this is where all this hesitation comes in for most people me included of the past by the way of this like okay I have these ideas but like it feels so scary to do this stuff. Feel like holding me back. We can't just live on the inside by the way. I've tried that's why I talk that's why these days I'm much more about inner and outer joining them together before it was more about just inner now it's like I know how the world is but that you know that has to happen but then connecting that with your outer world you're the world we're living in right. When you are in outer confidence you are owning life you are not allowing yourself to be a victim and report on life. I say this a lot actually if you haven't heard before and I think someone said they're new here few people might be new here but yeah when I say being a victim it's like complaining about things and just it's just like it's just statements statements oops I know it helps if it feels like it helps anyway. But when we're in victim mode it takes our power away it's just saying oh well this happened so I can't or I remember what happened last time so I'm not doing this. You know even even just the act of doing that you feel your whole energy just drain maybe you're not aware of it but it just drains because it's living in the mind it's living in fear. So having outer confidence is being able to do something about everything. Some things you can't do anything about but even having this ownership of saying I'm gonna surrender that is doing something that is you owning it. Outer confidence really to me means you are just claiming life you're taking responsibility there's no one else you can blame okay some horrible things might have happened to you I'm not trying to take that away and be insensitive by the way but I'm saying right now here what do you do about it what are you gonna do do you just want to spend the next few years complaining about it I did I did that for a long time actually I spent many years just staying in the complaining mode and I would just be like exhausted from it and complain to other people and then they become they complain with me and then we become a complaining team and then no one's happy everyone goes to bed with everyone goes to bed a little bit more unhappy about their lives or you go and meet a bunch of your friends and you all complain as a group and you become a buzz of cloud and then you go and complain to someone else because of that and it just gets passed on everywhere. So find something you've got that's a great way to tap into like getting out of the mode of mind because I'm not saying it's easy by the way I'm saying it all happens to everyone but then just keep reminding yourself of what do I have what do I have right now oh look I have legs oh I can see without having you know I have somebody that I can talk to I have a voice wow imagine you didn't have this go there go into that place and actually something I do quite a lot is I reflect on like losing things and I mean that in a deepest way like losing family members or how things could have turned out worse in many situations I really go in a place of gratitude of like wow look what I've got and imagine when that day comes when I don't have this I'm gonna be it's gonna be sad so what do I do about that right now okay I make the most of that person that's there even if I even if it feels weird and you know hard let me just try what if I get to my deathbed and I say to myself I wish I would have lived a better life I wish I would have done a bit more of this that's a horrible place to be and most of us are already there it's like we're living in we're living dead we're living in regrets we're living on our deathbed a lot of the time a birthday comes Christmas comes oh my god it's been a it's been a whole year I don't know how time flies I don't know where these years going and then you get into victim mode again oh look the time is against me time is against me as well oh look this is against me too everything is against you now so what of course it feels horrible to live like that so when I say inner and outer confidence to bring those worlds together you have to feel this stuff inside and you have to do something about it really do something about it then you stop being a victim you stop being a victim to circumstance to time to energy to other people's energy and again I'm gonna say it one more time I'm not saying it's easy I'm saying you practice it like you're practicing a an instrument or you're practicing as whatever in a in a tiny way you practice it because then at least you know you tried you know instead of sitting around and being like I'll complain complain I'm not even trying about it I'll complain about it that's why we don't have peace or bliss or happiness because we know we could have done better and we we can't we can't deal with that we hate that pain but if you do it from a conscious place instead of your unconscious like hitting you with like like judgment judge judge judge judge judge cons consciously you do things like tiny steps tiniest steps oh I feel a little bit unhappy about this okay what can you do what do you do if we have this conversation if someone has this conversation with me I'll do my best to get them moving like some people say to me when I first start talking to them they say whoa this has gone really deep really quickly and I say yeah is it useful though and they say yes my whole I've shifted I've had a shift and an insight that I have never had before just from this few minutes of talking to you because you you're going you're going straight there you're cutting through the crap and that's that's really what I want to do on like what's the point of of like niceties I want people to be their best because I know back in the day when there wasn't things like insight timer there wasn't any of this stuff I was just alone I was just very alone and depressed and I felt like no one understood me and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it I felt like I was born like this and like a you know like those those those defected kind of toys that you get in a factory where there's something wrong with it so they're like oh yeah let's throw that one away that's what I thought I was so that's why I'm so direct and straight up because I I wish someone would have said this stuff to me you know and if I was able to receive it and I was ready to make a change then yeah things could change quickly so inner and outer confidence is being in your being let's just say being in your being being in your being and then acting on it creating the change that you want creating whatever you want anyone that created anything was just doing it I've had times where I've questioned myself over and over happens actually quite often I just know now it's a part of the cycle of if I if I want to create a change or create anything I know that there will be resistance and I and that's a part of it resistance is not something to deter you resistance is something that is a sign that you're doing something new and different pain and fear and darkness that occurs because our mind is not used to the thing we're doing so it's a good sign if you're ever feeling like tension coming through from this change you're trying to make but if you're feeling tension coming through from not doing anything at all about it and then complaining then there's nothing can nothing can go nothing happens from there it's a dead end there's nowhere to go so you have to do something to start moving so hope that was helpful and here's the last thing I want to say confidence is something you get as a reward for doing things that are uncomfortable it's not a prerequisite because how would you be able to do anything new comfortably how anything new anything different it has to be uncomfortable it just makes sense right it's like if you were to start working out and you've never worked out before it's gonna feel painful it's not gonna be very fun but then the more you do it you get more confident as a as a person that works out you get that as a reward you cannot have that before that's where most people trip up they think they need confidence before they go into things no you need courage you need courage you need to be able to go and feel that resistance then you get confidence after confidence is something where you look back is something based on things that already happened and that threw me off when I first clicked for me so maybe maybe it clicks for you as well I don't know that's the last thing I want to say remind yourself inner confidence is about your peace your being that light inside you that overshadows the mind outer confidence is the actions you're taking in the world that's how you get it actions you're taking moving doing something not being in reporting of life mode not being in complain mode you know when you and the last thing I want to say is you know when you talk to someone they say they'll complain for a moment and then they'll say but you know what everything yeah everything turned out and this is it so we know that there's a part of us which is always coming back to the light and always knowing that the complaint doesn't mean anything I'm not saying everyone does this maybe there are some people who are just complaining and then they just like glum about it but there's always a part which knows there's this silver lining and this truth we just have to find that just to remind ourselves of that the mind isn't the mind isn't a an enemy it just needs to be guided that's all it needs a driver it's like a headless headless person it can't see the mind can't see only your heart can see so you have to come back here see and then let the mind run around because it's blind so I'm going to leave it there but I want to see what's coming up for you guys I want to see if this was impactful if this hit you in any way if this created some insights because like I said I'm a teacher who wants to create insights for you where you it just clicks it's like oh my god yeah instead of you having to remember everything that I say is like this is exactly truth or or having to remember things you know because remembering is like trying to prepare for an exam test it's information whereas insight is a different thing completely it guides you back to yourself so please put some questions in the chat yes Jan awesome I'm glad that it was useful I've seen you put up quite a few things in the chat so yeah I appreciate everyone that's been interactive in here it always makes it more fun and I'm going to come back to the chat in a moment so I want to hear some questions put all your questions in the chat and after the questions we'll probably close I have a guy who wants to take me out on a date but I'm hesitant because of my confidence because he is a dentist and successful so what's the question you have to know what you want okay there is something in why would he like me am I not working what would you want from this because here's the thing do you want to go and do this or do you want to find this piece in yourself and just feel okay with it because if there's this guy and he's successful and he's he wants to take you out there's probably a reason for that right there's a reason so do you need to even know that like do you even need to know anything right now and even if you did how would it help you because in the end all of this stuff is like a an estimation a guess of what truth is and that's that's really what happens most the time in our lives we're trying to out think people or or try and know things through thinking it doesn't really make sense because we'll never know until we're in the experience right ever this guy could be like this guy could going to see this guy could change your life whether in a great way or not a great way either way you're gonna get some experience from it right instead of not going and then regretting it and being like oh what could have happened then you go back into thinking mode and trying to figure out what could have happened this is again the challenge that comes up like we try and calculate what we've lost where we haven't actually lost anything it's this this feeling of loss so i say there's no there's there's nothing i can tell you right now nothing i can tell you right now you're not gonna know you're not gonna know anything until you go and here's a question like i can serve you which might be useful what's the worst that could happen what's the worst that could happen so i want you to just play with that what's the worst that could happen is it worth it so i hope that helps let me know if it did in the chat and let me know what you're gonna do let everyone know what you're gonna do right now and then go and do it i'll leave you there for a moment so jade says how do you build up courage to take that baby step i'm overthinking everything yeah what is the baby step and how can you make that baby step even smaller then if there is still this mode of like overwhelm then maybe it's not a baby step because here's the thing the the whole fear system we have within us it triggers when it feels like something overwhelming when it feels like something's big and it feels like one of those leaps that we have to take so i say how about we take away the big leap and the pressure and the size of this how do you make it even smaller the tiniest step let's say for example i've been doing a lot of writing these days and i have a ton of resistance on writing it doesn't matter how much i love it i love to write i love to speak as well more so actually but writing every time i want to do it i resistance so i've set myself this i just make it small i just say i'm gonna write for 20 minutes and of course that 20 minutes turns into longer because i'm in the flow or some people say to me meditation they can't do it it's too much time commitment okay do it for three minutes a day every day for three minutes for 30 days commit to it then you have something which you're working towards and just do three minutes don't try and do more just do three minutes so how can you make this even smaller i'd say um jade then you don't have then there is no overthinking because you realize like oh my god this is such a small thing let's go and do it and once you're in action mode you're out of thinking mode you're just doing stuff so i hope that helps and i'd love to hear more about this if you'd like to share but if you're good if that's okay then yeah you don't have to share any other questions heather awesome you're going for it hope it goes well you might get some tips on your teeth as well you know and it's funny because i remember when i went to and that takes me into a really funny story actually um i remember when i was i was dating a while back and i met this girl who was a dentist and i wanted to i wanted to see her because she was a dentist because i thought it would be quite fun and her teeth were amazing by the way like i was i was like shocked i was like i can't believe the teeth are this good like and every time i've ever met a dentist i always i always check their teeth now and they're always good and then she started checking my teeth and it got really weird but she gave me some tips on like yeah it was it was just a really weird and fun experience that's all i'll say and of course i'm saying this story now so it was a good experience it was fun so you never know what's gonna happen even if you just make this a simple simplest way and the shortest date or whatever it is shortest date the shortest action the shortest conversation the shortest workout the shortest this whatever go and do something so any other questions yeah i can't see that one um where is it let me see if i can find it if you can just type it in again and i'll probably make that maybe the last question maybe one more if anyone else has one so anyone else has a question put it in the chat because i've lost some of the chat actually that's why i've just realized some of the chat's gone lost i'm gonna stop the recording here i think